A New Life

by Mildred Colvin

  “Her arm’s well now. I prayed for her.”

  “I’m sure that helped, but she’s only had the cast off a few days. Let’s not rush things.”

  Jamie looked into his mother’s eyes. “You want to stay too, don’t you, Momma?”

  Kimberly blinked at her young son’s perception. She couldn’t answer his question. Not directly. If he knew how much she wanted to stay, leaving would be even harder for both of them. “I like it here, Jamie. But we’ll find another home we like just as much. We have to make a place for ourselves. We can’t depend on Travis and Gran taking care of us forever.”

  A sigh came from deep inside his body. “I know. It’s okay, Momma. I’m going to sleep now.”

  Kimberly pulled the cover back over her little boy, who she knew was trying to be brave for her. This time he didn’t push it back. “I love you, Jamie. Sleep tight.”

  “Okay, I love you too, Momma.” He closed his eyes.

  She slipped from the tent past Trixie who seemed intent on guarding Jamie. She patted the dog’s head. “Watch him good, Trixie, because he loves you.”

  Trixie gave a soft woof as if she understood.

  Travis sat in a canvas chair to the side of the campfire with an empty chair beside him. He motioned for her. “Come and sit down.”

  “Where’s Gran?” She lowered herself into the chair.

  He nodded toward the second tent. “Already gone to bed. She said to tell you there’s no hurry. Enjoy the night and the company.”

  Kimberly saw the smirk on his face and wondered. Did he make that up? No, it sounded exactly like something Gran would say. She smiled at him. “All right, I will. Your roommate will probably be asleep within the next minute.”

  Travis chuckled. “Just so he leaves me enough room to stretch out. If memory serves me right, little boys can take up a lot of space when they sleep.”

  Kimberly gave him a sharp glance. Did he mean his son? Had something happened within Travis that he could mention Steven and still carry a smile on his lips?

  The expression he turned toward her lost the smile as he met her gaze. “I assume Gran has told you about Steven. He was only four. Didn’t even have a chance to live, yet he left an enormous hole when he died.”

  He swallowed and turned to look at the fire. His voice droned as if he were reading a boring news account. “My wife Rosalyn should’ve been watching him, but she had problems and sometimes forgot. Tom McMilin was working with a new horse, breaking him to ride. Steven climbed through the fence and came up behind the horse. Tom did his best to save him. You’ve seen the result of his efforts. He pastors the church you and Gran go to. He’ll never walk again.”

  “I’m sorry, Travis.” Kimberly touched his arm, but he pulled away.

  He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “Rosalyn left a couple of weeks after the funeral. She went back to California like she’d wanted to do all along. About a month after that, I got word that she died in her sleep. She took meds for depression. Had been for a couple of years. If you mix alcohol with certain drugs . . .”

  He took a deep breath. “I knew she wasn’t capable of watching Steven. I knew Tom would have that horse in the corral, and I knew Steven loved horses. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”

  “No!” Kimberly spoke louder than she’d intended. She softened her voice. “No, Travis, you are not to blame.”

  “How do you figure that? I just told you what happened.” Beyond the scowl on his face and the rough tone of his voice, Kimberly saw longing in his eyes. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to shed the burden of guilt.

  “Did Steven always obey you? I mean you had told him to stay away from the horses, hadn’t you?”

  He nodded. A horse whickered in the silence.

  Kimberly didn’t say what she wanted to about Rosalyn forgetting her son. She tempered her thoughts. “Just from what you said, your wife must’ve had more problems than you knew about. I’ve known people on meds for depression, and they didn’t forget their responsibilities. There was no reason for you to expect her to let a four-year-old outside unsupervised on a ranch this size. Maybe Steven slipped out without her knowledge.”

  She touched his arm again, and this time he didn’t pull away. “It wasn’t your fault, Travis. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Accidents happen. Steven was too young to understand the danger. Your house is large enough that he could have easily gone out without his mother knowing. What good does it do to gather all the guilt to yourself? You have to forgive now. Forgive Rosalyn and most of all, forgive yourself.”

  “Like Tom forgave me?”

  “Yes, exactly.” She watched the muscle jerk in his jaw and wished she could help him.

  “He told me to press charges against his brother. He said Jack has needed help for years and maybe he’ll get it now.” Travis took a deep breath. “That was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time. Lee agreed with Tom. If Jack cooperates, he’ll try to get him tested.”

  Tom and Lee were trying to get psychological testing for Jack, and Kimberly hoped they were successful. From what she’d heard, the man needed help. She let her hand move on Travis’s arm in a comforting gesture.

  His arm tensed. He sat for a while, staring at the flames before turning to her with the hint of a smile. “What about you? Tell me something about your life after I left to finish college.”

  Kimberly’s laugh came quickly. “Talk about changing subjects. Okay, to make it short and not-so-sweet, I married, became a mother, and seven years later, a widow.”

  “Cute, Kim.” He shook his head. “I already knew all that. I want to know about your life. What was it like being married to the big tycoon? Did he treat you right? Were you happy?”

  Did you miss me? Did you regret not marrying me instead? Kimberly could have filled in the unspoken questions, but she shoved them from her mind. She clutched her hands in her lap. “At first Colin was all right. He didn’t want to marry me, and he soon grew tired of being tied down. We were both caught in our families’ business, like pawns playing out a part for the betterment of the whole.” Her voice dropped. “And Jamie got caught in the middle.”

  “Jamie.” Travis glanced over his shoulder toward the tent. “What do you mean? He acted like a deer in a spotlight when you first showed up here. He’s changed, though. What made him so scared?”

  Kimberly thought of the times Colin had shoved Jamie aside or told him he wasn’t wanted. When he showed her the papers proving he wasn’t Jamie’s father, he’d gloated and told Jamie if he had to call him anything, it’d better not be father.

  She couldn’t tell him that. “Colin didn’t want children. You talk about blame and guilt. I was so naïve I didn’t know that abuse goes beyond the physical. Colin never hit Jamie, but he said and did things that undermined Jamie’s self-worth.”

  “He cheated on you, didn’t he?” Travis looked into her eyes. The darkness of the night and the dancing light from the fire brought them closer together. She opened up to him more than she might have any other time.

  She nodded. “He may have had affairs from the start, but he stopped hiding them after the second year we were married.”

  “What else did he do to you?” Travis’s jaw clenched. “Why’d you come here when you could’ve gone to your grandfather’s?”

  Did he suspect about Jamie? Could she tell him now? She really didn’t have a choice. She’d promised to tell him, and he’d supplied the perfect opening.

  “Or did your grandfather turn away from you after he got what he wanted?” Travis growled out the question as if he’d like to confront her grandfather.

  She smiled at the thought. “Grandfather was quite taken with Colin. He became the grandson he’d always wanted.” She tried to keep the bitterness from her voice. “Colin let Grandfather believe I spent all the money he made. My inheritance from my parents disappeared. Grandfather blamed me for that, too. I didn’t even know it was gone until after Colin died.”

  “How’d he
get access to it?” Travis took her hand in his as if to lend support.

  “I don’t know.” Kimberly grasped his hand, wishing she could hold on forever. “He had the paperwork in a file in his office. Forgery isn’t so hard.”

  “Did your grandfather disown you?”

  Kimberly gave Travis a quick look. Was that sympathy in his eyes? She shrugged. “Sort of. He said since I couldn’t be trusted with money, he’d be taking me out of his will. He was angry. He refused to help when the money ran out, and we had to leave the house. Colin’s parents owned it. With Colin gone, they preferred I find another place to live.”

  Kimberly looked into Travis’s eyes. The time had come to tell him everything. He’d been better to Jamie already than Colin ever had. He had a right to know his son. To know Jamie was his.

  She started to speak, as he leaned closer. The intensity of his gaze frightened her. His name came out in a whispered question. “Travis?”

  He tugged her hand toward him, pulling her close, as he answered with her whispered name, “Kim.”

  His breath brushed her cheek and she had only one thought. He was going to kiss her. She turned her lips to his and everything she’d planned to say fled her mind as she became lost in the wonder and beauty of Travis’s kiss.

  ~*~

  Kimberly woke with the morning sunlight streaming across her face. She sat up and looked around. She was alone in the tent. Gran probably left the flap open so the sun would wake her. She grinned and shook her head. There wasn’t much she’d put past Travis’s grandmother.

  Travis. His name opened a door to her memory and the reason she’d lain awake until long after she should’ve slept.

  His kisses had been so sweet, yet demanding, as if he were laying claim to her. She shivered at the thought. Is that what he’d been doing? At the time she couldn’t think. She’d been so caught up with the sensation of being in Travis’s arms again. Of yielding to his kisses. Of being his if only for a few stolen moments.

  Remorse swept through her soul, and she bowed her head. What had she done? She’d kissed Travis as if she had a right, and in kissing him, she had forgotten the most important thing. She still hadn’t told him about Jamie. Oh, she’d been about to. The words had sat on the end of her tongue until Travis pulled her against him. Then she’d forgotten everything, including their son.

  “Momma, are you gettin’ up today?” Jamie stuck his head in her tent and grinned. “Travis says we can go riding after we eat breakfast. He said to get you ’cause you’re holding up the works.”

  Kimberly forced a smile for Jamie and pulled on her boots that Gran insisted she buy for the campout. “All right. Let me get up and around. As much as I hate the thought, I’ll have to use the bush first.”

  Jamie giggled. “You’re funny, Momma. That’s what cowboys have to do when they’re away from home. Travis said so.”

  “Travis says a lot, I guess.” Kimberly stood and followed Jamie out of the tent. At least she didn’t have to get dressed. Sleeping in one’s clothing might be considered a bonus of camping out, but changing clothes once in a while had advantages, too.

  “Yeah, Travis knows lots of stuff. I like Travis.” Jamie skipped alongside her. “I woke him up this morning.”

  “Oh, really?” Ha, so Travis missed sleep last night, too. There was satisfaction in the thought.

  After Kimberly found a private place a distance from camp in a growth of shrubs, she returned to help with breakfast. Travis pulled the iron skillet from the fire and looked up with a smile that turned her heart over and set it pounding. “Hey, did you sleep good?”

  His dark hair was tousled as if he’d run his fingers through it. Black stubble covered his cheeks giving him a rugged charm that she couldn’t resist. He rose from a squat with a fluid movement and stepped toward her.

  Warmth rose in her cheeks. She glanced toward Gran and Jamie. They had their heads together at the table.

  Travis chuckled. “Don’t worry, they aren’t watching.”

  “I’m not worried.”

  Travis sobered and stopped with the heavy skillet between them. “I’m glad to hear that. I guess I owe you an apology for last night.” He shrugged. “I got carried away. We sort of dipped into the emotions with our life stories and the fire, the night . . . You know. Things just got a little out of hand. It won’t happen again.”

  His words were a verbal slap, and Kimberly felt the sting deep inside. How could he brush off what had happened between them? It wasn’t just the kisses, the physical touch. She’d felt emotion deep within that had been buried for years. Love, stirred free from a prison of repression, had risen to the surface of her heart. She’d been wrong. He didn’t care for her as she’d thought. She was no more than his housekeeper and companion to his grandmother. After the first intake of disbelief, she kept her feelings inside and forced a smile to her face.

  “I understand, Travis. That’s fine. I was wrong to allow my emotions to get carried away. You are right. It will never happen again.” She turned toward the table blinking to keep the tears from pushing beyond her self-control. “I’ll see if I can help Gran.”

  Somehow Kimberly got through breakfast and even laughed with Gran when Jamie jumped up and down in his excitement of going on a ride. She caught him and pulled him close for a hug. “Didn’t you get enough riding on the way out here yesterday?”

  He shook his head. “Nope.”

  She caught Travis’s gaze over Jamie’s head and her breath caught. Something in his eyes told her he wasn’t as unfeeling as he tried to make her believe. What was he fighting? Why did he not want to love her?

  They rode abreast across Travis’s land. Trixie ran ahead or shared her time between Jamie and Travis. Kimberly had never been more proud of her son. He rode like a pro, handling his mount with ease. She’d learned more than she ever expected to, as well. In fact, she loved riding. She’d miss it when they left the ranch.

  “Are those your steers, Travis?” Jamie pointed to several head of cattle grazing not far from camp. They’d ridden in a large circle and had come back the opposite way from the house.

  “Some are steers. There’s a few momma cows in that herd, too. But, yes, they’re mine. Just about all the land you can see right here is part of the ranch, Jamie.” Travis pointed to one small calf. “See that little fellow?”

  “Yeah.” Jamie nodded.

  “He’s the newest member of the family. His momma hid out and didn’t tell us she was expecting until Elliott found her and her baby.”

  “Can I go see him?” Jamie’s face lit up in a way Kimberly had not seen until this summer.

  “Not now. Maybe later it’d be all right.” Travis nodded toward the tents ahead. “Look, we’re about back at camp. We need to break camp and fix lunch before we head back.”

  “Okay.” Jamie accepted the decision without a fuss.

  Back at camp, Kimberly gave Jamie the job of packing his belongings while she took care of her own. They were fixing hamburgers and fried potatoes with cold pork and beans for lunch. She took her pack to the side where Travis had tossed his and Jamie’s.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and start dinner?” Travis gave her a friendly smile. “I’ll take both tents down. We might as well do what we know how to do.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you could cook over an open fire as well as I can.” Kimberly walked closer to him.

  His smile turned into a teasing grin. “True enough, but I was thinking about the tents. I’d like to have them put up right.”

  “You deserve a smack for that, but I’ll be a lady and ignore you.” Kimberly stuck her nose in the air and stomped to the campfire with his laughter following her.

  She peeled potatoes with her back to the tents. She couldn’t help hearing Travis moving around, clanging stakes and poles together and calling instructions to Jamie, but she didn’t have to see him. Gran joined her and they quickly put the meal together. Gran sat back and watched while Kimberly stirred the potatoes into the ha
mburger drippings. They didn’t take long to cook over the hot coals.

  ~*~

  Travis watched Jamie slip the last of his hamburger to Trixie before he ran away from the table. Trixie followed close on his heels. His dog had found a substitute for Steven. She’d always protected Steven except that one day, because she hadn’t been there. Trixie had been helping him. Another reason he didn’t deserve Kim and Jamie in his life. He pulled his thoughts from the treadmill of condemnation and turned toward his grandmother as she sailed her empty paper plate toward the glowing coals. It landed on top and burst into flames.

  She didn’t appear tired even though she’d gone on the ride that morning. She’d have to ride back to the house in an hour or so, too. He’d picked a spot fairly close to the house because of her, but he wondered why he’d bothered. The only concession she’d taken was sleeping on a cot while the rest of them slept on bedrolls on the ground. She’d ridden her horse out and had done her share of the work, although he’d made sure her work including sit-down jobs as often as possible.

  “Are you worrying about me again?” Gran grinned across the table at him. “What do you think I’ll do? Fall over in a faint? You’ve got this place set up for comfort. This table for instance. I’m surprised you don’t build cabins with indoor plumbing.”

  “At least an outhouse?” Kim wrinkled her nose.

  Gran laughed, and Travis couldn’t help but laugh, too. “You don’t like our bushes?”

  She glared at him. “No, I do not like your bushes. The table is fine, however.”

  He chuckled. “I had the men bring that out because of Gran.”

  Gran slapped the table with her open hand. “I thought so. Travis, when are you going to learn that I’m not going to fall apart? I’m surprised you let me ride Shadow out here.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Travis frowned. “Shadow’s as gentle as Sweet Thing.”

  Gran laughed. “My point exactly.”

  “Are we heading back pretty soon?” Kim seemed to be creating a distraction on purpose and he loved her for it.

  Gran acted like she was twenty, but she was off by at least fifty years. Why couldn’t she see that he just wanted her to stay around for a while longer?