“I know. But I haven’t been very cheerful about it.”
“Well, garage sales are kind of disgusting.”
“I know, but I was the one who encouraged you to have it in the first place. And I actually think it’s really great that you went through with this whole thing. You put a lot of work into it. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive.”
“Oh, well, that’s okay.”
“Not really. But I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“Sure.” Kendall smiled brightly.
Megan considered explaining to Kendall that she’d probably been overly stressed at work, that she’d been disappointed by the way Vera was treating her and hurt by the way Cynthia was ignoring her. But those would just be excuses. And this was supposed to be an apology. “Thanks,” she told Kendall.
“I’m just glad we’re done with the garage sale now,” Kendall admitted. “I was getting kind of sick of it myself.” Kendall was still working on packing up her designer section, handling each item with special care.
“Oh, I remember when I got this.” Kendall sighed as she held up a little white denim jacket with rhinestones. Megan thought it looked small enough to fit a child, but then Kendall had been pretty slender before she’d gotten pregnant.
“It looks like new,” observed Megan.
“I was in Vegas with some friends,” Kendall continued. “We thought it was going to be hot down there, but it was chilly. I stopped into a Gucci shop and this little darling was on the sale rack.” She hugged the jacket close to her. “I wonder if rhinestones will ever be hot again.”
Megan walked over and looked at the tag inside. “Gucci? I wonder how much you paid for this.”
Kendall sighed. “Well, it was originally around five hundred, but I think it was like 20 or 30 percent off.”
Megan did some quick mental math. “So, let’s say it was 30 percent off and you paid three-fifty for it, Kendall.”
Kendall sort of shrugged. “Okay, what’s your point?”
Megan reached for the cash box now. She pulled out enough twenties and tens and fives to equal three-hundred-fifty dollars and held the bills out to Kendall. “So, which would you rather have right now, Kendall? A jacket that’s too small and out of style, or this?”
Kendall tossed the jacket down and eagerly snatched the money. “Duh.”
Megan smiled as she picked up the jacket and held it up. “But you paid three-fifty for this jacket, Kendall. And now it’s worth maybe twenty bucks. Can’t you see how that’s not terribly wise?”
“But I used my credit card when I bought it,” Kendall said as she shaped the bills into a fan and waved them. “It wasn’t like real money.”
“That’s true,” said Megan. “But the credit card must be paid with real money, plus it has interest added to it. I’ll bet by the time you paid for that jacket, if it’s even paid for, it probably cost even more than five hundred bucks.”
“Huh?” Kendall looked confused now.
So Megan, who had always been good at math, got out the pad and pen and showed Kendall how interest would accumulate until even Megan was stunned to see the figure. “Wow, that is one really expensive jacket, Kendall!”
Kendall picked up the jacket again. “Maybe I should keep it.”
“No.” Megan took the jacket from her. “The jacket itself is really kind of worthless to you now, Kendall. I mean look, it doesn’t even fit. And like you said, rhinestones aren’t in style.”
Kendall looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry to be so blunt,” Megan said gently. “And I’m not trying to hurt you, Kendall. I just want you to realize how much money you’ve spent on things that aren’t really worth that much.”
Kendall sat down in a camp chair and shook her head. “I’ll bet you think I’m a total idiot.”
Megan sat down in the other camp chair and silently prayed, asking God to guide her words. “No. I don’t think you’re an idiot, Kendall. I just think you’ve been a little confused.”
Kendall just nodded.
“I think you’ve thought that things were valuable because of their price tags.”
She nodded again.
“And I think that magazines and movies and whatever … well, they made you believe that you needed to buy overpriced items so that you would feel valuable too.”
Kendall looked at Megan in surprise. “That’s true.”
“And I think there are a whole lot of girls like you, Kendall. Girls who are being sold a bill of goods and getting into debt, and none of it makes them happy.”
Kendall was crying now. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I mean I’ll go shopping and pay way too much for something and it feels so great. But then, like a week later, and sometimes just a day later, I feel lousy again. And then I don’t even like the thing I bought. I don’t even care about it.”
“Because you thought that thing would fix your life?”
“Yeah!” Kendall nodded firmly. “And then it didn’t.”
“In fact, it probably made your life worse, because then the bills start to come.”
Kendall wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. “Yeah. And they come and come and come until you feel like you’re drowning in them.”
“That’s why you have to stop living like this, Kendall.”
“But how?” Kendall sniffed loudly.
Megan considered this. “I wonder if there’s some kind of debtors anonymous group.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m serious. But besides that, Kendall, I really think you need God in your life—big time.”
“I believe in God.”
“And that’s a great start. But you need to let God into your life, Kendall. So he can lead you and guide you and help you to make better decisions.”
“So that I’ll be more like you?”
“No, Kendall. You know that I don’t have it all together. I just admitted to you that I’ve been pretty mean. You need God so you’ll be more like you. I mean the way God wants you to be, the way he designed you to be. And that does not mean being driven by a compulsion to purchase things you can’t afford just to make yourself feel valuable. Or being up to your eyeballs in debt.” Megan went on to tell Kendall that God already valued her, that he’d sent Jesus as the purchase price for her. “It’s like you’re a designer original,” Megan said finally. “God designed you perfectly and paid top dollar for you. But until you get that, you’ll keep going about everything all wrong.”
Kendall was starting to look confused now, and Megan decided that maybe she should take things more slowly. “How about if you come to church with Marcus and me sometimes?”
Kendall nodded. “Yeah, I think that would be good.”
“Next Sunday?” asked Megan. “Since we obviously won’t be in Maui then.”
“Okay.” Kendall’s brow creased. “You know, I’m starting to feel guilty about Anna not going with Lelani. I mean if I’d paid her and let her work the garage sale like I promised, she’d have enough money to go to Maui now.”
“Yeah, that would’ve been nice.” Megan had actually been thinking about loaning Anna some money to help her to go. “For Lelani’s sake, I’d really been hoping that Anna would be able to go.”
Kendall looked down at the wad of cash still in her hand, staring at it like she was mesmerized. “I’ll be right back,” she said. Then she took off into the house and Megan went back to gathering things up, sorting what could go to consignment and what should be given away and what should be tossed.
“I don’t believe it,” said Lelani as she joined Megan in the garage.
“Believe what?”
“Kendall just gave Anna three hundred fifty dollars.”
“Seriously?”
Lelani nodded w
ith a confused expression. “Well, part of it was a gift. Part was a loan. Now Anna can afford to go to Maui with me. She’s booking her flight online right now. Hopefully she can get on the same one that I’m on. Can you believe it?”
“That’s fantastic!” Megan hugged Lelani. “I’m so relieved.”
“Yeah.” Lelani still looked shocked. “I can’t believe that Kendall would do something like that. My head is still spinning.”
Soon Kendall and Anna came back out to the garage, and everyone was talking at once, and Lelani hugged Kendall. “That was so sweet of you, Kendall. I wish you could come with us too!”
Kendall’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
Lelani nodded. “Really. I wish all four of us could go.”
Kendall looked hopefully at Megan now. “If I paid something on all my bills, like you wanted, and if I had enough money left over, would it be okay if I went to Maui too?”
Megan frowned. “Sure, it would be great, Kendall. But I don’t think you can afford it. I already figured out what minimum payments would be and, after what you’ve given to Anna, you’ll barely be able to make them.”
“But that’s not counting eBay.” Kendall smiled slyly.
“eBay?” questioned Anna.
“Yes. Marcus told me how much I’ve already made. It’s more than enough for a ticket to Maui.”
“Seriously?” Megan was stunned.
“And I’ll still have consignment money,” said Kendall as she pointed to what was left in her designer section. “I’ll take those to the shop tomorrow.”
“For a girl who’s not working, you seem to be raking in the dough,” said Anna.
“What do you mean not working?” Kendall frowned. “This was a lot of hard work.”
“And it’s not finished yet,” Megan reminded her.
Anna hugged Kendall now. “Thanks again, Kendall. That was really nice of you.”
“It seemed only fair.”
Then Anna and Lelani left for their dinner, and Kendall and Megan continued to sort and box things up. It took a couple hours, but they finally loaded all the consignment clothes into Kendall’s car, made a big pile of things for Salvation Army to pick up, and set aside a few more items that Kendall thought might do well on eBay.
“Marcus said he’d show me how to do eBay myself,” Kendall said as they closed the garage door.
“Maybe I’ll sit in on that lesson,” Megan told her. “I wouldn’t mind making some extra money myself.”
Soon they were scavenging leftovers in the kitchen. And then they sat down at the dining room table to eat.
“Aren’t you going to pray first?” asked Kendall as she waited.
This seemed a little odd, since Megan didn’t pray before every meal, but she bowed her head and said a quick blessing for their food. “And bless all my friends in this house too. Amen.”
Kendall sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had such good friends before.”
“Really?” For some reason Megan never thought that Kendall considered her housemates very close friends. Oh, they’d had their moments, but Kendall usually kept her distance. Apparently that was changing. Maybe Kendall was changing. She certainly seemed cheerful as they finished up their makeshift dinner, then cleaned the kitchen together.
“I just wish you were going to Maui too,” Kendall told Megan.
“You and me both.”
“Are you certain that you can’t go?”
Megan shrugged as she gave the countertop one last swipe. “Pretty sure.”
“That’s too bad.”
“I’m going to go clean up,” Megan told her. “I think I’ll call it an early night tonight.”
As Megan showered and got into her pajamas, she tried not to feel sorry for herself. It was hard to believe that she, the only one who Lelani had initially invited to go to Maui, would be the only one staying home. But, like she’d told Marcus, she was trying to give it to God. Really, what was the point of having a pity party?
Megan was about to climb into bed with a book when she heard a tapping on her door, followed by Kendall’s voice quietly asking if she was asleep yet.
“Not yet.” Megan got up and opened the door.
Kendall had what looked like baby things in her arms. Some kind of clothes and a blanket and diaper bag. “I wanted to show these to you.”
“Oh?” Megan didn’t know what to say, or what to think.
“I know it seems silly. But I was buying maternity clothes and this pregnant lady dragged me over to the baby department and—” She pushed the blanket toward Megan. “Isn’t it soft?”
Megan sat down onto her bed as she felt the blanket. “Does this mean you’re keeping the baby?”
Kendall sat in the chair across from her and nodded. “I mean I’m keeping the baby until the end of the pregnancy.”
“But the baby things you bought?”
“Don’t worry, they were on sale. And … I don’t know what will happen after the baby’s born. I guess I just was caught up in the moment.”
“Right.”
“But here’s what I wanted to tell you, okay?”
“Okay?”
“Your mom really helped me to decide that I didn’t want an abortion.”
“Really? My mom?”
“Well, you all had something to do with it. But her story pushed me over the edge.”
“Her story?”
“You know, about the miscarriage.”
Megan felt confused. “Miscarriage?”
“You know, after you were born.”
Megan vaguely remembered hearing something. “But then she had a hysterectomy.”
“That was a year later. But the miscarriage story was what got me.”
“I guess I don’t really know that story.” Once again, Megan felt left out.
“Well, that’s because you were like a toddler. Your mom was pregnant, about six months along, and she was really excited about it. She was home alone with you and you were having a nap and she had felt kind of crampy so she took a bath. And then, for whatever reason, she just had a miscarriage. It happened so fast she didn’t make it to the hospital until later. But she said she saw the baby, all his fingers and toes, and it just broke her heart.”
“Really?” Megan was still trying to wrap her mind around this. “Mom never talked about it.”
“She said she didn’t like to talk about it, but that she thought about the baby for years afterward. She said she would imagine you being a big sister to him, helping him with things, holding his hand. And later on she imagined him as a boy playing baseball and climbing trees and playing with frogs and stuff like that. She said she never fully got over it.”
“I never knew that.” Megan just shook her head. “I mean I sort of remember hearing something, but she never talked about it.”
“Well, she told me about it. And that’s what helped me to decide. I just thought you should know.” Now Kendall gathered up her baby things. “And I wanted to say thank you for helping with the garage sale and everything. And, oh yeah, there was something else I wanted to tell you. I was online booking my flight to Maui, and I did a little Google search and found out that there really is a group called Debtors Anonymous—DA. I just sent them an e-mail and they’re supposed to get back to tell me where and when the chapter meets around here. Cool, huh?”
Megan nodded. “Cool.” But she was still thinking about her mom and the baby she’d lost and how she’d shared that story with Kendall. Though Megan was glad for Kendall’s sake, she felt slightly lost and forgotten.
Kendall said good night and Megan got back into bed and opened her book. Then she stopped. She set her book aside and actually got out of bed and down on her knees.
“Dear God,” she prayed in a husky voice t
hat was on the verge of tears. “I want to give all of this to you. I give you my loneliness, my self pity, my feeling so out of things. I lay it all at your feet and I trust you to take care of me and to give me what I need and to direct my life. I give it all to you. I trust you. Thank you for loving me. Amen.”
Eighteen
Lelani
Lelani was tired of pretending she was happy to make this trip. When her coworker friends, like Margot, Abby, or Mr. Green said things like, “Are you counting the days until Maui?” or, “Sure wish I was going with you,” or, “Aren’t you lucky to be escaping this horrible rainy weather?” She’d just smile and feel like a hypocrite.
She longed to yell out, “I’m only going to Maui to decide whether the baby I abandoned needs her mother or not!” That would sure quiet everyone down. At least for a few minutes anyway. After her words sank in, the store would be abuzz with the latest hot tidbits of gossip. Like, “Have you heard that Lelani has a child?” and, “Did you know she abandoned her baby?” and, “What kind of a person would do something like that?” Who knew what else they might say? Some of the girls could get pretty catty.
Finally, it was time to go home. Lelani buttoned up her coat against the cold, damp wind. Would winter never end? She’d heard that it was unseasonably cold for March, but she felt like it had been cold ever since she came to Oregon last summer. She wondered what it would be like to go home and never come back here. But then there was Gil. Lelani sighed. How could she possibly give up Gil? Not that she knew where their relationship was headed. Most of the time she was trying to slow it down, to keep things calm and friendly. Lately, it seemed that Gil respected that. Or maybe he was simply losing interest.
If he was, who could blame him? She shook her head to remember what Abuela Castillo had said as Gil and Lelani told her good-bye last night.
“You’re a pretty girl,” she’d whispered in Lelani’s ear, “but looks are not everything. I question a woman who can give up a child so easily.”
Lelani had not responded. And when Gil asked what his grandmother had said, she had actually lied, or at least partially lied. “She told me I was pretty.”
“That’s all?”
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