“Yeah!” Jackson shouts, jumping up and down in front of the TV. The Rebels scored, apparently.
“Who scored?” Henry asks.
“Mr. Brayden.”
A commercial comes on, so Henry uses that as his opportunity to talk to Jackson without any distractions from the game.
“Hey, Jackson. I need to ask you a question.” Jackson faces Henry and waits. “Would you want to have a sleepover at my house this weekend? Just you and me?”
Jackson glances at me before focusing on Henry. “Momma wouldn’t come too?”
Henry shakes his head. “Just us. But you could call her as often as you’d like.”
“But who will tuck me in if Momma and EJ isn’t there?”
“I can tuck you in,” Henry reassures. “I have books there to read to you, too.”
Jackson seems to be analyzing what Henry has said so far. He comes over and crawls onto my lap, but looks at Henry.
“So, what do you say? Do you want to stay over?” Henry asks.
“Okay; yes.”
Oh, my. He said yes. My baby wants to stay with his dad for a night. When is the appropriate time to cry? This is great. It’s a big step for Jackson, and for me, too. But I am not ready. I’ll never be ready. What am I going to do without Jackson here? Now I have something new to worry about.
To prepare Jackson for when he goes to Henry’s, I let Henry help him with his nighttime routine while I try to get Bree settled in for the night. Just as she falls asleep, Henry steps into her room.
“He’s down for the count,” he says. “Thank you for this weekend.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I have to survive it first.”
He smiles. “It’ll be fine.”
“I might call every five seconds,” I warn. “He’s never spent the night anywhere.”
“I’ll take care of him,” he promises.
He better. Henry says goodbye, I lay Bree down, and then I pick up around the house and keep busy until Elias comes home. I don’t want to think too much about the upcoming talk or Jackson’s night away this weekend. Cleaning constantly helps with that. Maybe obsessively cleaning. I scrub the already clean at this point tub in the bathroom.
“What are you doing?”
I scream as I whirl around and throw the sponge at Elias. “Why would you sneak up on me like that?”
“I’m sorry.” He bends to pick up the sponge. “Why are you cleaning this late?”
“Because.”
He frowns. “Well, stop.” He helps me stand and moves me out of the way to rinse the tub for me. “Why are you upset? Over us?”
“Sort of. There’s also the fact that Jackson agreed to spend the night at Henry’s this weekend.”
Elias turns to face me with surprised eyes. “Can we table that until we’ve talked about us?” He holds out his hand and I take it with a nod. He leads me to the living room where we sit on the couch. He takes both my hands in his. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve done what I did. I’ll do everything I need to do to make this work, for you to trust me, for me to work on my trust issues. And I won’t ask about your writing because I shouldn’t know about it to begin with; you can tell me whenever you’re ready or not.”
“Elias,” I interrupt. “I’m eighty-five percent sure I’m still committed to making this work. For right now, can you just hold me? That’s all I really want.”
He doesn’t say another word. He smiles a little and pulls me against him. Within seconds, I begin to relax. Today—hell, this past week—has been really stressful. Elias oozes comfort and that’s exactly what I want and who I need it from. I need to return to my state of mind where I trust a little more and easier and I had more faith in Elias. That’s how I’ll make it through this.
And I want to make it through this with him.
Things have improved slightly since that night with Raelynn. I’ve been making sure to grovel in all the right ways, hopefully. I’ve bought her chocolate. Made her get a massage before I left on this road trip. Cooked for her. Waited on her at the house. Got her car detailed. I even made her promise to take my credit card and go on a shopping spree for herself while I’m gone. She can buy new clothes, jewelry, shoes, purses, whatever she wants.
But I think I’ll need to do something big to completely win her back over. Maybe Raelynn needs some grand gesture to show her exactly how completely invested I am to making this work. What worries me is that it may be too much for Raelynn, that it may overwhelm her. An overwhelmed Raelynn won’t work in my favor.
What to do? That’s the question. My end goal is for us to move on and a nice bonus would be hearing her tell me she loves me, too. She might not be there yet, though, so I probably shouldn’t get my hopes up on that.
After our game, which we win, we’re put on a plane to fly to our next stop. Some guys are smartly using this time to sleep. But then, there are guys like me, Brayden, Collin, Marc, and Noah that aren’t. I shuffle a deck of cards, glancing at each of them with a raised eyebrow, silently asking if they want to play.
“We should be sleeping,” Brayden says.
“But we aren’t,” I point out.
“Might as well entertain the poor sap,” Marco says with a shrug of his shoulders. “And it’s Uno. We’ll be asleep in no time.”
I ignore that and get the game set up as everyone agrees to play. I let us get into the rhythm of things before I drop my plea for help. “If I wanted to make a grand gesture, what should I do?”
Four pairs of eyes snap to attention and focus on me. There’s a short stint of silence before Noah offers his advice first.
“Propose.”
I shake my head. “Can’t do that yet.”
“Profess your love on the jumbotron?” Collin suggests.
Brayden rolls his eyes at that. “Tell her you no longer want her to be your nanny.”
“Since when are you the relationship expert?” Marco teases him.
“What do you mean?” I ask Brayden, ignoring Marc. “You want me to fire her? How will that help?”
“My girlfriend is your girlfriend’s closest friend, which means whether I want to know what’s going on or not, I know. If she’s so important to you, eliminate that barrier. Make her family in whatever way you can right now, not part-family, part-employee. You’re that serious about her, right? She’s raising your daughter for fuck’s sake, EJ. You want Bree to call her mom one day? For Jackson to be her stepbrother? Do you plan to keep them around for the rest of your life? Start there.”
Well, damn. I knew I wanted her, but I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I hadn’t thought about it in that way, where we’d have a family together and could possibly even add on to our family later on down the road. No, I was too busy wondering if she wanted that with Henry when she hasn’t shown me any inclination of that.
My mind whirls with all the different possibilities and ideas. A list forms in my mind of all the things I should do. Raelynn needs to see that I trust her. I need to do everything short of asking her to be my wife and Bree’s mom. I feel like I’m on the right track, though I’m still not exactly sure what my grand gesture will be. And something tells me I need to call my mom and talk to her.
We play one game of Uno before putting the cards away. By that time, we’ve landed and it’s time to switch from the airplane to the hotel for the night. I sleep restlessly and dream of various scenarios where I pour my heart out to Raelynn and she walks away every time. Before I bother to shower in the morning, I call my mom.
“Good morning, Elias James,” she answers. “How’s my granddaughter?”
I laugh. “I’m assuming she’s fine. I haven’t called Raelynn yet.” Mom tsks in disappointment, but I say, “I might’ve fucked up with Raelynn.”
Mom sighs. “I knew this would happen.”
“I don’t need an I told you so, Ma. She didn’t run and she doesn’t plan to, so you weren’t right anyway.” I explain a little bit of what happened, that I invaded her privacy and didn’t trus
t that she wanted to be with me, and tell her all I’ve been doing to make it up to her. “But I need to do more. Something bigger that says more because I want this to work and I want her to know that.”
“It sounds like you’ve done a lot already,” she says dryly.
“Why don’t you like us together, Ma?”
“Because if she leaves, we’re back to square one.”
“Exactly my point!”
“I’m confused,” she admits.
“Brayden thinks I should fire her.”
“Are you insane? Didn’t you hear me?”
“Yes, I did. But I need Raelynn to be a part of my family and the next time we get into an argument, I want her to stay primarily because she wants to keep working on us, not because she feels obligated to because it’s her job to stay. If she really wanted to leave, I don’t know if she would have, Ma, because she’d leave Bree without a nanny in the middle of the season.”
Mom is quiet for a minute. “Okay. Say you fire her, then what? What happens with Bree? Is anything actually changing?”
“I’m thinking of a plan, but what happens with Bree partly depends on what Raelynn wants.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“My gut does.”
I can practically see her rolling her eyes as she says, “Oh, great.”
My gut has only steered me wrong once before, but the more I think about firing Raelynn, the more I relax. This will work. I just know it.
Luukas Lathi is a beast. A crazy, lucky beast. We’ve deemed him Lucky Luke, but just over twenty-four hours later, it’s already shortened to Luck. Why? Well, I’d heard about how he gets bursts where he’s a scoring madman. They appear out of nowhere. Last night, we experienced the start of a burst. Luukas not only got a hat trick, but had two assists. Almost everything he did turned into a magical moment.
And tonight in the second period? Luck throws his hands up to celebrate his fourth goal of the game. He looks smug at this point, too. It’s crazy. We’re definitely rolling with it, though. The crowd is a pissy silent because that puts us with six goals and their team only has two.
What’s funny is I probably have something in common with some of their fans—the fans who have already deemed the game over, though there’s still plenty of hockey to be played. Those fans might leave early, or some might be wishing the clock would hurry up and count down to the final second so the game could end already. I’m with those. I want this game to be over. I want to be home with my princess and my girlfriend. I’ll be able to spend a little time with Jackson before he goes to Henry’s too.
But first, this game must be tackled. Raelynn said she was letting Jackson stay up to watch this one since it’s Friday night. If I don’t score a goal or at least get an assist, Luukas will likely be his new favorite player because he’ll forget all about me.
My opportunity comes when we earn a power play, thanks to a slashing penalty being called on the team in red. We’re all crowding in front of the goalie, the puck going back and forth and being swatted away, but it lands on my stick and I poke, poke, poke until it slides underneath his leg and across the goal line.
I shout and throw my hands up with as much enthusiasm as I know Jackson would do if he saw the goal.
The game keeps up a fast pace, but ends with a seven-two score.
“Whatever you’re doing, eating, drinking, I want to do it too,” Cal declares as we dress after our showers, pointing a finger at Luukas, because yes, we’re still talking about his seven goals the past two nights.
Luukas shrugs. “Sorry. You’d have to be me and you’re not.” Then, he grins with all the cockiness in the world and walks away.
“Okay, now I hate him a little bit,” Cal admits with a laugh.
“There isn’t two of him like there are of you,” Sergey Orlovsky grunts. “We’d be in trouble then.”
Cal makes a show of frowning and looks at Collin, who is frowning. Cal slings an arm around Collin’s shoulders. “Do you hear that, my dear brother? It sounds like he doesn’t like that there’s a Thing One and Two. What the hell, Serge? The Kessy twins are everyone’s favorite Rebels.”
Noah groans and I laugh because on cue, Marc throws his towel at them. “I’m the favorite Rebel. Don’t be delusional to think otherwise. Just ask Rams’s wife.”
“Leave my woman out of this,” Noah snaps.
His comment is ignored and the twins, mainly Cal, argue for as long as Marc will banter back about who the favorite Rebel is. It’s not until we’re on the plane back home that Brayden stands and whistles to shut everyone up. He glares at each of them before saying, “I’m the fucking favorite because I wear the C and everyone loves the captain, now shut the fuck up and talk about something else. You’re all annoying the hell out of me.” He sits down before they can argue with him.
I wish I could laugh and make a joke, but he’s across the aisle, sitting with Collin, who currently whispers something to him. I don’t want to interrupt their conversation. I close my eyes since the plane is a lot quieter now and wait for us to land.
When I get home, I peek in on Jackson, then Bree, and my anxiety spikes when I find Raelynn’s bed empty. Did she fall asleep on the couch? I walk into my room, turn on the light, and my breath catches when I see her asleep in my bed, the last place I expected to find her. I didn’t think we’d made up to this point. I set my bag down, quickly change my clothes, and after turning off the light, I crawl in next to her.
“Elias?” she mumbles.
“The one and only,” I reply. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as close as she’ll let me. “I’m surprised to find you here,” I admit quietly.
“I missed being here,” she shares just as quietly. “And I wanted to be here when you got home.”
“I’m glad you are.”
She surprises me further by kissing me. It’s not too long, not too intimate, but the perfect mixture of both. “Me too,” she whispers. And then she settles in to fall asleep.
In the morning, I wake up first and sneak into Bree’s room.
“DaDa!”
I smile at seeing her standing in her crib. “Hey, princess. Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”
“DaDa! No, no.”
I laugh as I pick her up and sit in the recliner. “You didn’t miss me? I don’t believe you.”
She smiles at me; what more could I ask for? After about ten minutes, Raelynn walks into her room. Would it be childish to pout when my daughter reaches for her, considering I’ve been gone for two days? Instead, I playfully turn away and say, “No.” Bree giggles and reaches for Raelynn more eagerly every time I face her again. Eventually, I hand my little girl over and Bree claps as if she knows she won.
“Will you go with me to drop Jackson off?” Raelynn asks.
“Yeah, of course. Still nervous?”
“Just a little panicky.”
I think she’s lying, but I let it slide. Jackson runs into the room, and our morning officially starts. Jackson seems mostly excited about going to Henry’s. Enough so, that when Raelynn mentioned he would have to pack a bag, they had to do it last night. After breakfast, Jackson runs upstairs to grab his bag.
“Let’s go! I’m ready.”
Raelynn tears up and I laugh at Jackson. “Hold up, J-man. We’re all still in our pjs. Let’s change and then we’ll take you to your dad’s.”
We have to rush because Jackson is ready to go and since he’s eager, we don’t want to give him time to change his mind. On the ride there, Raelynn gives herself a pep talk by telling Jackson what he can expect.
“You can call me anytime you want, just ask your dad to call me.”
“Okay, Momma.”
“And he’ll bring you home before dinner tomorrow, but if you want to come home sooner, baby, just tell him.”
“Okay, Momma.”
“If you feel bad, make sure you tell your dad.”
“Okay, Momma.”
I reach over and take
her hand. “I think he’s got this, Raelynn. So does Henry.”
“Momma?”
She twists in her seat to look at him. “Yeah, baby?”
“What are you going to do while I’m with Dad? Do you want to stay with us too?” He gasps. “Can everyone stay?”
“There’s not enough room for everyone, Jackson,” she says. “Besides, you’re staying so you can spend time with your dad. You know how we have mom and Jackson days when it’s just us? You’re having a dad and Jackson day.”
“Okay. Are we there yet, EJ? Oh! There’s Dad’s house! We’re here!”
His excitement matches Henry’s as we head inside for a few minutes. Raelynn seems to inspect the place, even though she’s been here before. I grab her hand before she can walk to the bedroom for further inspection.
“Don’t delay the inevitable,” I whisper. “He’s okay.” I nod to where Jackson has settled in on the floor with a toy he grabbed from the corner.
Raelynn sighs. “Come tell us bye, Jackson.”
And that’s when it really hits Jackson that he’s spending a night away from his mom. His eyes water as he walks over to Raelynn and he’s crying by the time he throws his arms around her neck.
“I changed my mind,” he cries. “I don’t want to.”
I glance at Henry, who looks crushed.
“Oh, come on now, baby. Where’s my brave Jackson? You’ve been excited about staying over here with your dad. We’re not that far away, remember? And you have fun with your dad, don’t you?”
“But you won’t be here,” he hiccups.
“Your dad will be,” Raelynn says, hoping that will help. “And you can call me whenever you want, but I think you’ll be having too much fun to want to call me until it’s bedtime. Why don’t you spend the day with your dad and try spending the night? If you still don’t want to after you’ve tried, then I’ll come back and pick you up, okay?”
Worth the Risk Page 21
