“That was crazy good,” she says on a hitched breath, making me chuckle at her poetic description.
“It was crazy good, baby.” I kiss her beautiful lips before pulling away and dragging myself from the bed. “I’m going to take a shower. I need to go into the office for a couple of hours.”
“Really?” she pouts, glancing up at me with puppy dog eyes. If she only knew how well they actually work.
I tell myself to man up and do what I have to do. I can’t let shit in my office get out of control.
“Yes, really, but I won’t be long. Will you wait here for me?” She nods her head like a good girl, making me want her all over again. I lean down and give her one last kiss before heading into the bathroom.
She’s blown apart all of my walls and all of my defenses. I wanted something different, but I never thought nor could have imagined that I’d get so much more. I wasn’t looking for love. I never wanted to be weak or leave myself open to the kind of devastation that my father felt when my mother left, but here I am. And there’s really nothing I can do about it. There’s nothing that I want to do about it. I can’t let her go now. I know that I told her that we could just take it slow and see how things went, but it’s too late for all that… she already feels mine.
I hurry through my shower, thinking the quicker that I can get ready and get done at the office, the quicker I can get back to Sage. I dry off and wrap the towel around my waist as I head back into the bedroom. When I walk in, I realize that there is no Sage. I look around the room for traces of her, but there is none. For a minute, I think that maybe she went downstairs to make coffee, but I quickly notice that her things are gone.
“What the fuck?” I move to my nightstand to grab my cell phone when I find a note on the bed.
Jackson,
Got an emergency phone call, a friend needed my help.
I’m sorry. I’ll call you tonight.
-xoxo-
Sage
I go to dial her number, but I think better of it. I don’t want to be that guy who can’t let his girl have her own life. She said a friend needed her help, but she’s never mentioned any of her friends to me. I wasn’t aware that she had any in the city. Regardless, I take her word for it, trusting that she wouldn’t lie to me and let it go.
Sage-
Jackson called me a few times today, but I was too busy to pick up the phone. I sent him a text message a little while ago apologizing and letting him know that I would call him in the morning to explain everything that has happened today. I got so carried away that time got the best of me. I definitely wasn’t expecting any of this, and as happy as it makes me, I know it’s only temporary.
The sound of the television lulled me to sleep while I attempted to watch a Christmas movie and drink a cup of tea. I thought it would help soothe my frayed nerves, but I don’t think I ever took a sip before I was asleep on the couch. Banging on my front door has me practically jumping off the couch. I glance over at the clock; it’s just past two in the morning.
“Sage. Open up.” I recognize the voice instantly. It appears that Jackson didn’t take my text messages well.
“Shit,” I say, allowing myself a deep breath before opening the door to an angry looking man. I go on high alert—the last thing I need right now is a confrontation with him. My head’s not in the game, and I’m exhausted.
“Jackson, what are you doing here?”
“You haven’t answered any of my calls all day. Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”
“I texted you.”
“Yes, I got your very cryptic text, Sage. Are you going to let me in?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” He has an accusatory tone, and I know I should understand why but I just get angry.
“Because it’s late, and I’ve had a long day. I’m exhausted, and I don’t want to argue with you.”
As if on cue, I hear the sound of something falling to the floor coming from the direction of my bedroom.
“What was that noise?”
I lie, and for the life of me, I don’t know why I do. Maybe because a part of me already knows that he won’t believe the truth, because I know that he’s going to jump to conclusions and he might not give me a chance to explain.
“I don’t know. It’s probably just the neighbors. They can get pretty rowdy.”
“At two in the morning?” he questions skeptically. I nod because I’m stupid and it’s too late to take it back now.
“Do you have someone in here, Sage?” he says pushing his way through the door and forcing me to back up. “Because I believe that it’s against the rules of your contract for you to be seeing anybody else. I believe that while I’m paying for your services, you’re supposed to be strictly mine, are you not?”
He obliterates me with his words. Gone are the thoughts of me belonging to him in the real sense. His words tell me that he never had any intention of really trying to be more than this. “Yes, Jackson, I am. I just thought we were beyond that.”
He cocks his head to the side, glaring at me through outraged eyes. “Are we?”
“Yes. All right, Jackson, I can explain.” Everything is going to shit anyway. I have no choice, but to tell him what’s going on. I have to tell him that I was in contact with Billy.
“Yes, explain to me Who. The. Fuck. Is. Here.”
“All right, I got a phone call this morning,” I begin to tell him. I should have told him right away instead of waiting.
“Mama?” My heart drops at the sound of her little voice calling for me. I can barely take my eyes off Jackson, his eyes wide with shock, his face ashen. I close my eyes to try to mask any emotion and turn to Maddie with a smile on my face.
“Yes, baby?”
“I’m thirsty.”
“Okay, sweetheart. Go back to bed and I’ll bring you something to drink, okay?” I tell her, watching Jackson out of the corner of my eye.
“Okay,” she says in her tiny voice. She finally seems to notice Jackson standing there. “I’m Maddie,” she tells him. He looks down at her, and I can see him try to school his features. It takes him a moment, but he manages a smile for her.
“Hello, Maddie, it’s very nice to meet you.”
“Are you a friend of my mama’s?”
He hesitates before confirming. “Yes, I am.”
“Okay, Maddie, time to go to bed,” I call out, effectively squashing this meeting. I grab her tiny hand in mine, tuck her into my bed, and give her a kiss. “I’ll be right back,” I tell her, closing the door behind me.
“Jackson.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You have a kid?” he questions half whispering, half shouting.
“No.”
“No? No? She just called you her mom. What do you think I am, a fucking idiot? Where have you been keeping her all this time?”
“You don’t understand.” I reach out to touch his arm, but he pulls back not letting me get anywhere near him.
“Please tell me that you haven’t been leaving her alone to spend your time as a whore with me,” he hisses through clenched teeth.
“What?” I whimper feeling completely winded and taken aback. “What are you saying?
“What kind of woman would leave her child at all hours of the night and day to sell her body? My God, are you on drugs? Is that what this is about?”
My throat begins to close up, my nose burns, and my eyes fill with tears. “Is that honestly what you think?”
“It’s what’s right in fucking front of me,” he says pointing to the closed bedroom door. “Evidence is suggesting that you’re a terrible mother. All this time and you haven’t mentioned that little girl once, not once. I can make sure that she gets taken away from you with what I know about you.”
What the fuck… why is he being so irrational? He won’t let me get a word in edgewise. “Okay, I need you to calm down and just listen.”
“There’s nothing to listen to, I’m fucking do
ne with you. Do you understand me?” He turns away from me heading to the front door, and I panic at the thought that I’m going to lose him.
“No, don’t do this, don’t. You don’t understand what’s happening here. I need you to listen to me. I love you.”
He turns around scowling at me with disgust and disbelief. “You love me? How can you possibly love me when you don’t even love your own child?”
“I do love her but she’s not—”
“Do not stand there and lie to me anymore. My God, I thought my mother was bad. But you? You take the fucking cake.”
And just like that, I’m done fighting, done trying. It’s over, he’s broken me with his cruel words and comparisons, and I no longer really want to explain what’s happening because he is so quick to assume that I’d done something terrible, something unthinkable.
I cross my arms at my chest and look down at the ground unwilling to look at him again. “You should go.”
“You’re right, I should. I never want to see you again. Do you understand me?”
“Goodbye, Jackson.” I don’t look up until I hear the sound of the door slamming shut, shutting on my hopes and dreams, shutting on my love. I don’t cry, I go into the tiny kitchen, pour a little bit of milk in a cup, and take it to Maddie. I snuggle up next to her, stroking her little back until she’s fallen asleep. I disengage, tucking her in before heading back into the living room. I throw myself onto the couch and only then do I allow myself to break down—only then do I allow myself to cry for what I’ve lost, for what I never really had to begin with. I never gave him a reason to think badly of me, and after everything that I shared with him about my own fucked-up family and upbringing, I would have imagined that he’d have thought better of me. I don’t know why I didn’t call him and tell him what was going on right away. I guess I didn’t really want to explain Billy’s reemergence or Maddie’s existence. I thought I’d be able to leave Maddie with my neighbor tomorrow, go to him, and calmly explain the situation, but he jumped the gun and showed up at my door. I curl up on the couch with my arms wrapped tightly around myself and let the tears fall until sleep finally claims me.
***
I sit on the bed, packing Maddie’s bag with the clothes I bought her while she watches the television in the living room and Billy hovers over me. It’s been three days since I picked her up at the police station, three days since Jackson left and took my heart with him. I’ve tried to keep a constant smile on my face for her, tried to push through the pain that’s threatening to swallow me up whole. I hate that I let myself fall for Jackson, I hate that I put my heart on the line once again only to have it handed right back to me. I should’ve known better, should’ve protected my heart against it because when it comes to love, I’m never the one on the receiving end.
“I really appreciate you taking her.”
“Yup,” I reply, not wanting to invite conversation. I’m stunned at his stupidity and at the fucking nerve of him getting me involved in his shit. It’s his fault that Jackson is gone because he leaves a path of destruction everywhere he goes.
“I screwed up, I know that.” I can’t hold my tongue anymore; I look up at him, his hands in his pockets and remorse reflecting in his chocolate brown eyes. He really is a handsome guy—six feet tall, slender but built like a swimmer, he’s always had a great body, washboard abs and everything. His hair, which was once long, is trimmed and styled in short spikes on his head. It didn’t take me long to fall in love with him back then. He exudes charisma and confidence, but that love is nothing compared to what I let myself feel for the Jackson.
“You got arrested for stealing. I’d say you didn’t just screw up, you completely fucked up.”
“I know, babe.”
“Don’t call me that,” I bite out.
He gives me a shrug of his shoulders. “Sorry, it’s a habit.”
I sigh and toss a hand out. “What were you doing stealing anyway? I know you’re a complete asshole but a criminal? A thief?”
“I’m not a criminal, all right. It’s just been a struggle. The rent on my apartment is more than this one. I’m making ends meet but things are tight and with Christmas coming, I just wanted Maddie…”
“You were stealing presents for Maddie, with her with you?”
“What can I say, I’m an idiot.” He leans against the doorframe crossing his feet at the ankles.
“You could have come to me. I know I threw you out, but you left me no information. You changed your number and you took Maddie away from me. I never would have stopped seeing her. I love her,” I cry, tears running down my cheek.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the last year. Fucking around on you was the worst. I never meant to hurt you.”
I swipe away at the tears and shake my head. “How’d you finally make bail?”
“I finally broke down and called my old man. I couldn’t stand being away from Maddie anymore. I needed to get the fuck out of there.”
“When do you have court?”
“Next month.”
“So, what’s going to happen? Can you go to jail for this,” I question. I honestly hope he doesn’t do time. Maddie needs him, and I always knew one thing for sure and that was how much he loved her.
“I don’t know. I stole some fucking toys, for God’s sake, it’s not like I stole a car. It’s my first offense, and the public defender I spoke to said I’d probably get probation.”
“That’s good.”
“I just wanted her to have a good Christmas.”
“I miss her,” I say, the tears forming again.
“I was angry. I wanted to hurt you, but I hurt her, too, by taking you away. I won’t do that again. You can see her when you want.”
“Thank you and I swear to God if you ever do anything that stupid again, I’ll fight you for her. She can’t be around stupid shit like that.”
“I know.”
I go to my closet, digging through the old purse that I hide my emergency money in. “Here, buy her presents from the both of us. Maybe you’ll let me come by on Christmas and we can open them together.”
He stares at me with an astonished face. “Babe, this is five hundred dollars.”
“I’ve been saving.”
“I can’t take this.” He tries to push the wad of cash back in my hands, but I hold my hands up in surrender.
“I want you to. I need to know that she’s okay, and I want her to have an amazing Christmas. I want to help you do that for her.”
He nods, finally resigned to accept my help. He stuffs the cash in his wallet and looks up at me again. “I loved you, ya know? I loved you because you’re amazing, but more than that, I loved you for the way that you loved my daughter, the way you took your family’s shit when they told you that Maddie and I were wrong for you.”
“We moved here, and you changed. I didn’t recognize you anymore and then you—”
“I was scared. I stressed out about money, and I just… I fucked up. It’s what I do. I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even like that chick. I guess I always believed that you were too good for me, so I destroyed it before you could realize it and leave.”
“I get it.”
“I know it’s too late for us. I know that you’ll never take me back, but I’m hoping we can try and be friends.”
“I’d like that, for Maddie’s sake.”
“Me, too.” He smiles, the smile I fell in love with, the one that hooked me and gave me hope for a real kind of love. He has it in him to give to someone. I just hope he finds it before it’s too late.
***
I finally broke down and called Jackson yesterday. I haven’t heard from him since he left my house that night eight days ago. He didn’t pick up, and I didn’t leave a message, not really knowing what I would say anyway. I open the front door after having just dropped off an updated copy of my resume to a local staffing agency. My cell phone starts to ring, and I drop everything to dig through my purse hoping that it�
�s Jackson calling me back.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Sage.”
“Hi, Victoria. How are you?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
“What can I do for you?”
“Well, I spoke to Jackson yesterday, and he’s decided to end your contract with him effective immediately.”
Her words are like a punch to the gut. I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break any further, but I was wrong. I push back the tears that threaten and take a breath needing to get through this conversation as quickly as possible. “I see. Thanks for letting me know.”
“Of course. Anyway, I have the results from your monthly blood work and everything came back negative. I have a new client that I’d like for you to meet tomorrow night if you’re interested.”
“I…” I begin to tell her no, tell her that I’m done with her business, and then I remember Jackson referring to me as a whore. He’s right, I am, so what’s the difference if I stop now or not. “Okay, tomorrow works.”
“Great. I’ll have my assistant email you all the information in a bit.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Jackson-
“Where are you?”
“Excuse me?”
“I was talking to you, and you were miles away.”
“I’m sorry, Victoria.”
My mind’s been elsewhere for over a month now, ever since the night I found out the truth about Sage. To think I was going to tell her that I loved her, and all the while, she was lying right to my face, hiding a child right under my nose. What did she honestly think would happen when I found out? Did she think I was going to welcome her and her child arms wide open into my life?
I was so wrong about her—I wanted to believe in her, I wanted to believe that she was different and that I was worthy of her love, but she turned out to be the biggest disappointment of my life. Still, I wonder why she did what she did and how she thought she’d be able to keep it a secret forever.
After telling her about my family and hearing about her own difficult childhood, I would never have believed that she would turn out to be worse.
Contractual Page 16
