“I don’t mind if they wake up. They’re good babies. You’ve been a good mother to them, Leah.”
“I hope so. We all come into parenting without the experience that we so desperately need. I helped Karen with her children, but it’s not the same. I never remember listening through the night to make certain that Ashlie was still breathing, but I constantly fret over the twins.”
Helaina gave a rather awkward laugh. “I haven’t had even the experience you have.”
“Nonsense. You’ve been a great help with Wills and Merry. I don’t know how I would have survived that first year without you. You’ll know what to do—of that I’m certain.”
The walk to Adrik’s house was a short one, but before Leah arrived there she stopped midstep. A strange noise came from behind the house. It sounded muffled, almost like sobbing. She left the path and walked through the snow to a small shed where Adrik kept tools.
Leah approached the shed slowly and saw the crumpled form of Oliver. He was nestled up against several furs, his face buried in his hands.
“Oliver?”
He looked up as if mortified to have been found. “Go away.”
Leah frowned and wondered if she should. Something compelled her to stay, however. “Oliver, you don’t have to be ashamed of crying.”
He buried his face again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Leah went to where he sat and knelt beside him. Reaching out gently, she touched his head. “Oliver, I want to help.”
“You can’t help,” he said, looking up at her. “My mama is dead. You can’t help that.”
Leah nodded. “I know. I can’t change what’s happened. But you need to know that I miss her too. She was like a mother to me, and it feels like there’s a hole inside where her love used to be.”
Oliver sobered and nodded. “There is a big empty place. It hurts a lot.”
“I know, sweetie. I know.” She opened her arms to him. For a minute Oliver just looked at her, then just when Leah felt he would spurn her, he dove for her, knocking them both over. Leah just held on to Oliver and fell back against the furs.
Oliver cried softly for several minutes while Leah prayed silently. Please, God, please ease his pain. It’s so hard to know what to do to help him. Please show me.
Leah tried to imagine what Karen would want her to say to Oliver. How would she word things to help him understand about life and death? Leah drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. Was there ever a good way to talk about something so very painful and sad?
“My mama was a good person, wasn’t she?” Oliver asked, easing away from Leah just a bit.
The question surprised Leah, but she tried not to show it. “Of course she was. She was helpful to everyone and she demonstrated love and kindness all of the time.”
“She loved Jesus too.”
Leah leaned up and smiled. “Yes. Yes, she did.”
“I love Him too, but I feel bad ’cause I wish He hadn’t taken my mama. I feel real bad inside, Leah. I feel mad at God for taking Mama.”
Leah pulled him close and rested back in the furs. “Oh, sweetie, God understands how you feel. He knows it hurts.”
“Will He get mad at me?”
“No, I don’t think so. But, Oliver, He wants to offer you His comfort. He doesn’t want you to be mad at Him. He knows how you feel, and He wants to help.”
Oliver stayed in her arms for several minutes before pushing away. “I’m sorry I acted like a baby. I’m trying not to cry in front of Christopher or Papa. If I cry it will scare Christopher.”
“You don’t have to be strong for everybody else, Oliver. You miss your mother. That’s going to stay with you for a long time. I know. It stayed with me a long time. Sometimes I still miss my mother.”
Oliver wiped his face with the back of his coat sleeve. “I gotta go. Christopher is waiting for me to help him with the dog sled. We’re going to do some errands for Papa.”
Leah got up and smiled at the boy. “You know I love you, Oliver. You’ve always been like a little brother to me. I’ll always be here for you, and you don’t have to be afraid of crying around me. I won’t say a word to anyone, if that helps.”
Oliver nodded. “I just don’t want Papa to worry about it. He’s got enough to worry about right now.”
Leah hugged him, then let him go. How she wished she might take away his pain. She looked to the skies overhead through the canopy of trees that surrounded Adrik’s land. “Lord, this is so hard. My father used to say that life was full of death. I guess I’m seeing that more now than ever before. It’s a hard lesson to learn, much less to know what to do with.”
“I appreciate your writing to Grace and Miranda,” Adrik said later as Leah presented him with the two letters. “I don’t think I could have done it justice.”
“It wasn’t a problem. I know they’ll be shocked and heartbroken by the news, just as we are.”
“I still can’t believe it’s happened. I think back to how just a few short weeks ago we were laughing and making plans for Christmas.” He gave a harsh laugh. “I was feeling all smug for my plans. Now I don’t feel anything but a sort of numbness— a disbelief that any of this could have happened.” He continued to stare at the letters. “When you lose a man on the job— like we did last week when the log chain snapped—well, you just kind of take it in stride. It’s sad and it’s shocking in its own way, but you know the risks are there. When your sweet wife falls over dead, never to speak another word—never to hear your words to her, well, that’s just not something you think will happen.”
“I know. I find myself feeling like Ashlie, wondering if I missed seeing some sign. Was there something more I could have done? But I know the dangers of trying to second-guess a situation. I’ve learned that much in life.”
Adrik looked at the letters for a moment longer, then stuffed them in his jacket pocket. He looked up and met Leah’s eyes. “Ashlie came and talked to me. I think I have you to thank for that.”
Leah shrugged. “We’re all here to help each other, Adrik. Did she talk to you about Seattle?”
“Yes. I’m glad she did. She said that she really would like to go back to school—maybe even college. She wondered if I could bear having her go back at least until summer.”
Adrik looked to have aged about ten years since Karen’s death, but today he actually looked as though a burden had been lifted.
“And what did you tell her?”
“I told her that I thought her mother would want her to finish her education. At least I didn’t lie about that. Karen missed that girl something fierce, but she was so proud of what she’d accomplished in school. Her teacher wrote to say that Ashlie will probably graduate first in her class next spring.”
“That is impressive,” Leah admitted, then offered a smile. “So what did you lie about?”
“Huh?”
“You said you didn’t lie about the fact that her mother would want her to finish her education. So what did you lie about?”
Adrik looked rather surprised for a moment, then came a hollow laugh. “I told her I’d be just fine—that I had plenty of help and didn’t need her here to watch over us.”
“And that was a lie?”
“I don’t know,” he said sadly. “Maybe it was about the part where I said I’d be just fine. I don’t honestly know if I’ll ever be fine again.”
Chapter Twenty
Helaina picked her way through the mud and snow as she double-checked her list. They needed a half dozen things, most of which were for the special meal Leah had planned for Timothy and Ashlie’s farewell. They would be leaving the next day for Seattle, and Leah wanted to send them off with the best of meals and plenty of warm wishes.
Helaina had to admit she was rather glad for the excuse to leave home. Everyone was still so sad over Karen’s passing. Helaina mourned too, but since she hadn’t known Karen as well, the others seemed not to recognize her sorrow. She paused in front of the mercantile, feeling
oddly misplaced.
“Excuse me,” a vaguely familiar voice said from behind her.
Helaina turned to find Cheslav Babinovich, and her eyes widened in surprise. The last time she’d seen this man had been in Nome. She started to greet him, but the man immediately turned and started to flee.
“Mr. Babinovich, whatever is wrong?”
He stopped and turned, eyeing her strangely for a moment as if to ascertain something. But what? “I … uh …” His Russian accent was thick and he seemed confused.
Helaina thought perhaps he’d again forgotten her name. “Mrs. Barringer. Although when we first met it was Mrs. Beecham. We met in Nome, remember?” It seemed so strange that every time she’d run across this man since their initial meeting, he seemed to have no recollection of who she was. Perhaps his fears and worries imposed upon his ability to remember.
“Of course. I am sorry for my poor memory. I have traveled so much over this state in my searches, meeting so many people. How might I be of service, my dear woman?”
Helaina thought his entire demeanor rather strange, but she shook off her concerns. “I have heard many troubling things about your homeland. I have thought about you, wondering if you ever managed to help your czar and his family.”
Babinovich looked around him in a rather alarmed manner before hurrying back to Helaina’s side. “It is best not to speak of them. Circumstances have worked against the family, I’m afraid. They are captive prisoners in the motherland. I fear the Russia that I once knew and loved is no more. The government in power now would see all of the royals killed. In fact, they will see many people killed, I fear.”
“I am sorry to hear that. The newspapers have been full of negative stories to be certain. The war has left its mark all over the world.”
“That is true. Should the war not have come to Europe, my czar might yet be safe in his palace. Now …” His voice faded off as he gazed blankly down the street. “These are desperate and sad times.”
“So what will you do?” Helaina asked.
“I have no idea. I suppose I will continue to look for ways to get the royal family to safety. There might yet be a way, but God alone knows what that might be.”
“And why have you come to this part of Alaska?”
“Ah, that is simple. I had heard of this growing railroad and desired to see it for myself. I thought it might be useful to my needs should the czar and his family be able to sail as far as Seward.”
“But there are far more favorable areas in Alaska where Russians would feel very welcome. I am told that Sitka is still predominantly settled by the Russians. There are families there who can trace their ancestry back several generations to a time when your motherland still owned the property.”
He nodded but leaned closer and whispered. “But that area could also be filled with enemies. We would have to see for ourselves if the population would be favorable toward the czar and his family. I have men checking into such matters even now.”
Helaina felt her feet growing numb with cold. She felt equally sorry for Babinovich whose boots showed signs of irreparable wear. No doubt he had walked all over the territory in search of a hideaway for his beloved czar.
Just then Helaina got an idea. “I was just about to pick up a few things. We’re having a grand meal tonight. A couple of family members are heading to Seattle tomorrow. Why don’t you join us for supper? There will be plenty of food.”
Babinovich seemed to consider this for a moment. He rubbed his mustache with the back of his index finger. “Such a meal sounds quite inviting to a weary pilgrim such as myself. I will accept with great happiness.”
“Good. If you wait for me, I’ll take you to my home. You can stay and visit and warm yourself by the fire. Later, my husband can bring you back by dogsled. Where are you staying?”
“I only got here this morning. I haven’t really arranged for myself.”
“Then you could stay with us if you like,” Helaina offered. She wasn’t sure what drew her to the man, but she longed to know more about him. “There isn’t much to offer in the way of housing; most of the railroad men lived in tents, and now they’re gone.”
“It seems the area is less settled than Nome and Seward,” he said, looking around the little town.
“It’s almost deceptive. The area is growing, and there are far more people here now than there were just months ago— despite the railroad releasing their workers. I would expect to see this entire area boom. Especially if they were to find gold or silver.”
“And do they expect to do that?” Babinovich questioned with sudden interest.
“There have been some finds—some rumors of big deposits— but nothing has been found as of yet to prove that true.”
“It sounds promising.”
Helaina smiled. “The thought of gold always sounds promising, but I wouldn’t count on anything until you actually hold it in your hand.” She turned. “I’ll only be a minute, and then we can make our way home. You’re welcome to join me.”
She waited for him to decide. Finally he shook his head. “You go ahead, Mrs. Barringer. I’ll wait here.”
Helaina hurried into the store and went quickly to retrieve the items needed. She was quite pleased to learn that one of the native women had brought in a few eggs. They were frozen, but Helaina thought they would surely thaw so she could make a cake. She made certain to see the two eggs were wrapped in cotton batting before she tucked them gently into her purse. The other things went into her large canvas bag.
“I hope you are not frozen through,” she told Babinovich as she emerged from the store. “I should have insisted you come in, although it was scarcely any warmer in the tent.”
“I am not surprised. I do not know how people exist in such cold.”
“But you have cold in your country as well, do you not?”
Babinovich took the bag from her as they turned to walk. “We have wonderful places where the cold is not so bad. Siberia, now that is different. That place is like a frozen death. Some parts are not so bad, but others are … well … I would not want to be there.”
“Tell me about your home in Russia. Where did you grow up? Are your parents still there?”
Babinovich shook his head. “My parents are dead. My life there centered around my service to the czar. We are family, of course, but distantly so. I served him and serve him now. It is all I have known.”
“Did you enjoy the privileges of such a life?”
He nodded but stared straight ahead. “I have known great wealth. Such parties—such foods and clothes. They were magnificent.”
Helaina heard a tone of regret in his voice, but whether or not it was for the wealth of bygone days or simply missing the days that had once offered him so much, she was not sure. As they neared the place where Adrik had chosen to build their little family village, Helaina motioned to the largest of the three houses.
“That is where we’ll go. The cabin to the right belongs to my sister-in-law and her husband. The one to the right of that is my home with my husband, Jacob.”
“And whose home is this?” he asked as they approached the larger cabin.
“This is the home of dear friends. The man’s wife just passed away, but he lives here with his two young sons. His daughter, Ashlie, is one of the people returning to Seattle. She’s not yet eighteen and is returning to school.”
“I see.” He followed Helaina into the house but said nothing more.
“I found everything you needed and then some,” Helaina announced as Leah looked up from the stove. “They had three eggs and I bought two of them.” She reached into her purse and pulled out the treasures.
“Real eggs? Real eggs in January in Alaska?” Leah questioned. “That is a marvel.” Just then she noticed Babinovich. “Oh, you’ve brought company?”
“Yes,” Helaina said, handing Leah the eggs. She then turned around to take the canvas bag from the man. “This is Cheslav Babinovich. I met him in Nome some time ago. He just a
rrived in the area, and I—”
“Took pity on me,” Babinovich interrupted. “She was quite kind to invite me to your supper and to take refuge here from the cold.”
“He will stay with us a day or two,” Helaina announced as Ashlie came in from the back room.
“Who is staying a day or two?” she asked.
“Mr. Babinovich. He’s from Russia and has been traveling for some time. He just came to this part of the country and I encouraged him to stay with us a short time. Mr. Babinovich, this is Mrs. Kincaid, my sister-in-law, and Ashlie Ivankov.”
“Ivankov?” he asked with a look that almost seemed akin to fear.
“Yes, her father is of Russian descent, like yourself,” Leah explained. “However, he was born in this territory and also shares some Tlingit Indian ancestry.”
“I’m sure you’ll enjoy my father’s company. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance and glad you could join us. I’m sure my father would love to hear your stories of Russia. He has never actually been there, but his grandfather lived there most of his life before coming to Alaska.”
Babinovich rubbed at his mustache nervously. “Yes, well, the stories of our motherland are not at all pleasant these days.”
Leah took the eggs to the kitchen and Helaina followed with the bag. “Just make yourself comfortable, Mr. Babinovich. Rest and warm yourself by the fire.”
He nodded and moved toward the hearth, while Ashlie joined the women in the kitchen. “I’m packed,” she announced. She sounded forlorn. “I hope I’m doing the right thing.”
“We will miss you,” Leah said as she went to work pulling things from Helaina’s bag, “but I know you’ll visit us in the summer.”
“I’ve been thinking about something,” she said, casting a quick glance toward the fireplace as if to make sure Babinovich wouldn’t overhear. “What if Papa and the boys came with me?”
“To Seattle?” Leah asked in disbelief.
“Yes. I mean, the railroad work has stopped for the winter. I know Papa said some tasks could be done, but other things would have to wait for spring. I just think it might be nice for Papa and the boys to come back with me. I know Cousin Myrtle would love it. She owns a huge house, and there are more than enough rooms for all of us. The boys could go to school down there, and just think of what a diversion the city would be for them.”
Whispers of Winter Page 18
