A hooded figure stepped up to him. He couldn’t see the person’s face.
“Oh, thank God,” Grey said, relief washing over him like a warm ocean wave. “Please, take my hand. Help me up.”
The person reached up to pull their hood back. Jaya’s face looked down at him, unsmiling. The wind whipped her hair around her face like a swirl of black smoke.
“Jaya?” Grey was confused. Why was she looking at him like that? Like she didn’t even know him?
“It’s not that I don’t know you,” Jaya said, apparently reading his mind. “It’s that you don’t know me.”
“Jaya, I—”
She lifted one snow boot–clad foot up. And she brought it down, hard, on his hand.
Grey jerked awake, not even twenty minutes after he’d fallen asleep, his body covered in a thin film of sweat, and lay there, his mind curiously blank.
Bit by bit, the night came back to him, like a car crash he couldn’t stop from happening. The good news was, his chest felt strangely hollow, like his heart had been scooped out. He got out of bed, brushed his teeth, showered, and got dressed. Then he slipped out of his dorm room and walked down the silent, empty hallway.
* * *
It was past midnight now—officially his birthday. Eighteen. The day his life wound down, like some broken toy. The day everything went silent and cold.
Grey stood with one palm pressed to the curved window in the West Wing tower, watching the flat black night sky, pulled taut like a shroud. Fitting, considering he felt about as dead as a person could feel while still having a pulse. He tried to tell himself it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how he felt or what had happened with… her… because this was for the best. His father had warned him, and he’d been foolish. Grey had thought he knew better.
He almost laughed at the idea. How fucking hilarious that he’d thought, even for a moment, that he might actually get to see this day on his own terms. Jaya had made him believe that— that was the cruelest thing of all.
He closed his eyes and began to count down the hours until sunrise.
Jaya
Jaya sat in the empty common room on a green velvet couch, drinking her coffee, her eyes bleary. It was barely four a.m., but that didn’t matter. She hadn’t slept at all anyway. She’d tiptoed out of Isha’s room about thirty minutes ago, once she’d heard her sister’s soft snores.
On the arm of the couch, the final book in Jaya’s YA romance series lay open and facedown. She’d tried to read it, but her mind kept wandering. It kept flashing pictures of Grey. The way he’d looked both burning with fury and completely defeated when he confronted her. The way he’d held her close when they were dancing at the mixer so long ago. Skiing with him in Aspen. How he’d bought her the gap-year book. Their snowball fight, the way he’d kissed her until she forgot she was cold.
Where was he now? Was he waiting for the sunrise by himself somewhere? Her heart ached to be with him, not just because she wanted to see him smile at her again, but because she knew he was probably so very scared, and now, thanks to her, so very lonely. The pendant glinted at her throat. Only one ruby remained.
Jaya felt like she was wearing every feeling, every emotion on the outside of her skin. Her sweater scraped too hard against her, the coffee slid too hotly down her throat. An outsider looking at her would see a princess, poised perfectly on the edge of a settee, looking out a large picture window at the darkness beyond. But what they wouldn’t know was that at any moment she might burst into tears because the night was too dark, the silence was too loud, or the world was too big.
“You’re up really early.”
Jaya turned to see Caterina stalking in, already dressed in a belted cream sweater and black pants, her feet clad in suede boots. Her makeup and hair were perfectly done. “What time did you have to wake up to look like that at four o’clock in the morning?” Jaya asked.
Caterina smiled coolly as she got herself a cup of espresso from the machine at the counter along the far wall. “I didn’t go to bed at all.”
“Oh.” Jaya scooted over as Caterina came to sit with her on the settee. She paused. “Wait. You and Rahul…?”
Caterina eyed her with disdain. “Rahul was nice to dance with, but he is not the kind of boy I date.”
“Hmm.” Jaya hid a faded smile behind her coffee cup.
“He is not,” Caterina said, a little too stridently. Then, composing herself, she added, “So. Something happened with Grey.”
Jaya felt her entire body contract painfully at the mention of his name. She didn’t bother to ask Caterina how she knew; people like Caterina had their ways. Taking the time to smooth down her expression, Jaya said, still staring straight ahead, “Yes.” Tears fell from her eyelashes, but she made no move to dry them. She was tired of pretending to be impeccable. “Alaric was updating Kiran on everything I did.”
“But Alaric doesn’t know—” Caterina stopped, her eyes wide.
“What?” Jaya asked, putting a hand on Caterina’s arm. “Are you all right?”
“It was me,” Caterina said, looking pale.
“What?” Jaya said again, stiffening.
“I… I was so mad at you, and I told Alaric a whole bunch of things about you and Grey, some of which I didn’t even know were true, like that you were dating and that it was really shady that you were in all his classes.” Looking stricken, she continued. “I didn’t think anything of it. I was just venting and—God, I cannot believe that asshole! I’m so sorry, Jaya.”
Jaya let out a breath. “You know what? It was mainly my fault. I can’t really blame you for venting, just like I can’t blame Alaric and Kiran for acting how their natures dictate. I really did want to hurt Grey at first, and if I hadn’t had those intentions in the first place, none of this would’ve happened.” She filled Caterina in on everything that had happened back home, before St. R’s, and the plan she’d formulated.
Isha came upstairs in a robe in the middle of Jaya’s recounting, her hair still rumpled, and sat on the couch beside her, laying her head on her big sister’s shoulder.
“Family,” Caterina said, smiling a little at Isha. “One would do most anything for them.”
Jaya nodded. “Yes.”
Caterina studied Jaya’s face. “So what’s the plan now?”
“I guess I’ll just sit here and watch the sun rise in a couple of hours.” Jaya’s hands shook a little as she said the words, as she imagined Grey doing the same, fear knotting his stomach and icing his spine. Alone, thanks to her.
Isha and Caterina exchanged a glance and then Jaya felt Caterina’s eyes on her, assessing, weighing. She didn’t have the energy to ask what that was about.
“Excuse me,” Caterina said a few moments later, getting up abruptly and stalking away, back down the hallway.
“Yeah, um, me too,” Isha said, hopping up and following her.
Jaya watched them go, frowning slightly. It was odd, but she didn’t have the energy to wonder what they were doing. “Nice speaking to you,” she said, and sipped her coffee morosely.
Grey
Grey walked in the dark-cloaked forest outside the campus, ensconced in his jacket, his face hidden by the hood. There was a thick layer of bluish snow on the ground and he trudged through it, winding deeper into the trees, his boots crunching as they packed down the icy precipitation. He couldn’t keep still, though he didn’t know what it was he was trying to outrun. The sunrise? That was coming soon, whether he liked it or not. It was just after four thirty in the morning. His weather app told him sunrise was at 6:45 a.m. There was no outrunning this. There was no outrunning anything. Still, if he could pick anything, what would he have chosen to do on possibly the last morning of his life? An image of Jaya pressed against him as they danced together entered his head, unbidden, and he forced it away.
Wherever you go, there you are flashed through his mind, and he smiled grimly.
His phone beeped in his pocket and his heart thudded. He pulled it out
and felt a small prick of disappointment when he saw who it was.
DE: Hey, dude. Where are you?
Frowning, he put the phone back into his pocket. He didn’t want to speak to DE right now. His phone buzzed again. And again. Annoyed, Grey slipped it back out.
DE: Dude.
DE: Grey. Hey. Dude. Where are you?
Growling in frustration, he tapped out a reply. Why?
DE: Mm, that’s not exactly an answer
He waited.
DE: You need to speak with Jaya.
He stopped and leaned against a tree, his jaw hard.
DE: Grey I know you’re super mad. But you had some good times with her too, right? She needs to say something before you guys go your separate ways
She had the chance to say a lot of things and never took it. Why start now?
DE: This is about closure, duh. You need it, even if you don’t think you do
When he didn’t respond right back, she sent another text.
DE: Why? Do you have big plans today?
Grey read it and looked up at the mountain beyond the trees. His mountain. What would be a worthy way to spend his last morning, his last few hours? Did he really want to die a petty bastard?
Fine, he responded. Tell her to meet me on Mt. Sama.
* * *
Grey sat back against the big boulder on the mountain and looked down at the tiny town of St. Rosetta, snow-covered shops and small buildings dotting it like thorny burrs. He could make out St. R’s sprawling campus from up here too. Concealed inside it was Jaya, possibly getting ready so she could come up here and say whatever it was she wanted to say.
He thought about speaking to her. How did he feel that he’d be seeing her so soon? How did he feel that this might be their last ever conversation?
He felt close to nothing, he realized. It was like one of those magic eye pictures. If he squinted and contorted himself, he might be able to see hints of sadness, of hurt, of loneliness, of fear. But besides that? Nothing.
If Jaya had, over the course of the last few months, chipped away at the block of stone surrounding him to reveal who he was underneath, she’d also managed to scour him bare in the matter of a single night. All he felt right now was a hollow nihilism.
An icy wind whistled past him, but apart from that, there was no sound of life. He was completely alone.
Jaya
“Come on. We’re going for a walk.”
Jaya realized she’d been slumped back on the couch, watching the day gradually lighten outside. She blinked her dry eyes and looked at Daphne Elizabeth, who was towering over her dressed in a big coat, pants, and a winter hat, her hands on her slim hips. Next to her was Isha’s much smaller form, also completely bundled up. “What?”
“You can’t just sit here like this. We’re going for a walk.” Daph shoved a coat at Jaya; Jaya realized it was hers. Daph and Isha must’ve gone into her room to get it.
“What—what time is it?”
Isha consulted her phone. “Almost five a.m.”
Jaya rubbed her eyes. Her cup of cold coffee sat abandoned on the table in front of her, looking as lonely and sad as she felt. “You guys want to go for a walk now?” The early-morning snowball fight with Grey flashed through her mind before she could stop it, bringing with it a wave of pain.
Daph and Isha exchanged a look, unaware of her thoughts. “Yes, we do,” Isha said firmly. “Come on.”
Jaya felt discombobulated enough that she did as she was told, slipping on her winter coat and following her little sister and Daph meekly to the stairs. “How was your night, Daph?”
Daphne Elizabeth glanced at her as they walked downstairs. “Good. It was good. I saw Alaric dancing with Portia and, I don’t know. I’m realizing maybe I just need some time to be by myself, you know? Ride that single train.”
The three of them pushed through the doors and walked onto the grounds, their boots crunching the snow. The tree limbs were all weighed down, heavy, reaching down as if to touch them as they walked.
“Right. That’s a good idea. A good thing to realize.” She rubbed her face, confused. “And now we’re going for a walk at five a.m.?” None of this was making any sense.
“Well, yeah,” Daph said, pulling her hat down lower on her head. “After Isha texted me and Caterina—”
Jaya turned to Isha. “You texted them? When?”
“Last night,” Isha said. She was so bundled up, Jaya could only see her eyes and her nose, the tip of which was red from the cold. “You fell asleep for a few minutes, and I knew I’d need help to get this whole Grey-plan situated.”
Jaya shook her head, frowning. “Okay…”
“Okay, so after Isha texted us, Caterina swung by my room.”
“Oh no, did she—”
“No, it wasn’t as bad as you think.” Daph buried her hands in the pockets of her coat and stared straight ahead as she spoke. They wound their way down a snow-covered hill and off campus toward the town of St. Rosetta. “She told me what Alaric had done. He actually was spying on you, in a sense, and sending information to that jackass Kiran. And Kiran called Grey.” Daph’s jaw was hard, her eyes like glittering emeralds.
“Yes, but, Daph… I don’t like what Alaric did, but he couldn’t have done it if it weren’t true. If I hadn’t plotted to break Grey’s heart and kept things from him at every turn.” She heard her voice crack.
Daph and Isha each put an arm around her, as if they’d coordinated. “You made a bad choice, I’ll hand you that,” Daph said. “But who am I to judge? The longer I stayed with Alaric, I… I lost my mind, Jaya. I wanted his attention and I thought taking him from Caterina proved—I don’t know, that I was important enough to someone to make him weak.” She snorted. “I’m an idiot.”
Jaya stepped on a snowy bed of pine needles, feeling their spongy weight beneath her boots. “So are you and Caterina talking now?”
Daph took her arm off Jaya’s shoulder and laughed. “No, are you kidding? She still wants to boil my spleen and eat it. We just temporarily reconciled to, ah, for a mission of sorts. But I did apologize to her. Again.”
“What’d she say?”
“I believe her exact words were ‘Fuck off and die.’ ”
“Savage,” Isha muttered.
They were heading into the woods now. Jaya put her arm around Daph’s waist and squeezed. “I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s all me. I was weak and wrong and stupid, and I’m paying the price now. As I should. I don’t even know how I’m going to go about making amends for this one, but I’m going to try.” She hopped over a log in her path and kept walking.
They wound deeper into the encroaching forest, along a path that was usually dirt but was now covered in snow and ice. Jaya looked up at the pines above them, her pulse picking up. She knew this path. “Where are we going, Daph? Isha?”
Isha turned to look at her. Her brown parka matched her eyes exactly, both of them a darker shade of amber in the faded light of early morning. “We’re taking you to see Grey.”
Jaya stopped short. “No. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Daph’s face was serious. “Well, okay, maybe that’s true. But he’s willing to let you say your piece.”
Jaya’s breathing quickened. “What?”
“I texted him about thirty minutes ago.” Daph shrugged. “He didn’t sound too pleased about it, but he’s open to it. He wants to give you the chance to say what you need to say.”
Isha gestured to their right. “He’s up there.”
Mount Sama. Grey’s mountain. She turned to look at the towering rock, dark and hooded and silent. “He’s up there,” she repeated in a whisper.
Isha gave her a quick hug. “Yeah. And I really think you should go talk to him. You’ve come all this way, Jaya. Just do it; get it off your chest.”
Jaya nodded. She could make her amends now, if Grey would let her. She could try to convince him that she’d never laughed at him behind his back; that she r
eally had fallen for him. She could spare him that small amount of pain, at least, before she reconciled herself to being Kiran’s soon-to-be fiancée. “Thank you,” she said to the both of them.
Daph rubbed the back of her head. “It’s the least I could do. Thanks for trying to have my back before. Wish I’d listened to you sooner.” Impulsively, she leaned forward and gave Jaya a hug. Jaya was so surprised, it took her a moment to return it.
Isha kissed her on the cheek.
“I love you,” Jaya said to her, her voice catching. “You know that, right?”
“Better than I know anything else,” Isha said solemnly.
Jaya gazed at her and then at Daphne Elizabeth, her heart brimming with love and pain, jostling for space with the trepidation and anxiety already there.
“All right, all right, now get going,” Daph said, shoving Jaya gently away.
Jaya turned to go, and Isha said, “Hey, Jaya?”
“Yes?”
“Good luck. I hope he hears you.”
Jaya looked back up toward the mountain and took a shuddering breath. “Thank you. I’ll need it.”
* * *
Jaya wound her way up to the mountaintop, puffing lightly. Her parka was warm, but the wind was still tugging at her hair and slapping her in the face, bringing tears to her eyes. Her heart pounded at the thought of coming face-to-face with Grey in just a few minutes. She was still completely gobsmacked about what Isha, Caterina, and Daph had done, and even more so that Grey had agreed to meet with her one last time. Jaya knew this was Caterina’s way of making up for what Alaric had done with the information she’d given him, and in spite of herself, in spite of how bossy and invasive this was, Jaya was grateful.
She had no grand expectation that she would be able to get Grey to believe she’d never meant to hurt him, that she hadn’t been playing games with him the whole time. When he’d flung all those accusations at her, she’d made no attempt to refute them. If anything, she’d wanted him to believe it so he could move on. Now all she hoped for was that he’d listen to her with an open mind. That he’d see she really had fallen for him. That the engagement hadn’t been preplanned, and that there was a very good reason why she had to go through with it. And maybe, just maybe, he’d let her sit with him while he waited for the sun to come up. All Jaya wanted was to be there for him when the sun rose, so he didn’t have to be alone. If she could do all that, she’d get engaged to Kiran with a modicum of peace.
Of Curses and Kisses Page 29
