by Roxy Sloane
“You’re not taking it.”
I blink.
“I mean, I thought you decided on the Lucia job, here in New York,” Ash adds.
“I didn’t decide anything,” I say slowly, pulling my skirt down. I look to him, feeling weirdly nervous. “Are you saying you want me to stay?”
Ash stares back. “Of course I do.” He reaches for me, cradling my face in his hands. “JJ, I said I love you. I want to be with you, properly. All the way.”
Something inside me shifts, relieved. “OK,” I exhale.
“OK, you’ll take the job in New York?” Ash demands.
And I know right then in my gut what I want. Him. Us. Right here.
“Yes.” I nod, giggling as he sweeps me up and spins me around. “Yes, I’ll take it!”
“You won’t regret it, darling,” he tells me, kissing me forcefully on the lips.
“But will you?” I can’t help but ask. Ash looks puzzled. “I just mean, we haven’t actually been together long,” I explain, still feeling that shard of insecurity buried deep in my chest. “You might get sick of me once we’re both living in the same city—”
“Never.” Ash grabs my hand and presses it to his chest, right over his heart. His expression is deadly serious, the teasing pushed aside. “I’ve been waiting for this ever since I walked away, JJ. You’re all I ever wanted, I promise you that.”
I smile, filled with excitement about the new life I have waiting for me. Who could have guessed when I touched down here a few weeks ago that I would find a dream new job, and the sexiest, hottest man in the world, right here?
“Come on,” Ash grins, straightening my dress. “Let’s go celebrate. Once you tell your friends, it’s really official.”
“OK, let me just get my jacket.” I go to the closet, and open it.
My gaze falls on the box with the ruined dress. I shiver.
What does it mean?
“Alright?” Ash calls from the doorway.
I grab the jacket and slam the closet door. “Great!” I beam, and lock up behind me. The chilling mystery of my delivery can wait. Tonight is about celebrating my future—with Ash at my side.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
JUSTINE
Keely is over the moon to hear I’ll be moving here full-time. “We’re going to have so much fun!” she beams across the dinner table. “Brunches, shopping, parties…”
“And will your fiancé be invited to these parties?” Vaughn asks, amused. He’s got an arm draped over the back of her chair.
“You’d only cramp our style,” Keely says breezily. Then she lights up again. “You can help with my wedding plans.”
“This is our cue,” Vaughn turns to Ash. “How about them Mets?”
Ash chuckles. “I’m more of a soccer man myself.”
Vaughn sighs. “Fucking Brits.”
I give Ash a grin. Our first double date, and it’s been great. Of course, with the number of empty champagne bottles at our table, we’ve had some help.
“I thought I told you we were going to elope?” Vaughn tells Keely. “You know I hate all that wedding bullshit.”
“Yes, but it’s my wedding too,” she gives him an arch look.
“I bet I can change your mind.” Vaughn leans in closer and whispers in her ear. “I can be very persuasive.” His fingers gently trace circles on her shoulder. His other hand is hidden beneath the tablecloth.
Keely catches her breath, looking flushed.
Ash clears his throat. “I think we should get going. Early meeting,” he adds.
“Good plan.” Vaughn practically drags Keely out of her seat and hustles her to the exit. We follow them outside, and Vaughn flags down the nearest cab. He points to it. “Inside,” he orders Keely. She gives me an apologetic wave. “Call you tomorrow,” she says, as the door slams shut behind them.
It speeds away, leaving us alone on the curb.
I laugh. “Another five minutes, and he would have fucked her right here on the sidewalk.”
“I know how he feels.”
I turn. Ash has a familiar look on his face: dark lust, a flash of hot danger in his eyes.
My stomach twists. “What are you going to do about it?” I tease.
He flags down a cab and turns back to murmur hotly in my ear. “Fuck that juicy mouth of yours, my sweet.”
He hustles me into the cab as my head spins. “Make it fast,” he tells the driver, throwing a hundred dollar bill on the seat and giving him the address.
I feel a surge of wicked rebellion.
“If you demand,” I murmur to Ash. Then, leaning over, I undo his belt and zipper.
“What—” Ash starts to ask, but he doesn’t finish before I peel open his pants and lower my head to his lap.
“Fuck,” he groans, as I suck his cock into my mouth.
In an instant, he’s hard. I angle my head and take him deeper, sucking and licking around his head. I feel his hands tighten in my hair, and even though I know the cab driver must see everything that’s going on, I don’t care.
Ash has pushed me over the edge in public before. Now I’m going to be the one to torment him, make him come undone and bite back the groans of pleasure.
I bob my head, suctioning my lips around his massive girth as I find my rhythm. Ash thrusts against my mouth, forcing himself even deeper. I love it. The motion of the cab rocks through my body, and then I feel Ash’s hand sliding down between my thighs. He finds my mound through my dress, stroking my clit with deadly accuracy.
Oh fuck, that feels so good.
My blood is on fire, crackling with excitement as I suck him off. It’s so sexy, so forbidden back here in the cab as we weave through traffic. Ash fists my hair in one hand, urging me on as he rubs me with his other hand. I’m so wet, so fucking turned on as I lap at his shaft and dip down to suck his balls.
Ash jolts in the seat. I giggle against his shaft, but then he’s fluttering his fingers between my thighs in a new, infuriating rhythm. Goddammit. I suck him down again, flicking my tongue against his tender ridge in the way I know drives him crazy.
I love this. I love how I know what turns him on. I love that he’s the kind of guy I can blow in the back of a cab, and he’ll be right here, urging me on, playing with my clit and thrusting against my tongue until I feel his body tense, his cock jerking in my mouth. I angle him into the back of my throat and pump at his base with my tight, wet fist. Yes.
He comes in a wet-hot torrent, spurting down my throat. I suck him deeper, milking every surge, until finally I sit up with a smile.
“Are we there yet?”
Ash groans softly, zipping up his pants. “Fuck, JJ…” He yanks me to him and claims my mouth in a possessive kiss. I taste him, everywhere. The traces of his salty cum, the champagne sweetness of his lips. I kiss him deeply, and suddenly the cab jolts to a stop.
The cab driver coughs. “We’ve arrived.”
“Yes we did,” Ash chuckles loudly, no shame. He throws down another hundred. “For your trouble,” he winks, and pulls me out of the car.
“You filthy minx,” he murmurs, hustling me up the front steps. “I’m going to give you a spanking for that.”
“Yes, but what will you do to punish me?” I tease, my nipples stiffening at the thoughts. A spanking, God yes. I can already feel the sharp sting of flesh, the crazy heat throbbing between my thighs. Ash unlocks the door and drags me upstairs to the bedroom.
“I can think of a few ways,” he says, pushing the door open.
“Welcome home, darling.”
Ash freezes. I stop with a bump behind him.
I recognize that voice.
Beatrice, his ex-wife, is lounging on his bed in lingerie. She’s got candles burning, and rose petals scattered everywhere. She smiles at him like she hasn’t even seen me, and pats the bed beside her.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
JUSTINE
“What the fuck,” Ash growls. �
�How the hell did you get in here?”
“I had copies made of your keys,” Bea says brightly. She sits up, her perfect slim figure spilling out of a lacy black teddy. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“I told you to get out. I booked you a fucking ticket back to England!”
I can feel Ash’s body, tense as steel beneath his suit. I place a hand on his arm and step out of the shadows.
Bea sees me. Her face twists. “I told you—”
“A pack of lies,” I stop her calmly. “You heard Ash. You need to go now. I’m sorry,” I add, because the look on her face is totally devastated now. “But it’s over. You can’t get what you want anymore.”
“What the fuck would you know, you whore!” Bea leaps up, her beautiful face suddenly marred with rage. “This is all your fault!”
Ash steps in front of me protectively. “Bea—”
“If it wasn’t for that bitch, we would have been happy!” she shrieks. “But you couldn’t let go of the past, could you? It was always, ‘JJ’s so much fun,’ ‘The crazy shit I would do with JJ,’” she mimics spitefully. “Well, is she as good as you remember? Does she fuck you like the cheap slut she really is?”
I stare at her, shocked. She really is unhinged. That whole innocent, wounded wife routine she gave me the first time we met…she was pretending the whole time. Now, the perfect mask has slipped, and all her rage and fear is written on her face.
Something is clearly very wrong with her.
“You need to leave,” Ash demands. He grabs a robe off the chair and tosses it at her. “For God’s sake, cover yourself up.”
“Why?” Bea juts out her hip and strikes a pose. “You always loved this outfit. You bought me three after you kept ripping it off me.”
Ash looks away.
I feel a tremor of nausea. He was like this with her, too?
“That’s it, you’re leaving right this minute before I call the police.” Ash grabs her arm and hustles her to the door. Bea clings to him, running her hands over his body.
“Mm, you’ve been working out.”
“Stop it!” He pushes her away, and she laughs.
“You always did like it rough. What do you say, darling, want to tie me up again and spank me? She could watch.”
Oh God, I didn’t need to hear that. I never thought about Ash with other women, but now, the idea makes me sick.
He did all those sexy, private things to Bea? Spanked her, fucked her, made her beg for more?
I feel tears in the back of my throat, and I have to turn away as Ash drags her to the door and downstairs.
I hear Bea the whole way, her voice echoing behind them.
“Baby, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s just sex with that bitch, but I’m your wife. Please, just stop a minute and talk to me. I miss you, I know you miss me too!”
The door slams, then there’s silence.
Suddenly, I think of the shredded dress. Was that her? Was it a warning to stay away?
I shiver, looking around the room. The candles, the rose petals. She sneaked in here and set up the whole scene. For what? What was she expecting? Ash has made it clear that it’s over between them. He moved out over a year ago, went to a different country and filed for divorce.
But still she’s acting like they’re together – and I’m the one in the way.
For the first time I wonder, am I safe?
There’s a sound in the hall, and then Ash is back. He sags against the doorframe, looking worn out.
“Is she gone?” I ask, still trying not to cry.
He nods. “You should go, too.”
I stop. “What do you mean?”
Ash’s jaw sets in determination. “Until I get the locks changed, you can’t be here.”
“Is that an order?” I shoot back, rattled. I don’t understand why he’s pushing me away right now.
“You saw her,” he says grimly. “You don’t know what she’s capable of.”
“But what can we do?” I ask, feeling helpless. “Should we call the cops? Her family?”
“No!” Ash barks. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? This is what she does, every fucking time.”
He paces angrily, his fists clenched at his sides. “I can’t get away from her. Every time I try to start fresh…”
“It’s OK,” I try to soothe him. “We’ll figure this out.”
“We won’t do anything,” Ash snaps, his face like ice. “It’s not your problem. I’ll handle it.”
I feel a sting of rejection. “That’s not how this works,” I protest. “Your problems are mine too. I want to help.”
“How?” Ash demands. “Are you going to put her on a private jet and fly her home? Take out a restraining order? Try to get her psychiatric help? Because I’ve done all of that and it’s made no fucking difference.”
He slams his fist into the wall.
I gasp. “Ash!”
He yanks it out, breathing heavily. His skin is cut and bleeding.
“You’re hurt.” I try to check the wound. “Here, let me help.”
“You’ve done enough!” Ash roars.
I flinch back. “You’re scaring me.”
He shakes his head, looking agonized. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have a lot to do.”
“With this?” I echo, panicking. “You mean me. Us.”
Ash’s face goes blank. “I think it would be better if you took the job back in Los Angeles.”
He can’t be serious!
“What are you saying?” I demand, sick to my stomach. “You want me to leave? But what about us? When will we see each other?”
“Look, I don’t have any answers right now.” Ash is frustrated. “Maybe we need some space. Clearly, I have shit I need to figure out, and you’d just be in the way.”
I glare at him. “I don’t believe you.”
“What do you want from me, Justine?” he demands. “This is my life right now.” He gestures around the room, at the twisted seduction scene. “Can’t you see, I’ve got a lot to deal with? Just trust me for once in your life!”
“No!”
I take a deep breath. “I’m going now,” I say firmly. “Before we both say something we regret. You calm down, and call me tomorrow. Because I’m not going anywhere,” I add. I close the distance between us, and take his face in my hands.
His eyes are clouded, full of torment.
“We’re going to be OK,” I tell him. “This stuff with Bea will work out. It has to. I’m not leaving you,” I swear. “Not after it took so long to find you again.”
I kiss him softly on the lips and turn and walk away.
My heart aches with every step away from him, but I have no choice.
He has to see, we’ll be OK.
Won’t we?
I don’t hear from Ash all the next day. I’m stuck in limbo, pacing my apartment in anxious insecurity, until finally, I snap.
I’m not waiting around for him to figure out that we belong together. This is my decision too, and I choose to make a life with him.
The life I want.
I call the office back in LA and explain that I’m taking the job with Lucia diLorenzo. Peyton sounds pissed, like I should be groveling and grateful for their lower offer.
“Are you expecting us to match their salary?” he blusters. “Because any other associate would be lining up for this partnership.”
It only makes me more certain that I’m doing the right thing. Enough stuffy old suits, time for a real change in my career.
“No, I don’t expect a counter-offer,” I say sweetly. “Good luck with everything.”
I hang up, then dial my condo management back in LA to give notice. I contact the realtor Keely recommended, and line up apartment viewings here in New York for the same day. With things so weird with Ash, I can’t assume I’ll be moving in with him right now.
Ash.
I check my phone again. Nothing.
Meeting Bea on my own was one thing, but the shock of
finding out he was married overwhelmed everything else. Now, I have time to think about what that really meant: the two of them, together. Waking up in the morning, going about their daily routines…
Sleeping in the same bed every night. Man and wife.
The life I imagined for me and Ash, and he’s already done it with someone else.
I know that he doesn’t love her, that she’s causing him nothing but stress and pain, but still, I can’t help remembering the things she said last night.
That he’d spanked her. That he likes it rough.
All our private, intimate secrets – they feel dirty now. A repeat of things he did with her.
He said he only married her because she claimed she was pregnant, but clearly their relationship was more than that.
I just wish he hadn’t lied to me for so long. I don’t know what to believe anymore. He’s pushing me away right now, and I want to think it’s because he’s trying to protect me, but how can I know for sure when he just shuts down?
Either we’re in this together, or we’re not. He can’t just shut me out whenever things get rough. How are we supposed to make a relationship work like that?
I wish I knew what to do right now. But I’ve never had a relationship like this before. Never cared so much, put so much on the line.
If Ash breaks things off now because of Bea…
I feel another sharp stab of pain in my gut. Never mind the fact that I just committed to moving cross-country for a new job. I can’t lose him again.
I won’t.
I hail a cab and give Ash’s office address. I have to talk to him right now and straighten all of this out. He’s been so used to being the one in charge: calling the shots in his career and even our relationship, he thinks he gets to decide now. But my feelings matter too, and I know I can help him through this if he just gives me the chance.
I’m halfway there when my phone buzzes with a text.
Ash.
I’m sorry, can we talk? I’m at home.
On my way, I type back, and instruct the cab driver to make a new stop. In just a couple of minutes, I’m climbing out in front of his house.
