by Melody Anne
Seth laid his hand on my chest. “What about in here? Did you want it in your heart?”
I tried to shift away from him, uncomfortable with this turn in conversation, but he held me tight.
“I didn’t have aspirations of being a dancer or an artist or anything like that, so it didn’t matter.” My voice grew higher, and I knew I probably sounded defensive. “I grew up around the law. It makes sense.”
“Settle down,” he said against my hair. “I’m not trying to piss you off, Avery, I promise. So law. Cool. What kind?”
I inhaled a ragged breath through my nose. Grant never asked me about my choices because he’d been there the whole time. I’d never had to actually explain myself to anyone. “Corporate law.”
“What does that mean?”
The soothing feel of his hand stroking my back helped to settle the churning in my stomach.
“When I graduate and pass the bar, I can be hired by a big corporation. There I can help defend against litigation or lawsuits, or if the company gets into trouble, I’ll be part of the team to get them out.”
Seth stayed quiet until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“What?”
He still said nothing.
I pushed up onto my hands and glared down at him. “Okay, what about you? What are your big life dreams?”
This turn in our perfect day made my head hurt. I didn’t want to fight with him, didn’t even really know why I was so mad. But then his expression changed from guarded to open, where I saw a glimmer of hope.
“On the few days I let myself think past all the shit going on right now . . . sometimes I think I’d like to be a coach maybe. There was this guy when I was around seven or eight, coached my baseball team. I was only on the team for a year, and even then, I almost had to quit. We didn’t have any money for gear, and when I told Coach that, he said he had some extra stuff lying around. A glove. A uniform. I was too young to realize that that shit was way too new to have been lying around, but now I see what he did.
“So I played and got better and Coach said I might have a shot at a scholarship if I kept at it. He was the only person in my life who said I could do something better. Freshman year is when everything started to turn to shit at home. I ran into him a couple of years after that, and he asked if I was still playing. I felt like I disappointed him when I said no, but he only shook my hand and told me not to give up. Obviously I did at some point, but it’s still there sometimes, in the back of my head. That I could help some kid do better, ya know.”
All the anger I had vanished. He sounded like he didn’t believe he should want something better. Like he didn’t deserve it.
“I think you’d be great at it.” I lay back and twined my fingers with his.
After a few minutes I felt him squeeze my hand. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I leaned in and put my cheek against his chest.
“For not telling me it’s a stupid idea. For believing in me, I guess. Not used to hearing that.” He stroked his thumb over the back of my hand. “I kinda like it.”
“I think you could do anything you want.”
“I think you could do anything you want too.”
His quiet comment sent my pulse racing. Was I brave enough to change the path I was on? Seth shifted and lay back on his side, facing me and tracing his finger along my jaw.
“I don’t deserve all this,” he whispered in my ear. “But you’re this light that gives me hope and being with you makes everything feel a lot less like shit. I don’t want to let that go.”
I had no words. Only feelings, and they were so unexpected that I couldn’t even begin to process them yet. I wanted to try, and I opened my mouth to do it when the theme to Psycho split the air, cutting me off.
I groaned. “Her timing really sucks.”
“Who?”
“My mother.” I rolled over and pulled my phone from my purse. After a deep breath, I pushed Accept. Ignoring her was not an option. She’d only keep calling until I answered.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Avery. I was about to hang up. What are you doing? No, never mind. Your father and I are having a few guests over tonight for drinks and hors d’oeuvres, a campaign thing, and we want you to be there. I’ll expect to see you at six o’clock.”
“It’s a Saturday night,” I burst out. And I’d rather be with Seth, I added silently.
“And this is your father’s campaign. After your little tantrum, we need to show a united front. Let them see your father won’t waver on his platform, even when it’s his daughter breaking the rules.”
“I can’t, I have plans.”
“Avery Eleanor Hartley, this is not a negotiation,” my mother’s cold voice snapped. “You will be here at six o’clock in appropriate evening wear. Am I being clear?”
I wanted to throw my phone in the lake and scream. But I didn’t have fifteen thousand dollars for restitution, and I certainly could never pay for law school by myself. She had me by the metaphorical balls and she knew it.
“Avery?”
“Yes, Mother. I am very aware of my obligations. I’ll be there,” I ground out.
She didn’t even say goodbye, just disconnected the call.
“That didn’t sound good,” Seth said. “Everything okay?”
“It’s a stupid party I have to attend tonight.” I turned away before Seth could see the tears of frustration burning in my eyes. I didn’t want today to end. I wanted to spend the night with him, wrapped in this cocoon we’d created, not with a bunch of opinionated rich people. “Will you come over after?”
It was a lot to ask. The party would probably run late. We could just meet up in the morning. That made more sense.
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
I really did. “Yes.”
“Then I’ll be there.”
I rubbed my hands along my bare arms. The chill from my mother’s call had not washed away yet. “Will you promise me something, Seth?”
“Anything,” he whispered right next to my ear.
“Promise me that if you change your mind about this, about us, and you’re not interested anymore, you’ll tell me. Just tell me, okay? I can deal with honesty. I don’t think I could deal with being tossed aside again, like someone’s garbage. Especially not by you.”
Seth was quiet for too long, and I sucked in a ragged breath. I couldn’t bear to look at him. He owed me nothing, no explanation if he wanted to bail. He didn’t ask for any of this. I knew he wanted me physically, that wasn’t the problem.
The problem was that I wanted more than just a few nights of sex.
And that confused and scared the crap out of me.
These feelings swirling around inside me, making me feel ill, were nothing at all like I had felt for Grant. My skin never exploded with goose bumps when he touched me; I never felt weak in the knees when we kissed.
I sort of enjoyed sex with Grant, but it wasn’t mind shattering, not like those trashy romance novels make you think it should be. I never thought it could be this good until last night, with Seth.
Already I craved his kisses. His touch. What would happen if he pulled away from me? My chest ached at the thought.
That night at O’Malley’s had been about letting go and doing something crazy with a stranger. I had accepted that maybe the timing was all wrong. Then Seth was there. On Monday morning, in the Public Works lobby, I found him again.
What were the chances? I was a realist, I liked facts. Honestly, the odds of seeing Seth again, in a city this size, were small at best. And yet there he was.
How could I, even as logical as I was, ignore that?
Seth kissed along my shoulder, my jawline, then to my lips.
“I already told you I don’t do games, Avery. You know I want you, but I can’t promise you anything more than what this is right now.” He turned me around slowly so that I could see his eyes. A half smile quirked up his lips. “I’ve never met anyone like you, and I’m n
ot sure what I’m doing. I will promise you that if I change my mind, if something changes, I will tell you. I won’t just walk away.”
I nodded. His promise was more than I expected. I trusted what he said. Didn’t doubt for a minute that he was telling me the truth.
“Thank you.” I tilted my head and looked up at him. It could have been any random guy, probably one who would have left in the morning and that would be that. “I’m glad it was you at the bar, Seth.”
I closed the space between us and laid my cheek against his chest. His arms wrapped around me.
“Me too, Avery. Me too.”
That night, I teetered on the ridiculous high, strappy black sandals my mother had insisted on, wishing I was anywhere else. Specifically wishing I was anywhere else with Seth. There I was in a long black dress (which my mother had sent over for me to wear), with my hair up and subtle touches of makeup on my face, avoiding censorious stares shooting in my direction.
We were at the country club and these were all my father’s campaign donors and it was clear that none of them were happy to see me. They knew what I’d done to my father’s image, and they’d all paid good money to see him win this election.
I wasn’t real happy to be there either. I felt uncomfortable and judged. Even my mother looked me up and down when I arrived, and I could tell that I didn’t pass her inspection. No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough. She didn’t bother to say hello, which was her way of showing her disapproval.
At least fifty of my parents’ “closest” friends filled the front gathering room. They mingled and laughed and drank expensive champagne while my father strutted around shaking hands and clapping people on the back.
And Grant. Shit. He was dressed impeccably as always in a dark blue suit, ever the good little political monkey. My mother forgot to mention that he would be here tonight.
I managed to avoid speaking to him for a good part of the evening, but I saw him glance at me more than once. I glared in his direction, hoping he would get the hint. I didn’t want to make a scene, but if he got within five feet of me, I might just kick him.
As the night wore on, the fake laughter started to make me twitch. I ached to hear Seth’s voice, to hear his low chuckle in my ear. There wasn’t enough sincerity in the room to fill a thimble. I’d forgotten how fake this part of my life was.
“I know you’re avoiding me, but can we talk for a minute?”
Shit. I was so busy thinking about Seth I hadn’t noticed Grant creeping into my personal space. Over his shoulder I saw my mother looking at us. She lifted one perfectly shaped eyebrow and nodded her head at me. Be a good little doggie. Play nice.
I gritted my teeth and forced a smile. “What do you want, Grant?”
He glanced around, then put his hand on my arm.
“Don’t touch me, asshole,” I hissed, yanking away from him.
Red tinged his cheeks, and for just a second I saw real anger in his eyes before he tempered it back down. “I just want to talk, Avery. Can we go into the hall?”
“Are you sure you can talk to me without your lawyer present?”
“Damn it.” Grant tipped back the glass he’d been holding, then set it down on one of the club’s prized Chippendale stepbacks. “Five minutes. Then I can tell your parents I tried and you can go.”
Wait, what? “Tried what?”
“Do you really want to talk about it right here?” He looked around pointedly, and I saw several more than curious stares directed toward us. I lifted my eyebrow at Senator McInnis until he shook his head and looked away. What a pompous ass.
“Fine. Five minutes.” Before he could touch me again, I spun around and started toward the hallway. The walls were lined with portraits of all the club presidents since the beginning of time. They were all men and all had the same smug look on their faces.
Grant shut the door behind us, then took several steps away until we stood in a small alcove to the side. “I think we should get back together.”
I was speechless. Then anger welled up inside me so fast that I grabbed the first thing I touched, a crystal vase filled with fresh flowers, and threw it at Grant’s head.
He ducked and I heard it smash into the wall behind him. “What the hell, Ave?”
“In what universe do you think I’d ever take you back? This conversation is over.” I shoved my way past him and grabbed the door handle to the banquet room. It was time to tell my parents good night.
“We belong together,” Grant said. “Come on, I screwed up. I know that, but look at us. We’ve been a given since we were born. One mistake, Avery. That’s all it was. We can get past this.”
I gritted my teeth. I should just open the door and slam it in his face. But I had him here, alone, and there was something I wanted to know. Something I had to say.
I spun around and glared at him. “Why?”
His eyebrows dipped down. “Why do I want you back?”
“No, Grant, why did you fuck that girl? I want an honest answer from you. I deserve that much.”
A panicked expression came over his face and he looked around. Afraid one of the staff would hear us. Grant turned and walked a few feet down the hall. So he didn’t have to look at me.
“Turn around, Grant,” I said. “Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.”
“Jesus, Avery,” Grant growled, still not turning around, “maybe there wasn’t any other reason than she was there and you weren’t.”
Oh, no, he did not just say that. “Four years together and that’s what I get? You screwed her because I wasn’t there?” I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. “Spoken like a true politician.”
Grant turned around then, and threw his hands into the air. “What else do you want me to say? It was a one-time thing. A mistake. We can get past it.”
“No we can’t. I can’t.”
“You have to.” Grant’s eyes got wider, and his tone turned pleading. “We had a good future planned out and can still have it. Just give me another chance. One chance, Avery, that’s all I’m asking for.”
I’d heard enough. He wasn’t going to change my mind. I wanted to leave, to go home and call Seth and feel his arms around me. “Good night, Grant.”
“So that’s it? I lose everything because of one mistake?”
I snorted. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never been your anything.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he muttered before turning away and walking to the far end of the hall. He stopped, put his hand on the wall, and hung his head. I’d never seen Grant look so defeated before.
Something wasn’t right. It had been months since I’d found him with that woman, since we’d even talked. He had plenty of time to plead his case. Why tonight? Why had he decided that we should get back together now?
“What’s really going on here?”
After a few moments of silence, he looked over his shoulder. His eyes were hooded and would not quite meet mine.
“Your father,” he admitted. “He knows about that guy you’re seeing. He told me that if I couldn’t make things right with you that he’d pull all his support. You know how important it is to have connections, especially political ones. So yeah, right now I’m screwed. That job at the state house he promised me?” Grant gave a hollow laugh. “Gone.”
“My father bribed you to get us back together?” He’d done some shady things in his career, but this was lower than I ever thought he’d go. Treating me like some campaign bonus.
“He said once we worked things out, he’d petition the judge for time served and then things can go back to the way they were. You want that, right?”
Grant looked hopeful again, like the thought of no more orange jumpsuits made all the difference.
“Things will never go back to how they were. You can all just fuck off.” I slammed my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. My father put Grant up to that, threatened his future? He actually wanted me to be with someone who had cheated on me?
<
br /> I remembered the look my mother gave me earlier. She knew what Grant was going to do tonight too.
Damn them both.
The door opened but I ignored it. I had to get out of there. I pushed away from Grant and headed toward the exit.
“Where are you going? I still have a speech to give,” my father said behind me.
I had my hand on the door handle and thought about just throwing it open and running away. But I hurt. What Grant told me tonight was beyond even what I thought my father capable of.
“Do you even care about me?” I asked without turning around. “Am I just another constituent? A vote?”
“You’re talking nonsense,” he muttered.
I swung around and realized that my cheeks were wet. I didn’t remember starting to cry.
“You’re trying to bribe my ex-boyfriend to get me back. Threatening to cut off your support if he can’t pull it off? What kind of father does that? If you cared at all, you’d ask me what I want, but it’s never been about what I want, has it? It’s all about you. About how it benefits you. I’ve always done what you asked, have never argued or pushed for what I wanted, and it’s not enough.”
“Nonsense. Everything that you’ve accomplished is what you’ve wanted.”
I shook my head. “And that right there tells me you don’t have the first clue who I am. You know the crazy part? I didn’t know who I was either until very recently. So I should thank you for being a politician instead of a father. Good night, Dad.”
He didn’t try and stop me this time as I pushed my way out into the thick night air.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Seth
“So Jimmy gave you a break, huh?” Ryan asked. “Not a bad gig.”
I shrugged. “Pays well. Hours work. Start this Friday. Best part is that I can get the money for the lawyer in a couple of weeks, I think.”
“You know I can give it to you,” Ryan said. “I know you’d be good for it.”
God, it was tempting, but I didn’t want to owe anyone anything, not even Ryan. Davis loved to rub it in my face that I had a roof and food and heat because he chose to give them to us. What the fucker always left out was that he pretty much killed my mother, making him responsible for me and Sara.
