Damn Jensen and his dumb robin. He got it now. He understood the point of the tattoo. It wasn’t a meaning for Jensen, or a healing process he needed. Jensen did it all for him. To get his head out of his ass.
Now, if someone asked Jensen what the robin meant, he’d probably mutter ‘new beginning’ and leave it at that. He’ll know what it means. Jensen will know. That’s it. Nobody else needed to know.
He thought starting his tattoo business had been a new beginning.
But shit, it didn’t mean he couldn’t start another one again. Life took turns unexpectedly all the time. He always rolled with it. He could this time, too.
Opening up, actually talking about shit he didn’t want to because he cared what Susan thought of him, would take a lot of strength. Something he didn’t think he had until Jensen stepped in and showed him he did. The crazy bastard did it with as few words as possible.
“Stitch…I can’t breathe.”
Realizing he was squeezing Susan harder than he intended, he loosened his hold, but didn’t fully let her go. He wanted her. He wanted to try…commitment. Thinking the word had him itching to flee. No matter how hard it would be to take that leap, he’d try. For her. Only her.
“Sorry. Again.” He cracked a smile. “Am I forgiven yet?”
A slow smile emerged on her beautiful face. “I forgive you.”
His grin grew, as did his desire. “In that case—”
“Oh, did you get your head out of your ass finally and declare your intentions?”
Stitch jerked at the sound of Dee’s voice. His arms fell away from Susan. She took that opportunity to take a few steps away from him. He hated that. What did it mean? She said she forgave him, but in what way? Did stepping away mean she wouldn’t let him back in her life?
Shit. This was why he hated dating. Simple sex with ground rules was easier. Less messy. This emotional crap took too much thinking and analyzing. He hated it all.
“Hey, doll.”
“Don’t hey doll me. Are you two an item yet? Take her home and make sweet love to her. Show her how much you care.” Dee cocked an eyebrow as she placed a hand to her hip.
Sauer chuckled behind Dee, a stupid grin on his face.
“I like that idea, but we haven’t gotten to the item part yet.” He then smiled, hoping to convey his apology to Deena without having to say the words.
Saying sorry wasn’t something they did. This wasn’t the first time they had words with each other. Probably wouldn’t be the last. One of them usually made the move to talk first, and that was that. Issue over. Friends again.
The smirk on her face said as much. He was forgiven. Well, he figured as long as he didn’t break Susan’s heart, which was something he’d try his damndest not to do, but he couldn’t promise it. Relationships weren’t his thing and he was bound to screw up repeatedly. He was a realist. He knew his limitations. His strengths. His weaknesses. Relationships were definitely a weakness.
Hell, he didn’t even have a relationship with his parents. He hadn’t talked to his mother since the day he left home at seventeen. She could be dead right now. He had no idea. And his father died in prison years ago. Before he was locked up, he hadn’t spoken to his old man in months. Then he died after another prisoner stabbed him. Just a deadbeat asshole that he didn’t even miss.
His father went to prison for beating his mom, yet his mother was no better. She didn’t use fists to tear him down. Her words were always enough.
You’re weak. Just like your father. You’ll never amount to anything.
Yeah, those words echoed in his head from time to time. Odd how they decided to pop up now. Probably to remind himself he wasn’t weak. Her words had no control over him. He wanted Susan, and he’d have her. Simple as that. No weakness here.
“Mind if I steal Susan from you? We have things we need to talk about.”
He heard Susan scoff, as if she couldn’t believe he was asking Deena instead of her, which he figured he probably should’ve. He was relying on her coming with him willingly. He wanted Deena’s approval, though, especially since Susan was visiting her.
“Steal away.”
“Thanks, doll.”
“Do I have a say in this?” Susan piped in. “I’m actually busy.”
He took his time turning toward her, almost afraid to see a bit of hatred in her eyes. Thankfully, he only saw anger. Anger he could handle. Hatred was another whole ball game. She was sexy as hell when she got angry. He liked it when she got irritated with him. It was wrong and evil and treacherous, but he couldn’t help himself to provoke her sometimes.
“Busy with what?”
“Work.”
“Susan, you promised,” Sauer said quietly.
Stitch glanced at Sauer, noting the panic in his eyes. What was that about?
“I didn’t promise anything.”
“You said you’d let me find him first. What do you plan to work on, if not to talk to Captain Ganderson?”
“Maybe I should go to work. Maybe I should revisit the crime scenes. I might’ve missed something.”
Sauer stepped around Deena, his features turning fierce. Stitch wasn’t sure he liked the look on his face. Deena’s husband or not, if he said shit he didn’t like to Susan, he’d pay the price.
“To what? Find evidence that isn’t to be found to convict a man for something he didn’t do.”
“How dare you! Are you insinuating I’d plant evidence?” She took two steps and pointed an accusing finger at Sauer. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“That isn’t what I said, but Newman didn’t do this.” He frowned, sadness coating his eyes. “You don’t miss evidence. Ever. You’re meticulous and thorough. What do you think revisiting the crime scenes will do? What do you think you’ll find?”
“I’m not perfect, Sauer. I’ve been distracted lately. Maybe I did miss something. Maybe I would find something to help Newman’s case. Did you ever think about that?”
“The douche is guilty,” Deena scoffed.
“Don’t say that,” Sauer said quietly to his wife.
“Open your eyes. He lied. He’s an asshole. He’s been treating Susan like shit. He’s—”
“None of that makes him a killer,” Sauer insisted, interrupting Deena.
“Someone want to tell me what’s going on?” he finally decided to ask, confused about what they were talking about.
At that, the room fell silent.
“It’s about work stuff,” Sauer said without looking at him, his eyes trained on Susan.
“Yet, Deena knows,” Stitch said, then took a step closer to him, “and if you don’t stop shooting daggers at Susan, you and I are going to have issues.”
“You don’t scare me, Stitch.”
“Whoa. Back up.” Deena stepped between them. Looking at him, she said, “Go home. Take Susan with you.” She then looked at Susan. “Go with Stitch. Work things out with him.” Her eyes trained on Sauer. “And you. Go find that asshole. Don’t start fights with my friend. I’d hate to see you two fight.”
“I’d win that fight,” Stitch muttered.
She gave him a side-eyed glare. “Don’t be so sure, Stitch. Sauer fights well. Quit threatening my husband.”
He nodded. He didn’t want to argue with her anymore. Tension between them never felt good.
“Tell him to quit talking to Susan that way and looking at her like that.” He hated tension with her, but he also wouldn’t allow Sauer to treat Susan like that. She was his. Nobody treated his woman like that.
“Done. Now, macho man, go away. With Susan.” Deena pointed at the door.
He didn’t argue with her. He gave Sauer one long, menacing glare, then grabbed Susan’s hand and headed for the door. She resisted a bit with her footsteps, but gave in when he opened the door.
“I need my purse and jacket.”
He nodded, hating to let go, but did. She grabbed her things from the living room and then met him by the door. He grabbed her hand again
to make sure she followed him outside. Her grip tightened as she looked at Sauer and Deena, then stepped outside.
“I don’t see your car here.”
“Dee picked me up. We went shopping.” She eyed him funny, then laughed. “Where’s your jacket? I rarely see you wearing one. It’s cold out.”
“The cold doesn’t bother me. I hate wearing jackets.” Jackets always felt confining to him. He liked to feel comfortable. Something big and bulky always made him feel claustrophobic in a way. It could get extremely cold in Minnesota, but unless it hit single digits, he never wore a jacket.
He stopped at the passenger side of his car and opened the door for her. “Hop in.”
She hesitated, then extracted her hand from his and slid inside.
He rounded the car quickly and slammed his door harder than he intended. But shit, he was still ramped up from everything that happened inside.
“You didn’t have to do that. With Sauer. He was fine. He didn’t hurt my feelings or anything.”
Turning toward her, he cupped her chin lightly. “Nobody will treat you that way. Not when you’re with me.” His grip tightened, not to hurt, but to show his possession. “Nobody.”
“With you? What does that mean?”
His hand fell away. He started the car, the beautiful purr of the engine brought his anger level down a notch. “Means what it means. You’re mine, sweetheart. Commitment and all that shit.”
A laugh echoed between them. “Wow. You have such a way with words. What makes you think I still want you?”
His lips turned into a wily grin. “Oh, you know you want me, sweetheart. Don’t deny it. I could take you right here and now and we both know you’d love every minute of it.”
“You’re too cocky for your own good.” A cheeky grin of her own appeared. “Maybe I want you to take me right here and now.”
Damn, this was why he wanted her. She was his perfect match, giving as good as she got.
Would she still want him after he told her everything? Because if he wanted to try to make a relationship work with her, she needed to know it all.
His past and everything.
He revved the engine and backed out of the driveway before he changed his mind and took her in the front seat of his car.
“Suzey baby, I’m gonna love you so hard when we get home. You just wait.”
He would. After he told her the truth.
♡
Newman stared at his hands, knowing the power that teetered on the edge. He could do this. He could take control.
Or he could walk away.
Walking away would be easier. It would be the smart thing to do.
But when had he done anything smart lately?
All he was doing the past few weeks was alienate his friends, push them away, make waves in every department. Act like a jackass to a woman who didn’t deserve that kind of behavior.
Where did it all fall apart?
How did his life suddenly go down the drain?
One moment, on top of the world, reunited with the woman he fell in love with in high school, the next, he was getting kicked out of her house for being a world-class jerk. He couldn’t deny it, or any part of his behavior the last few months.
Every time he wanted to get on his hands and knees and grovel for forgiveness, he felt the beast, the monster break free instead. It’s as if his guilt morphed into rage, masking his wrongdoing into making believe he was the injured party. He knew it was wrong. But it didn’t stop him.
Nothing seemed to stop him anymore.
He kept digging further and further down the hole. Soon, he’d probably be able to see the gates to hell. That’s how far he dug himself in.
His hands held all the power right now. So much power in his hands. So much rage and remorse and sadness.
A gentle ring sounded. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and grimaced.
Sauer.
Third time now he had called within the last twenty minutes. Each time, he slid his phone back into his pocket. Each time, he ignored his friend. Each time, he felt the power in his hands get stronger and stronger.
It was time.
Time to find some peace.
There had to be peace with what he was about to do. Because if there wasn’t, he was exchanging one hell for a new one.
He put his phone back into his pocket, looked around the room, and then at his hands once again as he wrapped them around the woman’s shoulder and pulled her against him.
♡
Sauer paced in front of the fridge, wanting to grab a beer and down it in one long swallow. He knew he couldn’t do that, of course. He needed all of his wits. He had to find Newman before…
Well, he didn’t want to finish that thought. Nothing good would come from finishing that thought.
Dee seemed to believe he was a vicious killer. Susan as well. At least, that was the impression he got, even though she wasn’t as vocal as his wife.
But he knew Newman. He worked day in and day out with the man. He was no killer. Did he have issues? Yes. Could he be an asshole? Of course. Would he kill three women? Absolutely not.
So why the doubt in his head now?
Probably because he had been everywhere around town where he thought he’d find Newman, and nothing. He couldn’t find him anywhere. With at least twenty phone calls and a dozen texts, Newman still hadn’t responded or called him back.
He knew why the doubt was there, but he wanted to pretend it didn’t exist. Why was Newman ignoring him? Sure, they got into it before. Disagreements on a case. Arguments about dumb shit going on in their lives. But they never ignored each other like this.
He couldn’t doubt his friend. He couldn’t. Someone needed to be on his side. Especially since he caved in and called Ben and Zeke, and it didn’t look promising. The suspicion swirled in the depths of their eyes. They were siding with Dee.
It tore through his heart like a swift, sharp blade.
“Sauer, we need to talk to Captain Ganderson. You know we do,” Zeke said quietly, as he stood on the other side of the kitchen.
“Not yet. We can find him. We can talk to him.”
“And how do you think that talk is going to go? He hasn’t been himself lately, Sauer. You can’t deny this. He’s a loose cannon. We don’t know how he’s going to react when we tell him we know he lied,” Ben said, using the soft voice that Rina did better than him.
It irked him that Ben was using that tone of voice with him right now. Like he needed to be coddled like a small child waking up from a terrible nightmare, the dark frightening them.
“He didn’t kill three women. He didn’t.” He stopped his pacing and stared hard at both of them. Willing them to take his side. Piercing a stare so fierce, they wouldn’t be able to deny the truth.
Newman was not a killer.
“Evidence could suggest otherwise. We honestly don’t know that.” Zeke held his gaze, unafraid.
“No. I know Newman, and I know he’s not a killer.”
“Then why isn’t he answering? Why can’t you find him? What do you think he’s doing right now?” Zeke demanded harshly. “I’m not saying he’s guilty, but you should prepare yourself a little bit that he could be.”
“And you should prepare yourself that he’s not.”
Ben and Zeke both took a step back at the way he shouted. He felt remorse immediately for raising his voice, but he couldn’t find the words to apologize. He wouldn’t. Not when they couldn’t show a hint of trust for Newman. It’s as if nobody trusted Newman but him.
Sure, he had been acting strange lately. Acting harsher toward coworkers. Being a big fat dick, basically. But Sauer knew his friend, and he wasn’t going to doubt him at a time where he needed someone to believe in his innocence.
“Whoa, the testosterone levels in here are off the charts. Don’t make me slap you silly for putting my husband in a bad mood,” Dee said sharply to Zeke, as she wrapped an arm around him, squeezing tightly. He appreciated the support
, but only to an extent. She also believed Newman was guilty.
His own wife wasn’t even on his side. That hurt. That hurt deeply, as if she took a tiny knife and nicked him, then stuck the knife in again a little deeper. Then again. And again. Every time she voiced her displeasure with Newman, or called him a killer, the knife jabbed him a little more.
Right now, her arm was around him, but he felt no support.
But he loved his wife no matter what, even when she hurt him. He kissed the top of her head and stepped out of her arms. The look of pain that flashed across her face hurt. Everything hurt.
“I’ll find him on my own. If you have to tell Captain Ganderson, then I can’t stop you. I’m going to find my friend and ask him what’s going on. He didn’t do this. He lied, yes. But he’s not a killer.”
He headed out of the kitchen. Ben’s soft words stopped him.
“We’ll find him together.”
He turned toward him. He could keep walking out, or he could wait. The way Ben said it, he meant what he said in a kind gesture, not in a way to throw Newman under the bus. He nodded, then glanced at Zeke, who almost rolled his eyes but stopped himself. “Yeah, we’ll find him together. And I’ll let you do all the talking when we do because I’m sure nothing nice will come out of my mouth.”
Sauer finally offered a small smile. “Deal.”
“Hey, buster, you don’t think you’re leaving this house with just a kiss on my head, do you?” Dee snapped as she threw a hand to her hip.
Ben and Zeke chuckled and dismissed themselves from the kitchen. He was grateful to have a moment alone with his wife. His beautiful, pregnant wife. The stress lately had been something he never experienced before. Worrying whether he could calm her down, make her feel better. Worrying whether he should ask Stitch for help, thankful he did, yet irritated every time he spoke to him. He didn’t know what to think about Stitch, or the fact he had a thing going on with Susan. A sweet woman who deserved the best. Was Stitch the best for her?
Now, more worry for his partner. The whole situation was creating unwanted tension between him and Dee, and he hated it. He hated it so much he almost wanted to say screw Newman and the mess he found himself in. He shouldn’t care so much, but he did. He wouldn’t turn his back on his friend.
One Taste of Sin (A One Taste Novel Book 4) Page 13
