by Beth Wiseman
“I knew she wouldn’t come.” His sister Mary Ellen eased up beside him. “I tried a long time ago to get to know her a little bit. I don’t think she wants to be part of the family.” She paused. “And I have to admit I have mixed emotions about the whole thing.”
Noah turned to face his sister while everyone else was busying themselves in the kitchen, the women preparing snacks, the men nibbling. “No matter what happened, Benjamin is our nephew, and Ivan would want us to make sure he’s okay. He would want us to make a place for him in our lives.”
“What do you think Katie Ann would say?” Mary Ellen turned to face him, hands on her hips. “Do you think she might be hurt that we invited Lucy to a family gathering?”
“Katie Ann is happily married to Eli in Colorado. She has Jonas, plus Eli’s children and grandchildren. Every time I talk to Katie Ann on the phone, she sounds very happy. I don’t think she’d have a problem with us getting to know our nephew.” He sighed. “But I’ll ask her next time we talk.”
“So maybe you should have asked her before you invited Lucy?” Mary Ellen’s words were softened by her gentle teasing tone.
Noah shrugged, peering out the window again. “Well, it doesn’t look like she’s coming anyway.”
“Nee, it doesn’t.” No matter what she’d said, he could tell she was disappointed.
Noah scratched his forehead. “Aren’t you worried about getting caught here? You and Rebecca both. What if the bishop were to find out that you come to our house?”
Mary Ellen grunted. “That new bishop, Bishop Byler, is simply unreasonable.” She shook her head. “You were shunned a long time ago, then reestablished into the community when Bishop Ebersol was still alive. Bishop Byler is hurting his district by reinstating the shunning.” She pointed a finger at him. “He better be careful. He’ll start running people off. No doubt he means well, but he needs to follow the lead of his district members, and almost no one agrees with the decisions he’s making.”
“I do miss all the Amish folks coming into the clinic. They made up the bulk of my clients. Not to mention that we’ve had to dip into our savings to keep operating.”
Mary Ellen looked up toward the air-conditioning vent above their heads, closed her eyes, and smiled. “I think I’ll spend the rest of the summer right here in the air-conditioning.”
Noah chuckled. “You’d be shunned for sure then.”
“And it might just be worth it.” She stood there enjoying the cool air for a few more moments, then sighed. “Guess I better go help with the food. But you let me know when you talk to Katie Ann and what her feelings are about including Lucy in our lives.” She paused, frowning. “Although, since Lucy didn’t show up, I’m thinking it probably won’t be an issue.”
Noah followed her into the kitchen, thinking the same thing.
Lucy cleaned up her mother’s vomit from the kitchen floor, thankful that Benjamin was still napping.
“I’m sorry.” Mom covered her face with her hands and wept like a small child.
Lucy had already cleaned up her mother’s face and helped her get into fresh clothes. “It’s okay, Mom. Go sit down on the couch, and I’ll go get you some crackers.”
She wiped up the last of the mess as her mother shuffled into the living room. She wasn’t sure what was worse—when her mother was cussing her and calling her a worthless person, or when she was out of her mind and sick, like today. Twice she’d asked Lucy who she was, and once she’d asked if she could go to the post office to catch a train to Harrisburg. So far, her mother’s behavior had been blamed on the stroke, but Lucy couldn’t help but wonder if she had Alzheimer’s.
She tossed the soiled paper towels into the trash can, then followed up with damp rags. Once she was done, she cleaned herself up and went to check on her mother. She was sleeping on the couch. Thank goodness. She’d heard back from one of the facilities that her mother was third on their waiting list. But that could mean two weeks or two months.
She sat down on the chair across from the couch. Her mother’s matted hair needed washing, but Lucy had put it off for a couple of days because Mom threw such a fit about it. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, hoping Benjamin and Mom would sleep for a while longer. As weary as she felt, it was probably just as well that she hadn’t made it to Noah’s. She didn’t have the strength to face that family today.
Was it really supposed to be this hard? As much as she worked and prayed and tried to live a better life, she just couldn’t seem to catch a break. Maybe she would have to spend the rest of her life making up for all the mistakes she’d made so far. Was that how it worked—for every bad year, you had to serve a good year? If that was the case, she had a long way to go.
But then she thought about what Marianne had said, about being a daughter of the promise. That sounded like heaven to her . . . a spiritual journey, discovering new meaning to faith, hope, and love. With each step on this new path, she did feel like she was one step closer to finding true peace. But some days it seemed like one step forward, two steps back.
She closed her eyes and prayed.
Jacob sat on the front porch steps, waiting for his father to come up the walk. Daed’s routine rarely varied these days. He’d come in after a long day working in the barn or the fields. He’d hang his hat and wash up. Then he would sit silently at the table while everyone else ate and perhaps eat a bite or two himself before disappearing into his room. He must be getting pretty hungry now that Mamm had quit taking him food in the bedroom. He never ate a complete meal.
Sitting with Daed at the supper table was like being with a stranger. His eyes were empty, his attention elsewhere. And Jacob’s emotions were all over the place about that. Sometimes he was so angry with his father he wanted to punch him. Other times he just wanted to cry . . . or wrap his arms around him. It was like there had been two deaths in the family.
“Wie bischt?” Jacob raised a hand to his forehead to block the setting sun. “Can I talk to you before you go in?”
His father kept walking, stopping in front of him. “Jacob, I’m tired and hungry. Are you and the other kinner okay?”
Jacob stood up from the step he was sitting on and swallowed hard. “Ya, I think everyone is okay. But . . .” He knew he was about to cross a line he’d never gotten near. “But it’s Mamm. I hear her crying a lot still.”
Daed stood there a minute, his eyes cast down, then walked up the steps past Jacob. Just when Jacob was sure there would be no more conversation, his father reached for the screen door handle and turned around. A breeze stirred beneath the rafters on the porch, and Jacob waited, his hair blowing gently.
“These things take time. It will take time for healing.”
“I know, but . . .” Jacob took a few steps toward his father, but Daed went in the house and closed the door behind him.
Jacob stayed on the porch, a sense of hopelessness filling his heart. Maybe he should have made plans to go to Glenda’s party after all. Glenda had even invited Anna. But Jacob knew what kind of party it would be, and he hadn’t wanted Anna at something like that. And then there was the issue of her grandfather.
He finally walked inside, wanting nothing more than to just go upstairs and be alone. But he was hungry too, and he wasn’t going to abandon his family the way his father had.
Anna sat at home on Saturday night, as she did most nights, but tonight she kept picturing Jacob at Glenda’s party. Unless maybe he didn’t go.
She’d changed her mind about going to the party herself. For one thing, she wasn’t sure how she’d have gotten out of the house, though she would have found a way if she wanted to badly enough. But her main reason for staying was that Mammi had acted odd at supper, and Anna had reservations about leaving the house. Several times Mammi had gotten confused, and she’d tripped once and almost fallen down in the kitchen. Anna suspected her blood sugar was off, but when she questioned her grandmother about it, Mammi said all was well and that she’d been checking it. She
hadn’t mentioned anything to Anna about her expired prescription, so Anna knew Mammi was trying to control her glucose level with just her diet and the cinnamon pills.
The evening breeze felt wonderful coming through the open window, but as much as Anna tried to sleep, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jacob. She was starting to wonder if fighting to see him was a good idea. To her recollection, she’d never been jealous about anyone—not even Emma, who was gorgeous and seemed perfect in every way. Jacob was the first guy to show a real interest in her—the only one to have ever kissed her. And she liked that he was willing to stand up to her grandfather. But could she be on God’s path and have these crazy feelings of jealousy? She was pondering that question when a loud knock sounded at her door. Before she could answer, her grandfather pushed the door open.
“I can’t find your mammi.” He held up his lantern with a shaky hand. “I got up to get a drink of water. She wasn’t in the bed, so I figured she must be doing the same thing. But I can’t find her anywhere.” His voice cracked as he spoke, and in that moment, Anna was sure she’d never seen her grandfather more vulnerable.
She sat up in bed. “Daadi, I’m sure she’s in the basement. You know how she likes to go down there for meditation and prayer.”
His tired eyes widened. “At this hour? It’s nearly eleven o’clock.”
Anna glanced at the battery-operated clock on her nightstand. She’d been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t realized it was so late. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, reached for her robe, and picked up her lantern.
“I’ll go down there and make sure she’s okay.”
“What does she do down there that she can’t do in the main haus?” Daadi stepped aside so Anna could go by him.
“I told you. Meditate and pray.” She turned around before she got to the stairs. “Come on, Daadi. Let me help you down the stairs.” Her grandfather rarely came up the main stairs, and it was impossible for him to navigate the steep basement steps.
“Nee. I will take mei time and be fine. You hurry now and go check on your mammi. I don’t think these knees will make it down to the basement.” He groaned as he took the first step downward, and Anna didn’t move at first until she saw that he had mastered a couple of steps and seemed to be doing okay.
She darted down the stairs, hurried to the basement door, and carefully made her way down the steps, holding the lantern with one hand and grasping the handrail with the other. These stairs were steep—her grandmother had no business going up and down them all the time.
When she got to the door of the broom closet, she knocked. “Mammi, are you in there?”
She waited a few moments, then yelled louder. “Mammi?”
Her stomach churned as she turned the knob, jiggling it when it didn’t open. She reached above the door and found the key, which meant Mammi most likely wasn’t in there. Anna put the key in the lock anyway.
She pushed the door open and lifted the lantern above her head, then gasped and brought her free hand to her chest. She’d suspected Mammi had more going on down here than just prayer, but she wasn’t at all prepared for what she saw. Dishes, glasses, serving pieces, clothes, lotions, a radio?
She took a few steps into the room. Magazines, books, trinkets. Jewelry? She opened up a black box and lifted a silver chain, an angel pendant dangling from it.
“Is she down there?”
Anna jumped at the sound of her grandfather’s voice. She wanted to stay, to keep looking at what appeared to be thousands of dollars worth of hidden treasures her grandmother must have been collecting for a long time. And for what?
She yelled over her shoulder, “Nee! She’s not down here. I’m coming back up.” She forced herself to refocus on the fact that Mammi was missing, but she couldn’t peel her eyes away from the sleek cell phone sitting in her grandmother’s chair. She walked closer and picked it up, then quickly put it back down.
Her heart thumped in her chest as she closed the door, locked it, and put the key back. Had her grandmother lost her mind?
When she reached the top of the narrow steps, her grandfather was waiting, his face tight with worry.
“We’ll find her. She couldn’t have gone far.” Anna hurried past him, then out the front door. “Mammi!”
She checked the barn, the old outhouse, the garden, and the woodshed. After catching her breath, she yelled again, as loudly as she could, “Mammi!”
Her grandfather crossed the yard to where she was standing, toting his lantern. Anna saw his lip tremble. “Where could she be?”
Anna swallowed hard and tried to think. If her grandmother wasn’t right in the mind, she could be anywhere. “I . . . I don’t know, Daadi.”
“What do we do?” He shook his head, his brow furrowed. For a man of such power in their community, he looked absolutely helpless, waiting for his granddaughter to make a decision.
She made it. “We call on members of the community to help us look for her.”
“I will go hitch the buggy up, then start making rounds.”
“Daadi, we don’t have time to start going haus to haus for help. She might be hurt. Just wait here, and I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?” he called after her, but Anna didn’t answer. She had quite a few phone numbers written down since most of the district members had cell phones. Or they used to. There was a phone shanty nearby, so they could use that.
Then Anna remembered the phone in the basement. Mammi might get onto her later for blowing her secret, but this was an emergency. She headed straight for the basement. Once she had the phone, she went upstairs to her room and got her phone list. By the time she got back downstairs, her grandfather was pacing the living room.
“Where did you go? Should we call the Englisch police?”
Anna was surprised to hear him make the suggestion, since he’d always said that involving the Englisch in their lives should be a last resort. But even with her phone list, by the time everyone hitched up their buggies and started to look for Mammi . . .
She pulled the phone from her robe pocket.
“Anna, you have a portable phone?” Daadi stood taller, frowning.
She fumbled with the phone. She’d used others before, but this one was different. How do you turn it on? Is it charged?
“Ya, Daadi. And I’m going to call the sheriff’s office.” Pausing, she let out a heavy sigh. “As soon as I can figure out how to use it.”
“When did you get a phone? You know that it—”
“Daadi!” She’d never used such a tone of voice with her grandfather. “Mammi is missing. Do you really want to talk about the phone now?” She finally managed to dial 911 and hit call.
She was waiting for it to start ringing when her grandmother walked through the front door and into the living room. She was carrying a black-and-white kitten under one arm. Anna quickly hit End.
“Where have you been?” She took a few steps toward her, but her grandfather moved even faster and wrapped his arms around Mammi and the cat. “Mei fraa, I have been so worried.” He eased away, grasping Anna’s grandmother by both arms. “Are you all right?”
Mammi frowned. “What in the world are you two doing up at this hour?” She shook loose of Daadi’s hold. “Of course I’m all right.”
Anna walked up to her grandmother and gave the kitten a quick scratch behind the ears. “Daadi woke up to get a drink, and then he couldn’t find you. He was worried.” She tucked her long hair behind her ears. “We were outside calling you. Didn’t you hear us?”
“Ya, I heard you. And I yelled back, asking for someone to help me, but no one came. I even shined the flashlight I was using, but I guess you didn’t see it. I was pretty far out.” She put the kitten down on the couch. “I couldn’t sleep because I kept hearing a faint crying, so finally I got up to see what it was. After a while, I realized that the sound was coming from back behind the haus in the back pasture, so I went out to investigate.”
She leaned
down and stroked the kitten’s head before he darted off the couch and across the room. “This little fellow was caught in your coyote trap. But I don’t think he was in there too long before I found him.” She shook her head, frowning. “You know I don’t like those traps, Isaac.”
“Ya, well . . . you don’t like them coyotes killing the cows either.”
“Anyway . . .” Mammi brushed cat hair from her blue robe. “I could hear you yelling, and I yelled back, but I guess since I was on the other side of the haus with the wind blowing to the south, you didn’t hear me.” She raised her eyebrows and pressed her thin lips together when she saw the mobile phone in Anna’s hand.
“I was just getting ready to call for help.” Anna lifted the phone.
“Ya, and we will speak in the morning about why you have this portable phone,” her grandfather said in a gruff voice.
“Isaac, about the phone . . .” Her grandmother scratched her cheek.
“Let’s go to bed, Mammi. Daadi said we’ll talk in the morning.” Anna linked her arm through her grandmother’s and led her to the bedroom.
“What about this cat?” her grandfather bellowed.
Anna turned around and saw him staring at the kitten, hands on his hips. “Just put him outside, Daadi. If he’s still there in the morning, I’ll tend to him.” She kept walking with her grandmother until they were all the way into the bedroom.
“You went down to the basement.” Mammi scowled.
Anna helped her grandmother out of her robe and into bed. “Tomorrow we will be talking about more than just this phone.”
17
CORA GOT OUT OF HER BUGGY AT MARIANNE’S, TETHERED her horse, and stood staring at her friend’s house, wondering if she could trust Marianne to keep her secret. She couldn’t talk to her children, and there was no way she was going to talk to her husband.
