by Amy Lamont
“The other part is selfish.” I pressed my palm into my forehead. “I...Logan...he and I...kind of hooked up and spent the next few days together...um, hooking up...again, more.” My voice trailed off as I tried to figure out how to explain
“What?” Kate’s voice was a screech that tore through my poor aching head like the sharpest claws across a chalkboard. I winced and huddled deeper into myself. “I can’t believe it! Did he take advantage of you?”
Her demand forced a laugh from me. It was slightly hysterical and croaky, but I felt real amusement for the first time since Logan announced he had to leave the beach house. “No, Katelyn, your brother didn’t force himself on me.”
My mind played over the way I’d gone to his room and invited him to stay and climbed on top of him while he laid in the lounge chair on the deck.
“If anything, it was probably the other way around,” I mumbled.
Kate snorted. “Yeah, because you have to force yourself on guys. Tell me what’s going on, Jade Roberts. All of it.”
Katelyn was very sweet and easygoing. Those traits were deceptive. Those of us lucky enough to know her well knew Kate had a backbone made of steel. She might be sweet and nice and kind, but when she made up her mind to do something, watch out.
I sighed. I knew there was no wiggling my way out of this. And really, it was such a relief to be able to pour all of my thoughts and feelings out to one of my very best friends. Even if that bestie happened to be the sister of the guy I was pining over.
So I spilled it all—from the moment Logan stepped out on our back deck and I felt attracted to him to the moment I dropped him at Penn Station and watched him walk away without a backward glance. The only details I left out were the lack of protection during our first time together, the pregnancy scare, and the bizarre despair I felt at finding myself not pregnant. All of that felt too personal, too raw and close to the surface to share, even with one of my best friends. The only one I wanted to talk about it with was Logan. And he obviously didn’t have the same impulse to hash out all his feelings.
When Kate remained quiet for way too long, my already frayed nerves kicked things up a notch. I struggled to catch my breath as my stomach tried to turn itself inside out.
“Kate?” My voice came raw and jagged, as I fought off tears.
“I’m going to kill him,” she whispered.
“What?” Shock made my own voice a whisper.
“He’s a dead man walking. I don’t care if he is my brother. If that man thinks he’s going to get away with leaving my best friend high and dry, he better think again.”
I blinked, my mind trying to catch up with the conversation. Before I got there, Kate screeched in my ear. “Logan Murphy!”
Oh. My. God. I ripped the phone away from my ear seconds too late to protect my eardrum from her piercing cry. I brought it right back, now panicked again. She wasn’t just screaming out his name in anger. She was calling him!
“Kate, Kate, please, you can’t say anything.”
But she didn’t hear me. She must have found him because she started tearing him a new one, right then and there with me on the other end of the phone. “Logan Murphy! I can’t believe what you did to my best friend! What the hell were you thinking?”
I stilled, straining to hear what he had to say. Part of me was horrified that Kate was confronting him on my behalf. The other part of me was dying to hear him explain his behavior.
“It is my business when you treat my friend like one of your skanky hook ups! What the hell, Logan? How could you do that!”
I gripped the phone so tightly I was surprised it didn’t shatter into pieces. I didn’t drop it, though. This had gone far enough. I couldn’t let Katelyn say another word. “Kate! Kate, please. Don’t do this. Just enjoy having your brother home. I don’t want to ruin his short time at home. It’s okay. Really.”
“No, it is not okay.” Kate clipped out every word. “He knows better. You know better than to behave like this, don’t you Logan? Seriously, Jade’s always a rock. She’s always taking care of all of us.”
My eyes misted over at hearing Katelyn describe me that way. I loved my friends, and I knew they loved me, too. But I always felt like I got more than I gave in our friendship. Hearing that we might be even made me smile despite my panic. Until the next words that left Kate’s mouth...
“You made Jade cry. Jade! She never cries. I can’t believe you broke my best friend’s heart, you big jerk!”
I threw the phone across the room. It smacked into the wall and slid to the floor. My eyes followed it, wide and horrified. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.
Katelyn just announced to Logan that I was heartbroken. But he had to know I could only be heartbroken if I loved him. Not loved him the way I loved the guy I grew up with. Nope. Heartbroken implied I was in love with him.
Which was true. But no way would I have admitted that to Logan.
And now Kate had announced it as she shrieked at him like a crazed banshee.
I dropped my pounding head into my hands and began to rock back and forth. This day could not possibly get any worse.
Chapter 17
By late that afternoon, I’d dragged myself off the couch. Barely. I’d downed enough water to float a boat and managed to fry some eggs and not burn some toast. The water and food combined with a double of dose of Tylenol seemed to fend off the worst of the hangover.
It was only after I’d taken care of all that, plus showered and dressed in some baggy shorts and an old college T-shirt, that I felt capable of facing my phone. When I’d finally scooped it off the floor, it was to find I’d hit it hard enough to break it.
Good. Saved me the trouble of submerging it in water and hitting it with a hammer. I suddenly felt more of a kinship with Emma than ever before. I could totally understand why she’d spent so many days hiding in our apartment sporting her rattiest, comfiest pajamas.
In fact, I think that was going to be my contribution to the bet. I wondered if I could win with most consecutive days in a row without leaving the apartment. That would be different than my usual way of doing things.
A pounding came from the front door.
I stared at it with an odd detachment. Wonder what the rules were for dealing with visitors when one was working on becoming a shut-in. I tilted my head and stared at the door as the pounding came again.
I guessed I’d have to open the door to pizza delivery guys and stuff like that. So maybe opening the door could be a good rule.
“Jade, open this door!” Logan’s voice came through the door sounding fierce and annoyed and lots of other things I wasn’t emotionally prepared to figure out.
Huh. On second thought, maybe opening the door should be off limits.
“Jade!” Logan’s bellow came again.
I walked over and leaned my forehead against the smooth wood of the door. He banged and I could feel the vibration all through my body. I raised a hand and pressed it against the door like I could connect with him that way.
Two inches. That’s how much space stood between Logan and me right this second. But those two inches were nothing compared to the miles of other stuff piled up between us. No matter how much I might want to open the door and fling myself into his arms, I wasn’t prepared to face him after his sister had done me the favor of proclaiming my love.
“I’m not leaving until you open this door and talk to me, Jade.”
I huffed out a breath. This hermit thing was harder than it seemed. Emma had made it look so easy. I’d have to remember to give her props next time I saw her.
“I know you’re listening to me.” His voice held more than a hint of annoyance.
“I can’t open the door.” I debated the merits of explaining my shut-in plan to him, but decided against it.
“Jade, let me in.”
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Logan.” My voice was tiny.
“Let me in, Jade.”
The rawness of his voice was
a straight shot to my heart. So many reasons to keep him on the other side of the door flooded my mind. Not the least of which was that I didn’t have the energy to pretend what Katelyn told him was a lie. I didn’t want to send him back to Afghanistan with things bad between us. But I didn’t know if I could dig deep enough to pretend everything was great when Katelyn hit the nail on the head.
I was heartbroken. As unbelievable and ridiculous as it seemed that I could fall in love and have my heart broken all in the span of a few days, I had. And I just didn’t have it in me to pretend any differently.
“Sweet Pea. Please.”
A shudder ran through me. He sounded so...
My head popped up and my heart started racing. He sounded all kinds of emotional. Not the cold, blank-faced soldier at all. It sounded like Logan on the other side of that door.
My Logan.
Without another thought, I threw the door open.
Logan didn’t miss a beat. He charged in, straight for me.
Before I could protest or move out of the way, he scooped me up in his arms and kicked the door shut behind him.
I was right. I braced my hands on his shoulders and looked down into his face. The blank-faced soldier was gone. His eyes burned into mine. His mouth stretched into a grim line.
“You let me walk away,” he gritted out.
I raised my hands to his cheeks, caressing the face I loved more than my own life. “You left. I didn’t think you wanted me.”
He let me slide down his front. “Of course I wanted you.”
“You did? But at the beach house...” I shook my head and moved my hands down to lie flat on his chest. I could feel the thunder of his heartbeat against my palm. “You seemed like you couldn’t wait to leave me.”
His hands moved to the small of my back and shifted me until not so much as a puff of air could make its way between our bodies. He dropped his head so his forehead rested against mine. “You were relieved.”
My mouth opened and closed without a word being spoken. I shook my head against his. “You...you’re...no, Logan. I wasn’t relieved you were leaving. I felt like a selfish bitch knowing how much your parents and sister must want to see you, and all I wanted to do was keep you hidden away from everyone with me at the beach. I was not relieved you left."
His hands moved soothingly up and down my back, finally coming to rest against my shoulder blades. He pulled his forehead from mine so he could stare down into my eyes.
“Not relieved about my leaving, Jade.” His voice was so quiet, so clogged with emotion. “Relieved about getting your period. Relieved about the baby.”
Oh. My breath left me in a rush as I tried to process what he was telling me. And what he hadn’t yet said. My gaze searched his face. “You were upset I got my period?”
He looked away from me, but I couldn’t allow that. I reached for his chin and gently turned his face back to me.
“You were...disappointed?” My words came slowly. I was so afraid of the hope growing inside me. There was no way he could have been anything but relieved there was no baby. Right?
He shook his head. “I know. I know it sounds insane. But I—I was disappointed. I am disappointed.”
He rubbed his hands down my arms and grabbed me by the hand. He tugged me over to the couch and tumbled me right into his lap.
I allowed him to maneuver me, my mind too busy trying to put together what he was telling me.
“You’re disappointed I’m not pregnant?” I wrinkled my nose at him. “I thought you’d be over the moon. And I—well I was sad when I realized I wasn’t pregnant.”
He curled into the corner of the couch and brought me with him, my legs draped over his. “You were?”
I traced a finger over the furrow between his eyebrows, too afraid to explore why exactly he was cradling me in his arms. If this was all I was going to get, I’d take every second of it.
“I know it’s weird. I know it would be a disaster for me to be pregnant.” I drew in a deep breath and looked down at my lap. “But I can’t help how I feel. When I woke up and realized I had my period...I was so upset. For some reason, I—I guess I was getting attached to the little hypothetical bean.”
When my words were met with silence, I ventured a peek. I glanced up at him from under my lashes.
The expression on his face stole my breath. He stared down at me with a look I couldn’t describe. Emotions boiled over behind his eyes and a nerve ticked in his jaw.
“I know it’s silly,” I said softly.
He hugged me to him so fast and fiercely, I could only sit stunned in his arms for a moment. But then hope grew. I thought of the title of one of the cheesy romance movies I’d encountered as I worked my ways through the channels last night and was amazed how clear it suddenly became—Hope Floats.
That’s just what was happening. Hope worked its way through my twisted, convoluted emotions. It pushed its way past my thudding heart and clogged throat. Hope shot straight to the top and I turned my face up to Logan as hope gave me the power to push down my fears.
What else did I have to lose?
“Logan, I know how crazy I sound, but when I realized we made love that first night without using anything...” I shook my head while I tried to catch my breath. “I wanted it. I had a picture in my head of the three of us—you, me and a baby. And I don’t care how nuts I sound, but in that moment I’d never wanted anything more in my entire life.”
“Jade.” My name broke from him with the impact of a punch. And maybe that’s how he felt. I wasn’t taking any chances. I had to lay it all out on the table.
“And your sister? What she said when we were talking on the phone? It’s true. You broke my heart when you walked away from me at Penn Station. I didn’t want to make things any tougher on you, but if you knew how difficult it was for me to watch you go without chasing after you...” I shrugged. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
I called up all the courage I could manage—truthfully, a considerable amount. But it took me every last bit to say the words that I needed to say to him. “I love you, Logan.”
He pulled me even closer to his body and tucked his face into my neck. It felt like he was breathing me in. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could and held on with everything I had. Fear wanted to push its way in, but for this one little moment in time, hope wouldn’t let it.
“Logan?” I finally broke the silence in a ragged voice.
He hugged me and then pulled back so he could look down into my face. “I know how I can help you win the bet.”
I blinked. Those were not the words I expected to hear. Not the ones I’d been hoping for. My heart plummeted.
“Okay.” The word came slowly, pulled from somewhere deep inside.
He gave me a gentle shake. “Aren’t you going to ask me what you could do to win?”
I pulled my eyebrows together. I’d confessed my love and he wanted to talk about the bet? I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I might have lost the ability to pull up any kind of appropriate emotional response.
“How could I win the bet?” My words were the vocal equivalent of Logan’s blank-faced soldier expression.
“Marry me. Tonight. We can fly to Las Vegas.”
All my thoughts scattered. I opened my mouth and closed it again. Nothing. I had nothing.
“Jade?”
“But there’s no baby,” I blurted. “You don’t have to marry me.”
“Also, it’s not 1954. I wouldn’t have to marry you if you even if you were pregnant.” He grinned down at me.
I pressed my lips together and tipped my head to the side. All I could do was stare at him. No matter how many times I arranged and rearranged his words in my mind, I couldn’t make sense of them.
He laughed at my confusion. “I guess I’m not doing this right.”
He moved me off his lap, gently easing me onto the couch cushions. He slid to the floor, getting down on one knee in front of me.
He dipped his hand into his pocket and pulled a small black box out.
My breath stopped and my heart stuttered. That couldn’t be what I thought it was. Maybe I was still passed out from the tequila.
“Jade.” His steady voice brought my eyes to his face.
And all at once I knew. Knew this wasn’t a tequila-induced hallucination.
“Logan,” I whispered as tears prickled behind my eyes. I blinked them away. I didn’t want to miss even a second of this.
“My grandmother gave me this a few years before she died. She told me I’d know when I met the right woman to give it to. Said it would be like a flash of lightning hitting me right between the eyes.” He flipped the box open.
My breath rushed out of me as I saw the simple vintage diamond ring set in a platinum band. I raised my hands to cover my mouth. Could this really be happening?
A self-deprecating laugh escaped Logan and my gaze returned to his face. “Turns out Grandma was wrong about some things. I already knew the right woman. It just wasn’t the right time yet.”
Logan reached for one of my hands, and I allowed him to take it, dropping my other hand to my lap.
“I know we had an unusual beginning, Sweet Pea. But I think the friendship we started with will only help make our relationship stronger.” He pulled the ring from the box and grasped my left hand in his. “Somewhere along the way, the feelings we had grew into something more. And the minute I saw you standing on the deck of the beach house the other night, I knew. And Grandma was right. It was like a bolt of lightning. I don’t know how I stayed on my feet.”
He slid the ring over the tip of my finger and all I could do was stare.
“When you came to me in the night, I thought I’d fallen into a dream I never wanted to wake up from. And when you broke the news that there was a chance you might be pregnant, instead of losing it, I knew in another blinding flash that I never wanted anything more.” His gaze drilled into mine. “You and me and the family we build together would be my dream come true. I love you. Will you marry me Jade Roberts?”
