Which was exactly why Ethan wanted to adopt Jerry. Every little boy deserved a father he could count on, someone to care for him and protect him. Ethan could do that for Jerry. He wanted to. He’d prayed to be able to.
But, in all of his anticipation for how this first meeting would play out, he hadn’t considered the extent of the boy’s fear.
If Gil Flinn weren’t a dead man, Ethan would have a hard time fighting the impulse to make him pay for the trepidation in his little boy’s eyes. And if Melinda Sue Flinn weren’t behind bars for killing him, he’d let her know exactly what he thought of a mother who’d stand by and allow her husband to abuse their son.
“He’ll need time.” Mrs. Yost jotted another note on her tablet and then slid it in the large red bag that appeared to hold enough files for at least twenty children. “He’s been through so much, not only with what happened with his birth parents but also another upheaval with his first long-term placement in the system not working out.”
Ethan nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. He felt even more empathy toward the sad little boy.
“But the good news is,” she continued, “based on his past experience with other placements, he’ll adapt to his new surroundings within a few days. He’ll still be a little downhearted every now and then, but I believe, given everything I’ve learned about you, that you would understand what he’s feeling probably better than anyone else.”
Ethan’s jaw flexed involuntarily. She had no idea.
“The previous couple who wanted to adopt Jerry didn’t understand how to handle his disconnect with the family unit. Children who have been through that type of emotional trauma need extra care to build trust. We tried to convey that prior to them taking Jerry into their home, and they had felt certain that it would be a good situation, but—” her mouth curved down at the corners “—it was more difficult than they expected.”
Ethan didn’t think much more of the couple who’d turned the boy away than he did Jerry’s biological parents. But now wasn’t the time to judge. Now was the time to let Jerry know that all adults wouldn’t necessarily disappoint him. Or hurt him. “I understand what he needs. Someone who will love him unconditionally. Someone who will actually care.”
Rose and Daisy attempted to get Jerry to join them on the other side of the fountain. “Come over here.” Rose crooked a small finger. “Watch the way they follow the bread into the water. It’s so funny.”
Jerry took a timid step toward the girls, then tilted his head toward their parents, standing a few feet away, and froze.
“It’s okay, Jerry.” Brodie took his wife’s hand and led her away from the twins toward a wrought iron bench on the opposite side of the fountain. “You can play with Rose and Daisy. We’ll sit here and watch you feed the birds.”
Savvy shoved her shoulder into the side of his arm. “Geese, Brodie. They’re geese.” She laughed, and the girls joined in, their happy giggles filling the air.
Jerry blinked several times, watching the joy between the family, and then furrowed his brow. He squeezed his hand so hard around the top of the bag that his tiny knuckles turned white, then he dropped his head and dragged one shoe across the soft earth.
Ethan’s heart clenched in pain for the boy. And apparently the social worker’s did, too, because she whispered, “God, please help him.”
From the night he’d heard Jerry’s story on the news, Ethan had wanted the little boy. He knew what Jerry had gone through, and he knew what the child needed. Love. Time. Patience. Protection. Things that had never been given to Jerry before.
And things that had never been given to Ethan.
“Mr. Ethan, we’re out of bread.” Daisy darted toward the bench, and Rose followed.
He had one more sack. “I have another bag that y’all can share.”
Rose’s lower lip puckered. “But Jerry is out of bread, too, and that won’t be very much for all three of us.”
“Rose, don’t be greedy,” Brodie called from the other side of the fountain. “Say thank you.”
“I have two bags.”
Ethan didn’t recognize the soft, feminine voice, and when he turned to see who’d spoken, he was taken aback by the stunning woman walking toward the group.
She moved shyly and slowly, yet gracefully. She wore a white lace-trimmed blouse topped with a sheer pale pink cardigan and a long floral skirt that nearly reached her white sandals. Strawberry blond hair caught the afternoon sunlight and tumbled freely in red-gold waves past her shoulders.
Ethan waited to see if anyone would introduce the lady, but they all seemed as surprised by her appearance as he was.
“I have some bread that they can have,” she repeated. “If that’s okay.”
As she grew closer, Ethan noticed more details about the striking woman. Arched brows above thick lashes that surrounded vivid blue eyes. Sleek nose, high cheekbones, full lips. And a trickle of endearing pale copper freckles dotting the top of each cheek.
She had one of those faces you would see on a fashion magazine and know that a masterful hand had utilized an abundance of airbrush skills. But this woman hadn’t been airbrushed. In fact, other than a soft sheen of pink gloss on her lips, she didn’t appear to wear any makeup at all.
Honestly, he wouldn’t have thought anything could take his mind off his potential adoption, and he rarely paid attention to any woman after how badly he’d been burned in the past. But then again, he was a healthy, single, thirty-year-old man, and he appreciated a pretty woman when he saw one.
Pretty?
No.
Beautiful. Very beautiful.
And from the way she glanced away when their eyes met, she had no idea.
* * *
Lindy’s heart lodged in her throat, her skin bristled and, for a moment, she feared she’d go into shock in front of all the adults who seemed way too close. Too close to Lindy.
Too close to her son.
Jerry. He’d grown so much, but she felt certain those were the eyes she’d loved, the cheeks she’d kissed, the little mouth that curved up at the edges when she’d tickled him and he released those precious baby belly giggles that she’d adored.
He wasn’t smiling now. His eyes weren’t full of life. And he was no longer a baby.
Moreover, he looked...as lost as she felt.
Jerry.
Was this her son? And if he was, how would she ever explain why she’d been gone so long? How did you tell a four-year-old that his mommy never wanted to leave him? How would a four-year-old understand the difference in guilty...and innocent? How could he comprehend that, though a jury had been convinced she was a murderer, they had been so very terribly wrong?
A blond-haired girl with Daisy on her shirt ran toward Lindy. “Can I have one of your bags? Rose got the last one from Mr. Ethan.” She pointed to the man seated on the park bench nearest Lindy.
Even sitting down, he gave the appearance of tall, dark and—without a doubt—handsome. The kind of handsome that would make most women do a double take. Or simply stare. Lindy jerked her attention away from the man and back to the boy.
“That’s Mr. Ethan,” Daisy continued. “What’s your name?”
Reluctantly, she pulled her gaze from the little boy to the girl. “Lindy,” she managed, then, still getting accustomed to using her maiden name again, she added, “Lindy Burnett.”
“I like that name.” Daisy bobbed her head for emphasis and sent blond pigtails swinging.
“Thank you.” Lindy liked the name, too, much more than Melinda Sue Flinn, which would undoubtedly spark recognition. And, most likely, disdain.
“So, can I have one of your bags?” Daisy asked.
“Sure.” Lindy handed her the brown sack and then asked the little boy that she believed to be her son, “Do you need some more
, too?”
He looked at her, his head tilting for a moment, then his attention turned to the adults gathered around the fountain. And he held his ground.
“He’s a little shy.” The guy on the nearest bench glanced toward Jerry. “Maybe you can put the bag on the edge by the fountain?”
Her chin wobbled and she felt instantly stung, but she reeled her emotions in and placed the bag where he’d indicated. Then she moved to a vacant park bench to watch the boy she’d dreamed of holding each and every day since he’d been taken from her arms.
Take the bag, sweetie. Come on, please.
She knew she couldn’t let this group know who she was, because they were certainly affiliated with the children’s home that currently had custody of Jerry. But she needed to connect with her son. Some way. Somehow.
And she had to get him back.
Jerry studied the bag from where he stood, but when an excited black goose with a bright red beak waddled toward it, he quickly put his small feet into action. When he reached the sack, Lindy leaned forward so that she was merely a few feet from the boy.
“Hey there.” She studied those clear blue eyes, remembered the first time they’d looked at her, when the nurse had held him close to her face in the delivery room and she’d felt a love like she’d never known before. A connection. A bond that couldn’t be separated by space, or time...or prison walls. “What’s your name?” She knew this was her little man, but she wanted to hear him say it, needed to verify what her heart had already confirmed.
He took the bag, held it for a moment as he looked at her, and then returned to the other side of the fountain to toss his bread.
What had happened to him since she’d been away?
Dear God, please. I need to know. Is he mine? Is that my Jerry?
Her features tight with emotion, she turned toward the man—Ethan—sitting on the adjacent bench and for the first time noticed the woman at the other end. It was easy to understand why she hadn’t noticed her before, with the way he captured attention. But Lindy didn’t want to notice the dark, wavy hair, the warm brown eyes that looked so kind, so appealing. Or the smile that seemed so sincere. She’d fallen prey to that kind of deception in the past and she wasn’t about to make the same mistake again.
So she focused on the woman. She looked to be mid-thirties, with pale blond hair, and was dressed in a crisp white blouse and navy slacks. She seemed intent on surveying the little boy now timidly tossing bread to the geese. She was, no doubt, the social worker assigned to the case.
That explained why she was here, but how did Ethan fit into Jerry’s world? And what about the couple with the two girls? Were they the ones she’d heard about, the “good home” that her son would have when the adoption went through?
Lindy could have asked several questions to try to put the pieces together, but instead she asked the one she most needed to know. “Is he okay?”
Ethan released an audible breath, his full lower lip rolling in before he answered, “He will be.” His head moved slowly up and down, affirming his resolve. He sounded so certain, so determined, that Lindy wondered how he could be that sure. Because she didn’t see any way Jerry would be okay without his mother.
And she would never be okay without her son.
The social worker glanced at her bag, then added, “He’s recently been placed at Willow’s Haven, the children’s home nearby, and he’s still adjusting to the new environment. His name is Jerry.”
Jerry. Adrenaline burned through her at the mere mention of his name. She’d found him. This was her little boy. Her son. Right here. Merely feet away after so many minutes, hours and days—three long years—staring at the walls of a four-by-eight cell and dreaming of seeing him again, longing to hold him again. But the odds were against her, and she had to maintain her composure to have any chance of spending time with him now.
The attorney’s words from this morning’s conversation echoed through her thoughts.
Your son’s adoption may have already been finalized, and if that’s the case, it’ll be even more difficult for you to obtain custody again through a reverse adoption, where the court basically reverses the decision and returns the child to his biological parent.
Lindy swallowed thickly, looked toward her little boy and silently prayed. Please, God, You know how much I need him in my life. And You know how much he needs me. “So is he—Can he be adopted?”
The woman placed a hand on her bulging red satchel. “That’s our goal. I’m Candace Yost, the social worker assigned to Jerry’s case. Yes, eventually he can be adopted. And I feel certain he’ll have his forever home this time.” She looked fondly toward Ethan.
A shiver of fear inched down Lindy’s spine as the man between Lindy and the social worker—and between Lindy and her son—turned toward her and displayed a smile that typically melted a female’s heart, the kind that had once melted Lindy’s.
Not anymore. The only male she cared about now was the four-year-old on the other side of the fountain.
“I’m Ethan Green,” he said, “and I want to adopt Jerry.”
She looked beyond this Ethan Green, who with a simple introduction had become her biggest adversary, and instead focused on Jerry, now feeding the geese. “I do, too.”
* * *
Lindy’s jolt at realizing her little boy was merely feet away had affected her ability to choose words wisely. She’d spoken the truth. She wanted to adopt Jerry. More precisely, she wanted to regain custody of her son. Thankfully, she hadn’t made that statement, or the looks of surprise on both their faces would more likely have been looks of horror.
“You...want to adopt Jerry?” Ethan’s question smacked Lindy with the same rousing force as the water from the fountain hit those determined geese. It woke her up and made her realize her error—and also caused her to look at the man who reminded her of the husband who’d hurt her so badly. The man who intended to adopt her child.
Her. Child.
She needed to rectify her mistake, or she might not get a chance to spend more time with Jerry and find a way to have him in her life again.
“I meant that I would also like to adopt a child.” She prayed they couldn’t hear the wobble in her voice brought on by this landslide of emotions. After quickly organizing her thoughts, she explained, “I—wouldn’t be able to adopt right now, though.”
The truth of that statement slammed her with the same intensity as Nika’s fists in the prison yard, when Lindy had mistakenly crossed paths with the inmate known as the Agitator. Or Gil’s fists on practically every night of their marriage.
Lindy pushed the horrid memories away and watched her son, so quiet and withdrawn, the way he’d always been when Gil was at home and he was afraid of his daddy’s temper. Even at just fourteen months, he’d known to be fearful of his father. But when it’d just been the two of them in the house, when he’d been alone with Lindy, he’d laughed, smiled, played.
Would he now be consumed by sadness forever?
She wanted to hold him, hug him. But he hadn’t recognized her, hadn’t known his mother at all.
And why should he? Not only did she look different now, but he’d been a baby when she left. Now he was a little boy. The three years apart might as well have been ten.
He didn’t know her.
The social worker cleared her throat. “Why wouldn’t you be able to adopt, Lindy?” Her tone was gentle, as though she knew the agony tormenting Lindy’s soul.
Lindy wanted to sprint the few feet to Jerry, pick him up and run. She wanted to go somewhere where she could take the time to show him that she loved him, and that she’d never, ever stopped loving him. But that would only make things worse. She needed to find a better way. A right way. A legal way.
Swallowing, she explained, “I couldn’t adopt a child now because I’ve...had a
tough time over the past few years. I don’t have a family, or a job, or even a place to live.” Her stomach pitched at the truth. “I don’t have anything to offer a child.”
The couple on the other side of the fountain had started walking toward them and must have overheard her statement, because the woman moved toward Lindy’s bench and sat down. “That can’t be true,” she said softly. “Because the main thing kids need in their lives is love.”
Throughout her years at the prison, Lindy had taught herself not to cry. Crying was a weakness, and she couldn’t let the other inmates see her as the weakest. Consequently, she’d believed she no longer possessed the ability to release her tears. But they slipped free now, thick, wet drops edging down her cheeks.
Lindy wiped them away. “I don’t know what has me so upset.” The lie stung. She knew exactly what had her upset. Her son was here, right in front of her, and she had no idea what to do to get him back.
Forgive me, Lord. And help me now. Show me how to have Jerry in my life again. She was still trying to work her way back toward trusting God. Though she’d learned in the prison ministry that He’d never leave her, she still wondered where He had been the night the police had torn Jerry from her arms and charged her with her husband’s murder.
“Here.” Ethan moved toward her, a white handkerchief extended from his hand.
To ignore the offering might make the others wonder what she had against the man, so she took the soft white fabric and swiped at her cheeks. A crisp scent, earthy and masculine, filled her senses. She fought against inhaling deeper. She didn’t want to like this man, or the way he smelled, or the fact that, unlike any man she’d ever known, he still carried a handkerchief. “Thank you.”
The woman next to her, who now had an arm draped around Lindy’s shoulders, echoed her thoughts. “You carry a handkerchief?”
Ethan smiled. “I teach eighth graders. You know, the age when every girl gets her feelings hurt by another girl at some point in the school year. It never hurts to have a handkerchief handy.”
Deputy Daddy Page 19
