by C. J. Thomas
“A phony. A liar,” she continued tossing insults at me.
I remained quiet because, deep down, after I swallowed my pride, I knew all of what she said was true.
I wasn’t the protector I’d promised her I’d be. I kept failing her. A liar—never to her but to others, sure. Time and again, letting her down when all I tried to do was what I thought was right.
“You just don’t get it, do you?”
I flicked my gaze to hers. “I think I understand just fine.”
“No, you don’t because, if you did, you would have put an end to this after Oscar raped me!”
My eyelids flew up. Suddenly, my heart stopped. Every limb in my body went cold. Inside my head, I heard her say it again. Oscar raped me.
“Stop the car. Let me out.”
“Kendra—”
“Stop the car now!” Her hand flew down on the dash hard. As soon as I slowed the car, she flung the door open and hit the ground running.
I pulled the car off the road, parked, and ran after her. “Kendra, wait!”
Her legs picked up the pace and moved faster away from me.
Pumping my arms, I ran after her. Catching up with her, I grabbed her arm. “Get off of me.”
I frowned, not recognizing the woman who fought back.
“Let me go. Help! Help! Anybody, help!” Kendra screamed with her head thrashing on her shoulders.
Stepping back, I released her arm. I backpedaled with wide, scared eyes.
“I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself.” She turned and marched away. But before she got too far, she turned back and said, “You wonder why I can’t open my legs for you anymore? It’s because of that shit.” She pointed in the direction where I had been stopped by the police. “It keeps happening to me. On. Your. Watch.” Crying, she hurried up the block.
“Kendra, wait…” I held up my hand, calling after her, “it’s too dangerous for you to go by yourself.”
“No, Kelly. It’s too dangerous to be with you.”
41
Kendra
Tears streamed down my face as I hurried away.
I ran out of fear. Kelly called after me but I couldn’t turn and look. My fight was purely my own. I’d been warned about Kelly Black being dangerous. People told me to stay away, that I would someday regret it. I’d refused to listen.
The soles of my shoes pounded against the concrete as I raced away from him.
I didn’t want him to chase me. Chasing would only make it worse. He was bad luck. What I needed was time. Alone. To allow my thoughts to congeal into something I could understand. This was insane what was happening to us. It was becoming clearer by the day why Nora had taken her own life.
My lungs burned as I choked on my own saliva. Wiping my face with the backs of my hands, I felt a sense of loss creeping down my back.
Rounding the next corner, I hid behind a large tree and fell back into the bark.
I blinked out the world spinning around me. As soon as I caught my breath, I had the feeling of being watched. The hairs on my nape stood on end as daylight faded into night. Swiveling my head around on my shoulders, I couldn’t trust anyone.
Knowing I needed to keep moving, I stripped the shawl away from my neck. Letting it fall to the ground, I started walking at a fast clip, hooking my thumb inside my purse strap. Every now and then a scent left behind from the officer who was all over me drifted up, sending a flash of fear to my brain. Needing to rid myself of him, I shed my jacket and continued walking.
I glanced over my shoulder.
Kelly was gone. I was all alone. I ducked between houses and headed up another block, hoping it would lead me somewhere safe.
When I rubbed my arms, I was only reminded of the way the cop’s cold hands felt as they freely roamed my body. Struggling to breathe, I coughed, thinking how Madam probably planned this to happen. She knew I would run, and now had me out in the open, alone and afraid, wondering what was waiting for me around the next bend.
Fear kept me moving.
No matter how many items of clothing I shed, I couldn’t get the scent or reminders off of me. Hugging myself, I fiercely scratched my skin to no relief. I dug my nails deeper. The itch, relentless. Soon, I found pleasure in the pain and I wanted to hurt myself.
It was the only escape I could find. The only way to keep my mind from blacking out.
Once I came into view of a street full of shops and restaurants, I stopped and opened my handbag. There it was. The silver glint of Kelly’s gun. Without having to hold it, a sense of power shot up my spine, rejuvenating me with confidence.
Couples in conversation passed in front of me.
I could do anything, be anyone, with this tool. Kelly would soon learn it was gone. He’d nearly caught me when taking it. He’d stood outside the car for a second too long after the officers left, and I was glad he for that.
I counted my cash—which wasn’t much—before closing my purse back up. Beginning to walk, I didn’t have a plan for how best to use the gun. But with the way my heart begged to be set free, I feared that I would choose to take the same path as Kelly’s wife.
A minute later, I found myself taking a booth in the dark corner of a sports bar. I was greeted, welcomed, and given a menu despite my appearance. I ordered a water and martini, thinking I could hide out here for a while until I figured out what to do next.
Life had a funny way of making sure you never forget. I’d had it all before I met Kelly. Before I went to work for Madam. Where I once used men for sex, they now used me.
As soon as my martini was placed in front of me, I thought back to Jerome spanking me the first time when visiting Madam’s office. I felt my skin crawl with the way Emmanuel made me feel when having to make deliveries to him. I remembered how frightened Tonya looked when running from Timothy Parker, and how Angel went from being an enemy to a friend. All the warning signs where there to stay away. Yet the excitement and drama lured me in. Soon, I’d started craving it. Needed it like caffeine in the morning. It was what I looked forward to in the beginning, and the reason why I now wanted to kill myself. The irony of it all, I thought, glancing at my new phone.
My scalp prickled as I felt strangers’ eyes glaring.
One side of the bar roared, cheering on the team playing on the large TV screen.
A bubble closed over my ears and I blinked, suddenly becoming numb to my own existence.
When I met their curious eyes, I questioned whether they could see me or not. Or maybe it was my wishful thinking, hoping I was more of a ghost glued to this world, hoping to escape.
I brought my elbows to the table. A sharp pain snapped me out of my dreams and I winced. There were minor scratches from breaking Drake’s window, small in comparison to the injuries inflicted while in captivity.
As the alcohol thinned my blood, I was suddenly reminded of how alone I was with nothing left to lose. It was the most dangerous of all positions to be in. I could do anything and not care what the outcome was. Inflict harm on others; who cared? Bring more suffering upon myself; it didn’t matter.
The dark display of my phone caught my reflection and made me think of Alex.
She was the one true family I had. The person I couldn’t let down.
Picking up my phone, I gave her a call, knowing she was probably worried about me.
The line rang and rang before clicking over to voicemail. I hung up and tried again. She still didn’t pick up. Then I caved and left a message. “Hey, babe. It’s me.” I choked on my own words with eyes swelling. “I need to talk. This is my new number. I’ll explain later.” I swallowed hard. “Alex, I’m afraid I’m going to do something I’ll regret.”
I hung my head, killed the call, and slid the phone off to my side.
I felt the pressure building inside of me. It was too much. If only I could have given Madam what she wanted sooner, this would have been over now.
When a stool screeched over the concrete floor, I lifted my head to
look. A man smiled at his partner and his sport jacket reminded me of Drake.
My posture hunched.
I was still in disbelief how Drake managed to deceive us all into believing he was something other than what he was. I was scared to know what would have come of my life if he’d managed to get to me first. Then again, did he know about the files Giselle had at his place when he demanded I give Madam what I wanted? I didn’t know but could assume he did.
The deception that came with anyone affiliated with Madam made me sick.
Leaning forward, I wrapped my lips around my martini glass and sucked a thick, burning gulp back. That was when I recognized the new face that just entered the bar. Alone.
I perked up, excited to see a friend.
My lips curled when I watched his slight bounce that came with the way he walked.
Naturally, I glanced to my phone, fooling myself into thinking that I’d requested him to pick me up. But when my gaze came into contact with the phone that really wasn’t mine, I pinched my brows with doubt.
Dropping my head lower, I watched Lucky order a drink. When it was served, he turned around and it didn’t take long for our eyes to lock. With nowhere to run, his grin widened as he strode my way.
I felt my pulse pick up speed with suspicions of how this kept happening to me grew. Lucky always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. Just when I needed someone to talk to most. I knew life didn’t work that way. At least, not for me. But, for whatever reason, when it came to him, I always managed to luck out.
“My friend, what are you doing here?” he asked, his white teeth gleaming behind his genuine smile.
“Having a drink,” I said, pointing to my half-empty glass.
His brows pinched as he looked to the empty bench across from me. “Alone?”
“Not anymore.” I tried to smile, pretend like I was anything other than broken. Then I asked, “What are you doing on this side of town?”
He lowered himself down onto the empty bench, brought his elbows to the table, and casually took a sip from his draft beer. “Driving. Then I thought of calling it a night.”
“I’m sure you deserve a night off.” I felt him looking too closely. Suddenly, I regretted shedding my protective armor. My body felt like jelly and I was sure it wasn’t hard to see how fragile I’d become.
“What about you, do you come here often?”
Scooting my tail into the corner, I sought security away from the light. I stared into my drink, thinking what I should say. Lucky was friendly but I didn’t think of him as a friend who I could open up to completely. And certainly not with the magnitude of problems that I was having to face.
“Wait,” the crown of his head pulled to the ceiling, “you’re not waiting on someone, are you?”
“No. I’m alone.”
He gasped and let out a shaky laughter. “I have been thinking about you non-stop since the other day.”
My eyebrows slanted.
“What you said and how I ran away from you at Tonya’s funeral—”
My eyes closed and I told him to stop. “Let’s not do this.”
I could see I’d offended him.
“I know who you are, what you do.” I watched his breathing stop. “You work for Madam and you’ve been following me. That’s how you’re here, isn’t it?”
He pushed his beer glass to the side before leaning forward. His eyes slanted as he gazed over my body. This time, I held my breath, hoping that I wasn’t showing too much of how badly the world was treating me. But even I couldn’t hide it when he asked, “Are you okay?”
My throat closed so fast it felt like I was being strangled. Turning my head away, I couldn’t look him in the eye without feeling my own swell with new tears. I felt things get awkward and I needed to leave. Eyeing the exit, I said, “You know, I better get going.”
I scooted out of the booth but, before I could stand, Lucky grabbed hold of my arm. “Let me drive you.”
Fear trembled my chin. A part of me wanted to reach for the gun and protect myself, except this was Lucky and he had never done anything to make me doubt him. He was one of the good ones. A person I could trust. “Let go of me, asshole!” I surprised even myself when hearing the words come flying out of my mouth.
Lucky immediately let go, eyes wide, reeling his arm back to his side.
Sucking back a deep calming breath, I immediately apologized. “Look, I’m having a really bad day.”
Glancing to nearby patrons now staring at us, Lucky stood and said softly, “C’mon. Let me take you home.”
“I don’t want to go home,” I said into his shoulder. “And I can’t pay you. I lost my phone. Haven’t downloaded the app on my new one.”
He hushed as he said it wasn’t a problem. “I will do it as a friend.”
Our eyes met and I could see that he meant what he said. There wasn’t a hidden agenda. He wasn’t looking for anything in return. My heart hammered as my fingers shook.
“It’s dark. You’re a long way from home. Let me help.”
My eyes flicked up to his. The word help sent my mind into a frenzy. It seemed anything and everything, no matter the size or situation, could trigger a reaction that sent me into flight.
He gently placed his hand on the small of my back and nudged me to the exit. Something inside me gave and I felt like I was floating when I heard him say, “You can trust me.”
“Fine. You want to drive me somewhere?”
“I do,” he said as we exited the bar.
Time seemed to pause. Nothing seemed real. Lights shined brighter and had a strange halo around them. Voices were muffled, the sounds of cars louder than they should have been. I didn’t feel myself; it was like I was outside my body, watching myself perform on the big screen.
Before I knew it, I was sitting in the front of Lucky’s car. It was a new vantage point for me. The backseat empty, and us as friends, no transactions expected. “Where to, friend?”
Without hesitation, I said, “Take me to Echo.”
42
Kendra
I couldn’t believe it when I heard it.
Why did I feel the need to go to the place where my problems had begun? Did I want to see who might be there? Inspect the room in which I was tortured? Be reminded of what happened to Maria and Tonya and what I was certain would soon happen to me?
It was a long, arduous process when having to deal with Madam. She kept me in a constant state of limbo, never knowing how she would strike next. The anxiety I felt inside made me want to kill myself.
I turned to look at Lucky with wet eyes. A flash of uncertainty glimmered across his brown irises.
“Take me there, Lucky.” My voice hardened as the demand for him to listen increased.
“I don’t think that is a good idea.” His voice was soft, a sense of concern filling the car’s air.
Digging into my purse, I needed to find a photo of Madam. I knew I didn’t have one—knew I couldn’t search for one on the internet. Instead, I described her. “I know you work for her, Lucky. Why can’t you just admit it?” He stared without recognition. “The woman who hides beneath sun hats. The white-gloved lady who hands out orders. Cherry red lipstick and a southern drawl.” Lucky continued to stare. “Sweetie. Dah-ling. Baby doll.” I imitated Madam’s tone. “You work for her.” He blinked as I grew frustrated. “I know you do. I work for her, too. Or, I did. Maybe I still do. I don’t know. And that’s why I need to go there. I need to know what my future holds.”
His face tightened, finally reacting to what I was saying.
“What does she have on you? If it’s money, this is the price the women you drive to Echo pay.” I pulled down my collar to reveal my chest. Then I lifted my hem and angled my thigh sideways. “This is what happens to the women she pays you to take to Echo. So evil men can do this to them.” I pointed to a purple bruise. “It’s why you only make the drops and never pick them up afterward. You only see the before picture. Take me there and I�
�ll show you the truth.”
He brought his hand to his face.
“Then you can ask yourself if what you do is worth it.”
I watched his eyes connect each bruise to the story I’d just laid out for him. I could see it in his eyes. He knew. Knew that something wasn’t right about Echo.
“It’s where Tonya was found dead, Lucky. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I punched the dash and turned my head away.
He started the engine and began to drive. I didn’t ask where he was taking me because, when it came down to it, I didn’t care. Though it didn’t take me long to figure out we weren’t going to Echo like I’d requested.
“I don’t know what happened to you—”
“Nothing you would believe.”
He glanced in my direction. “But if you need someone to talk to…”
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I hated how I was the broken one everyone wanted to fix. Deep down, I wanted to believe that I didn’t bring this on myself. That karma had a way of getting me back for a wrong I’d committed in my past. As easy as it was to pass the blame to someone else, I knew that my life was a direct result of the decisions I made. “Thanks, but I think talking will only make it worse.”
We passed the block I normally requested to be picked up and dropped at. Feeling my body tense, I was afraid to look at Lucky. He drove without realizing that he was heading directly to my front door. When the wheels stopped, I turned to face him with a racing heart. “How did you know?” I’d been careful. He’d always picked me up and dropped me at the corner a couple blocks away. Hadn’t he? I hadn’t slipped up, I was sure of it.
He cocked his head to the side. Then he looked away, tipping his head back as if suddenly realizing his mistake.
“You’ve been following me?”
He stared straight ahead, choosing not to face my questions.
“How long, Lucky? Huh? Every day? Is that why I keep getting you as my driver?”
His chest expanded before he sighed.
“Even you?” My stomach clenched, once again feeling the pang of betrayal. “Un-fucking-believable.” I hooped my purse around my wrist and opened the car door.
