by S J Crabb
He is collapsed on the settee and looks at me sheepishly. “I am sorry Bella, I over did it again, you should have stopped me.” I look at him crossly. “What and have you accuse me of being boring again? No, you’ve only got yourself to blame. I can’t believe that you behaved like that in front of our boss, and I can’t believe that you asked his girlfriend to take her top off.” He winces and looks ashamed. He can’t look me in the eye and once again I can feel my anger growing. “I’m going home. Maybe next weekend you can stay sober and we can have a good one for a change.” I grab my bag and head for the door. Nathan shouts after me, but I notice that he stays sitting down.
“Bella, don’t go. I’ll make it up to you.” I don’t look back and just slam the door behind me.
Chapter 13
I am just glad to get back to work. I don’t see anything of Ben all week and Nathan is still away at Head Office. On the Wednesday evening Phoebe comes home with some news. “Bella, clear your schedule for Sunday because Boris’s Uncle said that we can take you and Nathan to see Harden Hall.”
She looks at me with excitement and for some reason I can’t seem to share it. I try to look interested. “Great, I’ll call Nathan and tell him. What time shall we pick you up?”
“About 10am should be fine, it’s about an hour away so we should be there around 11am.” She jumps up and down with excitement and I have to laugh at her enthusiasm. Anyone would think that it was her wedding. I phone Nathan to tell him the good news. “Hi Baby,” he says, “I missed you today.” I smile down the phone and say, “Me too. Anyway keep Sunday free because Phoebe and Boris are going to take us to Harden Hall.” There is silence for a few seconds and then he says, “Does it have to be Sunday?” I fight back a feeling of irritation. “Why, do you have something on?” He hesitates before saying, “Well we were having a training session for the football team, but I’ll say I can’t go as this is obviously more important.” “Yes it is,” I snap irritably.
Suddenly his voice brightens. "Oh good news. The project has finished and I am back to Kinghams tomorrow. It will be back to the usual routine at last.” I am surprised and say, “That’s great news, you must be relieved.” He laughs. “Make sure you come home with me tomorrow night, we have a lot of time to make up.” “Of course, can’t wait.” He then says, “Sorry Honey I’ve got to go, my other phone is ringing. Love you and can’t wait till tomorrow.” I say, “Love you too,” but he has hung up before I finish.
Phoebe looks at me and says, “Well?” I laugh. “No problem, Sunday it is.” She races off to phone Boris squealing as she goes and I am left to think about the strange call. Ever since the weekend Nathan has been a bit distant. I hope that it’s not because of me as I too feel disconnected from him and know that I have been quite short with him. I just keep on re playing all of the events in my mind and all I can think of is Ben. I am disappointed that I haven’t seen him since and my emotions are all over the place.
The week soon passes and there is still no sign of Ben. Life has quickly reverted back to the old routine and I find myself at Nathan’s for the rest of the week. Nothing much has changed between us, he still pounces on me every night but I am starting to question our relationship outside of our sex life.
On Sunday we pick Phoebe and Boris up at 10am and head off towards Harden Hall. I absolutely love Boris. He is one of life’s eccentrics and certainly doesn’t conform to a stereotype. He adores Phoebe and indulges her strange ways with humour and patience. Soon we are driving through some huge metal gates down a long sweeping drive. As the house comes into view I am immediately smitten. It is very impressive and looks like an old Georgian mansion. I had expected it to be quite run down, probably because Boris is so scruffy, but it is in immaculate condition.
We pull up outside and go up to the huge front door and ring the bell pull next to it. After about ten minutes the door opens and an older Boris stands there beaming at us. “Boris, my lad and Phoebe too, come in come in. These must be your friends, welcome to my humble home.” We laugh and say hello, all shaking his hand. Phoebe kisses him on the cheek and races ahead of us. “Uncle Edward, I love this house,” she says running around as though she is demented. Boris laughs at her and we follow his Uncle through to a large drawing room. The house is furnished as you would expect in a Regency style and it all looks very grand and impressive.
We get the guided tour, although it is closed for the season and only opens in the Spring to the paying public. They also run weddings, parties and corporate events and in the winter months they run a shoot from the extensive grounds. I am very impressed with the set up and think that we are so lucky to be able to have our wedding here. Uncle Edward takes us through to a sitting room where somebody has miraculously left us some afternoon tea. We all sit around talking and then Uncle Edward says, “Well the house is yours to use for your wedding, and you are most welcome here. We need to talk dates so that I can put it in the diary. At the moment June is looking quite free so you can take your pick.” Phoebe claps her hands in excitement and I look over at Nathan sitting there attacking a ham sandwich. “What do you think Nathan, is June ok for you?” I say smiling at him. He nods happily. “Great, no problem. Just put it in and I will let everyone know.”
I look over at Phoebe. “Do you think that we can get everything ready in time?” She grins. “I think that I have covered most things already. We just need to check if there is a registrar available who could come here to marry you both, that is if you want to be married here.” I look at Nathan again and say, “Is that ok with you, I mean do you have a preference, Church or here?”
Again he nods appearing distracted. “Whatever you want Baby, it’s your day I will do whatever makes you happy.” I feel irritated by his words. What does he mean it’s -my day? Surely it’s his just as much. I can see them all looking at me so I just smile. “Ok, what about the last Saturday in June?” Uncle Edward notes it down and says in a booming voice, “Booked!” He then says in a loud cheery voice, “Right let’s get out the Champagne to celebrate.” We all laugh and he dashes off to rustle it up. Phoebe is beside herself with excitement and starts planning everything. I join in and soon we are all talking with excitement about the day.
We leave for home full of ideas and Phoebe pencils in a planning day with mine and Nathan’s mothers next weekend. “Oh and Bella, first things first we have to go shopping for your dress,” She says spinning me around. I go back to Nathan’s again and we spend the rest of the day making plans and generally getting quite excited.
Chapter 14
The time races by and soon it is Christmas Eve. I still haven’t seen Ben since our weekend away and it worries me. I haven’t even had an email or phone call from him and I am concerned that he is upset with us. We did receive a card from Melissa and Ben, but no other contact. Nathan told me that he hadn’t been near the football team for weeks either which adds to my anxiety.
We have only got Christmas day off and are spending it with both sets of parents and my sister. As I turn my computer off ready to leave for the night there is a knock on the door and I see Billy from the warehouse hovering outside with a small box in his hand.
“Oh Hi Billy, are you ok?” I ask him. He nods and looks embarrassed. “This came for you Bella, sorry it came a few days ago but we have only just remembered.” He looks worried so I smile. “Don’t worry, I know it gets manic at this time of year. Happy Christmas.” He smiles and returns the sentiment and then I am left with the package.
I am almost tempted to leave it until after Christmas as it is probably from a supplier, either a sample or Christmas freebie. I am running a bit late and am keen to get out, however my curiosity gets the better of me and I run a knife around the tape securing the package and open the box. As I unwrap the parcel from the tissue paper that protects it I am amazed to see a small canvas drawing nestling in the box. I sit down on my chair in shock as I take in the subject matter. It is a beautiful pencil drawing of two badgers under a tree. It
is quite simple which adds to its appeal and tears come into my eyes. There is no note or anything to indicate who sent it, but I don’t need one as I already know. This is my memory, not in a photograph, something much more personal. As I look at it through my tears I remember how magical both experiences were.
For some time I sit there looking at the picture and my mind is awash with emotions. I look at my phone and long to hear Ben’s voice. I should thank him, but then again I feel nervous as for some reason communication has been lost between us. I decide to text him instead and just thank him for his kind gift and wish him a Happy Christmas.
As I press send I sit there thinking of him receiving the text. I picture his face as he reads it and wish with all my heart that I could see him. The phone rings and makes me jump as it shatters the silence around me. I can see that it is Ben and my heart does a somersault. I answer the phone and say “Hi.” I almost whisper the word and feel my heart beating faster. He speaks and his voice is also low and husky. “You got my gift then.”
“Yes, only just. It is very thoughtful and it is perfect.” There is silence on the other end and I would think that we had been cut off but I can hear his steady breathing and I inch closer to the phone as though wanting my mouth to be as close to his as possible. I can’t bear the silence and say in a low voice, “I have missed you Ben.” I hear a sharp intake of breath and then he says, “I know, I am sorry but you need your space.” I feel confused. “What do you mean?” I answer him still speaking quietly. “I think you know Bella. If we are together things are complicated. You are with Nathan and as I understand it are still planning a wedding. I cannot be around that. He is not right for you and I cannot watch you make such a big mistake.” I am taken aback by his words and tears once again spring to my eyes. “Happy Christmas Bella,” and then he hangs up.
I put my head in my hands and feelings of desolation consume me. I can’t help it and I am suddenly sobbing uncontrollably, it is as though the floodgates have opened and I cannot control it. It is obvious what he was saying. That all the time I am with Nathan we cannot be together in any way.
I don’t know how long I sit here just looking at the picture when my phone once again rings, pulling me back from my isolation. I can see its Nathan and swallowing several times I try to answer it normally. “Bella, where are you? We are in the Coachman waiting for you. Put the work down now, it’s Christmas Eve and time to let go.”
“Sorry Nathan, I’m just coming, get me a drink in.” Quickly I hang up before he can ask why I’m late and I carefully wrap the picture back up and put it securely in my bag. Maybe a drink with the gang after work is just what I need.
The Coachman isn’t far from the store and I can see that it is jammed packed with various members of the staff. Nathan cheers when he sees me. “Bella at last, come on honey I’ve got you a drink in.” Soon I am chatting away with everyone and firmly push my feelings away in the darkest recesses of my mind. I can’t think about them, I need to try to clear my mind and just enjoy the short time off that I have.
We get back to my parent’s house at about 9pm. Luckily we had a bite to eat at the pub so just spend a nice chilled out evening helping prepare things for tomorrow. I absolutely love Christmas and always have. There is a sense of excitement and expectation in the air and we are all having a good time. I have banned all talk about the wedding until after Christmas as it has been dominating every conversation for as long as I can remember. Sitting around the fire with my feet up on Nathan and drinking mulled wine I finally feel a sense of calm. I look at him nodding off and think how tired and strained he looks. The work load has obviously taken its toll because I have never seen him like this. He is also quite short tempered which is also unlike him and I just hope that we can get through the stress of Christmas without arguing.
We decide not to go to Midnight mass and just go to bed as it has been a long day and we are all tired.
We wake up at about 10am on Christmas Day and I feel excited, like I used to as a child. I shake Nathan awake and whisper with excitement, “Come on hurry up, let’s go downstairs, it’s Christmas Day.” Before I can get out of bed he grabs hold of me and says, “Not so fast. I want my Christmas present now and I can’t wait to unwrap it.”
He pulls me down and rolls on top of me, kissing me passionately. I push him away in pretend shock. “My Dad might hear us, absolutely not. You will have to wait for that particular present.” He pretends to sulk but quickly gets dressed and we head off downstairs.
The presents are all glittering under the tree and my parents are already there. My Dad has lit the fire and Mum has made some tea. I clap my hands together with excitement.
We all sit around and open our presents. I am happy to see most of the things that I hinted at and am delighted to see the others reactions to what I have bought them. Nathan is very pleased with the new computer game that he had been coveting and the vouchers that I bought him for his favourite computer store. I unwrap his present to me and I am surprised to see a handbag that I have wanted for ages.
“Nathan, how on earth did you know that I wanted this bag?” I say in amazement. He smiles and shrugs. “You probably mentioned it 100 times already and it finally sank in.” My parents laugh but I feel confused. I can’t remember mentioning it once. Then I remember that Melissa had it and I said how much I liked it when were away. Goodness, he has a good memory I think surprised. We tidy up and go and get changed. My sister and her husband are due for dinner and I decide to help my mother get the dinner ready. Nathan plays around with his computer game whilst I help in the kitchen.
I love spending time at my family home. It is so comforting and familiar and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. My mum and I chat about work and she says, “When are you back in?” “Oh, the day after Boxing Day. I have to make sure that everything is in place for the sale which is starting on the 27th.” She raises her eyes. “Maybe we should wait until then to buy our presents in the future.” I laugh and grin, “Yes, but where’s the fun in that?”
“Is Nathan back then as well?” “Yes, but at least we are both off for New Year. We are off to the Football Club for their party.” My mum pulls a face and I laugh, “Yes, after computers football is his love. I know my place.” The doorbell rings and my Dad lets my sister and her husband Kevin in. There is more excitement and I busy myself getting everybody a drink.
Mum calls everyone to the table and I notice that Nathan isn’t there. “I’ll just run and grab Nathan, don’t start without us.” I race upstairs to our room and as I open the door I can see he is on the phone. He quickly says, “Got to go Bradley, Happy Christmas. See you at the party.” He smiles and I look at him questioningly. He blushes and taps his nose. “None of your business Baby,you’ll just have to wait to find out.” I wonder what he is planning and pull him up playfully saying, “Come on there will be nothing left by the time we get there.” He grabs hold of me and kisses me, suddenly looking serious. “I do love you Bella, always remember that won’t you.” I feel suddenly guilty and look at his serious face. All I seem to do is think and fixate on Ben in my mind and I have forgotten who it is that I am in love with. I hug him tightly. “I love you too Nathan.” Then I kiss him gently. The door suddenly bursts open and my sister rushes in, “Oh for goodness sake you two, the dinner’s getting cold hurry up!” We all rush downstairs laughing and joking.
Chapter 15
We spend the rest of Christmas day and Boxing Day between our parent’s houses. Nathan’s family are so much fun and I feel more relaxed than I have in ages. We go back to Nathan’s the evening before work and decide to just flop in front of the TV as we are exhausted. We watch a film but half way through Nathan’s phone rings. I see him frown and jump up. “Who is it, is anything the matter?” I say noticing his expression. He looks distracted. “Sorry baby I’ve just got to pop out for an hour.” I follow him as he changes into his jeans and a jumper. “Who is it?” I say confused. “Just a problem at work with the syst
em. I won’t be long.” He hardly looks at me and rushes out and I feel a bit put out. Surely he is entitled to an evening off without being called in. It could have waited until the morning.
I don’t feel like watching the film and switch it off, deciding to have a bath instead and whilst it runs I hear my phone ringing. Turning the water off I notice that it is Bradley’s girlfriend Tina. “Hi Tina, great to hear from you,” I say genuinely pleased to hear from her. “Oh hi Bella, I know its short notice but do you fancy getting a drink with me? Bradley has gone out with Nathan and I thought that you may be at a loose end like me.”
I am really surprised. “But Nathan has been called in to work. He’s just left.” Tina laughs. “I bet you he hasn’t the scoundrel. They were probably organising this escape yesterday when I caught them on the phone.”
It all falls into place and I laugh. “Yes I caught them too. Nathan said it was a surprise for me, clever boy.” Tina laughs. “At least he will have to do something for you now, otherwise his cover story will be blown. I know let’s not tell them that we know and see how long they can get away with it.” I agree and we decide that we will postpone the get together as it is getting late anyway. I continue with my bath and then the phone rings again. Oh for goodness sake, can no one leave me alone for 5 minutes? It’s Nathan. “Sorry Bella, I may be out for a while. Go to bed and I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m sorry Baby.” “No, I’m sorry for you Nathan. Go carefully, I love you.” The phone goes dead and I think that he must have lost the signal. I decide to just have my bath and an early night, and wonder what the surprise is that he is planning.
