“Sit.” He motions to the dining table and looks down at me. “I’m going to lay her down for her nap,” he says. “Do you want me to come back?”
Do I want the surprising strength he gives me to not panic and collapse at having my ex-boyfriend show up or do I want privacy?
I pick strength and nod. I let go of his hand and sit at the table.
“So, we have a boy,” Henry starts. “Jackson Alan Woods.”
I glare at him. “How do you know that?”
“Birth records, Rae.”
Of fucking course. “Don’t call me that,” I snap. “What are you doing here, Henry?”
“I live here now.”
That causes me to stand and pace and breathe a little faster. Why would he live here? His family and their fortune are back home in Virginia. I don’t need to think like that. Virginia isn’t home anymore. North Carolina is.
“I want to be in my son’s life.”
I grab the counter, ready to faint. My vision comes and goes for a few seconds. He can’t be serious. Jackson doesn’t even know he has a father! This is bad. So, so bad. I can’t let it happen.
“Raelynn?”
Elias’s voice snaps me out of my panic and jumpstarts my rage. I whirl around to face Henry, but Elias is in my way. I sidestep him. “He is my son. Not yours. Not ours. No one’s but mine. I gave birth to him in a hospital without any family or friends. I left home with only him. I raised him by. My. Self! Don’t you dare show up five years later and tell me you want to be in your son’s life! It’s not happening, Henry Davenport! Never. Not even over my dead body. Get the fuck out of this house and don’t you dare come back.”
Henry infuriates me further when he calmly folds his arms over his chest. “I’ve been here for six months, Rae.”
“Call me that again and I’ll slap you,” I warn him. Elias stands behind me and attempts to calm me by rubbing my arms.
“Right. Anyway, I’ve been here for six months, settling in, getting a job, and making this place my new home. All so when I finally come to talk to you, you’d give me a chance.” I scoff, but he continues to talk. “I’m not going anywhere, Raelynn. I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m not the same person. I’ll do this however you want to do it, as long as I can be in his life. Please.”
“No.”
His jaw nearly pops out of place he’s clenching it so hard. “No because of how you feel toward me or because you don’t think I could be a good father to him?”
“Both.”
“Raelynn—”
“I’m not changing my mind,” I interrupt. “Jackson doesn’t know he has a father. You can’t just turn his world upside down. You don’t know what he’s like; I do. And I wonder why that is!”
“Okay.” Elias comes around and steps in front of me. “Take a deep breath. You keep yelling and you’ll wake Bree up.”
My shoulders slump and I feel a little guilty.
“What’s the situation here anyway? What are you doing here, Rae?”
That’s it! I dodge around Elias and raise my hand, but an arm is around my waist, lifting me into the air and away from Henry before I can hit him.
“Raelynn,” Henry corrects. “Sorry. Old habit.” He doesn’t sound sincere, though.
“She’s my nanny,” Elias answers. “Get your phone out,” he adds to him. He’s still holding me, making me feel like a toddler since he’s obviously keeping me from going somewhere and my feet can’t touch the ground. “Here’s my number.” My mouth drops in outrage when Elias spouts off his number. Why does he need that? “Text me so we’ll have your number and get out of my house before I unleash her on you.”
“What are you doing?” I ask him. “We don’t need his number.”
“Be quiet,” he orders me.
I can’t believe this! Henry nods to Elias, gets up, and leaves. The moment the door closes behind him, Elias sets me on my feet again.
“Okay, you need to tell me the full story.”
“Excuse me? This isn’t any of your business.”
Elias stands up straighter to tower over me more than he already does. He holds up one finger. “He came to my house.” Another finger. “You asked me to come back down here instead of giving you privacy.” And another. “You said it’s always been you and Jackson. Sounds like it’s time you’ve added some friends. We already trust each other because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. Talk to me.”
He may trust me, but I don’t know if I trust him as much or if I even trust myself all that much. With a sigh, I move to sit at the table and Elias follows. I don’t have much choice.
“I was sixteen when I got pregnant. My parents immediately disowned me. They were pissed that I was pregnant and that he was the one who knocked me up. My family thought his family had no morals because they didn’t go to church every Sunday. My parents told me to go live with them and they could help me since they’re well off. Well, Henry freaked and bailed on me. I was stuck with my parents, who gave me hell every day, until I gave birth the day after my seventeenth birthday. I was at the hospital by myself.”
I stop and shake my head as if that could rid the memories. “I was able to stay with a friend for two months and then I left to come here. My parents don’t know their grandchild is a boy or what his name is or where I live. I haven’t spoken to them in five years. Same went for Henry. Aside from that brief time at a friend’s house, where I basically just had a place to stay, I’ve been on my own. No one has reached out. No one has popped into my life.”
“Until now,” Elias says.
“Exactly. And I’m sorry, but he’s not getting anywhere near Jackson. He can’t appear out of the blue five years into his life and demand I let him into it. What if this freaks Jackson out? How would I even explain it? What if he tries to take Jackson from me? What if he’s terrible? He doesn’t deserve it.” My eyes water and I quickly wipe away an escaped tear.
Elias rubs his jaw with the back of his fingers while he thinks. “What if he’s a good father? What kind of impact would it have on Jackson to have another parent in his life?”
“Are you saying I’m not enough for him?”
“Not at all,” he quickly says. “I want to play devil’s advocate. Like, what are you going to say when Jackson does start asking about his father? What if when he’s older, he wants to get to know his father and he finds out he could’ve known him all along, but he didn’t because you didn’t want him to? Especially if it turns out that Henry is a decent guy now. I think you’re too lost in your panic over him showing up to make a decision either way. If you want me to watch Jackson for you to get to know who he is now before he meets Jackson, I’ll do that for you, too.”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” I immediately object.
“You aren’t. I’m offering. We’re friends now, Raelynn. Remember that.” He glances at his watch. “Why don’t you stay here with Bree? I’ll pick Jackson up and take him to the rink. I want to take him skating.”
“He doesn’t know how.”
Elias rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t need to know. He’ll be with me. I can help him and get him going. He seems to love hockey, so he’ll be thrilled about this. You can stay here and let everything sink in.”
I want to say no so badly. It’s stupid and crazy. It’s not because he’s essentially wanting to do something for Jackson and me, but because after seeing Henry, I don’t want Jackson with anyone but me. I nod, though. I’d feel so guilty if I was the reason Jackson didn’t get the chance to skate when he does seem so interested.
Elias’s grin is bright, as if I just made his day. He looks ridiculously handsome when he smiles like that. He stands, grabs my hand, and squeezes. “It’ll be okay, Raelynn.”
“Thanks.”
I tell him where Jackson’s school is, where the kindergarteners stand, but that maybe he should park and go get Jackson. Elias could always tell one of the many teachers who he’s picking up, but I’d feel better if he did it my way. He leaves to p
ick Jackson up before I can change my mind about staying behind.
If Elias wants to be friends now, then I need to learn how to do a few things. Like trust him more. Trust myself more. Figure out how to stop panicking because Jackson’s and my world is expanding. That’s a good thing, and I need to remember that. Well, it may not be because things could go wrong and we could get hurt, but there’s only one way to find out.
But what am I going to do about Henry?
I used to wonder what it would be like to have him in our lives, but it was difficult to picture. How could the Henry I loved in high school be the same person who would walk away from me and our baby? Anytime I pictured those scenarios, I saw the Henry who walked away, not the Henry I fell in love with. The fact that he’s here, five years later, and seemingly wants something to do with Jackson blows my mind.
What changed his mind? How are his parents reacting? They were as unhappy as mine when they found out, and I’m certain they played a part in Henry acting as if I didn’t exist anymore. Does Henry really plan to stay here in North Carolina, doing whatever it is he does now, so he can be in Jackson’s life? How will all of this work?
How the fuck am I going to tell Jackson about Henry? I never told him he didn’t have a father, but I didn’t exactly tell him he had one either. It’s been the two of us and Jackson hasn’t asked why he doesn’t have a dad around, so I’ve been able to avoid that topic. Until now. Thanks, Henry. And poor Jackson is so leery and shy around new people, he may not take this well at all. Hell, I’m not. He probably gets this crap from me.
My world has been closed off for so long. Things have been terrifying at times while I struggled to make things work. And now? Now, I have to open up. Be willing to trust others. Climb over the walls I built myself. I have to do it for Jackson. If Henry is serious and can be a good father to him, then I can’t be the one to stand in the way of that.
But I’m still not sure where my hunky, handsome boss fits into this. Maybe we shouldn’t be friends. There needs to be a clearly defined line because I can’t lose this job, especially now that Henry is back in the picture. I’m already failing at this whole trust others, opening up, and letting go of my fears thing.
Bree giggles. “Oh, Bree,” I say as she looks up at me. We’ve been walking laps around the couch together ever since she woke up. She loves to walk, though she hasn’t quite conquered it on her own yet. “What am I going to do?”
When Jackson sees me walking toward him, he frowns. That’s not exactly the reaction I’m hoping for.
“Hey, J-man. I get to pick you up from school today.” I nod to one of the teachers standing around and look back down at Jackson.
“Where’s my momma?”
“At home with Bree.”
“Why didn’t she come? She always picks me up from school.” Jackson peers around the other kids to look at the line of cars. “Are you sure she’s not coming?”
Raelynn wasn’t kidding. You can’t just throw his world upside down, and I think that’s what I’m doing right now. He’s like Raelynn. He’s so used to it being the two of them that it freaks him out when something changes.
“She’s not, but only because I want to take you somewhere. It’s a surprise,” I say, hoping it’ll entice him. I hold out my hand, which he takes. Thankfully. One of the teachers eyeballs me like I’m about to kidnap him in front of everyone.
“A surprise?” he questions. “Does Momma know? She said you could?”
“Of course.”
“But why isn’t she here too?” Jackson sounds seriously worried now, and that worries me. I get him into the booster seat I bought for him earlier today, so I could have one in my car.
“We’re having a guys afternoon. Here.” I pull my phone out and dial Raelynn. “Why don’t you talk to your mom and see for yourself while I drive?”
He takes the phone and holds it to his ear, but when Raelynn doesn’t answer, Jackson panics. “She didn’t answer! If someone at school calls my momma, she always answers.”
“She’s probably playing with Bree or changing a dirty diaper. Try again.” I tell him where to push and he calls until she answers, three calls later.
“Why didn’t you pick me up from school?” he demands when she answers. She most likely explains what I told him and I hear him ask, “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” His bossiness makes me smile, though I hate the little guy was worried. “Okay,” he says. Then, he grumbles, “Yeah, you can tell her I said hey.” Just like that, he’s back to being totally fine. “Do you know what the surprise is?”
He talks to Raelynn for a few more minutes before they hang up. Seeing him panic a little just because I picked him up instead of his mom does make me worry about how he’ll react with a new person entering his life on a possibly permanent basis. He seemed to transition okay to living with me, but maybe that was because he recognized me from when we visited the school and he’s been curious about hockey.
“What’s this place?” Jackson asks me as I pull into a parking space.
I put the car in park and twist to look at him. “How would you like to do a little skating with me today?”
His eyes widen to the size of saucers. “Like, on ice? Like you do? I can do that? Momma said I could?” The hope in his voice is unbelievable. He wants this so badly.
“Yep.”
Jackson doesn’t wait for me to say another word. He makes a go at unbuckling himself, causing me to laugh and get out of the car to help him. He skips and hops and jumps next to me as we walk inside. We have a little while before any classes start, so the place is mostly quiet at the moment. I get Jackson a pair of rental skates, put them on him, and then put on my own.
He listens attentively, nods his head, and pays close attention to everything we do as I instruct him on what to do. His hands squeeze my fingers for fear of falling, but he doesn’t hesitate at all. He could totally be a little hockey player in the making. What seals it for me is when he glances up at me. Pure wonder, fascination, and excitement shine through his eyes.
“Can we do this again, Mr. EJ?” he asks before we’re even done.
“If you want, J-man, absolutely. You’re doing really great.”
“Can I let go?” His hands tighten around my fingers.
Raelynn would kill me if he fell, but...
I nod and make sure I can easily grab him if he looks like he’s heading for the ice. Jackson’s five-second solo causes him to beam with pride. “Did you see me?” he asks, as if I haven’t been right here next to him this entire time. “I did it all by myself!” You’d think he did a lap around the ice with all of the excitement he has.
“You sure did. Good job, Jackson.”
Once the ice rink is busier, I decide it’s time to head home. We return Jackson’s skates, mine go back into my bag, and then we’re on the way with Jackson asking once again when we can come back. The moment we get home, he races to Raelynn, nearly knocking a hot casserole dish out of her hands in the process. She lifted it up just in time.
“Whoa, baby. Where’s the fire?” she teases him.
“I went skating! And Mr. EJ let me do it by myself!”
Raelynn frowns and glances up at me.
“He was fine. He did great. I brought him back without any scrapes, cuts, bruises, or broken bones.” There’s nothing to be upset about.
She smiles at Jackson. “I’m glad you had fun. Go wash up. Wait!” she calls as he runs out of the kitchen. “Did you thank Mr. EJ?”
“Only a billion times on the way home,” I answer for him. Jackson grins and scurries on his way to the bathroom to wash his hands.
“Thank you for doing that for him.”
I shrug. “I knew he’d enjoy it.” I pick up Bree and kiss her cheek. “How are you doing with everything?” I ask Raelynn.
“Fine. Thanks for helping me with that, too.”
“No problem. Any time.”
Jackson jogs back into the room and we sit down at the table to eat. The s
ense of accomplishment and pride I feel when Jackson talks to me like he normally talks to Raelynn is odd, but I don’t care. He can talk his head off to me all he wants. I’ll listen because that means he’s more comfortable here and around me.
Later, Raelynn and I sit next to one another on the couch. Bree has one foot on each of our legs and Jackson is somewhere behind the couch, popping up in random places as he plays Peek-a-Boo with her. While he does that, Raelynn tries to get her to say her first word.
“Come on, Bree.” Raelynn points to me with her free hand. “DaDa. DaDa. DaDa, DaDaDaDaDaDaaaaa!” she sings, causing Bree to giggle and speak some gibberish. She tickles her stomach and says, “Bree, Bree, Bree, Bree, Breeeeeeee.” My princess claps her hands and jumps a little. Jackson pops his head up between us with a “Peek-a-Boo!” shout, absolutely thrilling Bree. “And there’s Ja-Ja-Ja-Jackson!” Raelynn finishes.
Jackson crouches behind the couch again and Bree leans toward where he disappears. “Ja-Ja! Ja-Ja!” she squeals.
My eyes widen. I take her completely and hold her up into the air. She grins because she can see Jackson again. “Did you hear her? She just said her first word!”
“What?” Jackson asks with confusion, walking around the couch.
“She said your name!” I exclaim.
“She didn’t say Jackson,” he argues like I’m a huge idiot.
“She said Ja-Ja. That’s you! Didn’t you hear your mom? Ja-Ja-Ja-Jackson?”
His eyes widen for the second time today as he looks between the three of us. “I’m her first word? Momma? Did you hear that? I’m Bree’s first word!” He points to himself in wonder.
“Yeah, baby. That’s awesome.” Raelynn’s lackluster response makes me realize she doesn’t seem as excited as the rest of us. “Say goodnight to Bree and Mr. EJ. It’s time for your bath.”
Jackson loses a bit of his smile, but he does as Raelynn asks. A moment later, they head upstairs. I focus on Bree.
“Now, time to say DaDa, princess.” She yawns. Figures. I’m obviously not as exciting as Jackson. “We’ll get there,” I reassure her. I stand and take her upstairs because it’s about time to get her ready for bed, too. Bree said her first word. I can’t believe it. Sure, it wasn’t DaDa and it was only part of Jackson’s name, but I’m counting it as a legitimate word. I’ll have to call Ma tomorrow and tell her.
Worth the Risk Page 5
