by Sarra Cannon
Apparently, I’d somehow ended up on the floor. Awesome.
I tried to sit up, but the room started spinning, and I fell back against the cold tile floor.
“Whoa, take it easy,” Mrs. Calloway said. “You might be a little disoriented for a while. There’s no rush. You can take all the time you need.”
She placed a blood pressure cuff on my arm and pumped air into it.
“I’m okay,” I said, somehow managing to find my voice.
“Shhh.” She stared at her watch as she let the air out of the cuff and listened to my heartbeat. “Your blood pressure is a little bit low. Have you had anything to eat or drink today?”
She glanced at my untouched lunch still on the table.
“I had some juice and oatmeal for breakfast,” I said.
“Have you ever fainted before?” she asked.
I shook my head. I just wanted to get up and get back to class.
“Well, naturally I’m a bit concerned about this episode,” she said. “When you feel like it, why don’t you come back to my office and lie down for a little while. Maybe drink some more juice and have some of your lunch. I’ll call your mother and see if she can come get you.”
“No,” I said a little too loud. I rushed to sit up, but my head didn’t like that at all. I felt like I was going to throw up. I took several deep breaths, praying that it would pass. I couldn’t add getting sick in front of everyone to the list of things I’d done this year to prove I was insane. “Please don’t call my mother. I’m fine. I just think I got dehydrated or something.”
“I’m afraid it’s school policy for us to call a parent when a student becomes ill or faints on campus,” she said, frowning.
“I’m begging you,” I said, grabbing her arm. I fought against the nausea that rolled through me in waves. “She’s already worried about me enough as it is. And I have an appointment with the doctor Friday afternoon, anyway. I promise I’ll tell them about it this afternoon. Maybe you could just write me a note or something, instead. If you call her now, she’ll leave work early, and she’s already missed too many days this year. Please don’t make it any harder on her than it already is.”
Mrs. Calloway glanced up at Mr. Dixon, as if asking his permission. He shrugged and nodded.
“I think a note would be fine,” he said. “But I still think you should take a break from your next class and sit in the nurse’s office for a little while. Get something to eat and drink and just relax until you’re feeling better.”
I sighed in relief. “Thank you.”
Nicole stood near Mr. Dixon, her arms clutched tightly to her chest. She looked genuinely scared.
“I can help bring her lunch to the office and sit with her if she wants,” Nicole said.
“That would be very nice of you,” Mrs. Calloway said. “Marayah, do you think you feel good enough to try standing up?”
I nodded. Both of the adults reached for my arms to help me stand. We took it slowly, but I somehow managed to get to my feet and stay there.
“Thank you,” I said again.
The nurse held my arm as we walked to her office. Nicole followed close behind us carrying both of our backpacks and my lunch tray. I felt the eyes of the entire senior class on me as we passed through the cafeteria and into the main hallway.
Oh well, I figured they’d already been talking about me enough behind my back over the past year. Why not give them a little more fuel for the fire? I no longer had the energy to care.
When we made it to her office, she dimmed the lights and brought me a full bottle of cold water.
“Sip this slowly,” she said. “If you can, try to eat something. Would you rather have some crackers to help settle your stomach?”
“No, this is fine,” I said, taking the roll off my plate as I sat down on the small couch in her office.
“I’ve got to fill out some paperwork in the main office,” she said. “Will you two girls be okay in here for a while?”
“We’re fine,” Nicole said. “I’ll come get you if anything happens.”
“Thank you,” she said and left the room.
As soon as the door closed, Nicole collapsed into the rolling desk chair. “Holy crap, you scared the mess out of me,” she said. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you like that. I never should have mentioned that stupid party.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m glad you finally told me,” I said. “All this time, I was sure someone had drugged us both. I never dreamed in a million years that Hailey had done that. I guess there’s a lot about last summer that I don’t remember.”
“I know how close you guys were,” she said. “And I know how much you miss her. We all do.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I just wish I had seen what was going on earlier, you know? Maybe I could have done something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Told her mom or talked to the school counselor about it,” I said. “Gotten her help before it was too late.”
“You can’t blame yourself,” she said. “Hailey was under so much stress to be the best. Everyone was talking about college scholarships and even the Olympics. She was under a lot of pressure. I think it must have just been too much for her to handle. She was probably just trying to let off some steam and feel normal for a while. It isn’t your fault.”
“Maybe,” I said.
But I knew better. Something had been controlling Hailey. Using her. She wasn’t herself.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” Nicole said.
“You used to go running with Hailey sometimes, right?”
She shrugged. “A few times back when we first started running,” she said. “Freshman year, I guess?”
“But not last summer?”
She shook her head. “No. The last time I went running with her was probably a year or two before that,” she said. “Hailey could run much faster and much farther than I ever could. I’m more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. Hailey would sometimes run ten miles up in the mountains. I couldn’t keep up, so I just stopped going with her.”
I frowned. “So you don’t know for sure where she was running last summer when she went out?”
Nicole studied me, her eyes concerned. “Not really. Why does it matter?”
“I guess I was just hoping to figure out where she’d been running, because I thought it might give me some kind of clue as to what she was going through at the time,” I said. “Like maybe she’d been running up at the old factory near the bridge? Maybe that’s why she was taking us out there that night?”
“I doubt that,” she said. “There aren’t many good trails out there by the factory, anymore. Hardly anyone ever goes up there. I’m sure she was sticking to the more well-worn trails around here.”
“Maybe,” I said. “Do you think if I showed you a map of the hiking trails in the area, you could point out the places where you guys used to run together? I know it was a long time ago, but maybe she was still taking those same paths.”
“I don’t see why it’s important,” she said. “But if you really want to know, maybe you should talk to Lena. She was the one running with Hailey a lot last summer. I think Coach Silver might have gone out there with them a few times. I’m not sure.”
“Coach Silver?” I asked. She hadn’t mentioned she’d been running with Hailey last summer.
Before I could ask Nicole if that was something she normally did, someone knocked frantically on the door and then threw it open. I expected the nurse or even my mom, but it was Jordan who stood there, his eyes dark and clouded with worry.
“I heard what happened,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Have you met my friend Nicole?”
I made sure to point her out in case he started talking about things no one else would believe. He obviously hadn’t even realized she was there until I said her name.
He cleared his throat and straigh
tened. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Jordan.”
Nicole sat up, her eyes wide as she looked from Jordan to me and back again. “I know who you are,” she said. “I didn’t realize you two were close. Am I missing something here?”
Jordan’s eyes met mine in a secret apology. He’d just made things a lot tougher for me, but I was also glad that he’d been concerned about my health.
“We’re friends,” I said. I couldn’t think of a better explanation than that, and I hoped she wouldn’t push the issue.
But from the angry look on her face, I had a feeling she wasn’t going to just let this go.
“Friends who apparently care enough to come rushing to the nurse’s office,” she mumbled. “I need to get back to class anyway, but I want to talk to you later, Marayah. I hope you feel better.”
Her tone was harsh, and she grabbed her backpack and stormed out of the room, nearly knocking Jordan out of the way.
“I don’t think she likes me,” he said, smiling and leaning against the door frame.
“I don’t, either,” I said, unable to stop myself from smiling back. “Where have you been all day? I was looking for you all morning.”
“I got here late,” he said. “But I heard some guys talking about what happened, and I ran straight here. I guess I should have given you some space. I didn’t realize us being friends might upset some of your old ones.”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about her,” I said. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her lately. She’s almost as bad as my mom, always trying to keep tabs on me and find out what I’m up to and who I’m hanging out with. It’s really none of their business what’s going on between us.”
Silence stretched across the room, my words hanging in the air.
Was there something going on between us? Something more than just figuring out what happened to the people we love? Did he feel the same emptiness when we were apart? And the same comfort when we were together again?
Or was this all in my head?
My face warmed, and I looked away.
“Thanks for checking on me,” I said. “I’m feeling better now.”
“What happened?” he asked, taking a seat across from me. “You passed out?”
“Nicole and I were talking about the party that night, and she told me Hailey put those drugs into my drink intentionally,” I said. “After what we talked about yesterday, I know it wasn’t really her, but it still shook me up. Then Nicole grabbed my arm, and it was just like everything went dark. I guess it’s just been a stressful week.”
“But no more voices?” he asked, taking a moment to glance at the door to make sure no one was listening in.
“No,” I said.
“That’s good,” he said. “I need to get back to class. Look, I might be gone most of the week. I’m still trying to get in touch with some people about those drawings. But I’ll be back Friday. Can you meet me again after school Friday afternoon?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. My mom is worried about me and she set up this appointment with my doctor at the rehab center,” I said. “I can’t miss it.”
“Okay,” he said, but he seemed disappointed. “I’m glad you’re okay, Marayah.”
He smiled again, then left me alone in the nurse’s office, wondering when I would get to see him again.
35
We All Have Our Secrets
I spent the rest of the afternoon watching the clock and dreading the last bell.
I really didn’t want to tell my parents I had fainted at school, but Mrs. Calloway had given me a note that needed to be returned tomorrow with a parent’s signature. She said it had something to do with state policy regarding injuries and illnesses at school, and that if I didn’t return the signed note, she would have to call them herself.
There was no way I was getting out of telling them. They were completely going to freak out and lock me in my room for a month so they could keep me safe.
But what they couldn’t know was that I wasn’t safe anywhere. Whatever had come for Hailey was coming for me. I could feel it like a dark cloud hovering over my shoulder.
I needed to be out looking for answers, not locked away in my room. But how was I going to convince them of that?
Maybe if I could figure out a way to get Dr. Millner on my side, my parents would loosen up a bit. If I could convince her that my main source of stress was my lack of freedom, she could tell them to stop hovering. They would listen to her.
But I wasn’t scheduled to see her until Friday. That felt like a lifetime away at this point.
I walked out to the parking lot and groaned when I saw my sister standing by the car with her arms crossed and her mean face on. She had obviously already heard about the incident in the lunchroom.
“What in the world are you still doing here?” she asked. “You should have come and gotten me out of class and had Mom pick us up. What in the world happened?”
“Just get in the car,” I said.
She stomped her foot and climbed into the passenger’s seat, obviously not going to let this slide.
“I don’t understand you,” she said. “You’re sneaking around, lying to Mom and Dad about where you’re going and who you’re spending time with. You say everything is fine, but then you pass out cold in the cafeteria and don’t even call to let Mom know? What’s going on with you lately?”
“Do you really have to ask me that?”
I backed up too fast and nearly ran into Jenny Foster’s new Ford Focus. She beeped her horn at me and gave me the finger.
“Sorry,” I shouted, even though my windows were rolled up and she couldn’t hear me.
I backed up slower this time, checking my side mirrors to make sure I wasn’t going to hit anyone. An accident in the parking lot would be the cherry on top of this shit-sundae of an afternoon.
“I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I can’t keep covering for you,” Kimi said. “Not if you won’t talk to me about what you’re thinking and what’s really going on. Are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick,” I said. “I just had a rough day, and I got dehydrated and passed out. End of story.”
“Bullshit and you know it,” she said. “Tell me the truth.”
My hands were shaking again, and I was too angry and upset to drive. I pulled over into another parking space near the exit.
“Fine, you really want to know what’s going on with me?” I said, turning my body towards my sister. “My best friend died in a terrible car accident, and I never got to say goodbye to her. I can’t even remember what happened or why we were both so messed up that night. Then, some guy shows up at school and happens to know a lot more about what was going on with Hailey than I ever imagined. And then today at lunch, Nicole tells me that even though she originally said she didn’t see us at the party that night, she actually did see us. In fact, she remembers that Hailey was already high on something when we got there. And to top it off, Hailey apparently told her that she’d slipped something into my drink on purpose to help me chill out and relax. So, yeah, I’ve been a bit stressed.”
Kimi sat there with her mouth hanging open and tears hovering on the edge of her eyelids.
“Oh my god, Marayah, I had no idea,” she said. She reached for my hand and pulled me into a hug. “I mean, I obviously knew about the accident, but I didn’t know about Hailey slipping something into your drink. Why would she do that?”
“I don’t know,” I said, tears finally letting loose and streaming down my cheeks into my sister’s black hair. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I didn’t want her getting mixed up in all of this.
“And hold on a minute, did you say Jordan knows something about what happened?” she asked, pulling away so she could look at my face. “How would he know anything? Didn’t he just move here recently?”
I swiped at the tears on my cheeks and took a deep breath. Crap. I’d told her way too much, which was only going to make this day worse.
“It’s complicated,”
I said. “And I know you’re curious, and you just want to help me figure all this out, but I honestly don’t even understand it all myself. Just trust me when I say that the less Mom and Dad know about this, the better. There are some things I need to take care of and figure out before it will all be over.”
“Are you in some kind of trouble?” she asked, genuine fear in her eyes.
“Maybe,” I said. “But locking me away in Longview is not the answer. And neither is locking me away in my room. The only way out of this is to keep moving forward until I have all the answers about what really happened to Hailey that night.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay?” I stared at my sister. Was she really going to help me keep this a secret from our parents?
“Yes,” she said. “I’m with you, whatever you need. Just promise me that when you’ve figured everything out, you’ll tell me what really happened.”
“Deal,” I said, even though I knew she would never believe me. “I have to tell them about fainting, though. The school nurse is making me bring back a signed letter in the morning.”
I took the note out of my bag, and Kimi snatched it out of my hand.
“Give me a pen,” she said.
I stared at her, mouth open. “What?”
“Give me a pen. I am a pro at signing Mom’s name,” she said. “Last year when they were visiting you at the hospital all the time, I sat at home and spent hours practicing so that I could sign off on all my bad grades. I didn’t want to stress them out any more than was necessary.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “And what bad grades? I thought you were a straight-A student?”
She shrugged, dug a pen out of the glove compartment, and signed the paper. When she handed it back to me, the signature was indistinguishable from the real thing.
“We all have our secrets,” she said.
I put the letter in my bag and pulled out of the school’s parking lot, heading toward home.
Kimi was right, we all had our secrets. And I couldn’t help but wonder what secrets I was still hiding from myself.
