“Cas, I…”
He sighed as my words trailed off. “When I finally came to the hospital, I thought I might be able to forgive you. And then I saw you all wired up, with bruises and cuts on your face. And I was still angry with you, so fucking angry, but I could see then that I had put you in that danger. Whatever happened afterwards, the attack was still my fault, and you’d always be in danger if you were with me. You were still human. Still fragile. And you always would be. I knew I had to walk away.” He shifted slightly, leaning on one arm to look at me, and brought his free hand up to capture a lock of my hair.
“So you did.”
He nodded. “I did. And I blamed you for it.” He chuckled. “A fallen angel, millennia old. I’ve lived in Heaven and been through Hell. Literally. And I spent five years blaming you and hating you because I couldn’t bring myself to accept the real truth.”
“What was that?” I asked quietly.
He closed his eyes. “That I loved you beyond anyone or anything I’ve ever loved. Something changed in me the day I met you, and it’s never been the same since.” The tears that had been threatening to appear spilled over, and I bowed my head so he didn’t see them. He sighed. “I know you have feelings for Sam, and, well, maybe even Amadi and Alex too. Hell, I don’t even know if you can forgive me, or if you even feel anything for me anymore.” I looked up and caught his gaze, and before I could overthink it, I slid my hand around his neck and pulled his mouth down onto mine.
Chapter Twenty-Five
FAITH
It wasn’t a romantic kiss. The type you see in films where a couple finally comes together, where he reaches up and touches her face softly before lowering his lips gently to hers. This wasn’t one of those. I’d meant it to be, meant it to tell him how sorry I was, how I hated myself for hating him all these years. I meant it to say that I loved him too. But it wasn’t that kind of kiss. With the two of us, how could it be? The moment my lips touched his, it was like the gates of my soul had been opened and everything I’d buried deep inside came flooding out into that one small touch. I wanted him to see it all, feel it all, to know and understand why I had hated him so much. That it had been because I loved him beyond anything I could have imagined. That every day apart from him had felt like torture, and what had made it worse was that I thought I had meant nothing to him. Now to find out he had felt the same, I just couldn’t control it anymore. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close, my mouth hungry for his taste. He took it all, holding me gently against him and meeting my frenzy, but not adding to it, letting me release what I needed. He was my rock in a storm of emotion. My strength. My fallen angel.
Our teeth clashed, and he slipped, crushing me into the mattress as his chest pressed into mine. I couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t care. I could happily die this way with his lips on mine and his hands in my hair. He seemed to sense my lack of oxygen though, because he pulled back. My body still ached, and my leg burned and tingled against the sheets, but I didn’t care. I looked at him, too full of what I was feeling to say anything. He didn’t say anything either. His breath was ragged too, and I managed a quick gasp of air before he leaned down and took my mouth again, claiming what was his, what had always been his—my heart and soul. Moments later, to my dismay, he broke away again, breathing hard. His eyes glittered darkly in the shadowed room, and I reached up to run my fingertips over his face. He brushed my hair behind my ear then leaned in and began to kiss me gently, one for each tear that had fallen down my face. When he finally pressed his lips to mine again, I could taste the salt on them. He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch, and my heart ached with how much I loved him.
“Cas,” I whispered. He opened his eyes and looked down at me. “Hold me. Please, just... hold me and never let me go again.” His expression hardened, and he slid his hands under my neck and back, raising me off the pillows to crush me against him.
“Never,” he muttered hoarsely, his breath hot against my ear. I felt his lips trail along my jaw and down the delicate column of my throat and sighed with pleasure as I felt his teeth graze my skin. It sent a shudder through me, and I moaned quietly. I heard him chuckle as he kissed along my collarbone, sliding the strap of my top down so he could bare my breast and take my nipple into his mouth. Lowering me softly onto the bed again, he cupped my other breast, rubbing his thumb over my skin gently at first, then firmer as I began to squirm beneath him.
“Cas, I want to feel you, please!”
He raised himself up on his arms and tugged the sheet out from between us. I reached down and grabbed the hem of his shirt, yanking at it impatiently until he laughed and sat back on his heels to pull it over his head. I stared at him in the moonlight, hungrily taking in every detail of each sculpted rise and dip all the way down to where his hips sank into his jeans. Leaning forwards, I ran my hands slowly and firmly up his stomach and chest, fanning out over his shoulders. I had always loved his shoulders. Seeing that broad expanse in a tight T-shirt, under his biker jacket, or especially now with just smooth skin caused my belly to flip. I pulled him down on top of me, shifting so his body lay between my thighs. I cried out, and he pulled back instantly.
“Faith, what’s wrong?” He glanced down and seemed to freeze. I was breathing heavily, and not just from wanting him so badly.
“I’m sorry... it’s just... it hurt a bit.”
He gently ran his fingers over my leg, and I whimpered.
“Faith—”
I turned my head away. “It’s fine, I’m sorry.” I bit down on my lip, trying to ignore the burning sensation across my skin. “I had forgotten. How stupid am I?”
He reached down and cupped my face, bringing my eyes back to his. I didn’t want to look at him. I felt sick and ashamed of... well, my body. How could he want someone as scarred and deformed as me?
“You aren’t stupid, Faith. We gave you some pretty serious pain killers. They’re probably just starting to wear off. But you’re healing really fast.”
I nodded, fighting against the tears that were threatening to spill over. Stupid girl, you’re lucky to be alive. Stop getting so fucking morose over a few scars. Cas leaned down to kiss me again, but I turned my head away.
He looked at me for a moment before shifting to my side and lying next to me, his face inches from my own. “Talk to me, Peaches. What’s spinning around in the pretty, screwed up head of yours?”
I swallowed hard and flickered my eyes up to his briefly before closing them so I didn’t have to see him watching me. “I just, I forgot that I’m probably... well, permanently scarred. You don’t want to see or feel that when you touch me. I don’t want to see it or feel it. I can understand if you change your mind about wanting to be with me.”
There was a moment of silence where I honestly thought he was trying to find a way to let me down gently, and then suddenly, I felt a puff of air in my face. I opened my eyes to see him grinning at me.
“Did you just... blow on my face?” I asked him incredulously.
“Yep. You about done with the dramatics?”
I slapped his arm. “I wasn’t being dramatic, I was trying to do the right thing.”
He rolled his eyes. “There are enough martyrs in Heaven, Faith. Come here.” He opened his arms, and I moved into them, one arm slipping under my neck to cuddle me in tight. “If that’s what you still think of me, then I’m rather concerned. I’m not leaving you ever again, and even if you were permanently scarred, which you are not, I would still never leave your side. And neither would the others.”
I tipped my head up to look at him, and he kissed the tip of my nose. “The others?”
He sighed. “I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t love to have you all to myself, Faith. But I’ve seen the way you are with Sam, and you’ve made it pretty obvious you have feelings for Amadi and Alex too. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
“Cas, I—”
He laid his finger gently against my lips. “I’m just saying
there are other... You know, in Sheol, it’s quite common to have several partners.”
I stared at him. “It is?”
He nodded. “Faith, I’m just thankful to have you back in my arms again after all this time. If that means sharing you with the other guys, then I’m good with that.”
I paused for a moment as all kinds of thoughts whirled through my head. Eventually, I settled on something safer. “You don’t think I’m permanently scarred?”
He shook his head. “The great thing about having a bunch of supernaturals at your beck and call means we have fairly incredible healing abilities between us. We’ll get you sorted. And you seem to have some kind of rapid healing of your own. The cuts and scrapes you had are already gone, and the burn is nearly healed, though it might be sore for a few more days. But you need rest for that. So maybe we should let you get to sleep.”
I paused, considering his suggestion. “Will you stay with me?”
He pressed a kiss to my hair and reached down to pull the covers gently over my legs. “Of course I will.”
I snuggled close and closed my eyes, listening to his breathing. Trying to keep my breathing as even as his, I slowly dragged my fingertips down until I could brush them gently over his nipple. I smiled as I felt it harden beneath my touch.
“Faith,” he growled.
“Mmm?” I trailed my fingers down his chest, scraping my nails lightly against his skin.
“Faith!” he hissed, taking a quick breath. “I thought we were sleeping now.”
“I can’t sleep. My head is all over the place.”
“Is it really? Well, maybe I can give you something to focus on.” He slid his arm out from under my head and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me with a smile.
“You’re not going to teach me to meditate, are you?” I asked warily.
He grinned. “Not exactly.” He leaned down and kissed me, his lips moving tenderly over mine.
He took his time exploring my mouth with his tongue and gently nibbling my lower lip. Anytime I tried to rush him, he slowed, and I felt him grinning as I made a sound of frustration. Eventually, I surrendered to his touch and sank into it. He kissed me as though I tasted like the best whisky he’d ever had and he wanted to savour every taste he could, and the thought made heat pool in my belly. Pressing tiny kisses on my lips, he brushed his lips along my jaw, stopping to breathe softly into my ear. The heat made me shudder with pleasure. I turned my head and cupped his face with my hand. I could feel the stubble on his face under my fingers and smell that delicious whisky and smoke scent I loved so much.
I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply. He was my drug, and I was his addict, there was no more denying it. He emitted a sigh that might have been a moan, and sucked at my skin, flicking his tongue over the sensitive flesh. By the time he reached my collarbone, I was fairly sure I’d be displaying several marks in the morning, but at that moment I didn’t care. I turned towards him, trying to press my body against his, but he put his hand on my shoulder and firmly pushed me back down.
“Shush, be still. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I sighed and relaxed, gasping suddenly as I felt his mouth on my nipple again, pulling it deep into his mouth. He bit down gently, and I moaned, sliding my hands into his hair. Moving to the other, he cupped first one and then the second, stroking the skin and rubbing his thumb over and around my free nipple as he caressed the other with his tongue. Letting go, he glided the tip of his tongue all the way down my breastbone to my belly. He slid his thumbs over my hips and hooked them through my panties, then slowly dragged them down my legs, lifting one side so the fabric didn’t brush against the burnt tissue. As he pulled them free and dropped them onto the floor, I raised myself up on my elbows to look at him. Hell, I could stare at this sinful delight for eternity, but he had other plans. Bending down, he trailed kisses up the inside of my uninjured leg, careful not to touch the other, until he reached the apex of my thighs.
I felt his hot breath dance over my skin, and I ran my hands over his head, pulling him closer. His tongue flicked up my slit once, then a second time, before slipping inside my folds.
“Cas!” I cried out, grabbing his shoulders. He didn’t reply, but his tongue slowly explored my core, teasing me.
“Cas, please…” He lips fastened softly around my clit, and I felt him slip a finger inside me as I cried out again. I arched my back, moaning loudly as his tongue began flicking back and forth over my clit, getting faster. He slid a second finger into me, and I grabbed his shoulders, sinking my nails into his skin. I felt a vibration as he growled in pleasure, and it sent shivers over my skin. I could feel my entire body heating at his touch, like he’d lit some kind of fire inside me. Not one that tortured and hurt like my leg, but a warm, heavy flame that flickered along every nerve ending. His fingers slid in and out of me, and the flames began to consume me as I felt my climax rise.
“Come on, Peaches,” he murmured against my wetness. “Come for me, let me see you explode.” He sucked hard on my clit and slid a third finger inside, curling them to press against my wall. I came apart, one hand on his head and the other gripping tightly at the bedsheets as I screamed his name. He didn’t pause though, even to let the waves subside.
I moaned as I felt the head of his cock press against me. He rubbed it up and down my wetness until I arched my back, pushing up to meet him. With one thrust, he buried himself deep inside me. He stilled for a moment, as though reminding himself to take it slowly, and I slid my arms around him, pulling him close as I dragged my nails down his back. He released a ragged sigh.
“Fucking hell, Faith. This feels like coming home.”
I grinned. “Heaven or Hell?”
He groaned as I tightened my muscles around him, slowly squeezing and releasing him. “I don’t fucking know anymore.”
“Well, wherever you go, take me with you,” I murmured, closing my eyes as he started to move inside me.
“Always,” he whispered in my ear before driving into me hard. I cried out again and again, unable to keep quiet as he slammed into me, all thoughts of being careful forgotten as years of pent-up rage and loss and love overwhelmed us both. My hips rose to meet his thrusts, and my nails scored his back.
“Cas! Oh fuck, Cas…” I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, and with the change of angle, something must have tipped him over the edge, because he roared as his release took him, gripping me hard and pulling me tight against him. The friction between us and his reaction shot a bolt of pleasure to my pussy. I screamed his name as I completely fell to pieces, soaring on wave after wave of sensation until I lay completely sated and breathing hard.
Cas moved up the bed, lifting the sheets and blanket to cover us both. He pulled me into his arms and tucked his body against my back. I smiled when I felt him still slightly hard against me, and when I pushed against him, he laughed.
“Don’t even think about it, Peaches. You’ve had yours. Come back to me when you’re recovered.”
I grinned and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I breathed in his scent and drifted off to sleep, safe in his arms. He was right, it did feel like coming home.
Chapter Twenty-Six
FAITH
Cas wasn’t in the bed when I woke up. Sunlight was streaming through the window, and the pane had been opened slightly to let a fresh breeze drift through the room. I loved the touch of it on my face and took a deep breath before struggling to sit up.
Sam was sitting in the easy chair by the desk, but I caught his attention when I began to move. “Faith, take it easy. You’ve been through hell.” He got up and came over as I lowered myself down in a slightly more upright position. I looked around the room, not recognising it.
“Where are we? This isn’t our hotel.”
Sam shook his head. “No, we thought it would be safer to move hotels, in case they came looking for us again. We’re on the other side of the city.”
He p
erched on the bed next to me. His face was paler than usual, and there were dark circles under his eyes. “Are you okay? You look awful.”
He chuckled. “I’m on top of the world, baby girl. Just glad we found you when we did.”
“I saw you get shocked. I know what it feels like.” I reached up to touch his face, and he took my hand in his, stroking his thumb gently across my knuckles.
“Yeah, that wasn’t fun. But I’m fine.”
“Did you find... At the farmhouse, there was a woman in the basement with me. She said she worked with my mother. They’d taken her too, to answer questions…” My voice trailed off as I remembered the shaking walls and crumbling ceiling. “Oh my... Sam, did the farmhouse collapse, or did I just imagine that part? I’m not sure what’s real anymore.”
He squeezed my hand, and I looked up into his baby blue eyes. “Faith, there was no one else in the building. The two men got away. We didn’t go after them, I’m sorry. We all needed to see that you were okay.”
I sat up again, gripping his hand. “No, no, not outside. Inside the farmhouse. Down in the basement. She was down there. They left her, and I didn’t tell you she was there.”
He gently pushed me back against the headboard. “It’s fine, Faith. Alex checked, there was no one else in the building. He can... well, let’s just say he would be able to tell. Whoever it was got out before the building collapsed, I promise you.”
I stared at him. “You’re sure?” He nodded. She must have got out. I let out a breath, then asked, “What about Cas? He was here last night, but he’s gone…”
Sam smiled at me. “Cas is fine, better than fine. He just needs rest—as do I—and not to worry about you, so you need to get as much rest as you can too. He’s out with the others getting some dinner. I volunteered to stay with you on the proviso they brought pizza and ice cream back for us.”
I smiled, my first real one in what felt like forever. “Pizza and ice cream?” He nodded, and I grinned. “Beer?”
Nephilim the Awakening (Wrath of the Fallen Book 1) Page 25
