And he wasn’t shouting at me.
“No,” I whispered.
Cabe stayed silent, and though he didn’t look at Noah, he seemed to be aware that the other was behind me because he stepped suddenly forward, forcing me between them. I felt a sharp pang in my chest, and my throat worked painfully around the dryness that spread from my mouth to my throat, sending all of the moisture in my body to prickle at my eyes. I had told Cabe the night before that I would go against the bond if I wanted to, and maybe a large part of that statement was the truth, but sometimes truth and reality weren’t the same thing. Truthfully, I was sure that I could go against the bond. I had successfully kept them at a distance until now, and I might have successfully kept them at a distance for the rest of our lives, but it would also mean carving out a substantial part of myself.
I would have left them behind to guard a part of my dying heart… because that part belonged to them, and them alone. I had also told Cabe that nobody would ever own me, but even that truth was a slave to the larger reality, because I was no longer a whole and wholesome person. There were as many facets and faces to my person as there were hairs on my head, and many of them had grown in retaliation to each of the four guys in my life. Silas had fed the beast inside me, bringing it out from the darkness; Quillan had calmed the broken child inside me, raising me up from the mundane world; Noah had pulled the tenderness right from my chest with his gruff, caveman loyalty; and Cabe… Cabe had taught me to let go.
Perhaps that was the most important lesson of all.
I caught his face and lifted up, swallowing the air that separated his mouth from mine. He grunted in surprise, pulling his head back even as the familiar spark ignited somewhere deep in my chest. It was too dark to see his face, but I could tell that he was staring at me in shock. Noah had frozen behind me.
“T-turn,” Cabe stuttered.
I could have rolled my eyes as Noah spun me around to face him. We had been in this situation before, except that the roles had now been reversed. Now they were trying to keep their distance from me. Apparently Cabe thought that I wouldn’t kiss Noah, and while Noah and I certainly hadn’t made the same progress as Cabe and I… I happened to know that Noah was the weaker link. There was a reason he had never stolen the quick kisses that Cabe had.
There would be no stopping Noah once he started.
His eyes were tempestuous: bright and cloudy all at once, swirling with intelligence and tempter. It was always so hard to meet Noah’s eyes when he was feeling any kind of strong emotion, but it was equally as difficult to look away. His mouth was tight in the darkness, halfway to frowning. His attention flicked from one of my eyes to the other before he drew his breath in and allowed his examination to drop to my lips.
“Go ahead,” I goaded him softly. “Get a reaction out of me.”
A warning flashed in his darkening eyes, but he didn’t tear his attention from my mouth. I laid both of my hands against his chest and felt the rumble that vibrated from his throat more than heard it. I curled my fingers into his shirt and drew myself up, wondering if he even realised that his fingers were digging into my hips, helping me to get closer.
“This is going to happen.” I issued the challenge, knowing exactly how to force him to do what I wanted. “So you can either wait around for me to do it or—”
With a growl, he took my lips, cutting off my words. His grip on me tightened, dragging me against his body as he forced my mouth open, the kiss more demanding, more invading, than I had expected or experienced. It made something hot uncurl from my stomach, and a breathless sound of surprise rose from my lips. I held onto his shoulders as he wordlessly commanded more from the kiss, urging me to relinquish everything I had. The light burst within my chest as he groaned, stumbling back a step with me still clutched to him. Cabe caught the back of my shirt, pulling us both upright. I tore my mouth away, feeling dizzy and gasping for breath. I wanted to check that the valcrick hadn’t made an appearance because I didn’t want to take any chances with the collar around my neck. Noah seemed to be in pain, his hands falling away from my hips to clutch at his head. The ball of energy and light in my chest spluttered, forcing my knees to wobble and my arms to shoot out, catching onto Noah. It wasn’t done… and I knew that we were running out of time.
“W-we need to hide,” I gasped, the wretched anguish beginning to build up against the cage of my ribs, splintering out to my limbs.
I wasn’t sure who had heard me or who had dragged me away, but suddenly there was a shelf at my back and a bottle of something smacking into my foot. Noah grabbed my face again just as electricity returned to the building, spilling light underneath the door of the dark little storage closet that we huddled in. I saw the emotion carved into his handsome face before his lips took mine again. He kissed me with all of the pain, confusion, and longing that I had seen in his eyes, and I accepted it willingly, needing the intensity of the emotions that gradually trickled into me to convince myself that this was real.
His grip on me didn’t gentle until the bond was complete, tying us together with invisible cords that pulled taut on our lingering feelings. When he drew back, it was to stare at me with disbelief in his eyes and a word pressed to my lips with one last kiss.
“Mine.”
His stare was too intense, his heartbeat overwhelming inside my chest. There was something dragging between us, some kind of horrible, drugging guilt. I turned from him so that I wouldn’t have to feel it anymore, and I found myself face-to-face with Cabe. Just like with Miro after Silas had formed the bond with me, I felt an overwhelming pull in his direction. He looked down at me gravely, his fingers reaching as I stumbled into him. He lifted me, ignoring whatever pain he must have been in to hug me against his chest. He was trembling, and I knew that he was torn between Jayden’s memory block and the bond that called for him. His arms were crushing me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and tucked my head into his neck. He needed the closeness of my body and wasn’t able to admit to himself why.
“Kiss me,” I whispered against his neck.
He groaned, one of his hands burrowing into my now-tangled hair to pull my head back. “Say that again,” he demanded.
“Kiss me,” I repeated.
His forehead lowered to mine, his eyes closing, a heavy breath escaping. “Why does it feel like I’ve been waiting a lifetime for you to say that?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, but tightened his hand in my hair and pulled my mouth to his. The world shifted again: yet another life plucked from the mayhem of existence and tied to mine.
“Christ… Seph…” Cabe buckled, falling to his knees and taking me with him.
I felt powerful, even as my knees hit the ground and Cabe pulled my mouth back to his, demanding from me just as Noah had. I felt more powerful than I had ever felt before, and the hairs along my arms and legs started to prickle with anticipation. Cabe used his grip of my hair to keep my mouth fused to his as his other hand slid down my back, pressing against a spot low on my spine. I was drowning in feeling, having completely forgotten about the plan, about the messenger and the bomb. I was in awe that I could kiss them without blacking out or feeling the uncomfortable itching. I was in awe of the weight of their feelings as the fragile thrum of their heartbeats kicked up inside my chest. I was full… complete. For the first time in my life.
Cabe inhaled raggedly, tilting his head back and breaking our kiss. His hand flexed in my hair, and when he opened his eyes again, the look on his face was somewhere between frustrated desire and undiluted reverence. I saw a flicker of light out of the corner of my eye and I quickly scrambled away from Cabe, falling back against the floor.
The valcrick was back!
Noah pulled me to my feet, and I started madly tugging my hair into a braid over my shoulder, anything to make it look like I hadn’t just been hiding in the closet, doing exactly what I had been doing. Knowing the guys as I did, it was only a matter of seconds before they recovered from their shock, p
ressed in on me from all sides, and demanded answers.
“I’m sorry,” I said, reaching for the door, my voice weak. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner. I’m sorry I pushed you away and didn’t give you a chance. And… and I’m sorry for… for… well, you’ll find out soon.”
I pushed out of the cupboard and ran toward the front of the gym, catching sight of Clarin as he moved past me and dove into the closet that I had just vacated, slamming the door behind him. He was on a mission, and I appreciated that he was running interference… but I wished I could have said goodbye. Instead, I ran towards the parking lot and straight into Poison’s arms, holding my friend as tightly as I could.
“Everything will be fine,” she soothed me, her hands patting down the hair that I had unsuccessfully tamed.
We both knew that she was lying.
“I love you,” I replied, squeezing her extra hard. “Tell me something before I go. Something to distract me.”
“My name isn’t really Poison,” she answered automatically. “I was born Annabeth Hailey Singala, and on my birth certificate, next to ‘Father’, is the word unknown. When I was six, my mom took me to Seattle and I ran away to hunt down my father. I knew it was Weston: she had told me, early on. Or… well, I suppose she had cautioned me rather than telling me anything. But I didn’t listen to her. I wanted to find my father. I was sure that he would want to know me. Anyway, I turned up at the Shangri-La and his security team detained me. When they found out who I was, they laughed at me. I yelled at them that I had a right to see him, and I didn’t stop yelling until the man himself stepped out of the hotel. He took one look at me, said the word, “poison,” and got into his limo, driving out of my life before even giving me a chance.
“I was an idiot, back then. I thought he was giving me a name. I thought he had all of my baby clothes in a shoebox beneath his bed, the name ‘Poison’ stitched onto each item. I thought he considered me his long-lost child just as much as I considered him my long-lost father. I went home and told everyone that my name was Poison. I insisted on it. I wouldn’t answer to anything else.”
Poison trailed off, and I realised that I was now comforting her as she sagged against me, releasing a story that I was sure she didn’t often relive.
“I waited years and years, but he never came for me. He kept having bastard children and I started hearing about all the others. Clarin had always been a brother to me, but he had rejected Weston as his father long before me. When the Adairs and Quillans broke away from Weston and came to Maple Falls, Weston finally came to me. He wanted information on his real sons. And that’s when I realised… I wasn’t his Poison. I was his poison. Me and all the other bastards: we were his hatred manifest: the reason he kept having children; the evidence of his failure, whatever the hell he was trying to achieve.”
Poison didn’t cry, but she released a shuddering breath before pulling upright and away from me. She had just told me something monumental about herself, and though I knew I shouldn’t, I wanted to return the favour. I wanted to let her in.
“Me,” I told her quietly, pulling open the door of Quillan’s car. “He was trying to achieve me… or the solution to me. I’m the Voda Heir.”
I closed the door on Poison’s stunned face, unable to prolong what I needed to do any longer.
“I know you’re there,” he rasped. “I can feel you in my mind.”
Lela was fighting to be heard again. The memory of a voice inside my head had taken me by surprise—not because I hadn’t been thinking about Jayden and Silas and the day everything changed, but because I had been studiously ignoring that particular memory with a fervour that could only be described as obsession. That was life, though; tripping you up with the very details that you tried so hard to overlook. I pumped my legs faster, trying to outrun the demons in my mind, the slap of my sneakers against the pavement a blessed reminder of where I was. I held onto that pounding sound, clutched it desperately… but it slipped away all the same, and Lela came rushing back.
I couldn’t think of a way to communicate with him. I closed my eyes and embraced the shudders that wracked through me. It always happened after Gerald visited my room at night. They originated from somewhere deep inside me; blossoming out to rattle my bones and clatter my teeth together. I whimpered, my head falling against my raised knees. I wanted to submit to the panic, but I didn’t want to release the boy.
Desperately, I pushed the panic attack aside, and clung to him.
Tears started to blur my vision, taking me away from the sidewalk and trying to yank me backwards, into a dream, into a memory, into an acceptance that I fought with every ounce of bitter strength that I could conjure. I stumbled, falling onto the grass.
“Can you hear me? Can you speak?” His voice was faint, fading away as he slumped backwards onto the table, his head rolling to the side. “I don’t think you know what you’ve done, but it doesn’t mean anything good for you.” He laughed, but the laugh ended on a gurgling cough, and then he was groaning. “God, you have no idea. But it’s okay. I’ll find you, and I’ll make sure you forget everything. I won’t let Weston hurt you.”
I ground my fists into the grass beneath me, lifting my arms back and punching… punching… trying to end the pain. I was fighting against an invisible foe that resided somewhere inside me. It was that beast again; that beast that waited within the cage of my heart, tapping impatient talons and scoffing at my desperate grasps for ignorance. With every passing day, it grew bigger, stretching out my limbs, testing the capacity of my body. Trying to settle in, to claim me.
His breathing turned laboured, and he wavered out of focus for a moment. I despaired losing him, but I couldn’t cling onto him anymore, because he was even slipping away from himself. He muttered something else, but I didn’t catch it. His voice was too low. I clutched at my trembling knees.
My knuckles threatened to turn to mush as I attacked the ground, grinding my flesh against dirt and rock and whatever else. The bandage on my right hand was trailing in the ground, stained by sweat, soil, and blood. I couldn’t see past my tears and I couldn’t breathe past my hatred, because I hated myself. I hated that hint of something that tried to edge into my mind, trying to force me to accept what I had done.
Trying to make me own my pain.
My mistake.
“Say it again,” I pleaded quietly.
“Silas… My name is Silas.”
“Holy crap—” a hand lit upon my shoulder, tugging, and I slumped back to my heels, kneeling there on the ground unseeing, lost in feeling— “Ah… Miss Black? Can you speak to us? What happened?”
I blinked through my tears, turning to see one of the bodyguards that Jayden had tasked with following me. For a brief moment, I had forgotten all about my plan. His partner was hovering behind him, and they both looked partway frightened and all the way uncomfortable.
“Take me to him,” I said, knowing that the words sealed my fate even as they fell from my lips. “Take me to Jayden.”
The guy closest to me seemed to hesitate, but then he drew back and pulled a cell phone out of his pocket.
“She wants to see you,” he said, after a few moments. “Should we—oh, okay. Yes, we’ll wait. I’ll text you the location.” He ended the call, sent off a message and folded his arms, rocking back on his heels. “He’ll be here soon. Your hands are bleeding.”
I didn’t bother looking. I just nodded and turned the other way, sitting down by the side of the road to wait. I must have been running pretty hard because the two guys were covered in sweat, and there was a dull pain resonating from my legs. My pants were splattered with mud, and my shirt was stuck to my torso. I had left Quillan’s Porsche in a random neighbourhood with no significance to me, my plan or where I was going. Inside, there was a note for the guys. It said simply: I’m sorry. Words were cheap, though, and nothing I could ever offer them would be enough. I had formed the bond and deserted them. I was doing the one thing that they had tried so desperatel
y hard to avoid.
I was leaving them and turning myself over to Weston. Even though I should have been consumed by guilt at that fact, I was only sorry that I hadn’t done it sooner. Now that I had taken the plunge, the path ahead was finally clear.
I had done the right thing.
When Jayden finally arrived, I cast my eyes over the grey Mercedes, recognising it as a replica of the previous Mercedes that I had crashed into a gully in an attempt to run away from him.
“Sorry about your other car,” I said, as he walked across the road toward me.
He looked down at me, his mismatched irises glinting with curiosity as they travelled over my damaged hands, to the evidence of my tears, and then down my mud-splattered legs.
“You should have called sooner,” he said.
“Sure,” I replied, taking his offered hand and allowing him to pull me to my feet. “My self-preservation mechanism got in the way. Useless thing, really. But I’ve taken care of it now… where are we going?”
He laughed, leading me to the car and helping me into the passenger seat, not that I needed help. I was upset, angry, and at the end of my tether—I wasn’t an invalid.
“We’re going to my house. You chose a good location to break down, I don’t live far from here.”
“Hmm,” I hummed beneath my breath, opening up his glovebox as he got into the driver’s seat. I looked under the seat, and then in the centre consol.
“What are you looking for?” he finally asked.
“The candy,” I said. “You lured me to your car, and now we’re going to your house. So… where’s the candy?”
He shook his head, but he was smiling as he pulled back onto the road.
I eventually settled back into the seat, jiggling my legs restlessly. “Just for the record, I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you.”
Lead Heart Page 9
