by Bijou Hunter
“You’re fighting here?” I asked, hiccupping as my tears ended. “Does Winnie know?”
“Yes, but no one else.”
Harlow sat next to me and handed me a paper towel.
“I won’t tell anyone,” I said. “Did you hear what happened between me and Nick?”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I was back here resting and I didn’t know how to leave without interrupting you two.”
“That’s okay. I’m not going to beat you up for listening in especially now that I know you can fight back.”
Harlow smiled tightly then glanced at the door where Nick disappeared.
“Do you think I was wrong?” I asked her. “Or did it not matter since we were always going to break up anyway?”
“I’m not really one to give dating advice since I’ve never even had a boyfriend.”
“He never told me he loved me before. It seems cruel to tell me right before he dumps me.”
Harlow gave me a sideway glance. “I don’t want to be a bitch, but you actually dumped him, not the other way around.”
“I gave him a chance to pick between me and beating on assholes. He picked the assholes. He dumped me.”
“I guess.”
“No guessing.”
“Like I said, I don’t have any experience with dating or love. I do know something about being pushed around and controlled. I know when I got free of that life I didn’t want to be controlled again.”
“I’m not bossing him around.”
“He pays for school by fighting. I don’t know much about Nick, but I know he doesn’t come from money. Doesn’t seem to have a family supporting him. He probably has more money now than he’s ever had and that gives him freedom. You’re asking him to give that up. To maybe even give up college.”
“I’m not asking that. I would make sure he got to go to college. I have money and I can pay for whatever he needs.”
“Would your brother want a woman taking care of him?”
“Nick isn’t my brother. That’s why I want him.”
“Look, I don’t know you or Nick. I know me and I don’t like feeling cornered. You made him feel like you were ripping away his choices and he rebelled. That doesn’t mean he dumped you. It means he thought you were saying he had to be your bitch or you were done with him. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but that’s what he heard. If you want him, you should make sure he hears what you meant before it’s really over.”
I stared at my hands for a few minutes then sighed. “I wasn’t saying I wanted him to be my bitch.”
“I know. You just want to protect him. It’s why I don’t tell people I fight here. My family wouldn’t like it. Vaughn either. They want to protect me, but I don’t want to be protected. I doubt Nick wants to be protected even if you are just watching out for him.”
“I hate seeing him all beat up. Is that so wrong?”
“No.”
Sighing, I blew my nose and tossed the paper towel in the trash. “I’m used to bossing people around. I guess I did that with Nick.”
“Nick might not be used to nice things and people sticking with him. You can make things okay by telling him why you want him to stop. Help him understand and let him choose. I think he’d choose you if he didn’t feel cornered. He’s more relaxed since you guys got together.”
“How do you know so much about me and Nick?”
“Win has a big mouth.”
I smiled. “I might have ruined the best thing I ever had.”
“Or you had your first big fight with the best thing you ever had. Only one way to find out.”
“I’m going to hug you now. Try not to get addicted to it. I give great hugs.” Harlow grinned and hugged me back. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
“Thanks for giving Winnie a job. She was losing herself again after the bastards took us. You’re helping her get back what they stole.”
Leaving Harlow, I walked outside to wait for Nick next to his Harley. I didn’t know what exactly to say to him, but I would make it right. Losing him wasn’t an option.
Chapter Twenty Two ~ Nick
After Bailey gave me the ultimatum, I was filled with both rage and fear. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised by her temper. I couldn’t believe she asked me to choose her or my freedom.
As I walked into the cage for my second fight, my fear overwhelmed my rage.
I walked away from Bailey.
For a year, I imagined us together and the reality was a million times better. She made me feel like a normal man. With Bailey, I didn’t need to hide, but I’d lost her.
My opponent noticed my distracted mood and took full advantage. Punching me in the face then gut, the guy quickly shoved me onto my back. The crowd roared in enthusiasm at the unexpected turn in the fight. They loved surprises and I was getting my ass kicked when I shouldn’t.
Looking up at the guy, I was exhausted in a way a nineteen year old should never be. My life pounded me down like this guy and I’d chosen to walk away from the only good thing I’d ever known. I was born into shit by no fault of my own. Now with one mistake with Bailey, I’d chosen to embrace shit forever.
This guy wasn’t the reason I was miserable, but I hated him. He was my enemy who kept me from happiness. If I could get past him, I might catch up to Bailey and make her understand. Maybe I’d fucking beg her for another chance. Whatever it took, my future wasn’t in this cage with this loser.
Rolling onto my knees, I wobbled to my feet before he could knock me down again. The guy waved his arms around, encouraging the crowd to cheer. I didn’t blame him for the pride in his eyes. He beat Dragon so easily and must have felt like a true badass. Unfortunately for his surging ego, he was standing between me and my woman.
Blood gushing from a gash over my left eye, I could barely see. My head hurt and I think he’d sprained my wrist when he stomped on it. Physical pain was something I could survive. The desperation for Bailey was something new.
My fist met the guy’s jaw, striking a shocked expression across his face. Diving for him, I used my body weight to pin him to the ground. My fists smashed down at anything I could see through the blood in my eyes. Finally, Axel pulled me off the guy.
As the crowd roared, he forced me into the locker rooms where I grabbed a towel. I tried to wipe blood from my eyes, but only made more of a mess. Once Axel brought me a wet towel, I cleaned up enough to see Bailey was gone.
“I don’t know where she went,” Axel said. “Just let the doctor look at your eye. You’ll need stitches then you can chase down Bailey. It’s not like you don’t know where she lives.”
Waiting grudgingly, I struggled for the words to make Bailey understand. By the time the doctor finished stitching my eye, I couldn’t feel past my fear. Life was better with Bailey. I slept when I knew she was nearby. She made me happy, but I’d walked away from her.
A long hall led to the back parking lot where my Harley waited. Axel offered to drive me home, but I waved him off. Still parked next to my Harley was Bailey’s SUV. When I approached, the door opened and she slid out.
Freezing at the sight of her, I didn’t know if the guy knocked me out and I was dreaming. Bailey looked beautiful in the moonlight and I smelled her in the breeze. While she was perfection, Bailey’s expression told the story of my battered face.
“I was bluffing,” Bailey said as her lower lip trembled. “I just wanted to protect you, but I shouldn’t boss you around. It was a bluff though. I can’t give you up because I love you too.”
Staring at her through my swollen eyes, I saw everything I needed to be happy. Yet I had given her up for less than an hour and the pain was unbearable. Since no words could express how I felt, I erased the space between us and cupped her face. She looked delicate and angelic next to my battered hands.
Kissing her softly, I felt such relief when Bailey returned my affection by wrapping her arms around my tender ribcage. With every kiss we shared, my fear eased and our future br
ightened.
Chapter Twenty Three ~ Bailey
After driving Nick to my apartment, I forced him to take a shitload of pain medicine. Even after swallowing a few pills, he watched me with the haunted expression of a man on the brink of giving up. I hated the jagged stitches over his eye and his lip kept bleeding no matter how much I pressed a washcloth against it.
“The trailer I grew up in had only the one bedroom,” Nick said as we rested in my bed. “As a baby, my crib was in the kitchen. When I got older, I slept on the couch. I didn’t mind that because I had a roof over my head and most days I didn’t go hungry. There were kids worse off than me. I saw them sometimes living in cars or in tents by a nearby river.”
I didn’t dare speak as Nick continued sharing. “Then my mom went away and Dad got meaner. He kept me around to keep the food stamps. I learned at a young age there are people who hated their lives, but won’t change. They want more and resent everyone else for keeping them from being happy. It’s easier to punish a kid for your shitty life than to work harder. My dad is lazy. Never wants to work. Never finished high school because he wanted to sleep in. He used people to pay for his shit. My mom, me, other women. When I was in junior high, he faked an injury at a store and got a paycheck every month for his disability. Even with all that shit handed to him, he hated life. There was never enough money. Women weren’t easy enough. They always wanted stuff from him.”
Nick glanced at me for only a second before returning to his past. “Women are important to my dad. He’s vain and needs sex to prove he’s not getting old. Growing up, there were always women around and I never knew their names. They weren’t girlfriends, as much as regular hookups. When he’d have them over to party, I was expected to sit outside. If it got late or the weather was bad or, God forbid, the police were hanging around the trailer park, he shoved me into a little closet. I spent a lot of time locked in there until I was old enough to kick the door open and get out.
“How could no one help you?” I said, caressing the scars on his shoulder. “They had to know.”
“The town I lived in was small and people minded their own business. They thought everyone had a tough life, so whining made you weak.”
“That’s bullshit,” I muttered, struggling against my temper. “When someone crosses lines in the club, we don’t go to the cops, but handle it in-house.”
Nick glanced at me, but I doubted he would see well with such swollen eyes.
“I was locked in the closet the first time I saw the dragon. It was the middle of the summer and I was so hot I thought I would die. I ended up hallucinating that the dragon destroyed the trailer then the whole park. It was the only way to cleanse the evil there. To destroy the violence and sickness everyone suffered from. The dragon would free them by destroying everything and everyone. Sounds crazy, huh?”
“If I knew where it was, I’d burn the fucking place to the ground right now.”
An exhausted Nick smiled at my anger then kissed the palm of my hand. “Whenever I felt trapped after that day, I imagined the dragon freeing me. When my dad made me bleed, I imagined the dragon punishing him. I relied on the dragon to believe my life would get better. I saw kids in the park and our town who didn’t believe their lives would ever improve, so they grew up to be like their shitty parents.”
“You did amazing, Nick. Coming to Ellsberg and studying so hard, you’ve already made a better life than your fucker dad ever did.”
“I know I don’t need to fight. I mean the money makes life easier. Having extra cash can be pretty addictive. But it’s not the money. I just can’t give up being Dragon. I feel like I found myself when I got here. Like he finally came alive in me and I’m afraid I can’t be strong without him. It sounds stupid, but I was nothing when I arrived in this town. I only wanted to fit in, but I was the same guy growing up. I couldn’t get close to or trust anyone. Then a miracle happened. Your brother beat me unconscious.”
“Asshole.”
Nick grinned even though it caused him pain. “Yeah, but people kept saying how I should fight in the Thunderdome because I lasted so long with Cooper. I figured it was worth making a few bucks. The first shot to my face made me feel the way I did when I was a kid when I wanted the dragon to destroy everyone. I became him in the Thunderdome and life got easier. I didn’t care about fitting in or doing what people wanted. I felt free and I’m afraid to give that up, but I’m more afraid to lose you.”
Nick stared at me in the dark room like I imagine he sat in the dark closet. That poor little boy was beyond my help, but this man needed me to calm his fears.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, cuddling closer. “You and me are the real thing. I’ll wait until you’re ready to stop fighting. No more bluffing.”
Eyes barely open now, he mumbled, “I shouldn’t have said that to you in the locker room. I shouldn’t have walked away like that.”
“It’s okay. Just sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll take care of you and you’ll take care of me and everything will be better.”
Nick watched me as his breathing slowed and his eyes struggled to remain open. Finally, they closed and I knew he was asleep.
Watching him rest, I thought about how wrong I’d been. When I imagined having a man, I wanted him to worship me. I saw him needing me more than breathing. In my head, only that kind of love was special.
Life wasn’t a dream though. Reality came with pain. Nick was better than I imagined, but remained lost in a way I didn’t know how to fix. When he kissed me in the parking lot, I only hoped for a second chance. My focus was my pain at losing him. Now I focused on his pain at losing me.
Nick grew up with nothing and I couldn’t even imagine his life. Where he went hungry, I never did without. A childhood without love from amazing parents wasn’t something I understood. Seeing the pain in Nick’s eyes, I understood on a basic level how he suffered and needed more for me than I did from him. Logically, it made sense. In my heart, I was confused.
Leaving Nick to sleep, I walked outside to where the dogs followed Cooper around in the darkness.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Cooper frowned. “You shouldn’t be out in the dark.”
“Fuck off. I do what I want.”
Grinning now, he tugged at my ponytail then returned to playing with the dogs. “Farah wasn’t feeling well after dinner, so we’re staying here tonight.”
“Is she sick or is it a preggers thing?”
“Preggers, but I didn’t want to drive her home. All the bouncing would make her puke.”
“She eats too many corndogs.”
Cooper threw a ball and the dogs scrambled after it. “Corndogs are out. She’s really into Eggos now, but I think it was the seafood salad at dinner that made her want to barf. She went to town on it.”
“Will you still want her when she’s super fat?”
Cooper rolled my eyes. “You’re so shallow. I feel sorry for Nick.”
The tears came quickly, startling us both. He moved quickly, hugging me to him.
“What’s wrong? Is Nick being an asshole?”
“No, he’s messed up, Coop. Like Farah and Tawny. All broken inside from a shitty childhood. Mom warned me, but I don’t know how to help him. I feel stupid and selfish to want anything from him.”
“What does he want?” Cooper asked, caressing my head.
“Besides me, I don’t know.”
“I’m confused about the problem. You want him, right?”
“Yeah, but I hate him fighting. I gave him an ultimatum and…” When Cooper rolled his eyes, I pushed him away. “I was trying to protect him. You put him in the hospital to protect Farah and she didn’t even need protecting. You’re an asshole.”
“Old news. Let’s go back to how you fucked up recently.”
Wiping my eyes, I kicked him in the leg. Cooper just laughed like when we were kids and I tried to kick his ass.
“I love him,” I said when Cooper kept laughing
.
His expression softened. “You’re cute when you have feelings. Lady and the Tramp kind of cute.”
“How do I make him happy?”
“How the hell would I know? I’ve talked to the guy three times.”
“You suck,” I said, walking away.
Cooper threw the ball in my direction and the dogs went running. The stampede stopped me and I turned to find Cooper grinning.
“Does he love you?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’ll figure it out. Just relax and listen to him, but not to what he says. If he’s like Farah, sometimes he won’t say what he means. He might not even know what he means. Be patient because they’re fucked up and we’re not. Or at least they have reasons for being fucked up while we’re just arrogant shits.”
“What do you mean by ‘we?’ Speak for yourself, douche.”
Sighing like a put-upon bitch, Cooper retrieved the ball from a slobbering Rottweiler’s mouth.
“Nick said you were his first choice. That was after you were probably a bitch to him a few times…” Cooper paused when I glared at him. “Lucky guess. Anyway, even after the shit with me, he waited for you. The guy isn’t going to bail the first time you fuck up. Or by now, the hundredth time you’ve fucked up.”
“Eat shit, Coop the Poop.”
My brother laughed as I stormed up the stairs to the apartment. When I got to the top, I smiled at him to say thank you. He responded by flipping me off.
Leaving my brother to be an asshole, I slipped inside and tiptoed to the bed where Nick was still out cold. I joined him in bed and decided to listen to Cooper. Even if my brother was a jerk, he knew a little something about love. Besides, his advice couldn’t any worse than what I’d tried already.
Chapter Twenty Four ~ Nick
Age was relative. My ID might read nineteen, but I felt like an old man while stumbling out of bed and into the bathroom. I emerged wearing sweats and a long sleeve shirt. A long drug induced sleep left me cold and sore. My eyes remained swollen, but I saw Bailey jump up from the couch where she sat with Jodi and Sawyer.
