“It would be best to just leave me to myself, Jayce. I’m not good company.”
“Maybe not, but I think you need a friend. Even if it’s just a silent one.”
Jacob stopped. “I don’t see how decent men could make the choice those men made last night. They would have to know we stood a better chance together than apart.”
“They made a mistake. Dr. Ripley influenced the younger men. It’s sad and may very well end tragically for them, but I don’t believe they meant us harm. Just as Latimore said, we knew them to be good men overall.”
Jacob let out a growl. “Being good men hasn’t fixed our circumstances. I don’t know what God wants from me here. I trust Him to bring us through. I believe in His power to provide, despite our failing health. I just don’t know what more He wants from us.”
Jayce nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. I’ve asked Him that very thing over and over. I don’t know why I should have to spend a year away from my wife and children. Children whom I don’t even know—who don’t know me.”
Jacob softened at this and the anger left his voice. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“We’ve both endured a great deal, but we’ve known God was with us every step of the way. It’s not like I understand the circumstances of our situation, but the alternative is not an option for me. I can’t turn from God, even in this.”
“Nor I.” Jacob’s voice was filled with resignation. “I’ve never even contemplated that, but in my anger I’ve known a sense of separation from God that troubles me deeply. I don’t want to be filled with rage—it serves no purpose. Still, I don’t understand why this situation goes on and on.”
“I don’t either, Jacob. But I do know that we must continue to trust the Lord.”
“I know that as well. It’s just hard to face the possibility of another winter here—apart from Leah and Helaina. It’s hard to contemplate whether we’ll be strong enough to survive.”
“Jacob! Jayce!” Latimore called to them.
Jacob put his hand to his eyes and squinted against the brilliant sun. “What is it, Captain?” The concern about predatory animals caused Jacob to give a quick glance over his shoulder.
“A ship!” Latimore called again. “There’s a ship on the horizon!”
Chapter Eleven
Leah slung her rifle over one shoulder and hoisted two large buckets of blueberries. The day was unseasonably warm, but the sun felt good against her skin. Lifting her face to the sky, Leah breathed in the heady aroma of sea air and spongy tundra. She loved her life here, but the longing would not leave her where Jayce was concerned.
“It’s already August,” she whispered. “Already August and they’ve still not returned.” The likelihood that they’d be found yet that summer was fading quickly. Soon the ocean would start churning with ice and the temperature would drop. Ships seldom went very far north after October. Some captains refused to venture to the Bering after mid-September.
Karen and Adrik had suggested that if the men were not found, Leah and the children should come back with them to Seward. If that didn’t appeal, Leah could take up residence in their cabin at Ketchikan. After all, she was familiar with the area and people. It might offer her comfort.
But nothing offered her comfort these days.
Leah was no fool. She knew the odds of finding the men before summer’s end was lessening with each passing day. Winter would soon be upon them, and she had to face the facts.
She headed down the hill with the buckets in tow. At the base, a small wagon awaited her. Leo and Addy, Jacob’s two favorite dogs, were at the helm. Leah put the buckets in the wagon, then went to the dogs. She took a moment to pet them. They missed Jacob as much as she did. For weeks after he’d left home, they’d done nothing but howl and whine.
Straightening, Leah sighed and released the wagon’s brake. She was some three miles from home, but the dogs would make short order of the distance. The buckets had packed easily into the small wagon, leaving room for Leah if she chose. She decided against it, however, knowing the walk would do her good.
On their way, Leah made up her mind. If the men had not returned by the time Adrik and Karen felt it necessary to head back to Seward, Leah and the children would go with them. The twins would have better access to a doctor should they grow ill, and Jayce and Jacob would know to look for her there. It just made sense.
Up ahead on the trail, Leah saw Adrik hiking toward her. It seemed perfect timing to announce her decision. “What are you doing out here?” she called.
“Looking for you. Karen was worried and the twins were asking for you.”
Leah laughed. “They’re always asking for me.” She drew up even with Adrik and slowed a bit, knowing there was no sense in delaying her announcement. “I made up my mind to return with you and Karen and the boys if the men haven’t returned by the time you head out.”
“I think that’s for the best,” Adrik replied, his voice low and gentle. “I know it isn’t easy to consider them not coming home.”
“I have to be realistic about the matter.” Leah looked up and met his gaze. “They may never come home. I’ve not been willing to truly consider that matter until now. Helaina has always been so strong—so sure that they’re returning, but …” Her voice trailed off as she remembered her father leaving for the Yukon gold fields. He had promised to return as well. Then Jacob had headed north, and had they not gone after him, Leah would probably have never seen him again.
“But the summer is fading and winter’s chill is in the air,” Adrik said.
He had always been a very eloquent man, despite his backwoods upbringing. Leah smiled. “Yes. I know that I have to be sensible. The twins must be safe and have the things they need. The winters are harsh here and without a man to help care for us, it will be even worse. So many times we’ve faced famine and death. Disease runs amuck and epidemics aren’t at all unusual.”
“You can face those things in Ketchikan or Seward as well,” Adrik interjected. “Although I will say famine has never been an issue. That land is so plentiful with meat and other vegetation.”
“And the harbors don’t freeze,” Leah added. “We could always get a shipment of needed goods, even in the dead of winter.”
“True enough. Well, you know how we feel on the matter.
We want to make you comfortable and Karen loves those babies as if they were her own grandchildren. I guess in many ways, they are exactly that.”
“Yes, they are. I’ve always seen you and Karen as a second set of parents. God provided abundantly for me in my loss. Karen has been a mother to me in every way, and you …” She paused and drew a deep breath. “You’ve always been a father, offering security and strength. A kind of strength that I could not find in other people—with the possible exception of Jacob and now Jayce.”
“I’ve always cared deeply for you and Jacob. You know that. I promise you, Leah, I will see you and the children amply provided for. I know Karen will enjoy your company, but even more than that, she’ll be glad to know of your safety under her roof.” He gave a chuckle. “You know my wife. She thinks she’s the only one in the world who can care for her loved ones. It makes her positively impossible at times when she considers Ashlie living so far away.”
“I’m sure it does, but Karen waited so long for a family of her own. I know how that feels. You tend to want to hold on to your children and never let go. It isn’t easy. The twins are barely a year old, and yet I cringe with fear at the thought of them wandering out of sight. I can make myself ill if I dwell on all the risks at hand.”
“Life is a risk, Leah. But the alternative is to die. Still, we need not fear either one. God is our strength, our help. He won’t let us down. Even when it seems He’s forgotten us— He’s still there.”
“Like now.” Leah halted the dogs. “I try to have a strong faith, but honestly, I think God must find me terribly disappointing.”
Adrik smiled. “I have said the same thing on many occasi
ons. Darling, there is no easy walk on this earth. Oh, some folks seem to have a better way—a gentle existence—but they all face loss in some way. Faith wouldn’t be faith if it came easy. Abraham had to stand over Isaac with a knife before his faith was fully born. Abraham learned a big lesson that day. He learned that he could trust God even when the situations around him made no sense. He learned to have faith that even when God was calling him to a frightening new place, he could rest in God’s perfect faithfulness.”
“I want to rest there too,” Leah admitted. “I suppose that’s why I decided to go back with you. I’m not doing it because I’ve given up hope. But rather, it seems the best choice given the circumstance.”
“I agree. I want to know that you and the children will be safe. The people here are good to you, but the long winter is going to be difficult to endure.”
They walked a ways in silence before Adrik posed another question. “What of Mrs. Beecham?”
“I hadn’t really considered the matter much,” Leah said, shaking her head. “I doubt she’ll leave. But then, she doesn’t have children to worry over. She can stay in my house if she chooses to remain here.”
“Or she can come with us. We wouldn’t deny her a place to stay. It would be a squeeze, but there’s always room for one more.”
Leah was deeply touched by Adrik’s generosity. “I’ll talk to her and let you know. I know she’s been waiting for me to make up my mind. I guess now that I have … well … she’ll have to make up hers as well.”
With August, the long hours of summer light began to fade. Helaina wondered how she would ever bear the long dark winter if Jacob didn’t return. She had prayed for his return and thought of it—dreamed it so realistically that she had to stop upon awakening in the morning to rethink what was real and what was her imagination.
Now summer was nearly over and the ships were heading south again. There’d been no word from any revenue cutter or the Coast Guard service. She longed to know the truth, even if the truth was painful and sad. Still, there was no word. Stanley wrote to tell her that no effort was being spared to locate the men, but still her heart was heavy.
Helaina heard Leah humming softly in the children’s room. She was putting her babies to bed and offering them whatever comfort and peace she could. Leah had decided to go back to Seward with Karen and her family, but Helaina felt bound to Last Chance. When Jacob came home, she wanted to be here to greet him. She had to be here.
“Well, I think they’re finally asleep,” Leah said as she came from the children’s room. She stretched and rubbed the small of her back. “I need to get outside and work on that sealskin. Seems the work is never done.” She reached to pick up several toys that were on the table.
“I’ll go take care of the dogs,” Helaina volunteered. She got to her feet and dusted off the front of the lightweight kuspuk she wore over bibless denim overalls.
Leah paused at the door. “Do you really plan to stay?”
Helaina nodded. “I can’t go. I need to feel close to him, even if it’s just to care for his animals.”
“It may take a long time before they come home.”
“I know,” Helaina said, meeting Leah’s gaze. In the air hung the unspoken phrase, If they ever come home.
Leah shrugged, as if realizing it would do little good to try and talk Helaina out of anything once her mind was made up. “I’ll be just outside if you need me.”
Helaina made her way to where the dogs were staked and housed. They began to yip and howl at her appearance. They had come to accept her as their mistress and tried hard to please her. All through the winter they had performed for her as well as they had for Leah. They seemed to understand her love for them was somehow bound to their missing master.
“Hey there, Toby,” she called, reaching to rub her hands over the blond-brown fur of the first dog. “How are you?” He whined in reply.
She gave attention to the first row of dogs, then gathered food from the locker and began to feed them. The other rows of dogs put up a huge fuss, believing themselves somehow slighted.
“I’m coming, fellas,” she called.
She made the rounds and saw that all were fed, watered, and given due attention. There were three new batches of puppies, and Helaina checked on each of the new mothers, scandalously giving them each a nice chunk of seal liver from a new catch. Leah had told her that Jacob liked to do this for the nursing females to enrich their milk supply. Helaina could see no reason to do otherwise.
Working to clean up the grounds around the pens, Helaina was surprised when she looked up to find Leah standing not six feet away. She laughed. “I didn’t hear you come up. I guess my mind was elsewhere.”
Leah looked pale, almost as if she’d had bad news. A sense of dread washed over Helaina as she stopped her actions. “What is it? What have you heard?”
“Sigrid just came to the house. There’s a cutter in the harbor. Word has come that it’s the ship that went searching for the men of the Regina.”
Helaina swallowed hard. “What of the men?”
“I don’t know. There’s a launch coming ashore. Sigrid’s offered to stay with the twins. Will you come with me?”
“You know I will!” Helaina tossed down the shovel. “Let me wash my hands.” She hurried to where a pail of water sat perched atop an overturned washtub. Without a word Helaina washed and then dried her hands, while shaking so hard she could hardly hold the towel.
“If they didn’t find them …” Leah began, then halted.
“We can’t worry about ifs right now. Let’s go see what the truth of the matter might be. Then we can make our plans.”
They hurried to the beach where a crowd of people had already gathered. Many of the villagers had returned from hunting, and there were a variety of things happening. One group had managed to bring in a whale, but without the icy shores to help slide the mammoth creature along, they were forced to pull the beast ashore by using dogs and manpower. No doubt most of the people assembled were there for the purpose of helping with the whale kill rather than to greet the cutter.
Leah pulled away from Helaina and put her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the setting sun. It was hard to see who the men in the launch might be, but when Helaina heard Leah gasp, she knew Leah had spotted someone.
“Who is it?” Helaina asked, but already Leah was running for the beach.
She watched from afar as Leah splashed into the water. She could hear the people shouting, but it all seemed again like one of her dreams. Moving very slowly, Helaina began to walk again toward the gathering. A man was climbing out of the launch—jumping into the knee-deep waters of the Bering Sea. He waded through until he reached Leah’s outstretched arms. It was Jayce.
Helaina felt her breath catch as the couple embraced. She backed up several steps until she was hidden from view by the head of the newly caught whale. Helaina preferred to remain out of sight until she could calm her overwhelmed nerves.
Lord, what will I do if Jacob hasn’t come back as well? How will I live if he’s returned but no longer cares for me?
She peeked around to see that Jayce had lifted Leah and was carrying her to shore. It was the stuff of fairy tales and beautiful love stories. It was the happy ending that Leah so richly deserved. Helaina stepped out and moved toward the crowd of people. She had to know that Jacob was safe, if nothing else.
And then she saw him. The launch settled on the shore, and the men disembarked. Jacob was there, along with several other men. This was her moment of truth. This moment would determine her future.
Helaina eased her way through the crowd just as Jayce put Leah on the ground. Jacob immediately embraced his sister. Helaina fought to keep from crying, wishing he were holding her instead. Please love me. Please still care.
She stepped forward, inching her way toward the trio. Drawing a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders.
Just then Jacob looked up. Shock registered on his face as his gaze met he
rs. He immediately left his sister and crossed the distance to where Helaina now stood. For several moments neither one said a word. He looked at her so intently that Helaina felt as though he were memorizing every feature of her face.
“It took you long enough to get here,” she finally managed to say. She gave him a smile as her joy threatened to bubble over.
“If I’d known you were here waiting, I would have come sooner,” he said. Then without warning he pulled her hard against him and kissed her soundly on the lips.
The despair, frustration, and agony of the last year’s wait faded from Helaina along with all reasonable ability to think. She felt the warmth of his hands on her face, and he deepened his kiss. When he finally pulled away, she could only look at him in wonder.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” they murmured in unison, then laughed.
“When did you come back?” Jacob asked, his hands moving to gently touch her shoulders.
“Last year this time. I sold everything I owned and returned to Last Chance.”
“Just like that?” he mused. “You traded your life there to be here?”
She shook her head. “No. I traded it all to be with you.” She waited anxiously to see how he might respond. For a moment he said nothing, then he dropped his hold on her and took a step back.
“Are you sure about this?”
Helaina put her hands on her hips. “I’ve had a whole year to think it over.” Her tone was rather indignant, but he deserved it after what he’d put her through.
Just then Bjorn and Emma joined the revelry. “Jacob!” they exclaimed before Bjorn pulled him into a hearty bear hug. “We’re so glad you’ve returned. Praise God for His provision!” Emma nodded and added her own embrace. “Ja, Jacob, we have prayed every day for you.”
“And well I know it,” Jacob answered, casting a glance over their shoulders to Helaina. “Because God has just answered all of my prayers.”
Chapter Twelve
The village used the men’s return as a wonderful excuse to celebrate. Before long there was food and drink, as well as singing and dancing. Leah woke the twins, who, although irritable at first, adapted rather easily to the revelry. They seemed particularly interested in their papa, who happily tossed them up and down in the air and got on the floor to play. Gone was any worry that they might reject him. To Leah’s amazement, they warmed to Jayce immediately.
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