Plain Peace

by Beth Wiseman

  Jacob cupped her cheek in his hand, and Anna stopped breathing again. “That’s exactly why I have to talk to your grandfather. We’re lying just by being here.”

  She knew he was right, but the feel of his touch reminded her that this small untruth was worth it. “Okay,” she managed in a whisper as Jacob moved his hand. “But what if he still forbids us to see each other? Then what?”

  He shrugged. “I’ll figure it out.”

  “So how are things with your daed? Any better?”

  Jacob had told her all about his father, the ways he’d been handling his grief about Leah. Or not handling it.

  He rubbed his forehead. “He still stays to himself. And this week Mamm quit taking meals to him in their bedroom. I think she was trying to force him to be with the family at mealtime, but it didn’t work. He just doesn’t eat now, except for the lunch Mamm sends with him when he’s tending the land.”

  Anna was quiet for a few moments. “Daadi would be a gut person for him to talk to.”

  “I’m not sure anyone can get through to him at this point. I feel the most sorry for mei mamm. And for Eli. He’s twelve, and he really needs his daed.”

  Jacob leaned back against the tree and crossed his ankles. “Besides, you said your grandfather is unreasonable and unfair. What makes you think he could help my father?”

  Anna sighed. “He knows how he feels. He lost his sohn and his sohn’s fraa—my parents. And Mammi told me that he withdrew into himself for a long time after that. I know he’s stubborn and strict, but he does love the Lord, and I know he wants to be a gut bishop. Maybe I should suggest that he pay your father a visit.”

  “Maybe.” Jacob turned to face her. “Or maybe wait until after I talk to him about us.”

  Us. That sounded nice.

  “If that goes well, I’ll talk to your grandfather about Daed.”

  “I’m so sorry your family is going through this.”

  Jacob reached for her hand and squeezed. “Me too.”

  Anna reached into her pocket and pulled out her flattened dime. “Did you bring yours?”

  “Ya.” He smiled as he produced his in the palm of his hand. “So what did you wish for?”

  Anna shook her head. “Can’t tell you. Then it won’t come true.”

  Jacob sighed as he stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. “Well then, I guess I can’t tell you what I wished for either.” He paused, leaning his face closer to her. “Maybe I’ll just show you.”

  Anna’s pulse quickened and her emotions whirled as she realized this was the moment she’d been waiting for. The feel of Jacob’s lips on hers sent her stomach into a wild swirl. But after only a few seconds, she surprised herself and relaxed into the kiss, parting her lips as she shared an intimacy she’d only dreamed about. It was everything she’d hoped it would be, and as Jacob eased away, he kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

  Anna couldn’t take her eyes off him. Or his mouth. Without giving it much thought, she leaned up and kissed him again.

  Maybe my wish is coming true.

  Lucy carted Benjamin on her hip into Noah’s clinic, hoping her little one would behave himself. She loved her son more than anything in the world, but there was merit to the entire “terrible twos” phrase she’d heard about.

  She’d never been to Noah’s clinic, and she wouldn’t have ventured here today if she wasn’t desperate. But she owed her regular doctor so much money, she didn’t dare show her face at his office.

  She walked up to the receptionist window and rang the bell. The foggy glass door slid open.

  “I don’t have an appointment, but I was wondering if Dr. Stoltzfus would have time to see us.” Lucy repositioned Benjamin on her hip. “Benjamin is due for his shots, but he seems really congested too.”

  “Has he been here before?”

  Lucy shook her head. “No. He usually goes to Dr. Bentson in Lancaster.”

  “Dr. Stoltzfus had an emergency. He should be back within the hour. You’re welcome to wait. There is one person in front of you.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”

  The woman handed Lucy a clipboard. “Just fill this out, and it will give us permission to get the records from Dr. Bentson. And on the next page is all the other information we’ll need about Benjamin—his insurance and so forth.”

  Lucy hesitated. She didn’t have insurance, and she wasn’t sure she wanted Noah’s office contacting the other doctor. What if he found out how behind she was in her payments to Dr. Bentson?

  But she took the clipboard. She’d just have to hope that Dr. Bentson’s rude receptionist wouldn’t tell on her. They’ll probably be glad to be rid of me.

  She glanced around the small waiting room. There were five chairs against one wall, a large coffee table with magazines, and five chairs on the opposite wall, where the other patient was sitting. She wore a long dark-green dress, a black apron, and one of those white head coverings. Amish, obviously.

  Lucy sat as far away from her as possible. She didn’t know many of the Amish folks, but she suspected most of them knew her—and disapproved. It had been quite the scandal when everyone found out that Lucy was having an affair with Ivan Stoltzfus. Lucy wanted to regret it—needed to regret it—but when she looked at Benjamin, she just couldn’t. If things had happened any differently, she wouldn’t have Benjamin, and he was all that kept her going on most days.

  She put Benjamin on a chair beside her and started filling out the paperwork, but her son was quickly off the chair and running around the room. Not today, Benny. Please. She didn’t raise her head, but lifted her eyes toward the Amish woman. But she flipped through a magazine and paid the baby no mind.

  Benny kept hopping around in his blue-checked shorts, navy T-shirt, and white tennis shoes. He was incredibly cute, actually, and Lucy silently thanked God for him. Again. But she also sent up a desperate prayer that he behave.

  “Benjamin, come here,” Lucy called softly. But he ignored her. He walked directly to the Amish woman and slammed both hands in the middle of her magazine. Lucy jumped up, still clutching the clipboard, and hurried to her son.

  “I’m so sorry.” Lucy reached for Benny’s hand to ease him away, but Benjamin fell to the floor and screamed. She put the clipboard on the chair next to the Amish woman and picked up her wailing son. “I’m sorry,” she said again as she walked back to her seat. Benjamin went limp in her arms, still screaming.

  The woman was quickly on her feet, toting the clipboard Lucy had left behind.

  “Here you go.” She handed it to Lucy, then smiled. “I remember when my children were that age. Such a wonderful, fun age.” The smile broadened. “But it can be challenging.” She reached over and touched Benjamin on the arm. “Oh my. You have some lungs on you, no?”

  “Please tell me the terrible twos won’t go on into the threes and fours.” Lucy bounced Benjamin on one knee.

  The woman laughed. “They just change, and there are always challenges. But a child is the Lord’s greatest blessing.”

  Lucy looked up at the woman just in time to see her expression shift to a much more solemn look, and Lucy wondered what she was thinking about. But then she reached out her hands. “I’d be happy to hold him while you finish your paperwork.”

  “Are you sure? He can be quite the handful.” She didn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings by telling her that Benny rarely went to strangers. And she was a little wary of speaking with an Amish woman. She usually avoided all of the Amish, never quite sure who might recognize her as the adulterous woman she was.

  “I’m Cora, by the way.” The other woman put her arms under Benny’s and lifted him to her lap. To Lucy’s surprise, Benjamin smiled and reached for one of the strings on the woman’s white cap.

  Lucy swallowed hard, knowing Cora might be handing Benjamin right back when she found out who she was. “I’m, uh . . . I’m Lucy. Lucy Turner.”

  Cora didn’t turn her way as she bounced Benny on her knee. “Very nice to
meet you, Lucy.”

  “You too.” Cora smiled as she briefly glanced at Lucy, her head cocked to one side as Benjamin wrapped his fingers around the dangling string.

  Lucy picked up the clipboard and finished filling out the paperwork, praying that Benjamin wouldn’t rip the little cap from Cora’s head, but Cora set him down on the floor in front of her and started playing patty-cake with him. Benjamin wasn’t very good at it, but he was laughing, and so was Cora. “Such a little cutie.” Cora cupped Benjamin’s cheek. “Such a blessing.”

  Cora was a pretty woman, maybe ten years older than Lucy, in her early forties. Tiny lines feathered from the corners of big brown eyes that twinkled as she played with Benjamin. Watching Cora made Lucy miss her own mother that much more—the loving woman she used to be, not the angry, critical one she had become. Lucy assumed the love was still in there somewhere. She doted on Benjamin the best way she knew how. But when it came to Lucy, there was no love to be seen. She almost never spoke without getting a jab in at Lucy—that she was a terrible mother, an awful cook, a pitiful housekeeper—that part was a little bit true—and just a terrible person in general. It was a struggle for Lucy these days not to see herself as her mother did.

  Before the stroke, Alice hadn’t always agreed with Lucy’s choices, especially her seeing a married man. And looking back, Lucy was sure the entire situation must have been painfully embarrassing for her mother. But she’d never degraded Lucy or talked ugly to her the way she did now.

  “I’ll be right back.” Lucy stood up and took the clipboard to the receptionist, then went back to her seat. Cora had Benjamin in her lap now and was entertaining him with silly faces.

  “How many children do you have,” Lucy asked as she sat down.

  Cora tickled Benjamin on his tummy. “I have six.” Her face paled, and she bit her bottom lip. “Actually, I have five. My daughter died a year ago.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Lucy gazed at Benjamin and couldn’t imagine that kind of pain. “What was her name?”

  Cora smiled again. “Danki—I mean, thank you—for asking. Her name was Leah. She was my oldest child.”

  Benjamin wiggled his way off Cora’s lap. Both women watched as he picked up a magazine on the coffee table, sat down on the floor with it, and began flipping through it as if he were reading. Lucy couldn’t help but smile. “Do you mind me asking, was she . . . sick or . . . ?”

  Cora shook her head, eyes downcast. “Nee—no. She fell off the plow and hit her head.” She looked up at Lucy and blinked a few times. “She died right away. We still miss her very much.”

  Lucy looked over at Benjamin. Please, God, keep him safe. She wasn’t sure what else to say to the other woman. But she didn’t need to say anything because Cora kept talking as if starved for conversation.

  “That’s why I’m here,” she said, “to see Dr. Stoltzfus. I’m not supposed to be here. Our bishop has banned us from coming here.” She waved a hand in the air and rolled her eyes. “Something about Dr. Stoltzfus being shunned a long time ago. But my husband really needs help, so I decided to take the risk.”

  Lucy wasn’t following. If Cora’s husband was sick, shouldn’t he be the one at the doctor? Cora suddenly sprang to her feet and reached for Benjamin, who had stood up, tripped, and begun to fall before Lucy had time to register what had happened. Cora stood him up and handed him another magazine, which he began swinging around the room.

  Cora sat down again and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m talking too much and burdening you with my troubles. I’m just so anxious to get some help for my husband. We just moved here a month ago, and I was hoping the change would help him adjust to Leah’s death, but he has only gotten worse.”

  Ah! They just moved here. That explained why an Amish woman was being so friendly to Lucy. But what a sad story she had to tell. Lucy recalled how she’d felt when Ivan died—the pain of losing him compounded by having to suffer silently on the sidelines. At the time she’d felt like she would never recover. But now that she had her own child, she was sure that losing a son or daughter had to be the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

  “Um . . . I’m wondering . . . what are you hoping Dr. Stoltzfus can do for your husband?”

  Cora shrugged as she crossed her legs. “I don’t know. I read in a magazine once that there are medications for people who are depressed, but I’ve heard there are herbal remedies too. Since Dr. Stoltzfus used to be Amish, I’m hoping he will be able to help me with one or the other.” She paused. “I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this. You seem very nice.”

  Lucy couldn’t help but smile at the unexpected compliment. She didn’t have any friends, Amish or otherwise. When she wasn’t working at the diner, she was tending to Benny and her mother, and the few friends she’d had before Benjamin was born had gone on living their single lives. This woman was kind, new to the area, and had her own problems. But she was Amish. How much could she and Lucy have in common? And would she even want to be friends with Lucy once she found out who she was and what everyone in the Amish community thought of her?

  Her stomach lurched as she thought about having to face Ivan’s brother. But she’d sensed when he returned the pendant that he wanted to see Benjamin. So maybe he would give her a discount or treat him for free, like he’d treated her mother.

  If it had been Lucy who was sick, no way she would seek free medical attention. But this was for Benjamin, and she was willing to risk her pride for his sake. Even though he acted like he felt fine, Lucy could hear the rattle in Benny’s chest.

  “Cora Hostetler.”

  Both Lucy and Cora looked toward the opened door where a nurse was standing. Noah must have returned through a back entrance.

  Cora stood up. “It was nice talking to you.” She smiled before she walked to where the nurse waited.

  “You too.” Lucy wished their visit could have been longer. She picked up Benjamin, who had toddled back to her. He snuggled up close, and she rocked him in her lap, rehearsing what she would say to Noah. Should she ask him about her mother? Maybe there was a drug that Mom could take, a nice pill or something. She grinned at the thought, even though there wasn’t anything remotely funny about the situation.

  Twenty minutes later Cora returned to the waiting room. She went straight to the window and apparently settled her bill, not even glancing at Lucy and Benjamin, who had finally fallen asleep. When the nurse called her name, Lucy carefully eased him onto her shoulder and moved in that direction. Cora was closing a small wallet and stuffed it in her purse. Lucy hesitated, wanting to ask if she’d gotten some help for her husband. But she knew enough about the Amish people to know that they didn’t normally seek friendships with outsiders. There were exceptions to that, of course, but Lucy couldn’t imagine why Cora would want to be friends with a woman she just met in the doctor’s waiting room.

  She’d been hoping Cora might ask her for coffee or want to chat more. But when Cora just gave a quick wave in her direction, Lucy walked through the open door and down the hallway.

  She heard the front door close behind her, doubting she’d ever see the woman again.

  12

  NOAH STOPPED ABRUPTLY WHEN HE WALKED INTO THE examining room, wishing he’d taken a look at the name on the chart before he rushed into the room. “Lucy.” He gazed at Benjamin, swallowing hard as he thought about Ivan.

  “Hi, Dr. Stoltzfus.” Lucy was bouncing Benjamin on her knee. “He needs his shots, and he’s congested.”

  “Most people just call me Dr. Noah. Or Noah.” He inched toward them and held his hands out. “May I?”

  Lucy lifted Benjamin into Noah’s arms. When he dropped the pendant off, she’d made it clear she didn’t want him to see Benjamin, so he wondered what brought her here now. Surely she had a regular pediatrician. He glanced at the file he’d set down on the chair beside them. Dr. Bentson. Hmm.

  Noah set the little boy on the examining table as Lucy walked to her son’s side. After asking Lucy a few q
uestions and examining Benjamin, Noah diagnosed his nephew with a mild case of bronchitis, crediting Lucy for bringing him in early. Gloria came into the room and gave Benjamin his shots, and Noah was surprised at how well he did, barely a whimper.

  Noah couldn’t take his eyes off of Benjamin, and his heart ached, remembering his brother. Ivan would have been so proud of this beautiful child. Would little Benjamin ever meet his half-brother, Jonas, who lived in Colorado with Katie Ann and her new husband? Noah hadn’t had an opportunity to meet little Jonas, but Benjamin was right here in Paradise, in his office. He made a few notes on the baby’s chart as Lucy picked him up, balancing him on her hip. “He’s a handsome boy.”

  “Thank you.” She avoided Noah’s eyes but glowed as she looked at her son.

  “How is your mother doing?” Noah wasn’t ready for them to leave just yet. He certainly didn’t have any other patients waiting. He’d been surprised to have two this morning, both of them first-timers.

  Lucy shrugged. “I’m sorry for any trouble she’s caused for you and those Amish families. Ever since the stroke . . .” She shifted the baby on her hip and looked up. “Do you think, I mean, are there medications for that sort of thing?”

  “Does she have a regular doctor? She only came to see me for an ear infection.”

  Lucy shook her head. “No. Not really. We don’t have insurance, and well . . .” She looked away.

  Noah rubbed his chin as he took a deep breath. “I’d be happy to see your mother if you want to bring her in, and we can work something out about payment.” He paused. “Listen, we’re having a family get-together in a couple of weeks to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. Would you and Benjamin like to come? I’m sure everyone would like to meet him. It will be both my sisters—Rebecca and Mary Ellen—and their families.” He hesitated, then added, “And of course your mother is invited.” He said it to be polite, but he hoped Lucy wouldn’t bring Alice. It would be hard enough for his family to be around Lucy.