A New Life

by Mildred Colvin

  Travis swung from the saddle and stood with his legs spread as if for battle, his muscles tensed. The heavy weight he’d carried for too long expanded in his chest until he couldn’t breathe. Tears stung his eyes and emotions he could no longer control roiled inside his chest. Anger hit him as a punch to the stomach that rose through the center of his being until he lifted his voice to the heavens above. “Why?”

  He threw his head back and shouted. “Why, God? Why did You take my boy from me? Was it punishment? For what? Because I loved Kim when I married Rosalyn? Is that why you left me here? To suffer for hurting Rosalyn and to see Kim again? To have her in my house but not in my arms? You knew my guilt wouldn’t let me move forward with Kim, didn’t You? I ruined Rosalyn’s life. I owe her. I owe little Steven. I don’t deserve Kim.”

  Travis bowed his head while deep, racking sobs tore from his chest, as he’d never allowed before. A stampede of emotions broke through the macho fence he’d built around his heart. Anger, fear, guilt, and love all ran rampant while visions of Rosalyn and Kimberly blended in his mind.

  Trixie whined and leaned against his leg. He sank to the ground with his arms around his dog’s neck while the tears continued quieter now. He saw in his mind Jamie playing with Trixie. Jamie, alive and happy, looked up at him with a wide smile and sparkling dark brown eyes only to be replaced by Steven’s limp, lifeless little body they’d lifted from the ground that day.

  Travis cried until he had no tears left. He cried for Steven and he cried for Rosalyn. For what they should’ve had but hadn’t. He cried for Kim because he could never love her as he wanted to. And for Jamie because he wasn’t his son. He poured out his hurt, his guilt, and his fears.

  “Why?” He threw questions at the sky, demanding answers until he became hoarse. After that he sat on the ground silent while the tears slowed, and he stared at nothing.

  How long he sat there in a fog without feeling, without words, and without answers, he didn’t know, but he welcomed the relief from his storm. Finally he took his cell phone from the holster at his side to look at the time. He had a missed call from Gran. He’d forgotten her. His head pounded. He couldn’t eat now. They were probably halfway through their meal anyway. He pushed send to call Gran.

  When she answered, he struggled to make his voice sound normal. “I’m sorry, Gran, but I’m not going to make it.”

  “What’s wrong? I tried to call you twice.” She sounded annoyed rather than worried. He wasn’t sure which was preferable.

  “Nothing’s wrong. What can I say besides I’m sorry? I didn’t hear my phone.” He cleared his throat. His throat felt raw and his emotions were still near the edge.

  He bent one knee and rested his arm across it.

  “I understand that, Travis, but you knew we were expecting you. If there’s nothing wrong, I’d have thought you could’ve called to let me know you weren’t coming long before now.”

  “I know I should’ve.” Travis’s muscles relaxed. Gran’s scolding made him feel loved in a way he hadn’t experienced for far too long. He felt lighter inside too, as if he’d shed a burden. He’d been long overdue for a time of grieving, a time to release his emotions.

  “Hey, Gran, I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I think you’d approve of what I’ve been doing, and I’m not going to talk about it. Not now anyway. Maybe never. Just know it’s nothing bad. I’ll see you later. I think Midnight wants to go for another run.”

  “So you’ve been out riding?”

  Travis grinned at the curiosity he could hear in his grandmother’s voice. “Yeah. I’ll be at the house in about an hour.”

  He returned his phone to its holster, mounted Midnight, and turned him back toward the open prairie. The big horse lengthened his stride as if glad they weren’t going to the barn. Travis relished the breeze blowing over his face in a refreshing wave that dried the last of his tears. He’d never stop missing Steven, loving him, but the tears he shed had lifted a burden he’d carried for far too long.

  Maybe Kim arriving on the ranch with her little boy triggered his outburst. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do about Kim either. Could he forgive her for rejecting him? Could they be friends when he’d never stopped wanting her? She’d adjusted to life on the ranch better than he’d expected. She fit in better than Rosalyn ever had.

  He loved the powerful feel of Midnight under him as they raced across the prairie. Kim liked the country fine, and she didn’t shy away from calf branding, but what about horses? He tried to imagine her on a horse, riding along beside him. She’d probably never ridden a horse in her life. Her boy either.

  The desire to make this idea a reality grew within him. But how could he? She’d never agree. A thought took form in his mind and brought a grin to his lips. How could she bring meals out to the men if they worked too far from the house—unless she rode? Sometimes they were on the range where a truck couldn’t go. Maybe he should make learning to ride a requirement for her job. And what of her son? He imagined the smile on Jamie’s face when he sat on his first horse. Jamie would have no objections.

  He chuckled. “Yep, Travis, old boy. You’ve come up with a great idea. One Kim won’t be able to refuse.”

  Chapter Nine

  Kimberly eyed the dark sky as she carried a heaping platter of Reuben sandwiches outside. If the rain didn’t hold off until they ate, they could get wet on the porch. How could the weather be so nice and then suddenly turn mean again just when it looked like winter was over? She set the platter on the picnic table as Jamie clomped up the steps to the deck.

  “Hey, Momma.” He ran across the board floor to eye the covered sandwiches. “Are we having a picnic?”

  “Sort of.” She ruffled his hair. “Remember we did this last week when the men branded the calves?”

  At his nod and grin, she guided him toward the door with a hand at his back. “Well, today they’re bringing some steers to a holding pen so they can take them to market tomorrow.”

  “What’s market?” He held the door open for her.

  Kimberly shrugged. “I don’t know for sure. A sort of auction, I think, where ranchers sell and buy cattle. I need to get the rest of this outside before the men get here. Why don’t you go see if you can find Gran?”

  “Okay.” Jamie ran from the kitchen

  Kimberly headed for the refrigerator. The men would be here before she had everything ready if she didn’t hurry. Sure enough, by the time Jamie and Gran joined her outside, the bawling of cattle reached her ears.

  “They’ll drive what they’ve got into a holding pen and leave ’em. Not a man out there wants to be late sitting at your table.” Gran chuckled. “Not that I blame them. Reuben sandwiches are a treat.”

  Kimberly set a covered pitcher of water on the table. The sandwiches were already fixed, waiting outside to be consumed. She looked at Gran. “They are a little expensive to make. Do you think Travis will mind? I mean, the men don’t know what I’ve fixed. I didn’t think about the expense. Maybe I should—”

  “No.” Gran shook her head. “Travis can afford it, and the men deserve a treat once in a while. We can’t feed them beans every meal.”

  “He thinks I’m extravagant. Spoiled by luxuries because I’m from the city.” Kimberly adjusted one of the plates to line up with the others. “He’s probably right, except he’s wrong, too.” She gave a short laugh. “I know that makes as much sense as anything else I’ve said. I’ll get another load.”

  She hurried away, ignoring Gran’s speculative look. She needed to watch her tongue. Next thing she’d be telling Gran everything about Travis and her. Everything about Jamie. Okay, Gran already had Jamie figured out, although she hadn’t asked for confirmation. But Travis needed to be told the details first. And soon. If he couldn’t accept their son and forgive her for what she couldn’t change, too bad. She and Jamie would have to move on.

  Kimberly kept busy, getting a meal on the table outside. She carried a large bowl of tossed salad out as well as a b
ag of potato chips and a bowl of baked beans. Travis said the men needed hearty, but not heavy. She hoped her choices filled the bill.

  Jamie stood beside the table, waving a long narrow stick over the food.

  “What are you doing?” Kimberly watched him with her hands on her hips.

  “Shooing flies.” Jamie waved his stick again. “Gran said it was okay.”

  “Why do I have a feeling everything you do is okay with Gran?” Kimberly grinned at the older woman who sat at the table watching with a smile. “Of course, in this case, she’s right. We don’t want flies on our food, which is why I left covers on everything.”

  “Our plates don’t have covers, Momma.” Jamie chased away a fly.

  “That’s true.” Kimberly started to say more, but lost her train of thought when the sound of male voices reached the house. She turned to see four men strolling down the driveway toward them. She sought the one who stood out from all others. The one man who caused her heart to stutter and race.

  “I’ll bring the water pitcher out now.” She almost ran for the door and hoped no one noticed. She stood beside the table for a moment to regain control of her emotions before picking up the pitcher. How could she still love him? That hadn’t been in her plans.

  “Need any help?” Travis stepped inside, and she swung to face him.

  “No, this is it.” She looked past him through the open doorway. “Where are the others?”

  “Out there.” He nodded outside. “I need to wash my hands.”

  “Are you the only one who got dirty?” Kimberly frowned as he squirted liquid dish detergent on his hands and scrubbed them under the running water.

  “Don’t worry, they’re washing up at the faucet outside.” His dark eyes sparkled when he turned toward her and met her frown. Crinkles formed in each outer corner of his eyes and his lips tilted upward. “You don’t want me washing my filthy hands here, do you?”

  She lifted her chin. “Do you have cow stuff on them?”

  “Cow stuff?” He laughed long and loud. “Did you just say ‘cow stuff’? Do you mean manure?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Among other things, yes.”

  Still chuckling, Travis shook his head. “You know, I bet I do. And if it bothers you that much, I can wash in the bathroom from now on. Will that work?”

  She nodded as a flush crept over her face. How could she be so overbearing as to tell Travis what he could do in his own home? She had no right. She looked at him and found him watching her while he dried his hands. “I’m sorry, Travis. I shouldn’t have said anything about where you wash your hands. It’s really none of my business.”

  The sparkle in his eyes matched the upward curve of his lips. “Sure it’s your business, Kim. You’re the one who has to clean up after me. You have every right to tell me what you want. Now is there anything I can help you with? The men are starved if you can believe what they say.”

  “No, this is it. Everything else is outside.” She took a step forward and stopped. “I forgot the cookies. There’s a plate on the counter. Why don’t you grab them?”

  Travis picked them up, lifted the plastic covering, and sniffed. “Mmm, what kind?”

  “Snickerdoodle.” Kim pushed through the outside door and held it open for him just as a rumble of thunder sounded in the distance.

  “We’d better eat and get back to work.” Travis caught the door and followed her outside. “We’re due a rain, but it’d be nice if we had the day’s work done before it lets loose. Riding in the saddle in the rain isn’t much fun.”

  “You can’t work in a rainstorm.” Kimberly tried to keep the concern from her voice. He was probably teasing her. He used to delight in doing that. She searched his face and saw the twinkle in his eyes before he spoke.

  “Hard to imagine men outdoors workin’ for their living, isn’t it, Kim?” He held his fingers in front of her and examined them. “Yep, some of us get our pretty manicures right out there in the—gulp—cow stuff. Sometimes even in the rain.”

  He laughed when she swung away. She carried the sandwiches to the table without a comment. He was insufferable. She would do well to keep her distance.

  Throughout lunch she did just that. The men kept the conversation lively, giving her compliments on the food while they cleaned the platter and every bowl. She smiled at them and listened to Jamie and Gran, but tried to keep her gaze from landing for more than a skimming second on Travis, though she was tempted to linger. Yet every time she happened to glance that way, he was looking right at her.

  She shifted to watch the heavy gray sky hovering over the ranch. The rumble of thunder continued to draw closer until Kimberly smelled the scent of rain riding on a westerly breeze. As she watched, the first drops began to fall. They’d enjoyed such wonderful spring weather, now the air carried a gentle reminder of cooler temperatures. Maybe it wouldn’t last long before the sun reappeared. In spite of Travis’s smart attitude toward her, she didn’t like to think of him out in the rain working.

  “Would you like help with these dishes?” Jason looked at her, a hesitant smile on his face.

  “No, but thank you.” Kimberly smiled at him. She’d rebuffed his attention so many times, he seldom tried anymore. She stood and touched Jamie’s shoulder as he sat beside her. “I’ve got all the help I need right here.”

  “Yeah, well thanks for another great meal.” Jason backed off with a smile then swaggered off with the other men.

  All except Travis. After a quick glance her way, he began gathering dirty dishes, stacking plates with the flatware on top.

  Her fists landed on her hips. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  He shot a quick look her way and reached for another plate. “I need to go inside anyway. Might as well take a load.”

  Gran snickered behind her hand.

  Kimberly huffed and picked up the salad bowl. “Jamie, will you take this in and put it in the refrigerator? You can watch TV since it’s going to rain.”

  Jamie took the bowl and went inside. Gran stood and picked up the empty bowl that had held baked beans. She gave an exaggerated shiver. “My, it’s getting a mite cold out here. I believe I’ll go in and check all the windows. Wouldn’t want anything getting wet.”

  Kimberly retrieved the tray she’d used to carry out the glasses. Travis moved to her side of the table, still stacking plates. She rounded the corner and walked around the table until all seven glasses were on her tray. Without speaking, she went inside. Travis followed her and set his load on the counter beside the sink.

  She frowned at the back of his head as he pushed through the café doors into the dining room, then she turned around and glared at the dishwasher. Two weeks and he still hadn’t replaced it like he’d promised. How would he like to wash dishes for seven people three times a day? She jerked the door open and closed it. It didn’t catch. She lifted and closed the door just as she’d had to do to her old dishwasher all those years after the hinge lost its spring and Colin refused to spend money getting it fixed or replaced. This time it latched in place. She opened it. Aha, it was just like her old dishwasher.

  Humming a tuneless melody, Kimberly rinsed the dishes and filled the washer. She’d feel stupid if it didn’t work, but surely it would. Travis probably just didn’t know about the hinge. She soon had the dishes in place. Now to find the detergent. She opened the door below the sink and bent to look when she felt a presence behind her. She straightened and swung around, her eyes wide.

  Travis stood in the middle of the room watching her with a smirk on his face. “Did you forget it doesn’t work?”

  Ignoring his sarcasm, she looked under the sink again. “Where’s the . . . Never mind. Here it is.”

  “Kim, the dishwasher doesn’t work.” He spoke distinctly as if to a simple-minded child.

  Okay, he could be right. She hadn’t tried to turn it on. Something inside wouldn’t let her back down. Not now. Maybe it would work. Oh, how she hoped so! She filled the soap holder as if h
e hadn’t spoken, and then she closed the door just as she’d closed her old dishwasher for more years than she cared to remember. With her breath in her throat, she turned the knob. The whir and sudden rush of water inside the machine sounded as sweet music to her ears.

  Kimberly turned with a wide smile on her face. “It works.”

  “What’d you do to it?” Travis’s smirk changed to a confused frown. “I couldn’t get it to work when I tried. In fact, I spent a good hour trying.”

  She laughed. “It won’t work if the door doesn’t catch. Your hinge is loose, that’s all. Just lift and close the door.”

  “That’s it?” He was still frowning. “So how’d you know what to do?”

  Kimberly sighed. He probably wouldn’t believe her. “Travis, I had an old dishwasher with the same problem.”

  “Why didn’t you buy a new one?”

  She picked up a dishcloth and started for the door. “A dishwasher wasn’t exactly top priority. Besides, I didn’t mind. The machine worked fine. I need to finish cleaning up outside.”

  “I’m sorry, Kim.”

  She pivoted at the door. “What?”

  “Earlier when I was joking around.” His soft smile, the way he searched her eyes, along with his apology, stole her breath. He shrugged. “You know. When you said cow stuff. I wasn’t making fun of you.”

  “It sounded like it.” She wouldn’t cave so easily.

  He stepped within an inch of touching her and reached past to push the door open. He had flecks of gold in his dark eyes. She remembered. He grinned. “No way. I’d never make fun of you, Kim. Not really.”

  Before she could react, he dropped a kiss on her forehead. She couldn’t speak.

  “I need to go before Elliott comes after me.” Travis held the door.