by Beth Wiseman
She walked into the kitchen and noticed a burned batch of cookies on top of the stove and a carton of milk on the counter. “Mammi?”
Anna walked from room to room as panic spread over her. Benjamin just kept screaming at the top of his small lungs. Finally, she walked into her grandparents’ bathroom.
“Mammi!” Her grandmother lay sprawled out on the wooden floor.
Anna set Benjamin down and rushed to Mammi’s side. She shook her, but she didn’t move. Anna’s mind raced with panic as she wondered what to do.
Mammi’s cell phone!
She picked up Benjamin and carried him with her to the basement to get the phone. Thank goodness it still had a charge! Once upstairs, she dialed 911.
“It’s my grandmother . . .”
Benjamin had stopped crying by now, but Anna had started.
Please, Lord, don’t take Mammi. Not today.
18
LUCY STOOD OFF TO ONE SIDE IN THE WAITING ROOM at the hospital. If she hadn’t been completely sure of how Cora felt before, she was now. She had nodded curtly at Lucy when she arrived but otherwise ignored her and Benjamin. Now Cora and other members of the Amish community huddled together across the room. Anna Byler was there with a man Lucy believed to be her grandfather, the bishop. The others Lucy didn’t recognize, though she was certain they recognized her.
She pulled Benjamin closer to her as she continually thanked God that he was all right. So many things could have happened to him today. But they didn’t. Lucy felt sure that the Lord had been in that house with both her son and Marianne.
The doctor had already come out and said that Marianne was stable. Her blood sugar had gotten so high that she’d passed out. Until today Lucy had no idea that Marianne was diabetic. She’d definitely seen her eat sweets.
Lucy swallowed nervously as Bishop Byler left the group and walked toward her. Lucy could feel his eyes on her, but she kept her focus on Benjamin, who stood next to her playing with some cars Lucy had found in the diaper bag.
“The boy is gut?”
Lucy looked up into Bishop Byler’s tired eyes as he stooped in front of her. “Yes. He’s fine.”
Bishop Byler nodded, but didn’t say anything.
“Is Marianne going to be okay?” Lucy took a deep breath and held it.
“Ya, ya.” Bishop Byler took off his hat, revealing a bald spot in the middle of his head, then he ran his hand the length of his gray beard. “She will be very upset about this. About putting the child in danger.”
Lucy had gotten over her panic once she’d seen that Benjamin was okay. “She couldn’t help it, though, if she was ill.” She smiled. “And Benjamin is fine.”
Bishop Byler’s frowned, his eyebrows drawn together. Lucy could tell that he was very worried about what had happened.
“Does she keep the boy often?” The bishop put his black hat back on.
Lucy shook her head. “No. This was the first time. My day care couldn’t keep him, so I asked Marianne if she could help me just for today.”
“She is a gut woman,” he said in a shaky voice.
Anna walked up. “Hi, Lucy.” Then she squatted down and said hello to Benjamin. When she stood back up, she said, “Daadi, do you know Lucy Turner?”
Lucy cringed at the mention of her full name. If the bishop didn’t already know, he would surely recognize her name now and assume her to be the seductress they all thought her to be.
But Bishop Byler simply nodded. “I am glad the boy is well.” He turned and walked away. Anna stayed.
“Mammi is going to be beside herself, knowing she put poor Benjamin in danger.”
“That’s what your grandfather said, but Benjamin is fine, so she needn’t worry.”
“I’d be happy to sit with Benjamin again sometime. I’m usually gone most of the day making deliveries to the bakeries, but if it’s a Saturday or something.”
“Thank you, Anna. I appreciate that.” Lucy was pretty sure it would never happen, but it was kind of Anna to offer.
She glanced down at her son, who was happily entertaining himself on the floor. “I guess I should get Benjamin home before he starts getting cranky. It’s about time for his nap.” She leaned down and picked up Benny’s cars, then scooped him into her arms. “Please tell your grandmother that I will come visit, as soon as I have some time off from work. And, Anna . . . please tell her everything is all right. I like your grandmother very much, and I know she will feel badly about this, but I’m just happy she’s okay. I don’t blame her at all.”
“I’ll tell her.” Anna touched the baby on the arm. “’Bye, Benjamin.”
Lucy started to leave the room, but she turned around before she pushed open the glass door. Cora was staring at her, and they locked eyes for a few seconds before Cora looked away.
Lucy headed to her car, holding Benjamin extra close, praying for Marianne.
And trying to rid herself of the sadness she felt about her relationship with Cora.
Cora excused herself right after supper, unsure if her meat loaf was going to stay down. She told the girls she wasn’t feeling well, so Mary Jane and Anna Mae set to cleaning the kitchen by themselves, saying they would check on her later.
“Nee, nee. I’ll be fine. Danki for taking care of the kitchen, and please make sure the boys do their Bible study. Abe will try to weasel out of it.” She kissed each of the girls on the cheek, unsure where her two youngest boys had run off to. Jacob had already excused himself to go check on one of their goats, which was due to kid any day.
John was in the bathroom. She heard his bathwater running when she walked into their bedroom. She hoped he wouldn’t take too long. Her stomach was still queasy, and she didn’t want to lose her supper while he was in there. She kicked off her shoes, sat down on the bed, and laid her head back, dangling her socked feet over the side.
As she rested her hands on her belly, she thought about the life growing inside her, and guilt flooded through her like poison. How could any mother not want her own child? But her guilt about not wanting the boppli was compounded by resentment. No other child could replace Leah. But people would say that. They would think that’s what she was trying to do. And it wasn’t true. It was just the opposite.
She closed her eyes and thought about how she’d treated Lucy today, recalling the look in Lucy’s eyes before she left the waiting room. Marianne was right about Lucy needing a friend, but Cora couldn’t be that person. She had too many bad memories about John and Stella Parks, the Yankee woman John befriended at the auction barn.
Stella had always been friendly to Cora when she went to auctions with John. About ten years Cora’s junior, the woman had been responsible for assigning everyone an auction number and collecting the money. Cora probably wouldn’t have known anything was going on between the two of them if John hadn’t crumpled up one day and made a full confession.
Cora had made him suffer miserably for his actions, but that had been ten years ago, and now she rarely thought of it until something reminded her—like Lucy’s confession. Now she couldn’t look at Lucy without thinking of Stella. That type of woman didn’t change, and Lucy represented everything Cora despised. But if she were honest with herself, she missed Lucy and Benjamin, and in hindsight she wished Lucy had never shared her past. Then they could still be friends.
John stepped out of the bathroom just as Cora was sitting up. Her nausea had passed, thankfully, but her pent-up resentments toward John were bubbling to the surface. And now she was carrying his child. Should she tell him? Would he be one of those people who thought this boppli could replace Leah? Or would he instantly resent this unborn child the way Cora did?
The minute that last thought crossed her mind, she laid her hands protectively across her tummy. It wasn’t the child’s fault he or she was coming into their messed-up lives. She rubbed her belly, trying to muster up some sort of positive feelings about her situation. He or she. For the first time, she found herself wondering if the boppli she was carrying would be a
boy or a girl.
“What’s wrong with you? You look pale.” John stood in front of her, a white towel wrapped around his waist, his grayish-brown beard dotting the wooden floor with droplets of water.
It was the first time in a very long while that he’d showed some sort of interest in her well-being, and Cora worried she might burst into tears. Maybe she should tell him now. He would figure it out eventually.
“I’m fine. My stomach was just a bit upset during supper.” She stood up, walked to her dresser, and pulled out fresh nightclothes.
“Maybe a hot bath will help.”
Cora turned to face him, knowing she must have a blank look on her face. She wasn’t sure what to say. Was this a real conversation? “Maybe,” she said softly, her eyes still on him, a tiny bit of hope in her heart. Could it be that her husband was returning to her?
But then he walked around her to his side of the bed and pulled back the sheet. He slipped beneath the light cover, reached for his reading glasses, and picked up a book. And he was gone from her again.
Cora walked to the bathroom, closed the door, sat down on the commode, and wept quietly. When she was done, she stood up, lifted the lid, and vomited.
In between her heaves, she listened to see if John might be coming to check on her.
He never did.
Noah dropped Jenna off at school since Carley had an early eye doctor’s appointment in Lancaster.
“Have a good day, sweetie.”
“You too, Dad.” Jenna pulled her backpack from the floorboard, opened the door, and blew him a kiss. “See you tonight.”
Noah smiled. Jenna had been blowing him kisses for as long as he could remember. It was their thing, and he hoped she’d keep doing it for a while. He couldn’t believe how fast she was growing up.
As he left the school and crossed Lincoln Highway, he thought about Benjamin. The child was already two years old. Ivan would be very upset with his siblings for not getting to know their nephew, even though Benjamin had been born out of wedlock.
Noah picked up his cell phone as he pulled into the clinic parking lot and dialed Katie Ann’s number. She answered on the third ring.
“How is my favorite sister-in-law?”
Katie Ann chuckled. “You best not let Lillian hear that.” She paused. “How are you, Noah? How are Carley, Jenna, and everyone else?”
“Fit as a fiddle. We’re all doing good and sure wish you would come for a visit sometime.”
“Ach, I know. I miss all of you, but planes and trains go both ways. I would love for you and Carley and Jenna to come here to meet Eli, his children, and all our grandchildren. And of course Jonas is growing like a weed.”
Noah felt a little stab of guilt. It would be much easier for them to go see Katie Ann and Samuel and their families in Colorado than it would be for them all to come here. He felt bad that he hadn’t made it happen.
“We were really looking forward to seeing Emily and David, but we certainly understood why the doctor didn’t want Emily traveling.”
“Oh, Noah, you should see those twins of theirs—Rose and Lena. They’re so precious, and you can definitely tell they are Stoltzfuses.”
“I hope to see all of you soon.” He paused, thinking of a good way to broach the subject of Lucy, then decided there wasn’t one. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Uh-oh. Is something wrong?”
“No. Nothing’s wrong. I just . . . well, I need to talk to you about Lucy Turner.”
Silence.
“Katie Ann, are you still there?”
“Ya, I’m here. What about her?”
Noah knew that Katie Ann was happily married, but he suspected that the mention of Lucy still stung. “Her son, Benjamin—he’s two now. I guess you know that. Anyway, Carley and I feel like Ivan would want us to get to know his son, but we don’t want to do anything that will upset you. I guess we’d kind of feel like we were betraying you if we befriended Lucy against your wishes. And Lucy and Benjamin are a package deal.”
After another silence, Katie Ann asked, “How do Mary Ellen and Rebecca feel about it?”
Noah remembered his recent conversation with Mary Ellen. “They’re worried about your feelings too.”
“The past is the past, Noah. I agree that Ivan would want Benjamin to know his family, and I’m sure that Jonas and Benjamin will want to meet someday.” She paused, and Noah heard a long sigh. “I’m happy, Noah. I really am. I have a wonderful life. If I lived there, I wouldn’t want to be around Lucy all the time. Just bad memories for me. But I’m not there, and all of you are. You should get to know Ivan’s son.” Another silence. “Ivan’s other son,” she added.
Noah knew that Ivan had been secretly planning to get back together with Katie Ann. He had built the house where Lucy lived now in the hopes of reuniting with his wife. Noah wasn’t supposed to know that. The attorney who had handled Ivan’s estate had accidentally let it slip, assuming that Noah knew. The amazing part had been that Katie Ann had just signed over the house to Lucy. She’d been anxious to start her life in Colorado and to cut her ties here. Noah didn’t think Lucy knew that Ivan had basically cut her out of his life even before he died.
“If it’s really all right with you. We wouldn’t—”
“Noah, it’s fine. It really is. Please assure Mary Ellen and Rebecca that I’m okay with it. I appreciate you all feeling a sense of loyalty, but I suspect Lucy might not have the type of family we do. I think Benjamin should at least be introduced to our way of life. I’m not saying he’ll grow up and want to join the Amish community, but I think it’s important that he understands our core values and faith.”
“You’re an amazing woman, Katie Ann.”
“And don’t you forget it.” She laughed. “Come see us soon, Noah.”
“I sure hope to. It’s not like I have patients beating down my door these days.”
“It’s so sad that the bishop has banned everyone from seeing you. That’s why David had hoped to visit last year, to maybe help with that.”
Noah smiled as he thought about his nephew wanting to battle the bishop on Noah’s behalf. “He’s a good kid, that David.”
Katie Ann chuckled. “Hardly a kid anymore.”
“True. Well, Katie Ann . . . give everyone our love, and all of you take care.”
Noah hung up the phone and got out of the car, glancing around at the empty parking lot. Only Francine’s car was there. He sighed as he walked into the building.
“Anything scheduled for today?” He stopped at the small window. Francine shook her head.
“Sorry, Dr. Stoltzfus.”
Noah nodded, then headed down the hall to his office. It was only a few minutes later when Francine walked in. Noah sat down in his chair and motioned for Francine to sit down.
“Dr. Stoltzfus, you know how much I’ve loved working here, right?”
Noah caught her use of the past tense—loved working here—right away. “Yes,” he said softly, waiting for the “but.”
“But I’ve accepted another job in Lancaster, and I’ll be starting right after Labor Day. It’s just that I’m a people person, you know, and . . .” She shrugged.
Noah forced a smile. “. . . and there aren’t many people here.”
“Yeah. Do you hate me?”
Noah rubbed his forehead for a moment, then looked up at her. “Of course not, Francine. I understand.”
“Are you going to try to find someone else quickly so that I can train them?”
Noah thought for a few moments. Carley used to work in his front office. But Carley had quit to stay home with Jenna when she was younger, and she’d just never gone back to work. Maybe she’d want to fill in part-time while Jenna was in school. Or maybe he and Gloria, his nurse, could just function without a receptionist for a while. That would certainly help the clinic balance sheet, which was rapidly tilting out of balance. So far their savings had kept them out of real trouble. But he couldn’t continue the way he
was going.
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’ll figure something out.”
“I’m really sorry. I hope that mean old bishop guy changes his mind. All those Amish people really loved you.” Francine shook her head. “It’s just a real shame.”
Noah nodded. He wished the old man would change his mind too. “Well, you never know what the future holds.”
“True.” Francine got up. “Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything.”
Noah watched as the door closed behind Francine. He hated to see her go, but he could certainly see why she’d want to.
Noah scrounged around in his desk until he found Lucy’s phone number, the number he’d asked Alice for the day she came to his office. Lucy didn’t answer, so Noah left a message, unsure if he’d reached a cell phone or home phone.
“Hi, Lucy. This is Noah Stoltzfus. Could you please give me a call when you have a few minutes to talk?” He rattled off his phone number and hung up. He doubted she’d call, but at least he was trying.
“Why is Ivan’s brother calling you, and why didn’t you answer the phone?”
Lucy listened to the message again, but she didn’t write the number down before she hit Delete on the answering machine. “I think they want to get to know Benjamin, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
Mom snorted. “Yeah, and they can’t get to know little Benny without having to be around his mother.”
Lucy bit her tongue, walked to where Benjamin was playing, and gave him the cracker she’d had in her hand when the phone rang. I am a good person. I love God. I’m a good mother. I’m going to be a daughter of the promise.
Lucy put her hands on her hips. “I’m going to scramble some eggs for Benjamin and me. Do you want some?”
Her mother plopped her bare feet up on the coffee table, and Lucy cringed at how black they were on the bottom. She noticed her mother was wearing the same blue pants and white blouse she’d had on yesterday. Only the blouse wasn’t very white anymore.
