He grabbed her around the waist and turned so he could fall backward on the bed, pulling her with him. She kicked out and tried to escape, but he held her fast. She spun in his arms so that she was on top of him, facing him.
Her long curly hair tangled around her face. They were breathing as hard as they had been a few minutes ago, but this time for an entirely different reason.
“Ready to give up and play nice?” he asked.
She blew the hair out of her face. A strand drifted up a few inches, then fell back across her nose. “I’ll never give up.”
He began tickling her sides. “If you insist.”
She shrieked again. “No, you win. I’ll be good.”
“Promise?”
She nodded.
He gently rolled them both onto their side. They were facing each other. He tucked her hair behind her ears, then rested his hand on her waist.
The position was familiar. They often ended up this way after making love. They would talk for hours before she returned to her house. They only had a couple more nights together. He wished she would spend this night with him, but he understood that she didn’t want to be seen leaving his hotel first thing in the morning. But tonight, more than any other time, he didn’t want to fall asleep without her.
He supposed he should be used to it. After all, except for the night they’d camped out, they’d never slept very long together. He realized he wanted that. He wanted to see her first thing in the morning. He wanted to shower with her, then watch her get ready for her day. He wanted to learn what she was like in all her moods—sleepy, playful, even cranky.
Despite the airline ticket in his briefcase, he didn’t want to leave her in less than seventy-two hours.
The information wasn’t a surprise, he told himself. He’d been wrestling with it for the past couple of days. The question was what was he going to do about it?
She drew her index finger down his nose and his lips to his chin. There she stroked the stubbly skin. “All kidding aside,” she said. “It’s never been like this for me, either. I didn’t know passion like this existed.”
“Come with me this summer,” he said without thinking.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
Arizona was a little stunned himself. But now that he’d asked, he didn’t want to call the words back. “I’m serious. Come with me to the island. It’s only for three months. You’ll have plenty of time to write, although they don’t have electricity, so you can’t bring your laptop. But I’ll bet you’d still get a lot done. It would be a great experience. And we’d get to be together longer.”
“I could write a book about the mating customs in a matriarchal society.”
“Exactly.”
He tried to read her expression, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what she was thinking. Would she consider it or was this too insane?
“At the end of summer…where do you go next?” she asked.
“Siberia, I think. We’re still getting the details ironed out. I’ll probably stop in Chicago first and visit my father. But there’s always somewhere else I need to be going.”
“I’m sure.”
Chloe studied his familiar face. It would be easy to say yes. To pack up a couple of suitcases and go with him. It was just for the summer. Arizona was right—she could work, writing longhand. Maybe start a book of some kind. Even the one she suggested, on the matriarchal culture he was visiting. She could write down his stories and they could edit them together. Or…
Chloe kissed his mouth, then rested her head on the pillow. “I’m tempted,” she confessed.
“I hear a ‘but’ in your voice.”
“But—” The truth. It always came back to the truth. “That’s not my style. I would never be happy just tagging along.”
He frowned. “It wouldn’t be like that.”
Not at first, she thought. But eventually. Because she knew herself. The summer wouldn’t be enough. If he let her, she would continue to follow him around the world. She would create work so that she could be with him. But then what? She not only needed more, she deserved more. Her own life with her own purpose. In a perfect world, their two very different lives and purposes would blend together, but life was far from perfect.
They had just made love and laughed, now they were holding each other. These are the moments, she thought. This was the perfection everyone sought. This was what it was about. The only rude intrusion was the pain in her chest that warned her it was going to be impossible to forget him.
“I can’t,” she said. “I need roots. I thought I was waiting until I had the right article before I went to New York. Or maybe I thought I was waiting until Cassie got married and I knew she was going to be all right. But it’s not about any of that. Cassie’s a grown-up and she’s been capable of taking care of herself for years.”
His green eyes darkened. “What were you waiting for?”
“Nothing. I thought I should go, but that was about expectations, not about what I wanted. I belong in Bradley. This is my home. I’m not saying I don’t want to see parts of the world. I think most people would like to travel, but I’m not like you. I couldn’t be happy with your lifestyle. At least not for any length of time.”
And you couldn’t be happy here, she thought. But there was no point in saying that—they both knew the truth.
She could read disappointment and hurt in his expression. “You’re telling me no.” It wasn’t a question.
She ran her hand up and down his strong back, as if she could memorize everything about him. Later, the remembering was all she would have.
“I’m telling you that you belong out there. You’re different from the rest of us, truly larger than life. Go find your magic, Arizona.”
“What will you find?”
“What I’ve had all along. My roots. Just like Dorothy learned in The Wizard of Oz. For me, there is no place like home.”
She thought about telling him that she loved him, but she was afraid. What would he do with the information? Besides, she couldn’t bear to have the words hanging in the silence. Knowing that he wasn’t going to say it back wouldn’t be enough to keep her from hurting when he didn’t respond.
“I don’t like what you’re saying,” he told her. “Unfortunately I can’t seem to muster a good argument against it.” He kissed her. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. More than I should.”
He hugged her close. “Maybe you should ask me to stay here. Then we would have each told each other no.”
The last little corner of her heart shattered. Until he’d said the words, she’d allowed herself to hope. That maybe he would offer to settle here, at least for a while. But that had never been his intention. Maybe Aunt Charity had been right and she was a coward for not asking, but at least she had the rather empty satisfaction of knowing that she’d been right.
They were silent for a long time. Finally, he reached up and clicked off the light on the nightstand. She stiffened. “I have to be going,” she told him.
“Don’t,” he said in the darkness. “If you won’t give me the summer, then just give me one night to sleep in your arms.”
She didn’t have to think it over. It was what she wanted too. She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but at least she would be able to feel him next to her. More memories to have for later.
“I’ll stay,” she whispered.
“Good.” He shifted to get more comfortable. “I should probably warn you that I think I snore.”
“I know that from last time.”
“Oh. Well, I also sleep like the dead. If you have to wake me up for something, don’t bother shaking me. I’ve slept through hurricanes, earthquakes, not to mention several alarms. I don’t even bother with a wake-up call. I never hear the phone. Just turn on the light.
That one always gets me. Unexpected light, and I’m instantly awake.”
“I’ll remember,” she promised. And she would. She would think about that small detail and wonder how it would have affected their lives together…if they’d had a future.
You’re getting way too weepy, she told herself. You’re with him now. Enjoy this time. Save the suffering for later. There’s going to be plenty of it.
Chloe tried to take her own advice. As Arizona drifted off to sleep, and as promised, began to snore, she relived all their time together. Everything from her stunned amazement at finding him in her kitchen, to their lovemaking just a short time earlier that night.
She must have dozed for a while because when a sharp noise woke her, she wasn’t sure where she was.
The phone rang again. Chloe blinked and everything came into focus. Arizona snored on, oblivious to the sound. As she reached for the receiver, she glanced at the clock. It was a little after two. Had something happened to his father?
“Hello?”
“Good afternoon. This is—” There was a sharp gasp of air. The woman on the other end of the line made a soft moaning noise. “Oh, no. You’re in California, aren’t you? I’m terribly sorry. It’s afternoon here in Sydney. I can’t believe I woke you up.”
“It’s all right.” Sydney? As in Sydney, Australia? “Can I help you with something?”
“What? Oh, of course. The reason for my call. I’m Jan. I’m with the travel agency Mr. Smith uses for his South Pacific travel. He’d called us a while back to have us put him on a waiting list for an earlier flight. I wanted to let him know a first-class seat just became available. He’ll be leaving tomorrow.” She giggled nervously. “Technically, that’s later today, isn’t it?”
Chloe sat up in bed. Arizona was still snoring. A couple of seconds ago she’d had trouble focusing her eyes in the dark room, but now her head was spinning. He wasn’t leaving in a couple of days. He was leaving in a few hours. He’d arranged for an earlier flight. All this time she’d been thinking about how much she was going to miss him while he couldn’t wait to get away.
“Give me a minute,” she said. “I’ll have to write the information down.”
She supposed she could have tried to wake up Arizona, but the truth was, she didn’t want to face him. Not now, not like this. He would be able to read everything on her face. He would know how much his leaving was going to hurt her. He would pity her. Lord help her, he might ask her to go with him again and she didn’t think she could refuse him a second time.
She squinted at the two-line phone and realized there was a hold button. After pushing it, she set the receiver back in place, then made her way into the living room. Once the bedroom door was closed, she turned on a light, found paper and a pen, then released the call.
“I’m ready,” she said.
“Great. He’s on Singapore Airlines.”
The travel agent gave her the flight information. Chloe wrote it down, then read it back to confirm that she had it right. Then she hung up and slumped back onto the sofa.
Now what? She stared at the paper in her hands and wished it could be different, but it wasn’t. He was leaving and she couldn’t go with him. Even if she hadn’t already figured out her life was here, she could not follow a man around the world, simply to be with him. She needed more for herself.
None of which answered the question of what she should do now. The obvious answer was to get back in bed and try to sleep. In the morning, she and Arizona could talk.
“About what?” she asked in a whisper. “Gee, maybe I could ask if the service on Singapore Airlines is as fabulous as everyone claims. Or discuss ways of handling the jet lag when one crosses the international date line.”
The note began to blur. Chloe brushed impatiently at the tears. “What am I crying about? I knew he was leaving. I’ve expected this from the beginning. Nothing has changed except for his departure date.”
But that was part of it. That he was leaving early. How could he do that to her? To them? He was supposed to care, at least a little. But to be leaving early.
She sat there for a long time trying to make sense of it all. In the end, she knew she couldn’t. She wrote a quick note explaining that the travel agent had called, then gave him the new flight information. Then she turned off the light in the living room and let her eyes adjust to the dark.
When she could see well enough to find her way back to the bedroom, she did so. Her clothes were on a chair by the dresser. She collected them, put the note on her pillow, then left the room.
Dressing took all of two minutes. Chloe stood there, purse in hand, but she wasn’t ready to leave. There was still something left to be done. She crossed to his computer and turned it on. After searching for a couple of minutes, she found the program to access the Internet and went on under her own account number. After getting into the newspaper’s system, she accessed her computer there at the office and downloaded her article. She’d finished it yesterday. In a few hours she would be putting it on her editor’s desk. She also wanted Arizona to have a copy.
She flipped on his printer and waited while the article came out, a page at a time. When that was finished, she logged off the computer, wrote a note on the last page of the article and returned to the bedroom.
It was after three and from Arizona’s body position and loud snoring, he’d barely stirred in the past hour. She put the loose pages under the information from the travel agent, then walked around to his side of the bed.
In the darkness she couldn’t make out individual features, but she knew every inch of him. She could predict his moods, recognized his voice and his laughter. He touched her as no one had before. Not just physically, but also in her heart and her soul.
It hurt so much, but knowing what she knew now, she wouldn’t change anything. He’d reminded her that loving was a part of her life. That she’d been empty for a long time. She didn’t think she would ever get over him, nor was she likely to give her heart to anyone else, but they had had a brief, joyous time together. They’d had a miracle and how many people could say that?
She bent over and kissed his cheek. He stirred slightly but didn’t wake.
“I love you, Arizona,” she murmured.
“Chloe. I dreamed about you.”
She stiffened, then relaxed when she realized he was talking in his sleep. “I dreamed about you, too,” she said. “I dreamed about you the night I wore that stupid nightgown. I guess now that I know its power, I have to stop calling it names. You are my destiny, Arizona Smith. If you ever decide to settle down, come back to me.”
Then she left the room without once looking back.
* * *
AS HE DID every morning, Arizona woke with the first light of dawn. He stretched, then rolled over to snuggle against Chloe.
“What the—”
She wasn’t here. He felt under the covers, but her side of the bed was cold. A quick glance confirmed that her clothes were gone, so she had probably left sometime in the night.
The disappointment cut through him. Why? All he’d wanted was one night so they could wake up in each other’s arms. Was that asking too much? They only had a couple of days together until he left.
If he left.
Arizona stiffened. Where had that thought come from? Of course he was leaving. He had work to do, a life. He wasn’t going to stick around in some small town. What for? Chloe? So they could be together?
He couldn’t do it, he admitted to himself. He couldn’t take the risk and stay. With his family history, with his poor relationship skills, there was no way he could make her happy. He was bound to blow it and then where would they be?
He cursed loudly, then flopped back on his pillow. As he did, he heard paper crinkle. When he turned he saw a handwritten note and a thick sheaf of papers. Chloe’s article?
He read the note. As her words registered, a knot of pain formed in his gut. He swore again, louder and longer this time, then crumpled the note and tossed it on the floor. The change in airline reservations. He’d completely forgotten that he’d called about three hours after he’d arrived in Bradley. At the time, he hadn’t wanted to spend more time here than necessary. As soon as he’d found out the date of his last lecture, he’d gone on the waiting list to leave right after that. But since then, everything had changed. He wanted to be with Chloe right up until the last minute.
What must she be thinking? he wondered, then groaned. Probably that he was using her then abandoning her at the first opportunity. No doubt she thought he would take off later today and never give her another thought.
He rolled over and reached for the phone. But before he picked up the receiver, he glanced at the clock. It wasn’t quite six in the morning. If Chloe lived alone that wouldn’t be a problem, but his call was going to wake up Charity and Cassie, too.
That can’t be helped, he thought. But before he could grab the phone, it rang.
“Hello?”
“Good morning. I can tell by your voice I didn’t wake you.”
Arizona sat up and clutched the receiver. “Chloe? It’s not what you think.”
“I know.”
She sounded all right, but he wasn’t sure he could believe that. He had to make sure she understood. “What do you know?”
“That you made the reservation before we got involved. At least that’s what I’m hoping.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Of course it is. I forgot I’d requested an earlier flight. I’m going to call them right now and tell them I want to keep on the original schedule.” Or maybe go later, but before he could add that, she sighed.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
The knot of pain returned, and with it a tightness in his chest. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t change the flight back. You’re leaving. Whether it’s today or in a couple of days, you’re still going to be gone. Last night was terrific. I don’t think we could top it, so why not let that be our last memory?”
Dream Wedding Page 20
