But Lily wouldn’t complain about that if it meant saving her aunt from being conned by a criminal.
If that’s even the case... Lord, please don’t let me get carried away on this. Give me some perspective.
“So what do you think of Aaron?” her mother asked, drawing her attention back.
“He’s—” How was she supposed to say this delicately? “He seems really nice.”
“He seems really young,” her aunt retorted, and the other women chuckled.
“Seems?” her mother prodded quietly.
“I don’t know what to say,” Lily confessed. “I went with Aunt Clarisse for her wedding dress fitting today, and seeing her like that—”
“What sort of dress is it?”
The conversation was sidelined then by discussion of wedding dresses for women Clarisse’s age, and Lily gratefully let the topic slide. Her mother exchanged a look with her, though, which told Lily that Iris wasn’t so easily put off. Everyone had an opinion, and everyone had some worries.
Except Clarisse herself.
Lily’s cell phone rang, and she excused herself to the next room to pick up the call. It wasn’t a number she recognized.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this Lily Ellison?”
“Yes, speaking.”
“Hi, this is Carol Goetz from children’s services...”
Lily’s gaze flew to the bassinet where Emily slept peacefully, the sound of the women in the next room chattering about the appropriateness of white for a second-time bride not bothering her in the least. Was her time with Emily going to end so quickly? Her heart constricted at the thought.
“...I was just calling to let you know that Beverly Starchuck is able to take over temporary custody of Baby Doe starting at nine a.m. tomorrow,” Carol went on blithely.
Baby Doe. That’s what the paperwork would call her, because she’d been left without a name, without a mother and without an identity. Except that Lily had gotten to know her rather well these last few days, and it seemed so faceless and empty to refer to her as Baby Doe, as if no one knew her.
“Her name is Emily,” Lily said.
“No, Beverly Starchuck,” the woman said, misunderstanding. “Let me double-check. Yes, Beverly.”
“No, I’m saying that I’ve named the baby Emily,” Lily said. “She needed a name.”
“Oh...” Carol chuckled. “Okay, I’ll make a note of that. It’s a little nicer to say than Baby Doe, isn’t it? So if you’d like to bring Baby...I mean, Emily, to Beverly’s residence tomorrow, I can give you the address—”
This was how the arrangement was supposed to work. She’d agreed to take an infant for a very temporary situation. She’d confirmed with the police chief to make sure of that before she’d agreed to it. She had a brand-new business to run, and she couldn’t be caring for an infant indefinitely...or could she? She’d been handling things so far. Granted, Bryce had helped out in the situation, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have taken care of this...
Not that this was even an issue of Lily being able to care for Emily; it was an issue of Lily wanting to or not.
“Miss Ellison?” Carol said. “Are you there?”
“Yes, I’m here,” Lily said. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Shall I repeat the address for you?”
“No, I know Bev personally. I know where she lives,” Lily said. “But I wasn’t ready to give Emily up yet. I was wondering what options there are.”
In the other room, the women burst into laughter about something, and Lily moved farther away from the kitchen and toward the sitting room window. Outside, the sun had already set and the sky was a dusky pink, and she felt a wave of hopefulness rise up inside her. Was she crazy to be doing this?
“Well, Beverly is skilled in these sorts of situations,” Carol said. “We need a foster care provider who is willing to meet with prospective adoptive families. This would be a considerable time demand—”
“No,” Lily said quickly, the words flowing before she had a chance to second-guess them. “I mean I want to keep Emily. I’d like to... I’d like to adopt her myself.”
“Oh!” Surprise registered in Carol’s tone, and there was a pause. “Well, there is certainly no reason why you couldn’t pursue adoption yourself. And since you are already her caregiver, we could simply extend your custody a little longer while you investigate your options with a lawyer...”
They talked a little while longer, but Lily’s heart was soaring. This was an actual possibility! She could keep Emily, raise her as her own. Why say goodbye to a little girl who had so completely taken over her heart? Emily needed someone to love her like a mother would, and Lily could most definitely offer that. While there were no guarantees and the process was a lengthy one, Lily wasn’t discouraged in the least.
“Thank you,” Lily said as they finished their discussion. “I appreciate all the information, and I’ll make sure I submit those forms in the next couple of days.”
She hung up the phone just as Emily started to fuss in the bassinet. Lily went over to the baby’s side and scooped her up, snuggling her close.
“We might not have to say goodbye, after all, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I’m going to try to keep you. I want to be your mommy.”
As she held Emily close and the baby snuggled up against her neck, it felt right—more than right, it felt perfect. But then something occurred to her that dampened her spirits. She hadn’t prayed about this. She’d plunged forward on gut instinct, and she hadn’t once put this before God. This was a massive decision, and she wasn’t one to make that kind of decision without His guidance.
Lord, she prayed, I jumped ahead there and I’m sorry. I should have stopped and asked You about this, but I want to keep her so badly. If this isn’t Your will, close the doors quickly... Her heart clenched at that thought, but she wouldn’t turn from it, either. Sometimes God wanted different things for His children than they wanted for themselves, and she would be obedient to His will. When He said no, it hurt, but plunging ahead without God was worse.
But if You would allow me the honor of raising this child, I promise You that I’ll love her and make her my first priority on this earth for as long as I live.
Whatever happened, God would be by her side, she knew that. For now, that would have to do. Faith was not easy—faith was not painless, either. Sometimes obedience could break a heart in two.
Chapter Eleven
The next day, Bryce did his best to get back into a Fort Collins frame of mind, but it was difficult while patrolling the sleepy streets of Comfort Creek. He’d made his rounds past the two-story brick high school with the flag flapping in the warm June wind. Then he turned down by the elementary school where teachers seemed to have given up because every time he passed the building, the playground was full of children and the sports field beside it had groups of kids doing outdoor activities. Then he’d turn back and circle around to Main Street, past the pub that always had a few trucks in the parking lot, no matter what time of day. Comfort Creek had a soothing quality about it, a geographical equivalent of a lullaby. But he didn’t want to be lulled.
Last night, he’d turned in early for a reason—he’d felt himself slipping. This was Lily’s town and Lily’s family, and he’d found himself wanting to fit into it all, and that set off the warning bells. He’d gone up to his bedroom, pulled out that little notebook and written in block letters: Pretending I belong with her. He hated writing that one down, but it was penance. This was like a confession of sorts, and while he’d held back a good amount from this notebook, he’d give the chief this one. The worst part was that while he probably wasn’t fooling any of the locals about how well he fit in, he’d been pretty effectively fooling himself, slipping into a role with Lily and the baby that he had no right to take on. A
nd that was why needed his space.
That morning, Bryce had received two emails: one from the police chief setting up a meeting to go over his notebook of lies, and a second from his father.
Bryce, I heard about the disciplinary actions. I know how that feels. Give me a call if you want to talk.
That had been it—just a quick note offering a listening ear, which would be totally normal coming from any other father and being written to any other son. Why did his father always make these gestures at Bryce’s lowest points in his life? Or was that the point—his father felt closest to him when he hit rock bottom?
Still the phone number was there, and Bryce had started dialing twice already, before hanging up. Did he want to talk to his father? But that was what Comfort Creek was all about, wasn’t it—airing out his emotional closets?
As he slowed for a stop sign, he glanced out the open window at a corner store a few blocks from the high school. He’d expected to see a few students there, but he was surprised to recognize one of them—Lily’s brother Randy. He sat on the curb, an open pop bottle in front of him on the cement and a chocolate bar in hand.
Bryce could have driven on, but Randy’s expression gave him pause. He looked sad, and somehow that glum expression slipped past his personal armor.
He wasn’t supposed to care—not too much, at least. He wasn’t supposed to get involved, either. Randy wasn’t doing anything wrong, and for all he knew he had a free period in school, but against all his better instincts, he had started to care in spite of himself. Hauling some kids off a fence and then not arresting them for an attempted break-and-enter had a way of turning him into a softy, apparently.
He sighed irritably and signaled a turn. Randy didn’t wander off when Bryce pulled up, but he did shoot him an irritated glare.
“Morning,” Bryce said.
“What?” Randy asked flatly. “Nice ride, by the way.”
Bryce glanced at the offending minivan. Yeah, he couldn’t blame the kid for that one. He came around to where Randy sat and regarded him in silence for a moment. Then he eased down onto the curb next to him.
“Skipping school?” Bryce asked.
“Nope.” Randy smiled smugly and took a sip of pop, but didn’t elaborate. “Go ahead and tell my sister.”
“She worries about you,” Bryce said.
“She shouldn’t.” Randy pulled a phone out of his pocket and read a text. He typed a reply, then put it between his feet. Bryce could see the text, even though Randy seemed to be trying to shield it with his foot. It was a text from a girl—Jen—who was in math class and was “sooooo bored” and missed Randy like crazy, followed by a googly-eyed emoji. His girlfriend, probably. Bryce could sympathize. He’d been sixteen once.
“Lily said you guys have been pretty stretched financially,” Bryce said.
“That’s nothing new,” Randy retorted.
“How do you afford the phone?” Bryce asked.
“Pay as you go. It’ll turn off tomorrow,” Randy replied with a shrug. “What do you care?”
Bryce pulled a couple of twenties out of his pocket and passed them over.
“What’s this for?” Randy asked with a suspicious frown, but he took the money anyway and tucked it away quickly.
“To keep your phone working,” Bryce said.
“Thanks,” Randy mumbled. “Appreciate it.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes more, and then Randy broke the stillness.
“I wasn’t going to steal anything at my sister’s place. She told me what it looked like we were doing, but that wasn’t it.”
Bryce nodded, but didn’t say anything. He had a feeling that Randy wanted to talk, and he was going to let him. Sometimes a kid just needed to feel heard once in a while—especially a kid with no dad at home. Bryce had been that kind of kid who hid his loneliness behind a bad attitude.
“I thought she was living it up while we were surviving on mac and cheese,” Randy said, barking out a bitter laugh. “But Mom said that Lily’s been giving her extra grocery money, and Mom didn’t put it into food because she wanted to buy the twins phones, too, so that she can check on them easier.”
“Phones are kind of a necessity these days,” Bryce agreed.
“Yeah, well, I guess I didn’t know what was going on, and I shouldn’t have done all that.”
“Lily really loves you guys,” Bryce said. “You’ve got it good. I never had any brothers or sisters to get on my nerves. Wish I had.”
Randy smiled for the first time. “Yeah, she’s okay, I guess. I think we give her a hard time. She never does anything stupid. She’s always so straitlaced. I wish she’d mess up just once to prove she’s human!”
Straitlaced...that sounded negative somehow, boring. She wasn’t boring—far from it. Dedicated, yes. And loving, passionate, clearheaded, for sure. It looked like the boys saw only the responsible older sister, and not the burden that she carried every day on those slender shoulders.
“Was she always like that?” Bryce asked.
“Oh, yeah.” Randy shrugged. “Totally boring. All her friends moved away, and she stayed here instead. She should have done something, gone somewhere, but she was all about work and all that. I’m sure not sticking around here once I graduate.”
Who knew what she might have done with fewer responsibilities weighing on her at home? When Randy got older he might appreciate it a little more when someone had made some hard choices in their youth. Randy loved his sister, but he didn’t have the maturity to appreciate her sacrifices yet.
“You’ll need some decent grades if you want to go to college,” Bryce said. “Otherwise, you won’t be leaving town, either.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Randy looked slightly worried, and he glanced in the direction of the high school. Bryce could only imagine the state of the kid’s grades.
Seed planted, Bryce thought wryly.
“Well...” Bryce pushed himself back to his feet. “I guess I’d better get moving. Nice to see you around.”
Randy’s phone blipped and he picked it up, scanning the screen. “Do you like my sister, or something?” he asked, without looking up.
Was he so obvious? Instead, he said, “Who doesn’t?”
Randy grinned and starting typing into his phone with two thumbs. He didn’t look up as Bryce got back into the Loser Cruiser, and Bryce watched the kid for a moment, sorting through the details.
This was Lily’s life—four boys who needed her more than they knew, and who took advantage of her every step of the way. She had enough demands piled on her that he wasn’t even sure how she managed to keep that carefree smile on her face. At least he knew what was under it, now.
Lily didn’t need any more burdens—including a guy messing with her emotions—and if last night’s time with her family hadn’t been enough to convince him that it was time to back off, then maybe this little chat with her brother could be the clincher. She had a life, a family and more responsibilities than she deserved, and he wasn’t a part of that.
He couldn’t offer what she wanted, so he needed to do her a favor and take a big step back.
* * *
That afternoon, Lily dropped the finished place cards and seating chart off at her aunt’s house. Her aunt hadn’t noticed that the list of Aaron’s family members was missing. Hopefully, she never would, because Lily didn’t believe in lying—not even little white ones—and she’d be forced to fess up her true feelings. The longer she could put that off the better.
After a couple of errands, she decided to treat herself with a small luxury—a caramel latte. She’d been craving one for a week now, and she’d been putting it off because she didn’t believe in wasting pennies. She’d grown up pinching them, and even after giving her mother some extra money to help out with expenses, she still felt mildly guilty
spending anything on herself. It would feel good to sit in one of the armchairs by the window and sip on a latte while Emily slept in her lap.
The baby had fallen asleep in the car, and Lily had discovered that morning that she’d grown just a bit heavier. It was significantly harder for Lily to carry the car seat in one hand when she went into stores. So instead of bringing the whole thing with her, she unbuckled Emily and carried her in her arms. It was nice to feel that warm little body propped against her shoulder. Emily wouldn’t be this small for long, and she should probably appreciate how light she was to carry at this stage. If things went well—dare she hope it?—Lily would be able to look back on these days when Emily was a toddler or a preschooler and remember how tiny she used to be.
The coffee shop was located across the street from the hardware store at the corner of Main and Sycamore Drive. Lily nodded her thanks as an older gentleman in a white cowboy hat opened the door for her on his way out, and she stepped inside. It wasn’t one of those fancy coffee shops you found on the corner of every city. There was a table with the newest copies of Farming America, Ranch and Home and The Comfort Creek Gazette. By the window overlooking the hardware store, there were several tables, and over by the door was a bookshelf packed with paperbacks. A handwritten sign read Lending Library. Honor System.
Lily needed to think...so much had been going on lately, and she wasn’t even sure where to start getting her bearings. She’d been praying nonstop all morning, and while she tried to leave everything in God’s capable hands, she’d always struggled with that. Doing something, fixing things—that was easier than trusting and waiting.
“What can I get for you?” the girl behind the counter asked.
Lily briefly considered a plain coffee with cream and sugar—her usual order—but she decided to satisfy that craving and placed her order. While her drink was being made, she glanced around the place and saw some older women she knew from church sitting in a cluster around three tables that they’d pushed together. They nodded politely, and she nodded back, her attention pulled back to the counter when she needed to pay. She adjusted Emily in her arms to pull out her wallet, and she left the change to go into the tip jar.
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