by P.C. Cast
Erik… Guilt washed through me. He would just die if he could see what was going on between Loren and me. A mean little thought snaked through my mind, Erik isn't here to see me, and I drew in a deep, shaky breath and heard myself say, "Yes. I believe in that kind of attraction. Do you?"
"I do now." His smile was sad. It made him look suddenly very young and handsome and so vulnerable that my guilty thoughts of Erik evaporated. I wanted to take Loren in my arms and tell him it would be all right. I was just getting up the nerve to move even closer to him when his next words surprised me so much that I forgot about his little-lost-boy smile. "I came back yesterday because I knew it was your birthday."
I blinked in shock. "You did?"
He nodded, still caressing my cheek with his finger. "I had been looking for you when I ran into you and Erik." His eyes darkened and his voice went deep and harsh. "I didn't like seeing his hands all over you."
I hesitated, not sure how to respond to that. I was embarrassed as hell that he'd seen Erik and me making out. Still, even though what we'd been doing had been embarrassing to be caught at, we hadn't really done anything wrong. Erik was, after all, my boyfriend, and what he and I did together wasn't really any of Loren's business. But staring into his eyes I realized that I might want it to be Loren's business.
As if he could read my mind he took his hand from my face and looked away from me. "I know. I don't have any right to be angry at you for being with Erik. It's not even my business."
Slowly, I touched his chin, turning his face back to me so that he could meet my eyes. "Do you want it to be your business?"
"More than I can tell you," he said. Then he dropped the book—he'd still been holding it—and framed my face in his hands, so that his thumbs rested close to my lips and his fingers splayed back into my hair. "I believe it's my turn for a birthday kiss."
He claimed my mouth and at the same time it felt like he claimed my body and soul. Okay, Erik was a good kisser. And I've been kissing Heath since I was in third grade and he was in fourth, so Heath's kisses were familiar and good. Loren was a man. When he kissed me there was none of the awkward hesitation I was used to. His lips and tongue said he knew exactly what he wanted and he also knew how to get it. And a weird, magical thing happed to me. I wasn't just some kid anymore when I kissed him back. I was a woman, mature and powerful, and I knew what I wanted and how to get it, too.
When the kiss ended both of us were breathing hard. Loren still held my face in his hands, but he'd moved away just far enough so that we could look into each other's eyes again.
"I shouldn't have done that," he said.
"I know," I said, but that didn't stop me from staring boldly at him. I was still clutching the stupid healing rituals and spells book with one hand, but my other hand was resting on his chest. Slowly I spread my fingers so that they slid within the open neck of his button-up shirt to touch his naked skin. He shivered and I felt that shiver somewhere deep inside me.
"This is going to be complicated," he said.
"I know," I repeated.
"But I don't want to stop."
"Neither do I," I said.
"No one can know about us. At least not yet."
"Okay." I nodded, not sure what there was to know about, but understanding that the thought of his asking me to sneak around with him made a weird knot form in the pit of my stomach.
He kissed me again. This time his lips were sweet and warm and very, very gentle, and I felt the weird knot dissolving. "I almost forgot," he whispered against my lips. "I have something for you." He gave me one more fast kiss and then fished into the pocket of his black slacks for something. Smiling, he pulled out a small gold jeweler's box. Holding it out to me he said, "Happy birthday, Zoey."
My heart was flopping ridiculously around in my chest as I opened the box—and gasped. "Ohmygod! They're amazing!" Diamond stud earrings glittered at me like a beautiful, captured dream. They weren't huge and gaudy, but small and dainty and so clear and sparkly that they almost hurt my eyes. For an instant I saw Erik's sweet smile as he'd given me the snowman necklace, and then heard my grandma's voice in my conscience telling me that there's no way I should accept such an expensive gift from a man, but Loren's voice drowned out the image of Erik along with Grandma's warning.
"I saw them and they reminded me of you—perfect and exquisite and fiery."
"Oh, Loren! I've never had anything so beautiful." I leaned into him, tilting my face up, and he bent and put his arms around me and kissed me until I thought the top of my head would explode.
"Go ahead, put them on," Loren whispered to me while I was still trying to get my breath back after our kiss.
I hadn't put any earrings on when I got up, so it only took me a second to stick them through my ears.
"There's an old beveled mirror over in the reading corner. Come look at them." We stuck the books back on the shelf and Loren took my hand, guiding me over to the cozy corner of the media center that had a big, overstuffed sofa and two matching comfy chairs. On the wall between them was a large, obviously antique, gold-framed beveled mirror. Loren stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders so that both of us were reflected in the mirror. I pushed my thick hair behind my ears and turned my head from side to side so that the flickering gaslights caught the diamonds' facets so they glistened brilliantly.
"They're beautiful," I said.
Loren squeezed my shoulders and pulled me back against him. "Yes, you are," he said. Then, still holding my gaze in the mirror, he bent to nuzzle one of my diamond decorated earlobes and whispered, "I think you've done enough studying for one day. Come back to my room with me."
I watched my eyes become all heavy-lidded as he kissed my neck, following the path my tattoos took down to my shoulder. Then I realized what it was he was really asking and a jolt of fright bolted through my body. He wanted me to go back to his room and have sex! I didn't want to do that! Okay, well, maybe I did. In theory anyway. But to actually lose my virginity to this incredibly hot, experienced, man—right now? Today? I gulped for air and stepped kinda awkwardly out of his arms. "I—I can't." While my mind was flailing around for something else I could say that wouldn't sound moronic and juvenile, the grandfather clock that stood solemnly behind the sofa began bonging out seven bells and I felt a rush of relief. "I can't because I made plans to meet Shaunee and Erin and the rest of the Prefect Council at seven fifteen so we can practice for the ritual tomorrow night."
Loren smiled. "You are a diligent little Leader of the Dark Daughters, aren't you? Then it will have to be another time." He moved to me, and I thought he'd kiss me again. Instead he touched my face, briefly caressing my tattoos. His touch made me all shivery and breathless. "If you change your mind I'll be in the poet's loft. You know where that is?"
I nodded, still finding it hard to speak. Everyone knew the in-residence Poet Laureate had the whole third floor of the professors' quarters building all to himself. More than once I'd listened to the Twins fantasize about wrapping up like giant presents and having themselves delivered to the lurve loft (as they call it).
"Good. You should know I'll be thinking about you, even if you don't decide to come put me out of my misery."
He had already turned and was walking away when I found my voice. "But I really can't come, so when am I going to see you again?"
He looked over his shoulder at me, smiling his sexy, knowing smile. "Don't worry, my little High Priestess, I will come to you."
When he was gone I sat heavily on the couch. My legs felt like rubber and my heart was beating so hard it hurt. Shakily, I touched one of the diamond earrings. It felt cold, unlike the snowman made of pearls that rested accusatorily around my neck and the silver bracelet that was clasping my wrist. They felt hot. I put my face in my hands and said miserably, "I think I'm turning into a ho."
CHAPTER EIGHT
Everyone was already there when I rushed up. Even Nala was there. I swear she looked at me with eyes that said she knew exact
ly what I'd been up to in the library. Then she shot a grumpy "mee-uf-ow!" in my general direction, sneezed, and padded away. God, I'm so glad she can't talk.
Suddenly Erik's arms were around me. He kissed me quickly and then hugged me while he whispered in my ear, "I've been looking forward to seeing you all day."
"Well, I was in the library." I realized my tone was way too abrupt and hateful (in other words, guilty) when he pulled away from me and gave me a sweet but confused smile.
"Yeah, that's what the Twins told us."
I looked into his eyes, feeling utterly like poo. How could I even take a chance at losing him? I should never have let Loren kiss me. It was wrong. I knew it was wrong and—
"Hey, Z, nice scarf," Damien said, tugging on the end of one of the snowmen and interrupting my guilty mental tirade.
"Thanks, my boyfriend gave it to me," I tried a lame tease, but knew that I sounded all weird and overly perkly.
"By that little comment she means her friend who is a boy," Shaunee said, giving me an eye roll.
"Yeah, don't stress Jack," Erin said. "Damien's not changing teams."
"Shouldn't you be telling me not to stress?" Erik asked playfully.
"No, sweet thang," Erin said.
"If Z dumps you for Queen Damien we'll be here to help you deal with your grief," Shaunee said. Then the Twins did a little impromptu bump and grind for Erik's benefit. Despite the guilt I was feeling, the two of them made me laugh, and I covered Erik's eyes.
Damien pointedly frowned at the Twins and then cleared his throat. "You two are completely incorrigible."
"Twin, I forget, what does incorrigible mean?" Shaunee said.
"I do believe it means that we're hotter and sexier than a whole herd of corriges," Erin said, still bumping and grinding.
"You two are dolts, which means you have very little sense." Damien said, but even he couldn't keep from laughing, especially when a giggling Jack joined in the bump and grind. "Anyway," he continued. "I almost went to the library, but then Jack and I got all involved watching a Will and Grace rerun marathon and I totally lost track of time. Next time you want to do research, just let me know, though, and I'll be happy to help you out."
"He's such a little bookworm," Jack said, pushing his shoulder playfully.
Damien blushed. The Twins made gagging noises. Erik laughed. I wanted to puke my guts up.
"Oh, no problem. I was just looking up some, well, stuff," I said.
"More stuff again?" Erik grinned down at me.
I hated that he looked so understanding and supportive. If he knew the stuff I'd been researching was making out with Loren Blake…Oh, God. No. He could never, ever find out.
And, yes, I realize how trifling and ho-ish it was that not long before this I'd been sucking Loren's face and feeling all hot and tingly about him, but now I was practically suffocating in a wave of guilt.
Clearly I need therapy.
"So did you bring the candles?" I asked the Twins, resolving once and for all to think about the Loren mess later.
"Of course," Erin said.
"Please. It was easy-peasy," Shaunee said. "We even have them put in their correct places." She pointed behind us to a nice flat area under the canopy of the huge oak. I could see the four candles representing the elements in their proper places, with the fifth candle, representing spirit, sitting in the middle of the circle.
"I brought the matches," Jack said enthusiastically.
"Okay. Well. Let's do this," I said. The five of us started moving to our candles. Damien surprised me by hanging back a little from the others and whispering, "If you want Jack to leave, just let me know and I'll tell him to go."
"No," I said automatically, and then my mind caught up with my mouth and I added, "No, Damien. It's okay for him to be here. He's part of us. He belongs."
Damien gave me a grateful smile and motioned for Jack to bring me the matches. He scampered to me in the middle of the circle.
"I was going to get a lighter, but then I thought about it and it just didn't feel right." He explained to me very seriously. "I think it's better to use real wood. You know, real matches. A lighter is just too cold and modern for an ancient ritual. So I brought these." He proudly presented a long cylindrical thing. When I just looked at it like a, well, dolt, he pulled off the top and handed the bottom part to me. "See, long and totally chic fireplace matches. I got them from the den in our dorm. You know, by the fireplace."
I took the matches from him. They were long and slender and a pretty violet color with red tips. "They're perfect," I said, glad I could make someone happy. "Be sure you bring them tomorrow to the real ritual. I'll use them instead of the usual lighter."
"Great!" he gushed and then, shooting a pleased grin at Damien, hurried out of the circle to sit comfortably under the tree, leaning back against the oak.
"Okay, are you guys ready?"
My three friends and one boyfriend (thankfully there was only one of my boyfriends present) chorused their yeses.
"Let's just go over the basics and not make this all complicated and involved. You guys will be out in the circle in your appropriate places with the rest of the Dark Daughters and Sons. Then Jack is going to key the music and I'll come in, just like I did last month."
"Is Professor Blake going to recite a poem again?" Damien asked.
"Oh, baby, I do hope so," Shaunee said.
"That vamp is so fiiiine he almost makes poetry interesting," Erin said.
"No!" I snapped. Then when they all gave me weird looks (I assume they were all giving me weird looks—the Twins and Damien did, I avoided looking at Erik.) I continued in a less crazy voice, "I mean, I don't think he's going to recite anything. I haven't talked to him about it, but whatever," I said with utter and complete nonchalance, then I hurried on. "So, I'll come in and move around the circle to the music, with or without poetry, until I get to my place in the center. I'll cast the circle, ask for Nyx's blessing for us specifically at the start of a new year, take the wine around, than close the circle and we'll all go eat." I glanced at Damien, "You took care of the food, right?"
"Yep, the chef is back from her winter vacation, and she and I decided on the menu yesterday. We're having chili about a zillion different ways. And," he added in a voice that said he thought he was being totally naughty, "we're also having imported beer."
"Sounds good," I smiled my appreciation at him. Yes, it sounds weird and vaguely illegal that minors were going to be drinking beer at what is basically a school-sanctioned event. The truth is that due to the physiological Change that was taking place inside all of our bodies, alcohol just didn't affect us anymore—or at least not enough to cause us to act like typical teenagers (in other words we won't get all wasted and use it as an excuse to have sex with each other).
"Hey, Z, weren't you going to announce at the ritual who you're Tapping for the Prefect Council this coming year?" Erik asked.
"You're right. I'd forgotten that I need to do that." I sighed. "So, yeah, before I close the circle I'll announce the two kids I'm Tapping."
"Who are they?" Damien asked.
I, uh, haven't narrowed it down to two yet. I'll make my final decision on that tonight," I lied. Actually, I hadn't come up with any names yet. I hadn't even wanted to think about it since one of those two kids would be taking Stevie Rae's place on the Council. Then I remembered that I was really supposed to let my current Council help me decide which new kids we were choosing. "Uh, guys. I guess tomorrow before the ritual we can meet and go over the names."
"Hey, Z, don't stress," Erik said. "Just choose two kids. We'll be fine with them."
I felt a huge wash of relief. "Are you sure?"
My friends called a chorus of "okay" and "sounds good to me" comments. Each of them clearly having the utmost confidence in me. Ugh.
"Okay, good. So, are we all cool with the order of the ritual?" I asked.
They nodded.
"All right. Let's practice the circle casting." A
s always, it didn't matter what stress and nonsense was going on in my life. When it came to circle casting and calling forth the five elements with which I have a special bond, or affinity, the sense of excitement and pleasure my gift gives me (thankfully) overshadows everything else. As I approached Damien I felt my stress lift along with my spirit. I took out one long, slender match and struck it against the sandpapery bottom of the cylinder. It lit as I said, "I call air to our circle. We breathe it in with out first breaths, so it is only right that it be the first element called. Come to us, air!" I touched the match to the yellow candle Damien held and it lit, and stayed lit, even in the wildly gusting wind that whirled around Damien and me like we were in the center of a tamed but playful mini-tornado.
Damien and I grinned at each other. "I don't think I'll ever get over how amazing it is," he said softly.
"Me, either," I said, and blew out the wildly flickering match. Then I moved clockwise, or deosil, around the circle to Shaunee and her red candle. I could hear Shaunee humming something under her breath that I recognized, as I pulled out the next match, as the old Jim Morrison song, "Light My Fire." I smiled at her. "Fire warms us with its passionate flame. I call fire to our circle!" As usual, I barely had to touch the lit match to Shaunee's candle. It instantly combusted, licking light and warmth against our skins.
"I couldn't be hotter if I was on fire," Shaunee said.
"Well, Nyx sure gave you the right element," I told her. Then I walked over to Erin, who was practically vibrating with excitement. My match was still flaming, so I simply smiled at Erin and said, "Water is a perfect balance to flame, just as Erin is a perfect Twin for Shaunee. I call water to our circle!" I touched the match to the blue candle and was instantly engulfed in the scents and sounds of the sea. I swear I could feel warm, tropical water washing against my legs, cooling what fire had just overheated.
"I do love me some water," Erin said happily.
Then I drew a deep, fortifying breath, made sure my face was set in a calm smile, and I walked over to where Erik was standing at the head of the circle and holding the green candle that represents the fourth element of the circle, earth.
