I stared at her, waiting for her to laugh. “That’s a joke, right?”
“I’m sorry, Perdita. I know it’s a lot to take in. But you are Nathan’s mate. You’re cursed too. I remember what it was like. I dreamt of Jakob for a year before we met. Whenever he was near me, I felt good, well, better. I sensed his emotions and knew how to make him happy on instinct. I couldn’t keep away from him, no matter how hard I tried, and once we gave in to the curse, it was beautiful.” Most of what she described could apply to me too. It was getting too creepy. Soul-mates? I didn’t believe in that sort of thing. Then again, I didn’t believe in werewolves either.
“Nathan’s always said he would fight the curse. And he has, I suppose. He didn’t want to tell you any of this, he wanted you to have a chance. But we can’t fight the curse and win, none of us. It’s better if you give in, and let it take its course.” She held my hands in hers and nodded at me.
“No,” I said, too loud. “I’m not... I have a mind, free will. I’m not going to just... change everything I believe in because you tell me I’m cursed.”
“It’s okay, Perdita. I know what you’re going through, trust me. But the curse is strong, strong enough to make you feel good around him. Designed to make you feel bereft away from him. It’s made to last.” Lia let that sink in. The curse was really screwing me over.
“The thing is,” she said, hesitating a little. “We keep away from others like us. Very few shifters can breed like we do, it’s an important part of our heritage. Some werewolves out there believe the males in my family should always mate in a werewolf, to produce more werewolves—like I did. And then there are those who don’t want the curse to end at all, so we’ve kept Amelia... safe. If she’s meant to end the curse then she needs to stay well.”
“Amelia’s not safe?” My heart pounded in my chest. I hated the thought of those animals getting near her, they would tear her apart.
Lia shook her head. “I’m not saying that; we’re just being careful because of... things that happened in the past. We were probably overly cautious, but I need you to play down what happened with the werewolves last night. I don’t want to scare her unnecessarily. She’s not a shifter, she doesn’t need to be involved in any of this.” I exhaled loudly. Something in Lia’s face worried me. “Is that it?” I asked.
“There’s lots I can tell you, but maybe we’ll stick to one big revelation a day, yes?” She smiled at me, but I couldn’t return it, I felt too sick inside.
“How about you spend the day with my family, see how normal we are? I know Amelia would love to see you, she was so disappointed about missing the party last night.”
“Good thing she did miss it,” I said, but I wanted to see her too.
This time I asked Dad if I could go. He agreed—after he spoke to Lia on the phone. I needed to speak to Nathan, yet after the whole soul-mate thing, I didn’t really know what I should say to him. Nothing in life had prepared me for this kind of crazy supernatural deal.
At her home, Lia made a fuss over me—as did Jakob. Byron merely nodded at me. I had a feeling he wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I disintegrated in front of him. Nathan hung around a bit, but he pretty much avoided looking at me, never mind speaking to me, so when Lia asked me if I wanted to see Amelia, I jumped at the chance.
She was in bed, still sniffling. “Hey,” she said, smiling when I entered the room. “Sit as close as you dare.” I laughed and sat on the edge of her bed. She pushed her e-reader aside. I took a quick peek and grinned when I saw she had been reading a popular teen romance title. Not so different after all.
“I heard you know everything about my freaky family now,” she said, but she looked proud when she said it.
“I’ve heard one or two things alright.” I made a face.
“You’re not happy?” Surprise raised her voice a pitch.
“Happy? Of course I’m not happy! There’s all this stuff going on that apparently involves me, but not one of you came out and told me until you had no choice anymore. I thought you were my friend. And Nathan?” I shook my head, unable to speak.
“It’s not my story to tell. He’s my brother, Perdita. I couldn’t do that to him if he wasn’t ready. I told you the truth before. He’s a coward. He was afraid of you long before he met you. I suppose it’s scary, knowing your future is already mapped out for you.”
“No, I can’t accept that. I won’t. I know this whole curse thing is what your family is about, but not me. I mean, how do you all know I’m his, you know, anyway?” Amelia yawned. “He knew. The first day he saw you. He never said anything, but I guessed when I saw you two together and part of me already knew too. I might not be a werewolf or a soul-mate, but I’m part of this. Me and you are connected too, just in a smaller way. I knew when I saw you that we would be friends. It just seemed perfect when it turned out you might be Nathan’s mate.”
“Might,” I repeated.
She made a scornful noise. “Too late for maybes. Even the dogs know.”
That confused me.
“Don’t you get it?” she said, laughing. “My family has always had wolfhounds, ever since the first werewolf. They run with us, protect us, protect the mates. Cú is Nathan’s dog, but as soon as he saw you, you became his number one. He protected you, even against Nathan. He knows it’s you.”
“The dog knows about me?” Even after everything, I was sceptical.
“It’s not that he knows, like he can talk or anything. It’s more like... you’re part of his pack, and he’s responsible for you.”
“That’s weird.”
“What part of this isn’t?” she said with a huge grin.
“So how does it work?”
“I mean, nobody knows for sure or anything but, apparently, the curse is the only one of its kind in the whole world. That shows how powerful it is. Isn’t that amazing?” Her eyes lit up.
I grimaced. “No, not really. So none of this is real then? How I feel, I mean. Am I his only choice? If you had moved somewhere different, would he have found someone else... qualified?” She chuckled then gave a little cough. “I’m not positive, but I don’t think that’s how it works. I believe there’s just one in the world for him. I mean, Byron’s wife died, and he hasn’t met anyone else.”
“That’s so sad,” I said, horrified. “Can’t he just be with someone who isn’t his mate?”
She shook her head, looking grave. “It would never feel even close to the same thing.”
“Is that why Nathan pulls away from me? Because it’ll ruin how he’ll feel for anyone else?” I bit my lip.
“No, of course not. He’s just scared of dragging you into all of this.”
“Bit late for that, no?”
“But Perdy, it isn’t just you. He has this thing about bringing his own son out hunting.” She shrugged like she didn’t know what the problem was.
“Hunting? Does he... eat people or something?”
“No!” she said, shocked. “That’s not... he doesn’t do anything like that. My family would never hurt anyone.” I chewed this over. “Is it a full moon thing?”
“Nah, that’s not true.” She looked at me scornfully. As if I knew what could be possible or not.
“So why do they change at all? If they don’t have to.”
She scrunched up her face, thinking hard. “They do, kinda. To stay healthy, they have to change and hunt every now and then. Just small animals though, it’s more about the exercise, I think. It’s like they get really edgy if they don’t let the wolf out every now and then.”
I exhaled loudly. “And Nathan does this? Changes, goes hunting?”
“Yeah,” she said. “But he’s Nathan. You know him. He’s still the same person.”
“Except he gets a bit furry every now and then.”
“It’s not his fault,” she protested.
I looked at her seriously. “I know.”
We sat in silence for a couple of minutes while I let it all sink in. I felt like I was in a d
ream world and expected to wake up from it any second. I kept waiting, but it didn’t happen. This was my life.
I looked at Amelia shyly. “What does he look like? You know, as a werewolf?”
She giggled. “Oh, he’s huge. Long black hair. Definitely an improvement.”
“Hmm. I think I dreamt about him. As a werewolf, I mean. That’s weird, right?”
“That’s normal for us. Anyway, it’s good you know. We can talk about everything. No secrets; you and Nathan can be together and be happy now. Everything’s worked out!”
“What are you talking about?” I was baffled by her attitude. “Nothing’s worked out! This is all... messed up, beyond messed up. I’m not happy, and Nathan doesn’t exactly look thrilled either. Why couldn’t he tell me all of this himself, anyway?”
“Told you. Coward. Don’t you see how lucky you are? You know exactly who in this world will make you happy, and you know for sure they feel the same way. It’s amazing.” I couldn’t believe what she was saying to me. Amazing? To have no choice? To be cursed? I wanted the truth, but now I was cursed with it. I finally had the truth I looked for, but my brain wouldn’t let me understand it. I needed to talk to Nathan. He was the only one I wanted to talk to about it all. It was about me and him; we were the only ones who could discuss it.
“I need to talk to him, Amelia. I can’t... I just have to hear it from him. Why won’t he talk to me?”
“He’s scared. I keep telling you. Just leave him be, he’ll be ready sometime.”
“He wasn’t ever going to tell me any of this, was he?” He looked so disappointed when I found out that I knew it could have been his secret for always if it was left up to him.
“It’s not that, I mean, he would have eventually. The curse wouldn’t let him avoid you forever—but he’s been the one who wants to fight it. He’s always said as much. He can’t hack it really.” She looked embarrassed, like he was the family shame. That made me even madder.
“I’m going to speak to him, right now,” I said and marched out of the room. I wasn’t sure where I got the balls from, but I walked right up to him in front of his whole family.
“We need to talk. Now.”
Nathan stuttered and looked around at his grandparents helplessly.
“Oh, no you don’t,” I said. “You don’t get to run away. You’re going to talk me this time.”
I grabbed his arm and pulled him outside, noticing a small smile on Byron’s face as we passed him by. I led Nathan to the swings, but once he knew I was serious, he followed me without struggling.
I sat on a swing, rocking idly.
“This is mad,” I said. He nodded but didn’t say a word. “They told me about the soul-mate thing. Why didn’t you?”
“How was I supposed to bring it up? Hey Perdy, wanna go out with me? By the way, we’re destined to be together forever and oh, yeah, you’re going to mother my werewolf son.” I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help it. “Sweet of you and all, but I’m not planning on starting a family any time soon.” I stopped the swing. “Did you expect someone better? Are you sulking because I’m what the curse came up with?”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” he muttered.
“I’m stupid now?”
“No, you just said something stupid. Bet they didn’t tell you all of it.” He mumbled something and walked off. I ran after him.
“Yeah, they did! They told me you’re cursed. You’re a werewolf. You’re supposed to find your soul-mate. I’m it, so happy ever freaking after! Except you’ve done your best to avoid me, so it can’t be that big a deal, and who says I want any part of this anyway!”
He swung around, his eyes looked black again. “You don’t know everything, that much is obvious.” He kept walking, away from his house and away from me.
“You don’t get to keep running away,” I shouted after him.
“Then come with me,” he called back. So I did.
“All of these places are empty,” he said, pointing at the houses neighbouring his own. “That’s partly why we moved here. Nobody to hear us howl, nobody to wonder why they’re suddenly inundated with wolves. Come on.”
He passed through the gate of one of the houses, jumped on a bin, and climbed in through a broken window. He stuck his head out and grinned at me, waiting. I clambered onto the bin, feeling stupid, and let him help me inside.
“We’ll get into trouble for being here,” I said, mostly to distract myself from the way my stomach fluttered when he touched me.
He shrugged. “What are they gonna do, put a collar on me? Relax, nobody comes around here. Not much anyway.” He took my hand again and showed me around. The place was filthy. One of the rooms had an old mattress on the floor and some upturned crates. I sat on the cleanest one I could find.. A sudden ray of light beamed through the dirty window giving the place a creepy colour. Nathan pulled a crate in front of mine and sat facing me.
“I’m sorry, okay? But I didn’t ask for any of this. I’m the one who turns into a wolf, so I think I’ve come off the worst here, don’t you? I hate this curse thing. I thought it was over, it was supposed to be—
Amelia was born. But then last year, I suddenly turned into a wolf. I thought I was dying or something; it was horrible. I swore I would fight this curse and not drag anyone down with me.”
“Why?” I said. “What’s so bad about it?”
“For one, I don’t want to inflict this crap on my own kid. For another, I never wanted to doom some girl to this. They didn’t tell you everything, I should have known they wouldn’t. The gypsies cursed my family to suffer, and the only way to truly suffer is to truly love. The curse is to suffer while you look for the soul-mate, you find her and experience true love and happiness, then she’s taken away. It always ends in tragedy.” He looked at me with sad eyes. “The soul-mate always dies, Perdita. Always. Too soon. We outlive our mates, so we can mourn their deaths.” I shook my head. “That’s not true; your grandmother’s still here.”
“Maybe that’s ‘cos she’s a wolf too, I don’t know. But it’s the only time it’s ever worked out. Byron’s wife died really suddenly—cancer—and my mother....” Nathan took a deep breath. “My Dad probably killed her. Accidentally, maybe, but still.”
“What?” I hadn’t expected that revelation.
“They found her body. Killed by a wild animal, or so they said. He was gone, never came back. She was killed by a werewolf, and he vanished—it’s more than likely that he killed her. He loved her, trust me, he really loved her, so if he could do that... so could I.”
I shook my head, not wanting to believe. “You wouldn’t. There has to be an explanation.”
“Yeah, he probably lost control. It happens. If we get angry, really angry, sometimes we lose control and shift without meaning to. Their dog died a week before so there was nobody looking out for my mother when it happened. If I did that, to you, to anyone, I wouldn’t be able to deal with it, okay?” His voice broke then, his shoulders shook, and I was before him, holding on, feeling his pain slam into me.
“It’s okay,” I said, stroking his hair. “Nothing bad is going to happen.”
We stayed like that for a while, not talking, just holding on. His family didn’t understand him at all. Amelia kept calling him a coward, but really, he had too much heart. Too much lost and still to lose.
Eventually, his pain subsided, and I felt red-hot heat instead. Blushing, I backed away and sat on my crate again.
“Is it just the curse?” I asked. “If it broke, would we... hate each other or something?”
“No way of knowing,” he said, holding my gaze. “It’s powerful, it makes us feel good when we’re together and bad when we’re apart. It lets us feel each other’s emotions, really connect so we’ll be attracted to each other. Once we give in, it’s supposed to be the best feeling ever.”
“And then we have a kid,” I said, pouring cold water on his words.
“Apparently,” he said, lookin
g at his hands.
“So what if we just... didn’t do anything that makes a baby.”
He flushed red. “If it was that simple then someone would have done it by now, right? Byron couldn’t explain it properly, but he said you lose your mind a little, that everything reaches a point where you can’t help yourself.”
“I really think I can control myself,” I said, biting my lip. “Besides, I’m not sure I even want a kid when I’m older.”
“Easy to say now,” he reminded me. “You’ve another twenty or thirty years to change your mind.”
“Or maybe we’ll figure out how to stop the thing altogether.”
“Well, that’ll make it easier to resist you,” he said, then startled me by kneeling in front of me and just looking at me.
“I’ve been trying not to stare at you for too long since the first time I saw you. I’ve been holding everything in so you wouldn’t feel it. Can I just... be me for a while?” I felt my cheeks burn under his gaze. I nodded slowly, feeling like we were doing something dangerous. “Maybe for a while, but then we have to think about this. I like you, but maybe I don’t know you.
Maybe we should be taking things slow, like normal people, and not worry about what some curse has in store for us.” He smiled then leaned closer to me, his face inches away from mine. He put his hands on my arms and slowly ran his fingers up to my shoulders. I held my breath as he touched his nose to my cheek and inhaled deeply. It was strange, if I thought about it; if I didn’t, it felt right.
He touched my hair and gazed at me again, so close without doing anything more than touch me lightly. I felt frantic inside, wondering what my life was going to lead to. I didn’t love him, barely knew him, yet all of these people thought my life was with him.
I held his face in my hands and felt his breathing quicken as I kissed him. Slower than before, on the street when we had been in a mad panic. We took our time, testing ourselves, seeing what it felt like when we both knew everything. I saw how easy it would be to lose my mind a little. It never occurred to me to walk away from him or to be scared because of what he told me. I felt like I really knew what he was made of, and it wasn’t anything bad.
Verity (Cursed #1) Page 15
