by Rose Gordon
She looked around the sky for Uranus, thinking about Alex as she looked. He had to have fixed it in the past three weeks. If he’d done it before then, he’d have told her. And he certainly hadn’t done it today or yesterday. That only left sometime in those three weeks after his father had passed.
She moved the telescope up and down, searching the sky for Uranus. Edwina had been gone much longer than she ought to be for wiping mud off her shoes. Caroline frowned. As soon as she found the planet, she’d go drag Edwina in here. If Alex asked who tracked mud inside, she’d just lie and say it was her.
A minute later, she’d found the planet and the door swung open. “I’ve got it,” she announced, twisting the dial to sharpen the focus.
“And who has you?” a male voice murmured from behind her as its owner stepped on the ladder and closed his hands around her waist.
She stilled. “Lord Watson, I wasn’t expecting you,” she said tightly.
“Lord Watson?”
“That’s who’s in here with me, isn’t it?”
He chuckled. “I suppose he is.”
“Well then, what’s the problem?”
He climbed another rung on the ladder, pushing his body against hers. “No problem. I was merely surprised to hear you call me by my title. You don’t have to, you know.”
She shrugged. “I know, but it seems the nice man I married named Alex packed his things and left, shortly after being falsely informed I’d planned to lead him about by a particular body part of his. A cruel man who has no interest in me named Lord Watson has since then taken his place.”
He sucked in his breath as if he’d just been punched in the gut. “That’s not true. He has plenty of interest in you. He even made an overnight trip to London to purchase the right lens and spent most of the day fixing your scope for you.”
“Your sister is due back here any minute. She would like to use the telescope without your interference.”
He snorted. “No, she wouldn’t. She just said she would. Weenie can be a very persuasive actress. Particularly when being promised new gowns when she returns to school in a week.”
Caroline closed her eyes. She’d been tricked. “In that case, I’d like to retire for the evening.”
His hands climbed to her ribs and settled below her breasts. “You don’t want to use your newly repaired telescope?”
“No. Not tonight.”
“Hmm,” he said, drumming his fingers against her ribs. “That’s not the response I was hoping for.”
“And what response were you hoping for, my lord? Did you think you could trick me into coming out here and we could stargaze together and act as if nothing is wrong?”
“That would be nice. But not exactly what I’d intended.” He leaned his head down to rest his forehead on her shoulder. “I don’t know what to do to make this right, Caroline,” he whispered solemnly, as something hot that felt oddly like a tear hit her skin. “I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I was angry with you and I thought I had all the facts, but you were right, I didn’t. I didn’t know you’d gotten an upsetting letter from your father. I thought you were telling my mother you hated me for finding what I’d written. That’s why I assumed you were trying to use your body against me. I didn’t realize you truly didn’t feel well or that you’d been crying about your father. I thought it was about me.”
“You give yourself far too much credit, my lord,” she said crisply. “I’d forgiven what you’d done only hours after I’d read it. Most gentlemen plan their courtships out. Fortune hunters, mainly. You’d just taken it a step further by writing it down, checking the steps off as you’d accomplished them, and even jotted down some rather uncomplimentary comments—that’s the only difference.”
“I’m sorry about that,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have written any of down it in the first place.”
She pursed her lips. “But you did. Which, as I already said, isn’t the part that hurt. It was the humiliation of being compared to a soiled dove.” She clamped her eyelids down tight to keep her tears in check. “Alex, though I never truly understood Olivia’s implications until recently, very recently, in fact, she always used to—” She bit her lip for a minute and blinked again. “Olivia used to imply I’d be a lady of ill-repute if not for her father rescuing me. That’s why it hurt so badly that you’d think of me that way, too.”
He swallowed hard. “I wasn’t thinking of you that way,” he said hoarsely. “When I wrote the part about finding a soiled dove, it was only to make light of a bad situation. Before my pen even scratched out the first letter on that sheet, I knew I wanted to marry you.”
“I just don’t understand why you had to write any of it,” she replied, her voice cracking from hurt and frustration.
“Caroline, as you found out a few weeks ago, your cousin and I share a birthday. While my father and your uncle were celebrating her birth, they got carried away and decided to draw up a betrothal contract for their children. Eight years later, it was amended to say if I married someone else before the thirtieth anniversary of my birth, there would be no repercussions. I didn’t know of any of this until the day I came to Ridge Water to talk to Marcus. That’s what was in the papers he looked over, and his suggestion about treating something like a science experiment had been about my search for a bride in such a short time.”
She nodded. She’d thought it odd Olivia had suddenly claimed she was to marry Alex when she’d never spoken kindly of him before. “So then you took Marcus’ sage advice and applied it straight to me?”
“No,” he said, rubbing his thumbs on her back. “When he left us in the library together, I was trying to make a list of potential brides. Unfortunately, I couldn’t really think of any. I was too distracted by you, but never put you on my list because I didn’t think you even liked me, what with the Society rejection and all. Then you left and Marcus took my list, crossed every name off and put yours at the bottom. That’s why I decided to pursue you. Marcus seemed to think I had a chance, and I liked you. A lot. So I placed all my bets on one horse and pursued you relentlessly.”
She rolled her eyes at his poorly chosen phrase, but let it pass. “What do you really want? It seems you wanted nothing to do with me before you learned of my alter-ego, E. S. Wilson. But now you’re going to all lengths to fix my broken telescope and bribing people to help you create a situation where I’m trapped into listening to you.”
“That’s not why. I was actually rather angry at Marcus for what he’d done. He had no—wait, how did you know? You were locked up in your room so I didn’t get the chance to tell you yesterday.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t have to. I’ve known for years what he was doing. Marcus just thought he was being sneaky. He wasn’t. I found out six months after he started. My uncle borrowed a copy of the circular from your father and brought it to Ridge Water to let me to read it. I recognized the article as mine right away. When I checked the box I stored my work in, I discovered it was out of order a bit. After that, I paid Emma to subscribe so she could bring me the circular to read because I was afraid if it was delivered to Ridge Water, Marcus would stop sending in my work. I didn’t realize until yesterday what he’d been doing with the money though. I’m assuming that was what comprised my dowry that neither of us knew I had?”
“You’re very smart,” Alex mused, applying slight pressure to her midsection with his fingers. “You have excellent deductive reasoning skills.”
Caroline cracked a slight smile. “I’d thank you for the compliment, but there were enough clues present even Olivia could have solved that mystery.”
He chuckled, his light breath hitting the bare skin exposed at the top of her back, sending a shiver skidding down her spine. “Why didn’t you say something to him?”
“I knew it was the only way to ever get my work read. I don’t care that it was under another name. But that’s not up for discussion. Your rotten behavior is.”
“Do you want it under your nam
e? I’m sure I can get something worked out for it to be under Caroline Banks, Lady Watson, in the future.”
“I don’t really care,” she said offhandedly. If they’d have been having this conversation earlier this week she would have jumped at the chance of having her articles styled that way, or even Mrs. Alexander Banks, Lady Watson, or Alexander and Caroline Banks, Lord and Lady Watson. But not now. E. S. Wilson would suffice.
He sighed. “Yes, you do. Every scientist does. That’s why I wasn’t overjoyed about the news like Marcus thought I’d be. You’re smart enough to have your work published. You should get credit for it under your name.”
She shrugged again. “Moot point, Lord Watson. By now nobody will care. They’re all used to E. S. Wilson.” She shook her head. This was of no account. There was no reason to even discuss it. “I’d like to go to bed. Please let go of me so I can leave.”
“No,” he said, tightening his grip on her. “We still have things to discuss.”
“You don’t seem interested in discussing them. As usual, you want to discuss science.”
“Can you blame me? Discussing science is enjoyable, whereas discussing what an ass I’ve been isn’t.”
“Then you shouldn’t have behaved as one,” she responded tartly. “You should have treated me better. All my life I’ve—Never mind,” she finished dully, pushing away the hurt.
“No, it’s not never mind. You’ve been treated poorly before, and you’ve learned to accept it. You shouldn’t have to. The day I became your husband, I vowed to treat you well and I haven’t done so. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I treated our courtship as an experiment. I’m sorry I treated you poorly yesterday. But most of all, I’m sorry for not listening to you when you were trying to tell me the truth. I should have listened. And not just about the misunderstanding regarding the letter you’d received, but about your other news, too.” He moved his hands around to rest on her abdomen and the life that was inside. “I should never have been so heartless as to point out what did or didn’t happen on our wedding night and the weeks that followed. I got pleasure all of those times, too, Caro. My pleasure came from yours. Every time you found fulfillment, so did I.”
“Then why did you say those things?” She choked back a sob.
“Caro, you must realize you drive me to distraction, and all logic that has been engrained in my brain leaps out the nearest window when you’re around and emotion comes in to take its place. When I said those vile things to you, I was hurting from what I thought you were trying to do and I wanted to hurt you back,” he admitted, his voice terribly uneven. “I know that’s not a good reason. There isn’t a reason good enough for what I said. But it’s the truth. You know I’m not good with words and flattery, so the truth is all I have to offer you.”
“Then can I ask you something, and you’ll only give me the truth?”
“Anything.”
Steeling herself for an answer she may not like, she swallowed her unease. “Was anything you did during our courtship not planned?”
“Nearly all of it.”
She smiled. She’d never admit it to him or anyone, but more than the humiliation she’d faced having everything displayed for the family and being compared to a soiled dove, she’d been slightly hurt thinking everything had been staged.
“Turn around, Caro,” he said softly.
“I can’t. There isn’t enough room on the step.”
His hands went to her waist. “Yes, there is. Just lift one foot up, and I’ll spin you around. Trust me, Caro. I’ll not drop you.”
Nervously, she let go of the telescope and took one foot off the rung. Then, just like he’d said, he spun her on the one foot that was still on the step until she was facing him and put her other foot down. “What are you wearing?” Her eyes narrowed on the sight of his bare shoulders bathed in the moonlight that was streaming in from the little window at the top of the gazebo where Alex’s telescope was attached.
“Nothing. I humiliated you. It’s only right to allow you the same opportunity.”
She blinked at him. “How is you standing naked in the stargazing gazebo a way for me to humiliate you?”
“You could refuse my apology,” he said earnestly. “Then I’d have to walk all the way back and through the house wearing absolutely nothing. And while I suffer no insecurity about being undressed, it would still be extremely humiliating for my whole household to see me thus.”
“And you think I should force you to do that?”
He shrugged. “I hope you don’t. But it’s nothing less than I deserve.”
She couldn’t keep from laughing at him and the workings of his curious mind. “I admit I was humiliated at first, but I never intended to humiliate you back.”
“Were you planning to do anything in retaliation?”
“Yes,” she admitted weakly. “And, as usual, it didn’t work the way I’d intended.”
“And what had you intended to do?”
She bit her lip. “It’s not so important.”
“Yes, it is,” he said vehemently. “Tell me how you’d planned to seek your revenge and I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you think I ought to do to make this right. Just tell me what it is.”
“It doesn’t work that way. What I wanted...well, it’s not something that can be given easily or done without thought. Because if it is, then it’s not real.”
“Then how were you planning to get it?”
“An experiment.”
He shook his head ruefully. “I hope you foolishly wrote it down like I did so I can go search for it.”
“I didn’t.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. “Then I’ll just have to kiss you until you tell me.” His lips moved against hers, first sweet and gentle, then turning passionate and intense. “Will you tell me now?”
“Your love, Alex,” she whispered softly, turning her cheek to him. “That’s all I ever wanted.”
“Oh, Caro my love, you’ve had that all along.” He cupped her face and turned it toward him. “I fell in love with you the moment you almost dumped all those heavy biology tomes on my feet and called me president-extraordinaire. You may not see this, but you’ve never had a problem standing up to me. Never. And I love that about you. You’ve never been afraid to fling in my face that I had you thrown out of the Society.” He snorted. “You even had enough gumption to tell my father what I’d done. You may have trouble standing up to others, mainly that wretched cousin of yours, but not with me. When you nearly flattened my toes with those books, you instantly captured my attention, it wasn’t until later that I realized that in that very same minute you’d captured my heart as well.”
“Truly?”
“Truly.”
“I love you, too, Alex,” she cried, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him lift her from the ladder.
He set her on the ground and tilted her face up to look at him. “Caro, I want you to know something.No matter what, I’ll always love you. You may have had a shortage of people who loved you in the past, but not anymore.” He swallowed. “I understand why you were afraid to tell me your sordid past. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing. Those were his choices, not yours. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me anything. Ever.”
“I’m sorry, Alex, I—”
He cut her off with a soft kiss on her lips. “Don’t, Caro. This isn’t your apology to make. It’s mine. Let me make it, please. Nothing about your past matters to me. All that matters to me is you, and I love you more than I can possibly express.”
“I love you, too,” she repeated. “I promise I’ll never keep anything from you again.”
“I know you won’t.” He pulled her closer to him. “Am I forgiven?” he whispered hoarsely, his dark eyes unblinking and a solemn expression covering his face.
She tapped her index finger against her cheek. “That depends.”
“On?”
“If you’re planning to put your clothes back o
n or not.”
A slow smile spread across his lips. “And if I’m not?”
Her eyes went wide. She’d not been seriously been considering making him walk back to the house naked. “I was teasing.”
“I’m not.” He dropped a line of kisses from her forehead down her nose and to her mouth. “We’ve those blankets, remember?”
“You cannot be serious,” she squeaked.
He nodded. “I am. They’re already spread out behind the gazebo.”
“What if someone sees?”
“They’re not going to. I told Edwina as soon as she got you in the gazebo she’d better run back to the house as fast as her legs could carry her and stay there or she wasn’t getting those gowns. As for the servants—” he shrugged— “I gave them each a coin, told them they could have tomorrow morning off and unless there was a death or a fire, if any of them ventured out here, they’d be sacked.”
She laughed. “Always the cautious one,” she mused.
“They don’t call me Arid Alex for nothing.”
“I don’t think you’re arid in the least.” Caroline pressed her breasts up against him. “I actually find this rather adventurous of you. In fact, they should change your name to Adventurous Alex.”
He grinned at her. “I wouldn’t suggest that to anyone unless you want to explain why you think they ought to change the name.”
“Just so. Now, take me on an adventure.”
“My pleasure.” Alex picked her up and took her from the gazebo to make unabashed and tender love to her on a blanket under the moon and stars.
(And Uranus.)
Epilogue
The Next Morning
“Good morning, love,” Alex said as Caroline raised her sleepy head from his chest.
Caroline looked down at the face of her loving husband. How had she not taken notice before of just how much he loved her? She knew his family loved and accepted her long ago, but why had it taken her so long to realize he did, too? She shook her head. It didn’t matter. She knew now just how much he loved her and would never doubt it.
