Lewis found it incredibly difficult not to show how he felt about Helen whenever they were together, but he knew that he had to be sensible. So far they had avoided any gossip in the surgery and he didn’t want to rock the boat. It wouldn’t be right to start any rumours flying around the town when he might not be able to make that final commitment to her.
Granted, his relationship with Kristy seemed to be improving almost daily, but she was still very vulnerable. Although she seemed to like Helen, introducing Helen into her life on a permanent basis was a big step and he didn’t want to rush things. He needed to bide his time even though he couldn’t help feeling impatient about the restrictions he’d imposed on them. He wanted to be with Helen every minute of every day, not just snatch the odd minute in between seeing patients!
He went to work even earlier than usual the following day in the hope that he could spend some extra time with Helen before the others arrived. However, when he tried the door, he discovered it was locked. He frowned as he took out his keys because it wasn’t like Helen to be late. In the three months he’d been working there, she had been the first to arrive each day and he couldn’t help worrying what had happened to her.
He told himself he was being silly as he brought in the post but when she still hadn’t arrived by the time they were due to open, he was really concerned. He was just about to phone her home when she came in and his heart sank when he saw how pale she looked.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, hurrying over to her.
‘I’m fine.’ She gave him a cool little smile. ‘I didn’t hear my alarm going off and overslept.’
‘Easily done,’ he said lightly, wondering if it was his imagination or if she really was being rather distant towards him that morning. He glanced round when Harry suddenly appeared, wishing that they hadn’t been interrupted because he wanted to ask her what was wrong.
‘So you’ve made it at last, have you, Helen?’ the locum observed with a grin. ‘Maybe you should give up the nights out? You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends, you know!’
‘Thank you, Harry. I shall bear it in mind.’
She excused herself before Lewis could say anything. He watched her go with a frown on his face. Had she been out last night and was that why she’d not heard her alarm ringing? He turned to Harry, wondering if the locum knew something he didn’t.
‘What was that about Helen burning the candle at both ends? Did she go somewhere special last night?’
‘I’ve no idea.’ Harry grinned. ‘I was just joking, although now that you mention it, she didn’t deny it, did she? Maybe she had a date and that’s why she couldn’t drag herself out of bed this morning.’
‘A date,’ Lewis repeated, totally stunned by the suggestion.
‘Uh-huh. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t go out and have fun, is there? And you have to admit that she’s been looking very chirpy recently,’ the locum added, warming to the subject. ‘Maybe that guy she saw a few weeks ago is still on the scene?’
‘John Dancer, you mean?’ Lewis shook his head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Why not? Helen’s a good-looking woman and it would be very strange if she didn’t have someone waiting in the wings.’
Harry didn’t say anything else. He went back to his room, leaving Lewis mulling over what he’d heard. He didn’t really believe that Helen was seeing someone else, of course. He would have known if she was…
Wouldn’t he?
Fear rose sickly inside him as the first tiny doubt blossomed into a bigger one. He had no idea what Helen did when they weren’t together. She could be seeing someone else and she had every right to do so, too. After all, she hadn’t made him any promises, just as he hadn’t made any to her. Just because he didn’t want to be with anyone else, it didn’t mean she felt the same way. She could have been out with John last night, or any other man of her choosing. And there wasn’t a thing he could do about it!
Helen’s hands were trembling as she opened her bag and took out the pregnancy testing kit which she’d bought on her way to work. She’d had to drive to the next town to buy it because she couldn’t risk anyone seeing her in the local chemist’s shop. She read the instructions on the box then slipped it into her pocket and went to the bathroom. There were patients arriving but she couldn’t wait to find out if her suspicion was correct.
Five minutes later she had her answer and her heart began to pound as she stared at the two blue lines that had appeared in the window of the device. Although the manufacturers had stated that no test was completely accurate, she knew the statistics: urine tests were ninety-seven per cent accurate if they returned a positive result so there was no doubt in her mind that she was having a baby.
She dropped the kit into the bin and washed her hands, trying to quell the feeling of panic that threatened to overwhelm her. She’d never given any thought to the fact that she might fall pregnant and now she would have to deal with the consequences of her actions because there would be consequences, and not just for her either. This would affect Lewis, too, and it made it doubly difficult to decide what to do: either she kept the baby or she had a termination.
Her mind immediately recoiled. Even though she knew all the reasons why she shouldn’t have a baby, she couldn’t get rid of it. Having a child of her own had been her dream for so long and this might be her only chance to make it come true. She couldn’t just destroy this precious life that was growing inside her because it wasn’t convenient. She would have to tell Lewis that she was pregnant. They had made this baby together and they would deal with the situation together.
It was a relief to have reached a decision, even though she knew she wouldn’t relax until she’d spoken to him. She worked through her morning list in record time, anxious to see him before he left to do the home visits. She had an antenatal clinic that afternoon so she couldn’t arrange to meet him outside the surgery, as she would have preferred to do. She would have to tell him her news here and hope it wasn’t too great a shock for him.
She opened her door so that she would see him when he left his room. As soon as she heard his voice, she jumped up, waiting impatiently while he had a last word with his patient. It was Lucy Maguire and Helen was pleased to hear the girl sounding more like her usual self.
‘Thanks again, Dr Cole. I’ll make sure Josh finishes the medicine you’ve given him.’
‘It’s very important that he does. We don’t want you worrying your mum again, do we, Josh?’
‘I wish!’ Lucy laughed. ‘I spend my life worrying about him and his brother. I don’t blame you for just having one child—it’s double the work and double the worry when you have two!’
‘One’s more than enough for me,’ he said lightly. ‘I love Kristy to pieces but I’m certainly not planning on adding to my family. I’m not that much of a masochist!’
Lucy laughed but Helen couldn’t find anything amusing about the comment. Lewis didn’t want any more children and he couldn’t have made that any clearer. It made her see what a mistake it would be to tell him that she was pregnant. He wouldn’t welcome the news because he didn’t want another child. He had his daughter and his family was complete. It was the same situation all over again, the one she’d been through before with Ian, only this time it was far worse. This time she was having a baby, and Lewis wouldn’t want it.
She closed the door and sat down at her desk. Her head was spinning but she had to work out what she was going to do. She wasn’t going to abort her child so she would have to leave Summerfield, and that way nobody would need to know that she was pregnant.
She would have to sell The Beeches, of course—she would need the money from the sale to support herself until the baby was old enough for her to return to work. But she wouldn’t sell the house. It was Tom and Katie’s home and she wanted them to have it as an investment for their future.
Helen took a deep breath, her decision made. She would start again in a new town where nobody knew her—just her and her
baby. It might not be the way she’d envisaged having a child but she would make it work. And having Lewis’s son or daughter to care for would help to make up for the fact that she could never have him.
Tears sprang to her eyes but there was no point lying to herself. She loved Lewis with all her heart. He might not have room in his life for her and their child, but it didn’t change how she felt about him. She placed her hand on her tummy. Their precious child was going to be the centre of her world from now on.
The lunch-break flew past so that it was time for the antenatal clinic before Helen had a chance to draw breath. Lisa Pendleton was due for a check-up again that day and she arrived, huffing and puffing and generally out of sorts. Thankfully, she’d given up the idea of having a termination after her boyfriend had threatened to leave her if she got rid of the baby, but she still had a litany of complaints, which Helen listened to with a little more sympathy that day. In a few months’ time it might be her complaining about heartburn and running to the loo all the time! ‘My ankles are all puffy, too. They’re like an elephant’s!’ Helen stooped down and examined the girl’s ankles, gently pressing the swollen skin. ‘You do seem to have a lot of fluid around your ankles, Lisa. Have you been resting enough? You need to take life a bit easier now you’re in the third trimester of your pregnancy.’
‘I’m fed up with sitting at home every night,’ Lisa declared mutinously. ‘I need to go out and have some fun sometimes.’
‘I’m not suggesting that you sit at home every night until your baby is born, but you do need to take care of yourself.’ Helen fetched the sphygmomanometer and placed it on the desk so she could check Lisa’s blood pressure. ‘You’re still working so that means you’re already putting an extra strain on your body. Making sure that you rest at night would make a big difference.’
‘I only went to the pub to meet my friends,’ Lisa protested. ‘They wanted me to go with them to a club but I was too tired. I was back home by midnight.’
‘I see. Well, just do your best to take life a little easier, won’t you?’ Helen wrapped the cuff around the girl’s arm and inflated it. She frowned when she saw the reading. ‘Your blood pressure is slightly higher than it should be so I’d like you to give me a urine sample before you leave. Have you been suffering any headaches recently or noticed any kind of visual disturbance?’
‘No, nothing like that.’
‘And you haven’t been vomiting or feeling nauseous?’
‘No. Why are you asking me all these questions, Dr Daniels? Is there something wrong with me?’
‘I’m just being extra-careful,’ she explained soothingly. ‘There could be a simple explanation why your ankles are swollen or it could be an indication of something more serious. I need to find out which it is.’
‘What do you mean by serious?’ Lisa asked anxiously.
‘Pre-eclampsia affects about seven per cent of all pregnant women. It can be very mild or it can develop into something far more dangerous, which can place the mother and the child at risk. I just want to rule it out in your case.’
‘My aunt had pre-eclampsia,’ Lisa exclaimed. ‘She was really ill, too. She had some sort of a fit and we didn’t think she was going to pull through.’
‘It’s eclampsia when it reaches that stage,’ Helen corrected. ‘Pre-eclampsia isn’t as severe but it’s seen as a warning of what could happen. The combination of high blood pressure, protein in the urine and oedema—that’s fluid in the tissues—are all indications of pre-eclampsia, so that’s why I want to monitor you very carefully for the next few weeks.’
‘And you think it would help if I got more rest?’ Lisa queried.
‘I do. You work in the florist’s and that means you’re on your feet all day. It would make sense if you tried to rest on an evening.’
‘I certainly don’t want to be as ill as my aunt was,’ Lisa declared. ‘I’ll just have to take your advice, I suppose, and not go out so much.’
‘There’s no reason why you can’t go out at the weekend when you’re not working. And your friends can always visit you at home,’ Helen said encouragingly.
Lisa left a few minutes later after promising to provide a urine sample on her way out. She seemed far more resolute about her pregnancy than she’d been in the past and Helen was quietly hopeful that they’d turned a corner. However, as she went to call in her next patient, she realised that very soon she would be in need of antenatal care, too. She could sign on at a practice in a neighbouring town, but news of her visits was bound to leak out. If she hoped to avoid people finding out about the baby, she would have to put her plans into action and leave Summerfield as soon as possible. It was going to be a big upheaval, but this baby she was carrying was her main concern now. She was going to do everything in her power to make sure it was safe and happy.
‘You’re leaving Summerfield?’
Lewis couldn’t have been more shocked if Helen had announced that she was flying to the moon. When she’d waylaid him after he’d come back from doing the calls and had told him that she was calling a staff meeting that night, he’d never envisaged that this was the reason for it.
He glanced at Harry and Amy but they seemed just as shocked as him so obviously they hadn’t suspected what was going on. ‘But why are you leaving?’ he demanded. ‘I thought you loved living here.’
‘I do, but I’ve spent the whole of my working life in this town and now I feel that I’d like a fresh challenge, which is why I’m putting the practice on the market.’
‘And are you selling the house as well?’ he asked, scarcely able to believe what he was hearing. Just a few weeks ago she had been clinging to the past and refusing to make even the smallest changes. Now she was selling up and moving on, and he couldn’t understand why she hadn’t mentioned the idea to him before.
‘No. The house belongs to Tom and Katie. I know that technically Ian left it to me but I want them to have it.’ She gave a little shrug. ‘It’s up to them if they decide to live there after they’ve finished their studies. In the meantime, I’m planning on renting it out. The income it generates will be paid into a trust fund for them.’
‘You seem to have everything all worked out,’ he observed quietly, thinking what a massive understatement that was. She’d covered every angle yet she hadn’t hinted at her plans when they’d been together.
The thought was just too painful. He had to blot it out of his mind as she continued.
‘I have. It’s not been an easy decision but I’m certain it’s the right one. And that’s what matters most of all, isn’t it?’
Lewis felt a shaft of pain run through him. He knew that she was telling him that she didn’t care what he thought, and he couldn’t understand what had happened to make her feel like this…unless she’d grown tired of always being on the sidelines of his life. What woman would be happy to settle for what he was able to offer her? Especially if there was someone else willing to make the kind of commitment he couldn’t?
The thought was too much on top of everything else. Lewis found it difficult not to show how devastated he felt by the idea. ‘So how far along are you with your plans? Obviously, it will affect us all if you sell the practice so I hope you will take that into account.’
‘Of course. I shall be advertising the sale in all the usual journals at the end of this month. I can’t see that there will be a problem finding a buyer—there was a lot of interest when I advertised your post. And, naturally, I shall include you in any decisions I make. I’d also like to give you first option to purchase the practice if you’re interested.’
‘Thank you.’ Lewis did his best to behave in a suitable fashion, but he felt physically sick when he realised how much thought she’d put into this. It wasn’t some spur-of-the-moment decision but a carefully considered plan for the future. He couldn’t believe how painful it was to know that she’d cut him out so completely.
He quickly excused himself and went to the staffroom, hoping a cup of coffee would he
lp him pull himself together. Harry and Amy must have had the same idea because they arrived a few minutes later.
‘Well, that was a shock!’ Harry declared, flopping down into a chair. ‘I never thought Helen would sell up and leave, did you, Amy?’
‘Never in a million years.’ Amy suddenly sighed. Although maybe I should have realised it could happen when I heard about Dr Dancer leaving.’
‘What do you mean?’ Lewis demanded.
Apparently he’s moving to America. He’s been appointed head of a brand-new unit that’s just opened in Boston. My friend Kelly works in the gastroenterology unit, and they’re all gutted about it…Oops, sorry! The pun was unintentional.’
And you think that’s why Helen is selling up?’ Lewis ignored Harry’s chortle of laughter. ‘Because she’s going with him?’
‘What other reason can you think of?’ Amy shrugged as she spooned instant coffee into their mugs. All right, so Helen has never mentioned a word about Dr Dancer since they went out that night, but she’s definitely been acting differently recently. All the changes she’s made and now this…I mean, why else would she suddenly decide to sell up? No, I think she’s going with him and that’s why she’s so keen to get rid of this place all of a sudden.’
‘It does make sense,’ he agreed, trying not to let her see how wretched he felt. He didn’t want to believe that Helen was leaving to be with another man, but what other reason could she have for making such a life-changing decision? Sickness welled up inside him and he strode to the door, terrified that he was going to make a fool of himself if he stayed there.
In His Loving Care Page 16
