But she was curious about something. “What’s the story with Daniel and Kenna?”
“There’s no story,” Andrew told her. “They’re friends.”
“Just friends?”
“Yeah.” He glanced over. “Why are you asking?”
She shrugged. “I just thought there were some...undercurrents.”
He shook his head. “They’ve known each other too long and too well.”
But Rachel wasn’t convinced. There was definitely something more between Andrew’s youngest brother and the woman he’d introduced as his best friend, even if neither of them seemed to be aware of it.
* * *
Maura didn’t usually mind homework. Daddy said it proved that she was a big girl now, so she’d sit up at the island in the kitchen and do her math work sheets or practice her spelling, usually while Sharlene was making dinner. But on Thursdays she had piano lessons right after school, so she didn’t get to her homework until after dinner.
She sat at the counter staring at the blank page in front of her and thought about what Mrs. Patterson had asked her to draw. She didn’t really like art—especially drawing. She could sometimes picture what she wanted to draw in her head, but it never looked right when she put it down on paper. She’d tried to draw a dog once, and Kristy said it looked like a cow. Mrs. Patterson had scolded Kristy for laughing and said that effort was more important than results.
Maura didn’t really care. She knew she was smart. Whenever Mrs. Patterson wanted something read out loud to the class, she usually asked Maura because she could read way above her grade level. At least that’s what it said on her report card.
She liked to read. She liked to imagine herself inside the stories. Right now she was reading the Harry Potter books. Not all by herself, but with her daddy. It was her favorite part of the day. He said it was a tradition that her mom had started when she was just a baby. She couldn’t remember reading with her mom, but she looked forward to reading with Daddy every night.
She wished she could be reading instead of doing homework now. And then she wished that she had a magic wand like Harry Potter and could make her paper disappear. But the page and the crayons remained stubbornly there.
Sometimes Mrs. Patterson let them cut pictures out of magazines if they didn’t want to draw. She frowned, trying to remember what her teacher had called the kind of picture that was a bunch of pictures put together. But it didn’t matter, anyway, because she said everyone had to make a drawing this time.
Most of the time she rushed to finish because it didn’t matter if she took her time and tried to be careful—her drawing sucked. But this time she was really going to try. Because she could see it so clearly in her mind, the one thing that she wanted most in the whole world.
* * *
Andrew knew that Maura disliked drawing. She was happy enough to color so long as it was a picture in a book, but she became easily frustrated when trying to draw something that didn’t look the way she wanted it to. So when she told him that her homework was to draw a picture, he figured she would be finished and packing up her crayons in less than fifteen minutes.
When she was still at the counter more than half an hour later, he went to investigate.
“Mrs. Patterson told us to draw a picture of what we wanted to do for spring break,” she told him.
“How’s it coming?”
“I think it’s okay,” she said.
Which was a considerable improvement over the “it sucks” that was her usual response.
“Can I see it?”
She nodded.
He stepped closer and peered over her shoulder. He recognized the basic shape of a castle in the background. Since their trip to Orlando the previous spring, Disney World had been her favorite place in the world.
“Is that one of the Disney princesses?”
“No. It’s Rachel.”
He could see it now. The long brown hair and the blue eyes, but it was the very round belly that made him break out in a sweat. Not sure he even wanted to ask about that, he opted to state the obvious: “Rachel didn’t go to Florida with us.”
“I know. But Mrs. Patterson said we could use our imagination to think about what we most wanted. This is what I most want.”
“To go back to Disney World?”
“To be a family. You, me, Rachel and a baby brother or sister.”
It was her earnest expression as much as the words that tore at his heart. She wasn’t asking for much—at least not from her perspective. She only wanted the same thing most of her friends and classmates already had.
But from his perspective, she was asking for the one thing he didn’t think he could give her. It wasn’t that he’d completely ruled out the possibility of getting married again or having another child—it was that he’d only been dating Rachel for a short while and his little girl was already thinking in terms of happily-ever-after.
“We could be a family if you and Rachel got married,” she told him.
“I have no plans to get married again anytime soon,” he said gently.
“Why not?” Maura demanded. “Kristy’s mom’s getting married again, so she’s gonna have two dads and I don’t even have one mom.”
“You had a mother, and she loved you very much.” He hated that he had to remind her of the fact, that her own memories were so faded they were almost nonexistent.
“But why can’t I have another one?”
He didn’t have the first clue how to answer that question. He blew out a breath and looked at her picture again, at the balloon shaped like a Mickey head that the little girl was holding.
“If you had a balloon and it popped or floated away in the sky, I’d be happy to buy you another one,” he assured her. “But a person isn’t a balloon. A person isn’t replaceable. When you lose someone who’s important to you, you don’t just find someone else to take their place.”
“But Kristy’s mom—”
“Stop it!” Andrew snapped. “I’m tired of hearing about Kristy’s mom.”
Maura’s chin quivered and her eyes filled with tears.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, Maura. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just don’t know how to help you understand that the fantasy you’re imagining might not happen.”
Big, fat tears spilled onto her cheeks. “I’m n-never gonna get a new mom?”
“I’m not saying never,” he told her gently. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t get your hopes up right now, because these things don’t happen quickly or easily.”
“B-but I thought you l-liked Rachel.”
Each sob was like a dagger to his heart.
“I do like Rachel,” he told her, and it was true. He enjoyed talking to her and being with her, and he really enjoyed making love with her.
But it was still a long way from that to wanting to spend the rest of his life with her. He’d made that commitment once, because he’d loved Nina completely. And losing her had left an enormous hole in his heart that he didn’t think would ever heal.
Being with Rachel had filled up most of that empty space, and he was grateful to her for that. But he wasn’t ready to get down on one knee.
“If she’s n-not gonna be my n-new mommy, why did you l-let me l-love her?”
Maura crumpled her carefully drawn picture in her fist and threw it to the ground before she raced out of the room, trampling his heart beneath her tiny feet in the process.
* * *
Rachel wasn’t expecting to hear from Andrew Friday morning. They already had plans to get together that night because he and Maura were leaving Saturday morning to go skiing in Colorado over the little girl’s spring break. So when she got his text message, asking if she could meet him for coffee, she wondered if something had come up t
o change his plans. Or maybe he was going to invite her to go to Aspen with them.
The possibility made her heart bump happily inside her chest. She wouldn’t be able to accept, of course. There was no way she could abandon the shop for a whole week, especially with no notice to Holly or Trish or Elaine. But the possibility that he might ask her filled her heart with joy and hope.
Maybe she was jumping the gun a bit—after all, they’d only been dating for a few weeks. On the other hand, he had taken her home to meet his family, and it didn’t seem like a huge jump from that to taking a trip together.
But when she walked into the Bean There Café, he didn’t look like a man who was excited about his vacation. In fact, he barely looked at her at all. And when their drinks were ready and they sat down, he didn’t say anything for several long minutes.
Rachel sipped her hot beverage and tried to ignore the tangling of nerves in her belly. When the silence became unbearable, she finally said, “Whatever it is, please just tell me.”
He looked up from his mug. “I think we should cool things down a little bit.”
Though she’d scorched her tongue on the latte, she knew he wasn’t talking about their drinks. What she didn’t know was what had precipitated this decision, why he wanted to cool things down only a few days after taking her home to meet his family.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “What’s changed?”
“It’s Maura,” he admitted.
“She doesn’t want us to be together?” she asked, trying to make sense of his response. Because the little girl had seemed more than happy whenever Rachel spent time with her.
“Actually, it’s just the opposite. She’s thrilled about our relationship—so thrilled that she’s started to fantasize about you becoming her new mother.”
And obviously that bothered him. Because he didn’t want his daughter to forget the woman who had given birth to her? Because he had no intention of marrying ever again? Or because he didn’t think Rachel would be an appropriate mother for his child if he did want to marry again?
She swallowed. “And you don’t see our relationship moving in that direction?”
“We’ve only been together a few weeks,” he reminded her.
She just nodded woodenly.
Only a few weeks, and he was dumping her. He could call it cooling off—he could call it whatever he wanted—but they both knew what it really meant.
“Maura started talking about wanting a new mother before she even met you,” he confided. “But now...now she’s focused on you. She doesn’t just want a mother, she wants you to be her mother.”
“And you just wanted sex without any messy emotional ties,” she noted.
He winced. “That’s not fair.”
“Really? You’re going to talk to me about what’s fair? Because this is exactly what I wanted to avoid, and your sudden concern about Maura now proves to me that you never really intended to let me be part of your life.”
“I did want you to be part of my life,” he insisted. “You were the first woman I’ve met since Nina died that I really wanted to spend time with and get to know better. You made me want to take a chance and risk my heart again...but I didn’t realize that I would be risking my daughter’s, too.”
“What about my heart?” she challenged.
He glanced away. “We knew the risks.”
“Yeah, and I knew that getting involved with a man who had a child would be complicated. But you made me want to give you a chance—to give us a chance.”
“I really am sorry, Rachel.”
She heard the anguish in his tone and knew that this hadn’t been an easy decision for him. But that knowledge didn’t make her heart ache any less.
“Not half as sorry as I am,” she told him, then pushed back her chair and walked out.
* * *
Andrew wondered what it said about him that, in the space of less than twenty-four hours, two females had walked out on him.
For the first few days after their talk about Rachel, Maura’s attitude had been chillier than the snow on the slopes in Aspen. Although she’d gradually warmed up to him again, he knew she was still confused.
Now they were home again, and he was staring into a shot of Jack Daniel’s at the Bar Down Sports Bar, and wondering how it was that he’d set out to do the right thing, to prevent his daughter from being hurt, and she was hurting, anyway. It was a safe bet that Rachel was still hurting, too. And, if anyone had asked, he’d have to admit it hadn’t exactly been a banner week for him, either.
Not that he expected anyone to ask. After all, a guy didn’t go into a bar all by himself at four o’clock on a Friday afternoon because he wanted to talk about how completely he’d screwed up his own life. No—he went into that bar because he wanted to get rip-roaring drunk and forget how completely he’d screwed up his own life.
Thankfully, Maura was with her grandparents this weekend, so rip-roaring drunk wasn’t out of the question.
He lifted the glass to his lips and swallowed the shot. He held the empty glass out for a refill.
Chelsea, the bartender and long ago girlfriend of his youngest brother, eyed him warily. “You driving?”
He shook his head. “I’ll give my brother a call to pick me up when I’m done.”
“Daniel?” she asked, almost hopefully, as she refilled his glass.
He shrugged. “Or Nate.” He tossed back the shot.
Chelsea looked at him and sighed. “You keep up this pace, your brother’s going to have to pour you into his car.”
“Just one more,” he promised.
“Woman trouble?” she asked.
“With a capital T.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to buy her some flowers and tell her you’re sorry?”
“She likes flowers,” he agreed.
“And flowers won’t hammer on your skull tomorrow morning,” Chelsea said helpfully, moving down the bar to serve another customer.
When she came back, she set a mug of black coffee in front of him. He scowled at her, but lifted the mug to his lips.
He didn’t remember taking his phone out or talking to his brother, so when Nate settled onto the empty stool beside him, he suspected that Chelsea had made the call.
Nate looked at Andrew, then at the clock, and shook his head. “How long have you been here?”
Andrew squinted at the watch on his wrist, but how was he supposed to read numbers that were moving around? He shook his head. “Don’t know.”
“Okay. Can you tell me why you’re completely tanked at seven o’clock?”
“I miss her.”
“Nina?”
“Rachel.”
Nate sighed. “You can tell me the sad tale on the way home.”
* * *
As spring kicked into high gear with wedding season just around the corner, Buds & Blooms got busier, for which Rachel was grateful. She enjoyed the work and she appreciated the fact that it kept her hands and her mind occupied. Of course, the shop didn’t keep her busy 24-7, and the nights were long and lonely.
Despite Holly’s alternating bribes, threats and pleas, she rarely went out. Although her dating hiatus had officially ended with Andrew, she had no interest in going to bars or clubs to make meaningless conversation with strangers.
On her next Saturday afternoon off, Rachel decided to take her nephews to Buster Bear’s Boisterous Bash. Buster’s was a restaurant/arcade designed specifically for kids, which meant it was noisy and crowded and, of course, the boys absolutely loved it. Although they liked to run around—and often in different directions—she didn’t worry about them because the establishment had a strict policy that no adult was admitted without a child, combined with the further security of invisible hand stamps. The stamps identified all member
s of a group who arrived together to ensure no child left with the wrong group.
In addition to the main games area, there were several themed party rooms that could be rented out to groups. It was rare for any of the rooms not to be in use, and today was no exception. The disco ball was spinning and music was pumping inside Randy Raccoon’s Rock ’n’ Roll Room; another group was jumping on trampolines and screaming in the ball pits of Fiona Fox’s Fun Zone; while still more kids were embarking on intergalactic adventures in Sammy Squirrel’s Space Port. But it was the scene in Penny Penguin’s Princess Palace that snagged her attention.
She recognized Andrew first, but then she spotted Maura, too. The little girl was dressed in a sparkly gown with an elaborately bejeweled tiara on her head—clearly designating her as the guest of honor.
The room had been lavishly decorated with streamers and balloons in pale pink and lavender, and there must have been thirty kids in the room. Andrew was slicing the cake while the woman beside him was adding scoops of ice cream to the plates.
It wouldn’t have fazed Rachel the least bit if it had been either of Maura’s grandmothers helping out at what was obviously the little girl’s birthday party. But this woman was a lot younger, standing a lot closer to Andrew than was necessary, and smiling at him in a way that did not suggest any kind of familial relationship.
Looking at her, Rachel felt as if the bottom of her stomach had dropped out. She’d believed him when he’d said that he didn’t want Maura to get any ideas about a new mother. And now, only two weeks later, he was with another woman—a woman who obviously felt very comfortable with both the man and his daughter.
“C’mon.” Trent tugged on her hand. “We wanna play.”
Rachel focused her attention back to her nephews and managed a smile. “Absolutely—that’s why we’re here.”
But she’d lingered outside of the party room for too long, because before they’d taken three steps, Maura spotted her through the window and came racing over.
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