“Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
She didn’t answer, just made a sniffling sound.
“Are you crying?”
Again she didn’t answer, but I could tell she was crying.
“What’s wrong, Al?”
“Noth-nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“What happened? Is it your mom? Davie?”
“They’re okay.”
“Then what?” I was losing my patience, and Laura looked as if the suspense was killing her.
“I said it’s nothing.”
“Allie, why didn’t you go to work this morning?”
“I-uh-I forgot.”
“Yeah.” I made a face to Laura to show her I couldn’t make any sense of this either. “So are you coming?”
“Coming?”
“Allie! What is wrong with you? We have practice at one. Willy will be here any minute and—”
“Yeah, I guess I’m coming.”
I glanced at Laura. “Do you need a ride?”
“Maybe so.”
“Fine. I’ll see if Laura can get you.” Then I hung up.
“What’s going on?” Laura asked.
“I wish I knew. Allie is acting really strange. Can you go pick her up while I wait here for Willy?”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.”
After Laura left I started to pray. First I prayed for Allie because it seemed like something was seriously wrong. I wondered if she got in a fight with her mom, or maybe her dad called and started acting like a jerk again. But it occurred to me as I prayed that this whole recording contract business was totally dependent on all three of us girls. If one of us falls down, we all fall down. And it got me seriously worried. So I prayed even harder.
When Willy arrived, I told him that something was wrong with Allie. I figured since he’s our manager, he might as well get used to stuff like this.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I don’t know. She missed work this morning, and when I called just now she sounded really upset. But she wouldn’t say. Laura went to get her.”
He scratched his head. “That doesn’t sound like our Allie.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I was just praying for her.”
“Mind if I join you?”
So the two of us took a few more minutes to pray for Al, and the next thing we knew she and Laura were walking in the door.
As soon as I saw her, I knew something really bad must be wrong. Her normally pale face was red and blotchy, like she’d been crying for days without stopping, and her blue eyes were bright and puffy and rimmed in red. She really looked hideous.
I immediately went over and hugged her. “Whatever it is, we will help you through this.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Willy in a gentle voice.
She shook her head. “I just want to practice and go home.”
“You sure you feel like it?” asked Laura.
She nodded. “Yeah. I can do this.”
“Want some iced tea?” I asked.
“That’d be good.”
So we got everyone situated with a tall glass of tea, then quietly went upstairs to practice. But it was weird. It’s like something was missing, like we were just mechanically running through the steps. And it worried me.
“That’s probably good for the day,” said Willy after just an hour, his brow furrowed with concern. “I wanted to give you girls an update on what’s happening with Omega.” He glanced at Allie. “That is, unless you’re ready to talk, Al?”
She shook her head and looked down at the drums.
“Okay then.” He took in a deep breath, and I could tell this thing with Al was making him pretty nervous. “Omega wants you girls to come back out in a couple weeks to start recording.”
“All right!” Laura started to get excited, then turned and looked at Allie as if to see if it was okay.
“Cool,” I said. “How long do they expect it will take?”
“It could take up to two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” Laura blinked. “Wow.”
“And here’s what’s really exciting,” he continued. “After you’re done recording, they want you to do some shows.”
“Some shows?” I felt a tremor of excitement running through me. “Like real shows, like concerts?”
He smiled. “Well, they won’t be big shows, and you’re not ready to open for Iron Cross yet. But they’ve got some advance open bookings at county fairs, spots where they can slot in any of their contracted musicians, and they think it might be a good way to get you girls into real performance shape.”
“Hey, it works for me.” I glanced over at Allie again. “What do you think, Al?”
She nodded without looking up. “Yeah, cool.”
Okay, something in me just exploded about then. I mean, I felt sorry for her and I knew she was really hurting about something, but it’s pretty aggravating when someone won’t even tell you what’s going on. “What is wrong with you?” I actually shouted.
She looked at me, then burst into tears.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered as I went over and stood by her. “I’m really sorry, Allie. But can’t you see it’s really frustrating? I mean, we’re all excited about what’s going on—and here you are totally falling apart on us. You have to tell us what’s wrong, Al. We’re a team—a family. It’s just not fair to keep something from us.”
She looked over to where Willy and Laura were silently watching us both. “I’m—I’m sorry, you guys. I’m just such a—such a mess today.” Allie frowned at me. “I know you’re right, Chloe. But it’s hard to—”
“Would it be easier to tell just one of us, Allie?” asked Willy. “It’s plain to see you need to talk to someone.”
She nodded, then pointed at me. “I—I’ll tell Chloe.” She wiped her wet face with her hands. “Before she beats it out of me.”
I kind of smiled then turned to Willy and Laura. “We’ll all talk later.” And they left. Laura didn’t even take her bass with her. I’m sure they were both pretty freaked by this whole thing. I know I was. I also knew they’d both be praying for Allie—and me too.
I flopped down on the couch and waited a few minutes, hoping this might help her to recover. Finally, she climbed down from her stool and came over and sank down beside me. She reached for a throw pillow and clutched it to herself and started to speak.
“It’s about Taylor.”
I waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t, I asked her, “Did he break up with you?”
She turned and looked at me with angry eyes. “No!”
“Okay.” I leaned back and exhaled loudly. “What then?”
“I broke up with him.”
I brightened now. “What’s wrong with that?”
She shook her head. “You just don’t get it.”
“Duh. I’m not a mind reader, you know.”
“Last night…
“Yeah, I saw you guys sneaking away last night. What happened?” But it’s as if she didn’t need to tell me. Maybe I was a mind reader after all, because somehow I thought I knew.
“We went for a walk.” Then she started to cry again.
I sat up and peered into her face. “Allie? Did Taylor do something to you? Did he force you to—”
She shook her head. “He didn’t—didn’t actually rape me, Chloe. Really, he didn’t.”
“Okay,” I tried to speak soothingly. “Did he try to rape you?”
She nodded, silent tears now streaming down her cheeks. Then we both just sat there for a few minutes. I was stunned, yes, but not completely surprised. It seemed like the kind of thing that Taylor Russell would do. And for the first time since my encounters with Tiffany Knight, I really wanted to do some bodily harm to someone. I know we’re supposed to let God take revenge, but at that moment I wouldn’t have minded being able to dish out a little of my
own.
“I really thought he loved me,” she finally said, breaking through the wall of silence.
“Yeah, I know you did, Al.”
“He said I was special.”
“He’s a liar, Al. According to Cesar, Taylor Russell is after one thing and one thing only.”
“I thought he was so cool.” She pulled out the hem of her T-shirt and wiped her nose on it. “I thought I was pretty cool too—having Taylor Russell interested in me. It was like a fairy tale.”
“With a really rotten ending.”
“Yeah.” Then she proceeded to tell me how he’d led her to an isolated area and began kissing her. “It wasn’t the first time we’d kissed,” she admitted. “And Taylor was always kind of pressing me for more, but usually we were around other people, or I’d make some excuse about curfew or whatever. I just figured he was acting like a normal guy, you know?”
“Not all guys are like that.” I thought of Cesar.
She shook her head. “I feel so stupid for falling for him. You tried to warn me, Chloe.” Then she told me how he’d held her by her arms, even after she begged him to let go, how he pinned her down on the ground. “There was a sharp stick under me.” She pulled up the back of her shirt to show a big red gash on her back. “And I kept saying no, but the fireworks were so loud.”
“I’m so sorry, Al.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “I was worried about you—when I saw you guys leave. I should’ve come.”
“You didn’t know…” She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t even know. Even when it was happening, I thought, ‘This cannot be happening to me.’ But he was pulling on my shirt and my shorts and no matter what I said to him, he just kept going.” She stopped to take in a jagged breath.
“But you said he didn’t—”
“I just started praying, Chloe. I don’t even know if I was praying out loud or in my head, but I started begging God to help me. And the whole time I was trying to kick and punch. Then suddenly Taylor looked up, like I think he heard someone walking toward us. I never actually heard or saw anyone myself. But Taylor jumped up, zipped his jeans, and just took off running. I never saw him again last night.” Now she really started sobbing. “And—and—he just left me there—like this broken toy—or something he didn’t need anymore. I felt so—so—” She put her head into the pillow and cried.
“Used,” I finished for her.
Allie spent the night at my house tonight. Apparently she was in such shock the evening it all happened, that although her mom drove her and Davie home from the lake, she didn’t even cry or speak or anything. And she hasn’t told her mom about any of this, and she’s afraid to now.
I told her that I think she should: 1) tell her mom, and 2) tell the police. But Allie refused. She’s afraid it will ruin everything for us—that somehow her mom will think it has to do with the band. Or that Laura’s mom, or even mine, will. And while I can sort of see her point, I still think she needs to tell her story. It’s wrong for someone like Taylor Russell to just walk around doing that to girls. I told Allie that I wouldn’t bug her about it anymore tonight, if she promised to really consider the bigger picture tomorrow. She said she would if I promised not to tell anyone.
“Not even Laura?” I asked.
“No one.”
So now I’m really torn. Is it right to keep something like this a secret? But if I can’t tell anyone, who do I go to for advice? I guess the place to start is with God.
WHAT TO DO
what to do
i know that You know
what is right
what is good
what is best
o God
i don’t have a clue
i feel confused
please, show me
show us both
what to do
with this
injustice
show us
Your way
amen
Twenty-one
Monday, July 14
Okay, I realize that you can’t force anyone to do something against her will—well, not without breaking the law (like Taylor Russell has done). And I know after eight long days of begging and pleading and even threatening that Allie is not going to tell her mother. Just as she is not going to go to the police and report Taylor’s attempted rape. At first I was really upset by this. It feels so wrong to me. I even asked Allie if she’s sure that she’s doing what God wants her to do. “What if you’re disobeying God?” I asked her as we drove home from church yesterday.
“Believe me, I’ve prayed about this, Chloe. I really have. And this is what comes to me. First off, it’s partly my fault—”
“Oh, Allie!”
“Just hear me out. I’m not saying it IS my fault. I don’t go in for that blame-the-girl crud. But I am saying that I allowed myself to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person.”
I nodded. “Okay, that makes sense. But just the same, it really is Taylor’s fault for acting like such a jerk-face.”
“Duh. Tell me something I don’t know. But the thing is, I had a choice in the matter, and I made a bad choice. I think I need to learn something from it.”
“But why don’t you think God wants you to tell your mom?”
“What good would that do her right now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Honestly, I think she has enough on her hands with my dad and this babysitter lady who’s not taking very good care of Davie. I mean, there’s absolutely nothing she can do about this whole thing—other than to worry and feel bad. Why should I put her through that?”
I shrugged.
Then she poked me in the arm. “Well, what about you? Would you tell your parents if it had happened to you?”
I had to think about that. I never even considered telling them about the jerk in middle school who pressured me for sex, then ruined my life with lies. But maybe I should’ve. “I don’t know, Allie.”
“Some things aren’t just plain black and white.”
“Maybe not. But what about Taylor? How come he gets off free as a bird?”
“Yeah, that’s what bugs me.”
“Well, it bugs me too. I know that God doesn’t want us to take our own revenge.” I kind of laughed. “Not that I don’t have a few ideas.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“But it seems wrong that Taylor is free to walk the streets and possibly do it again. Maybe even succeed next time.”
“Yeah. I feel bad about that too.”
“But not bad enough to go to the police?”
“It’s like I’ve already said, Chloe, he didn’t actually rape me. I don’t have any evidence. It would be his word against mine. And what good would it really do? You know what they put girls through who make charges like that? I saw this TV movie once, and it was really awful—and she’d actually been raped. I’m just not sure I’d want to go through all that.”
I nodded. “Yeah, to be honest, I guess I wouldn’t either. But there should be some way to warn others about Taylor.”
“Yeah, like maybe take out an ad in the paper.”
I laughed. “Yeah, a full page one with his photo on it, saying: Beware of dangerous rapist, Taylor Russell. He may look good and say all the right things, but he’s a big fat phony.”
She laughed. “Yeah, something like that.”
“Or maybe we could do a billboard, that enormous one right next to the freeway entrance with all the spotlights.”
“Bet that’d cost a fortune. If it wasn’t illegal I could do some graffiti on the side of the school, make it really artistic, you know? Just a gentle warning to all the girls at Harrison High. No big deal.”
I laughed. “Yeah, then you’d be locked up for vandalism and Taylor would still be on the prowl.”
“But maybe the girls would be more careful with guys like him.” Allie sighed. “Honestly, I wish there was a way to tell people without actually going around and saying it.”
“He’d probably
sue you for slander if you did. His dad’s a lawyer, you know.”
“It figures. I just wish we could do something anonymous, Chloe.”
“Like what?”
“Not something just to be mean. I really don’t believe God wants me to do something out of revenge. But I guess I do feel responsible to warn other girls like me.”
“Yeah, it makes me wonder if he’s gotten away with it before.”
“Hey, what if I wrote an anonymous letter and sent it to a bunch of girls at school and asked them to get the word around?”
I thought about it. “You know, that might actually work.”
So we went to my house and carefully con structed a short letter to warn girls about the dangers of dating Taylor Russell and other boys like him. Allie dictated and I typed. We revised it several times to keep it brief and to the point. No sense in getting melodramatic.
“It’s kind of like how the apostles wrote letters,” I said as we printed the copies out. “I mean, what we’re saying here is completely true and for the girls’ own good if they take it to heart.”
“Yeah.” Allie smiled as she continued making the list of girls to send the letter to. “It feels so much better knowing that I’m doing something to prevent this from happening again.”
Then we got out the phone book, and while Allie read the addresses aloud, I typed them into my computer’s label format program. After everything was printed out, we deleted all the original files—just in case Taylor’s dad tried to trace this back to us someday, which seemed highly unlikely, but added to the suspense.
“That’s the first time I’ve been thankful that I don’t have a PC,” said Allie, laughing. “Taylor won’t be able to accuse me of doing this.”
“I feel like we should be in a spy movie.”
Then I borrowed my mom’s car and we drove over to the next town (part of our undercover routine), bought a box of legal-sized envelopes, then went back to the car and stuffed them and put labels on. Then we went to the post office and bought stamps from the machine (no witnesses), stamped the envelopes, and put them in the slot. We thought it was covertly clever to have them mailed from another town. Then we went home in time to get ready for practice.
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