by S J Crabb
We go our separate ways at the station and I feel a strange mix of relief coupled with a feeling of emptiness as he leaves. I am not looking forward to the weekend one bit and feel totally railroaded into it.
As the week goes on I don’t see Ben again which is somewhat of a relief. Every evening Phoebe shows me her latest find for the wedding. She has some really good ideas which don’t cost a lot and I find myself getting more and more into it. We still don’t have a date fixed yet but I am hoping that as soon as Nathan and I have a spare day we can finalise it all. Boris’s Uncle has said that we can go and look at Harden Hall on our next day off together so I am hoping to go the Sunday after our New Forest break.
I have missed Nathan a lot this week. We speak on the phone every day but it is a poor substitution. I feel that I need to re-connect with him as my feelings are in turmoil after my day out with Ben. In some ways I hope that this weekend will prove to Ben once and for all that I am happy with Nathan and end whatever it is that is going on between us.
Chapter 9
Ben and Melissa pick Nathan and I up at 7.30pm on Friday. I am so happy to see Nathan and am looking forward to spending the weekend with him. I have decided to keep an open mind on the weekend and am determined to enjoy it. Nathan too is in good spirits and we laugh and joke around as we pack. Ben and Melissa also seem on fine form so I am hopeful of us all having a good time.
As Ben and Nathan load our bags into his boot Melissa grins at me. “I will sit next to you in the back Bella and let the boys talk about boring boy things on the way down. We girls have to stick together.”
I am slightly disappointed as I wanted to cuddle up next to Nathan but agree with her as it would be good to get to know her better. The traffic isn’t too heavy despite the normal Friday getaway jams and after about two hours we are heading into the New Forest. Melissa has been good company and has kept me laughing with tales about life as a Model. If anything it sounds quite boring and I am glad that I least do a job that I love.
As we turn into Marsden Grange, I am feeling quite excited. We are staying in a lodge that looked fantastic when I Googled it. Ben and Nathan jump out at the Reception and are soon back with the keys and directions to our Lodge.
We soon find it and all pile out and take a good look at what will be our home for the weekend. Nathan puts his arm around me and squeezes my shoulder. I can tell that he is excited as this is all right up his street.
We go inside and I find to my surprise that it is really luxurious. There is a gorgeous living room with comfy settees and a log burner in the corner. Bi fold doors lead out onto a balcony that houses a hot tub and more comfy seating. Melissa goes running around looking in every room and soon bags a gorgeous bedroom with the most massive bed dominating it, looking out over the lake. The second room is equally impressive but doesn’t have as good a view.
Even though it is dark outside there are many lights in the trees lighting up the woodland and it creates a really romantic atmosphere. There is also a modern kitchen which has a welcome pack residing on the work top. Melissa takes charge. “Come on Ben, you crack open the wine and we can go and unpack.” Ben looks at her fondly and she kisses him and then races off to her room.
Nathan grabs hold of my arm and looks at Ben apologetically. “Sorry Ben, I must give Bella a hand,” and then winks at me as he pulls me off into our room. As soon as the door closes he grabs hold of me and throws me onto the bed. “God I’ve missed you so much,” he growls and kisses me passionately. Before we can even come up for air we hear Melissa calling, “Come on you two, the drinks are ready and we need a hand with the wood burner.”
Ruefully Nathan pulls away and we go to find them wishing that we could just stay in our room.
Ben has opened the wine and found some crisps and nuts and put them into bowls and we sit down on the comfy settees ready to chill out.
Nathan looks at the wood burner and typically decides that he needs to light it. Not having any experience of these things he spends some time messing around with it. All of the things necessary to get it going are nearby but he can’t appear to get it to light. We all tease him and he is getting more and more angrier with it.
Melissa thinks it’s hilarious and pushes him away. “Move over Nathan, let a professional take over.”
Nathan pretends to be offended and says, “Come on then, show me how it’s done.” Ben and I laugh as effortlessly she has it lit and roaring away within 10 minutes. She dusts off her hands theatrically and high fives me as she goes past. “Girl power, hey Bella. Where would they be without us to look after them?”
We all think it’s hilarious and Nathan takes the teasing with good grace. I sit cuddling up to Nathan and Melissa puts her feet up on Ben as she lies on the settee. I notice that he runs his hands up and down her legs and they share many an intimate look.
We find a CD player and Ben grabs one of his from the car and we spend a peaceful hour just chilling out drinking wine and generally chatting. Soon I feel my eyes start to close and Nathan seizes his chance. “Come on Bella, you look done in. Let’s get off to bed. Excuse us guys, sleep well and we’ll see you in the morning.” He pulls me up and I say goodnight to them both.
We are both glad to be in our room and collapse on to the bed and waste no time at all in making the most of our time together and soon Nathan is sleeping soundly beside me. As I snuggle up to him I realise how much I miss this. It’s not the same having a snatched few hours every weekend. We used to have several nights a week together and I hope that this project soon finishes and we can get back to normal.
I must have drifted off because I wake up needing the toilet and it seems to be the middle of the night. Nathan is snoring away beside me oblivious to everything and I quietly use the toilet and then think that I will go and get a drink of water. I pull my sweatshirt over my pyjama bottoms and make my way to the kitchen trying to be as quiet as I can as I don’t want to wake anyone up.
However as I open our bedroom door I can see that there is a lamp on in the living area. Maybe somebody forgot to turn it off so I make my way in there.
Suddenly I see Ben standing over by the bi fold doors looking out. He turns and sees me coming and puts his finger up to his mouth to silence me and beckons me over. Feeling curious I join him and he points outside. I can just about make out two badgers in the lamplight outside and look at Ben and grin with excitement.
He gestures for me to follow him and makes his way to the door. Still in silence he grabs our coats from the stand and puts mine around my shoulders.
Taking hold of my hand he leads me silently outside slowly and carefully. I follow him closely and we follow the shadows to get nearer to the badgers. He crouches down and pulls me beside him. Despite the chilly temperature we stay there mesmerised by the badgers and their nocturnal duties. He smiles at me and squeezes my hand which he appears to have forgotten to let go.
We must have been crouching here for about ten minutes when the badgers wander off back into the darkness. I am so excited. I have never seen a badger before and it was amazing.
Ben pulls me up and I shiver, the temperature suddenly affecting me. He puts his arm around me for warmth and whispers, “Did you enjoy that Bella?” I smile happily and grin. “I loved it. I just wish that I had my camera.” He looks down at me still holding me close and I am once again struck by the intense expression in his eyes.”
“You don’t need a photograph Bella; it is all stored in your memory. You will always remember it. Something will trigger it again one day but if it is important to you it will always remain.”
Somehow his words take on a broader meaning and I look at his intense expression realising that he is right. As soon as I saw him that day my memories came flooding back as if they were yesterday. I wonder if he had the same ones but feel afraid to ask and stir up the past.
Still we don’t move, despite the fact that there is nothing keeping us outside. I feel the warmth from his body as he holds me and feel
him tense against me. Once again I feel totally out of control of myself and just yearn for him to hold me against him and feel his lips on mine again. Looking up into his eyes I see a flicker of emotion pass across his face and then it is gone, almost making me feel as though I have imagined it.
All of a sudden his face tightens and he lowers his eyes. “Come on lets get you inside before you catch your death.” Fighting back a feeling of disappointment I follow him inside and notice that the log fire is still crackling away.
The warmth from the room is extremely welcoming and as we get inside he says, “Come on. I’ll make you a hot chocolate to warm you up.” He pushes a seat up to the fire and gestures for me to sit down. He then grabs a nearby blanket and wraps it around me. I watch him making the drinks and feel as though we are in our own little world.
Looking around I can see that he has been working as there are papers everywhere and his laptop is on. He brings the drinks over and pulls another seat up to the fire. Taking the hot steaming mug from his hands gratefully I gesture towards it all. “Couldn’t you sleep Ben? It looks as if you have been working.” He smiles at me ruefully. “I can never sleep in a strange place. I find that I can get a lot done at night.” I smile. “But the badgers distracted you.” He looks at me with an earnest expression and says, “Yes they did, but then again they weren’t the only ones.” I feel myself flushing again and can’t look away.
We sit there staring at each other, the crackling glow of the fire adding drama to the already tense atmosphere. I feel that I could sit here all night but the warmth finally gets to me and I can feel my eyes closing. Ben takes the empty mug from my hand and pulls me up once again. “Go and get some sleep Bella. You look tired and I don’t want to spoil your day tomorrow.” Looking at him I feel disappointed to break the cosy bubble that we have created. I say quietly, “You too Ben, you also need some sleep. The work will still be there tomorrow.”
He pushes his fingers through his hair and nods. I watch as he makes his way back to his room and suddenly feel intensely jealous of Melissa waiting for him. I think of Nathan and once again feel as though I have betrayed him, but for some reason it is Ben not Nathan who I wish that I was waking up with in the morning.
Chapter 10
I wake up and the room is filled with light. The events of the night before come flooding back and guiltily I look over at Nathan. However the bed is empty and he is gone. I sit up quickly panicking that somehow he knows what I was feeling.
Jumping out of bed I head out of the room. It is empty and the fire has grown cold. Looking at the clock on the wall I notice that it is 10am. Goodness, I have slept in really late. I wonder where everyone is.
I look outside the window but there is still nobody around. Then I hear the door open and see Ben coming in from outside, already dressed and ready and carrying a bag of what appears to be groceries.
He sees my confusion and laughs. “Morning sleepyhead. Are you ready for breakfast? I have bought some bacon and eggs and fresh bread from the site shop.”
I look around me by now completely confused as to what is going on. Seeing this he decides to put me out of my misery. “The others have gone for a jog. I said that I would make breakfast and that if you showed yourself you could help me.”
He puts the groceries on the side. “Do you want a coffee?” I nod still taking it all in. I finally find my voice and say, “I’m sorry, I’ll just get changed and come back to help.” He nods and I race back to our room and change into jeans and a jumper and pull my hair back into a ponytail. As soon as I get back he puts a steaming mug of coffee in front of me and a slice of hot buttery toast. “Eat up, they may be ages yet.”
I do as he says and he beckons me over to the settee and we sit there side by side looking out over the forest. “Did the others say anything,” I ask him wondering if they know about our night time rendezvous. He smiles wickedly at me his expression teasing me as he notices my guilty expression. “No they didn’t mention anything; I will leave it up to you to tell them if you want.” I blush as he makes it sound as though we were up to no good, but then again I suppose in my mind I was.
I notice that the work from last night has gone which I am glad about. I say to him, “You know what Ben, these breaks are meant to be a chance for you to forget about work for a while. You should take the time to relax and re charge your batteries.” He looks at me with a solemn expression, “I find it difficult to relax. That is probably why Melissa wanted the company. I wouldn’t have gone jogging with her and she would be so bored with just my company.” I smile at him reassuringly. “You underestimate yourself. You are great company and you should let her distract you away from work a bit more. You might actually enjoy it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Perhaps.” Before he can add anything the door flies open and Melissa and Nathan fall panting into the room laughing. “I win,” says Melissa, laughing uncontrollably. Nathan pretends to push her and laughs. “Only because I let you.” Looking at them both obviously having such a great time I feel a pang of discontent. I don’t like the fact that they are obviously becoming good friends and I don’t know why.
Seeing me sitting there Melissa smiles. “Bella, you’re up. Did you sleep well and has Ben been looking after you?” I smile at her warmly. “Yes thank you, did you sleep well?” “Out like a light. Obviously the fresh air agrees with me.”
Nathan rushes over and lifts me up like a rag doll. “Bella, baby, come and have a shower with me.” I stiffen feeling embarrassed. Melissa laughs and as I look at Ben he looks away. “Put me down Nathan, you can shower on your own. We’ve got the breakfast to make.” Nathan pretends to be upset and says petulantly, “Spoilsport,” and then heads off to our room.
Melissa also goes off for a shower leaving Ben and I once again alone. He stands up and I feel that he looks relieved but then again his expression changes and he says, “Come on then. It looks like we’re the chefs.” Ben appears quite the accomplished chef and has soon rustled up plates of eggs and bacon with fresh toast.
We all sit around the table and decide what to do that day. Nathan wants to go hiking which Melissa definitely doesn’t want to do as she wants to check out the local town. Ben looks at me. “What about you Bella? Do you have any preference?” I shake my head. “I’ll just go with what the majority want.” Nathan looks annoyed. “Oh for goodness sake Bella, don’t be such a doormat. There must be something you want to do.” There is an awkward silence and Melissa looks down at the table and I blush feeling embarrassed. Ben looks really angry and Nathan just laughs it off as though he was joking. “What?” he says laughing, “You know I’m only joking don’t you baby?” and he ruffles my hair playfully. “I smile weakly at him. “You’re such an idiot Nathan, of course you are joking - at least you better had been.” The others laugh politely but I stand up and start clearing away the dishes. “Come on Nathan, let’s wash up. It’s the least we can do after Ben did the cooking.”
Reluctantly Nathan helps me; he has always hated domestic chores, but obviously doesn’t feel that he can get out of it. Out of earshot of the others he whispers, “Sorry Bella, I didn’t mean that to come out the way it did,” and he looks sheepishly at me. I smile and brush it off but inside I feel really annoyed. For some reason things just seem all out of sync this weekend and I am not sure if it is just me and my feelings or if Nathan feels it too.
In the end we decide to go to the local town. Instantly I love it. The shops are full of Christmas goodies and I decide that I really should buy some presents. We split up and I go around with Melissa. She is good company and laughs as the men head off without us.
“What do you bet that they end up in the pub and buy nothing?” she says grinning at me. “All of my months salary,” I laugh. We find some lovely things and I enjoy spending time with her. She gives me some great ideas and before long we have lots of bags of purchases. “Come on Bella, let’s grab a coffee and text the boys to join us,” she says as we come across a welcoming looking coffee s
hop. We are relieved to sit down and get our coffees and settle down for a chat. She leans towards me and smiles. “Nathan is such a great guy, you two make a lovely couple.” I nod and smile at her. “Yes he is. I just wish that we saw more of each other. We are supposed to be planning a wedding and haven’t even had time to set a date.” She looks at me sympathetically. “Is it because Ben is keeping him busy with the project?” she says looking intently at me. I hadn’t really thought about it but as she said it that way it makes me wonder if Ben has done it on purpose. Then I feel silly and push the thought out of my head. He wouldn’t care if we were apart or together. He has a lovely girlfriend and a fantastic life after all.
I smile. “I’m sure it’s not. I think it’s just one of those things and I suppose we had better get used to it, after all not every couple works together and they still manage to find the time.” She looks pensive. “I wish that I saw more of Ben. He is always working and our time together is so few and far between. Even when we are together he seems distracted.”
I look at her with mixed feelings. Part of me is glad that they don’t spend much time together and the other part of me identifies with it. We are not so different really.
The men suddenly appear and Melissa and I exchange looks at their lack of shopping. “Don’t tell me,” she says laughing, “You went to the pub.” Ben laughs and kisses her on the cheek. “You know me so well darling. You girls look like you had fun though.” Nathan raises his eyes. "I thought we were saving up to get married. This has put us a year behind at least judging by the amount of bags here.” Melissa pokes him looking annoyed. “Most of them are mine actually. Bella was very restrained. By the way Nathan you had better start working harder to finish that project so that you can help Bella with the wedding plans. They don’t plan themselves you know.” Nathan looks suitably chastised and we all laugh at him.
