by Val McDermid
34
After our conversation about Leanne, I didn’t see Scarlett for the best part of a week. I was interviewing a TV presenter for her new motivational guide to rebuilding your life after divorce. Given how very publicly her marriage had collapsed, there was plenty of scope for the restoration project. I didn’t much like the woman, mostly because she’s one of those who never accepts any share of responsibility for what’s gone wrong in her life. A bit like blokes who hit their wives then complain the women provoked them by daring to be more verbally agile. Still, she had a smart mouth and she was good at coming up with catchy lines for chapter headings.
Next time I saw Scarlett, she seemed much more cheerful. It turned out that in my absence, Simon had sat with her during her last bout of chemo and his conversation had lifted her to a more positive frame of mind. ‘He says the right things,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how he manages it, but he’s got an instinct for putting his finger on what’s scaring me or what’s bothering me. And then he comes up with some story or statistic or whatever that just makes me feel better.’
I was relieved that she’d had someone there to keep her spirits up. I felt bad about missing a treatment, but Scarlett was insistent that I couldn’t turn my back on my career for her sake. ‘I’m glad you had good company,’ I said.
‘It turned out a real bonus,’ she said. ‘You’ll never guess who turned up at the clinic.’ Her lip curled in disgust. I could think of only one person who provoked that response in her.
‘Not Joshu?’
She nodded. ‘Got it in one. Bloody Joshu.’
My heart sank. Joshu was the ultimate bad penny. Whenever he turned up, trouble followed. He could still provoke Scarlett into a fight faster than I could credit. All her self-control went up in flames when he started on one of his riffs about her unfairness, her lousy parenting and her selfishness in respect of contact. It didn’t help that his dependency on drugs seemed to have grown incrementally since they’d split up. That was one more piece of blame he would lay at her door. Every imperfection in his life could be laid at Scarlett’s door. I felt sick at the thought of him showing up during her treatment. ‘How did he know where you were? And when you were having treatment?’
She shrugged. ‘It’s not exactly a state secret. The clinic’s been named in the papers. And you know how good Joshu is at wheedling shit out of women. He’ll have chatted up some nurse or secretary and found out when I was due in.’
‘How bad was he?’
She looked more pleased with herself than I expected. ‘He burst into the room and started going on about how I needed to make a will signing Jimmy over to him since I was going to pop my clogs any minute.’
‘What a complete and utter bastard he is. How dare he come storming in like that when you’re fighting for your life? Doesn’t he understand what’s at stake for you?’ I was outraged, but Scarlett wasn’t joining in.
‘The thing is, he was totally off his face. He was flapping his hands like a chicken. It should have been distressing but it wasn’t. It was funny. I was holding in my laughter, because I knew that would only make him wilder. But before I knew it, Simon was on his feet and hustling Joshu out the door. Literally. He had him by the hoodie, frogmarching him off the premises.’ She giggled. ‘My hero.’
‘Bloody hell,’ I said. ‘We should have had Simon on the team when Joshu kept trying to storm the gates after you dumped him.’
‘Don’t I know it. He was like a dog with its hackles up. Totally outraged that a gobshite like Joshu should disrupt his precious clinic and his patients.’
‘He has a point,’ I reminded her. ‘Nobody visits that clinic for fun. They’ve got more on their mind than the self-indulgent ranting of a spoilt brat like Joshu.’
‘Well, Simon sorted him out good style and in no time flat.’
‘This is a new angle, though. “I should have Jimmy because you’re dying.”’
Scarlett grew serious. ‘It’s a horrible angle. When you strip away all Joshu’s carry on, it’s not a pretty thought. What if Simon’s wrong and I don’t make it? Joshu is Jimmy’s dad, after all. It’s not like he’s estranged from the boy. They do have a relationship. They love each other, I’ve never denied that or tried to put a stop to it. But Joshu’s an irresponsible twat who can’t look after himself, never mind take care of a kid as well. Simon says not to worry, it’ll never happen. And that’s what I’m trying to hang on to.’ She gave me one of the old Scarlett’s smiles, that simple uncomplicated radiance that used to light up her face regularly before cancer complicated it.
‘But now that Joshu’s planted the seed, the idea’s there and it won’t go away.’ I was talking to myself mostly, but Scarlett picked up on what I’d said.
‘It won’t happen,’ she said. ‘You’re Jimmy’s godmother and, if it comes to it, you’re the one who should take care of him. He’s as close to you as he is to his dad and you’d take proper care of him.’
I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t think of a thing to say. The idea of taking Jimmy on if anything happened to Scarlett had never crossed my mind. I suppose I’d imagined that Joshu’s parents would step up to the plate when they were confronted with the reality of their own flesh and blood deprived of a parent. Or that Leanne would assume responsibility for a boy who was, after all, her cousin. It hadn’t occurred to me that Scarlett would expect me to become Jimmy’s surrogate mother if she died.
‘You would, you know. You’d be better than you think,’ she said firmly.
‘Me? But I’ve got no experience, no maternal instincts. Christ, Scarlett, Joshu would be a better option.’
She laughed. ‘Your face is a picture. You look like you’ve caught your tit in a mangle. It’s OK, Steph. I’m not going to die on you. Simon says I’ll make it, and he should know.’
That was pretty cold comfort. There was a reason I was childless, and it wasn’t merely my failure to sustain a long-term relationship. I was childless from choice. I’d never wanted to be a mum, never felt the ticking of the biological clock, never considered my life unfulfilled in the absence of a child. Yes, I was good with Jimmy. But that didn’t mean I wanted to be his mum.
Nevertheless, I didn’t want Joshu to be Jimmy’s fallback position if anything happened to Scarlett. ‘He’d be better off with Leanne,’ I protested. ‘She’s great with him. And she’s family.’
Scarlett shook her head. ‘She’ll be off to Spain soon. I’m not having my lad brought up among a load of foreigners, not when he can stop here, where he belongs.’
‘She can always come back from Spain if need be. She loves him, Scarlett.’
‘It’s not just about love,’ she said, implacable as granite. ‘It’s about ambition. And aspiration. And desire. I dragged myself up this far in spite of a lousy start with a crap family who wanted to drag me down into the dirt beside them. And although Leanne’s a decent enough lass, that’s still her mindset. She’s always going to settle for what’s easy, not push for the highest ground. She’s a fighter all right. But she doesn’t understand what goals are worth fighting for. What I want for Jimmy, what I dream of for my son, is for him to be amazing. For him to do amazing things. And he’ll never do that if Leanne’s in charge of his life. He’ll learn to settle. To do the least he can get away with. But you? You’re a different kettle of fish, Steph. Plus you’ll never let him forget what I achieved. How far I came.’
Her words made me uneasy and uncomfortable. I knew Joshu would be outraged at the very thought. Leanne would be insulted and hurt. And God alone knew what Jimmy would make of it, should it ever come to pass.
But Simon had said it wouldn’t. Simon had said I was safe from Scarlett’s mad machinations. Unfortunately, Simon wasn’t a clairvoyant. And by the end of the week, Scarlett’s fallback plan had come one degree closer.
35
Joshu was dead. I heard it on the radio. It was a shocking way to start the day. I’d known about the drugs from the first time I met him, but it never
occurred to me that they would kill him. Yet here it was on the morning news. DJ Joshu, star of the London club scene, ex-husband of TV star Scarlett Higgins, dead of a suspected overdose.
And yes, to be frank, I did feel put out to get that particular piece of news at the same time as the rest of the world. Scarlett called me most days. She called about all sorts of trivial stuff, but now something major had happened and I was hearing it on an early morning news bulletin. I know I should have been thinking about Scarlett first and foremost, but I held on to my chagrin for a few minutes before I put my own ego to one side and considered what effect this news would have had on my friend.
The life he’d chosen had changed the man that Scarlett had initially fallen for. Too many drugs, too much adulation, too many late nights and too much indulgence stripped away his better qualities. He’d grown increasingly petulant, self-righteous and abrasive. Lately, he’d become somebody I would have called the cops on if he’d shown up at my front door. But none of that erased the history between them. Scarlett had truly loved him for a long time. He was the father of her child and she’d never failed to acknowledge his right to a role in Jimmy’s life. This news would have been crushing. The more I thought about it, the more I realised how badly she must have taken it for her pain to have overridden her instinct to get on the phone and share.
So I got on the road and headed north. As soon as I got on the main road, I called Scarlett’s mobile. It was Leanne who answered. ‘Hiya, Steph. You heard the news?’
‘On the radio,’ I said. ‘How is she?’
‘In bits,’ Leanne said. ‘She’s in the shower right now.’
‘When did you hear?’
‘The cops came round a couple of hours ago and broke the news. I thought it was pretty good of them. I mean, technically she’s not his next of kin any more. But obviously, they knew who he was.’
‘Somebody with an eye for public relations didn’t want the Daily Mail splashing tomorrow with “HEARTLESS COPS LET ME FIND OUT ABOUT JOSHU’S DEATH ON MORNING TV”.’ Cynical, I know, but probably close to the truth.
‘Whatever. The main thing is they didn’t let her find out through rumours and gossip.’
‘How did she take it?’
‘She looked like she’d been slapped. They didn’t stick around long. I made her a cup of tea and got her to drink a brandy. She didn’t say much. Didn’t cry either. My guess is she’s still in shock. It was about time for Jimmy to get up, so I told her to go and get in the shower, I’d see to him. He’s eating his cereal in front of the telly and she still hasn’t come out of the shower. I’m glad you rang, Steph. I was going to call you. You’re better at dealing with her when she’s in a state than I am.’
‘I’m on my way now. Take care of her, Leanne. Get Marina to take Jimmy out for the day. And tell her to make sure the press don’t follow them. The last thing we need is “TRAGIC JOSHU’S SON PLAYS UNAWARE” in the red-tops. And talk to George, too.’ I had no doubt there would be deals to be done when the initial shock wore off. I didn’t relish writing the copy, but I already knew Scarlett would be in an ‘only Steph will do’ mood.
There was a familiar paparazzi camp outside the gates of the hacienda, reporters and photographers surrounding me and baying like crazy people. I refused to meet their eyes and concentrated on remaining stony-faced till I was inside. To my surprise, I wasn’t the only new arrival. When I walked into the kitchen, Dr Simon Graham was nursing a cup of coffee at the breakfast bar. He looked more rumpled than usual, his hair tousled and a shadow of stubble on cheeks and chin. His shirt didn’t look like this morning’s model. I nursed a momentary bad thought before he greeted me with, ‘I came as soon as the police were done with me.’
‘The police? What were the police doing with you?’ I headed for the coffee machine. I’d already been up for more than two hours without a caffeine fix and I needed to put that right before I had to deal with Scarlett.
He sighed. ‘It looks like the drugs Joshu overdosed on were stolen from my clinic.’
That stopped me in my tracks. ‘From your clinic? How did that happen?’
‘He turned up last week when Scarlett was having her chemo. I had to throw him out.’
‘I heard. Well done.’ I slotted a capsule into the machine and set a cup in place.
‘I was worried he might do it again. And I’ll be honest. I was concerned that one of the clinic staff had fed him the details of her treatment. So I rearranged her remaining appointments but I didn’t change them in the clinic diary.’
I took my coffee. ‘You’ve dealt with celebs before, haven’t you?’ I said, weary at the thought of the hoops decent people like Simon had to go through to protect their patients.
‘And the people who pursue them,’ he said, looking depressed at the memory. ‘Anyway, as I’d feared, Joshu turned up yesterday at the time Scarlett was originally supposed to attend the clinic. He barged into a treatment room where I was sitting with a patient. He was very irate that Scarlett wasn’t there. He didn’t make a fuss about leaving the room, but he wouldn’t leave the clinic. He stormed into my office and wouldn’t budge.’ Simon sighed and ran a hand through his tousled hair. ‘I know I did a stupid thing. I left him in my office while I went to get security. I should have called them from my office. But I didn’t want to wind him up any more. I thought calling security might have sent him over the edge. There was a real sense of desperation and violence coming from him.’
‘He could be very unnerving,’ I said, remembering our first encounter and the replica gun.
‘Unnerving, yes.’ Simon seized on the word like it was the Christmas present he’d always wanted. ‘So I left him alone while I fetched security.’
‘Did he put up much of a fight?’
Simon frowned, perplexed. ‘No. That was the funny thing. As soon as the two security guards appeared, he went off with them like a lamb. I thought at the time he must be one of those types who are all sound and no substance.’ He lowered his eyes and stared into his coffee. ‘Turned out I was wrong. The reason Joshu wasn’t making a fuss was because he’d broken into my briefcase and pocketed all the morphine I carry for emergencies.’
I suspected ‘emergencies’ was a term that covered a multitude of contingencies, including helping people on their way whose quality of life had diminished to vanishing point. ‘Ah,’ I said. ‘I can see why he’d go quietly. When did you realise what he’d done?’
‘When the police got me out of bed at half past three this morning. They’d been called out by the manager of the club where he died, and they found an empty box with my name on it.’
‘That must have been a nasty moment for you.’ I drained my coffee and slotted another capsule in the machine. The first one had hit the spot but reminded me that I was still in caffeine deficit.
He pulled a face. ‘I could see they didn’t believe me at first when I said I had no idea how Joshu got the drugs. But when we looked at my briefcase, it was obvious the locks had been forced. I just hadn’t noticed earlier. I’m always so bloody tired at the end of the day, it’s not something I would check.’ He sighed. ‘I think I convinced them I was the victim, not the drug dealer.’
‘Not a great way to start the day, though.’ I sipped the second coffee, appreciating the flavour more this time.
‘No. But much worse for Scarlett.’
‘Where is she, by the way?’
‘Leanne said she was swimming.’ He looked painfully confused at the idea. It didn’t surprise me. I could see the attraction of doing something physical to stave off the moment when she had to face the fact that Joshu was dead and she had no formal role in what happened next. ‘She’s supposed to have chemo today. I thought I could drive her in. But maybe we should postpone it.’
‘No, take her with you. The more distraction she has, the better.’
As I spoke, Scarlett walked in, bringing a whiff of chlorine with her. There was a hollow emptiness to her eyes that I’d never seen before. Sh
e threw her arms round me and clung on like Jimmy does now when he hasn’t seen me all day. I could feel her breath shuddering in her chest. ‘Steph,’ she choked out. ‘He’s gone. My beautiful boy. He’s gone.’
I patted her back and held her close. I knew there was nothing to be said. I just had to wait it out. At last, she drew away from our embrace with a juddering sigh. ‘Leanne said you were here, Simon,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’
He stood up and moved to her, taking both her hands in his. ‘I’m so sorry, Scarlett. This has been a terrible shock for you.’
She gave a bitter half-laugh. ‘I always thought he’d come to a bad end. But not like this. I thought it would be his mouth got him into trouble, dissing some gun-toting gangsta. Or his dick. Shagging the wrong tart. I never thought it would be the drugs.’ She let go Simon’s hands and slumped into a chair. ‘You come to make sure I turn up for my chemo, Simon? You worried I’ll go into a decline and give up over Joshu?’
He smiled. ‘I know you better than that, Scarlett. I know you’re not a quitter. And yes, I will drive you in for your chemo appointment as soon as you’re ready. But I have something to tell you and I didn’t want you to hear it secondhand.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘I don’t think I’m up for any more bad news today, Simon.’
But he told her anyway. Her face seemed to slacken as his words sank in. When he’d finished, there was a terrible cold silence before she finally spoke. ‘The stupid little fucker,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘He always thought he knew best.’ I put a hand on her shoulder and she reached up to grab it tight. ‘What the fuck am I going to tell Jimmy?’ She looked up at me, a naked plea in her eyes.
‘I’ll stay with you,’ I said. ‘We’ll tell him together.’
‘Would you? Ah, Steph, where would I be without you?’ She blinked a tear away and pushed herself to her feet, looking weary beyond words. ‘Come on then, Simon. We’d better get a move on.’
