by Nicole Casey
Having said that, money was the last thing on my mind when I accepted Amy’s invitation for a trip to the local bar. I tried to resist and claimed I couldn’t afford it but she insisted and said that she was paying.
I eventually relented, thinking that a couple of hours of chatting alone with Amy might be just what I needed. However, I was shocked to see that she wasn’t alone.
My best friend was sitting with two men. Oh God, she hadn’t set up a double date, had she?
My worst fears were confirmed when one of the guys – called Mike – showed me the empty seat next to him. He seemed like a nice enough guy but I just wasn’t ready for this yet. The way it had all ended with Frank had hurt me deeply.
It turned to be a fairly pleasant evening in the end. Mike worked out pretty quickly that I wasn’t interested in him and he seemed okay with that fact.
When Amy and her date – Simon – went to the bar Mike told me the truth.
“Simon didn’t tell me that this was a double date.”
“Amy straight out lied to me.”
“Still, they seem to be getting on well.”
I looked across to the bar and for the first time in our relationship felt a pang of jealousy towards Amy. Simon had his arm around her waist and the couple looked very comfortable together.
When would I be able to relax in the same sort of situation? Being taken advantage of by Frank in the way he had done was going to leave my confidence shaken for some time.
I had been sure that he was genuinely interested in me as a friend and possibly even as a potential life partner. What a fool I had been to think that a man like Frank could see something in a girl like me.
I was young and naïve, with so little experience of the world that Frank probably had seen right away that I was way below his level. All I was useful for was a quick and dirty bit of rough and tumble under the shrubs.
As I sipped my third vodka and fresh orange juice a plan was starting to come together in my increasingly muddled mind. I was going to get my revenge on Dr. Frank Sanchez one way or another.
I imagined the doctor’s face when he saw me with a new man. However, the taste of the vodka turned bitter in my mouth as I realized that Frank might not even recognize me with my clothes on.
After all, I was just the latest in a long life of faceless women wearing nurses’ uniforms that he had taken off. How many other girls had he undressed under those shrubs with his experienced hands?
Mike wasn’t bad looking and he seemed like a good guy as well but I knew that he could never replace Frank in my affections.
I had never even considered having a one night fling in my whole life. The responsibility of looking after my little sister had meant that I had missed out on a lot of the crazy stuff that women of my age got up.
However, Daisy was sleeping over at a friend’s tonight.
Suddenly, I realized that what I wanted more than anything was some company or a shoulder to cry on. Mike was quickly getting very drunk. He showed that he was interested in getting to know me better, as he slipped a hand onto my knee and then up a little further.
If I wanted to, I could get my revenge on Frank that very night. It would be so easy to do.
I was so confused. I really thought that I loved Frank and that he felt something special for me too. Now, I could take home a man I barely even knew if I wanted to. I didn’t want to, though, that was the problem.
Another round of drinks appeared on the table. It was definitely time to go out for some fresh air.
I made an excuse and stumbled out to the beer garden. It was raining lightly and the raindrops felt like some sort of help from heaven, sent to clear my senses and help me avoid making a terrible decision.
A few big gulps of air helped me to put some order into my thoughts. I didn’t need to use any man to get revenge on another. I was better than that.
I was feeling a little steadier on my feet when I turned around and straight into Mike’s embrace and an unexpected, sloppy big kiss that forced me backwards into a table, sending glasses flying into the air.
The night still had a few twists and turns left in it, it appeared.
8
Frank
I felt a strange mixture of emotions that night, as I became a stalker for the first and last time in my life.
Janie lived in a modest-sized house on the opposite side of town from my mansion. It was a long time since I had been in a humble property like that but at that moment I wouldn’t have cared if she had lived in a cardboard box.
I missed her terribly and was willing to make any sacrifice to be with her. If the Devil had turned up that rainy night and offered to strike a deal with me then I would have willingly signed away my soul in return for a second chance at love.
Finding Janie’s house hadn’t been the difficult part. It had taken me all of 10 minutes to look up her address and then drive here. No, the problem was in getting out of the car and knocking her door. Then I had to find the right words to break the ice as well.
“Hi Janie, why did you disappear?”
Or maybe “Hello Janie, can we start again?”
Perhaps the best approach was “Janie, I miss you” or even “I love you, Janie.”
This was actually my second time sitting outside her house. Ok, I admit that it was the third.
The last time I had gotten some strange looks from the neighbors and it had crossed my mind that someone might recognize me. Sometimes my photo appeared in magazine articles next to the clients I had worked on, which I hated.
Therefore, I had decided to return after dark. It had taken me until close to midnight to pluck up the courage to come here and face up to a defining moment in my life.
Was Janie asleep? I could see a light on in one of the upstairs rooms and assumed it was a bedroom. Was she lying on the bed thinking about me? Did she remember our moment of passion in the clinic’s secret garden as fondly as I did?
A car drove slowly past and the passenger looked at me. I eased down into the driver’s seat and diverted my gaze downwards. Could I be any more obvious and suspicious about this whole thing?
When it became very clear that undercover surveillance wasn’t my thing I had to decide whether to get out and knock the door or sneak back home with my tail between my legs again.
Bocelli was singing about the tragic tale of Caruso’s last days on my car radio. My limited knowledge of regional Italian dialects was enough to understand that the song was about when Caruso was old and dying, having to bid a sad farewell to the younger woman that he loved and was leaving behind.
“Te voglio bene assai. Ma tanto tanto bene sai”
It was the part that always brought a tear to my eye. “I care so much for you. So very, very much” was the best translation I could come up with. The understated words sounded heart-breaking when matched to the passionate voice and the backstory.
I cared very much for Janie. Very, very much. The second “very” was important, I felt.
However, I felt my energy vanish into thin air as my favorite singer carried on with the song. Was I going to end up like the great singer Caruso, leaving behind a much younger woman who would be alone in the world when I died?
To be honest, I had got a shock when looking at Janie’s file to her hold of her home address. I had felt that she was maybe 10 years younger than me but it turned out to be a difference of just over 20 years between us.
I didn’t feel my age and I was sure they were people half my age who didn’t feel as strong and energetic as I usually did. However, right now the years weighed heavily on me for the first time.
What wouldn’t I have done right then to be 20 years younger. Would Janie have felt more comfortable about our relationship if we were the same age? Yet, all the wishing in the world wasn’t going to change my age or hers, so it was something I was going to have to get used to.
Sadly, I started up the engine and began the journey home. The rain was heavier now and I felt completely de
flated.
9
Janie
I was soaked by the time I got back from the bar. So was Mike.
He took off his wet t-shirt and put it on a radiator. I was making us a cup of coffee and I stole a glance at his body.
He was in decent shape but I found my mind wandering back to Frank’s broad, hairy chest, and experienced hands. There was simply no comparison. My heart had raced out of control when I had seen Frank without his shirt on but Mike didn’t have the same sort of effect on me at all.
Mike was clearly wondering whether to take off his pants as well.
“You can take them off as long as Mr. Floppy stays inside his little house.” I guessed that a bit of humor would take any awkwardness or uncertainty out of the situation now that it was clear that nothing was going to happen between us.
I had already told Mike that he was invited over purely as a friend who was in need of a bed for the night. He was only in town for a couple of days to visits his family but didn’t want to turn up drunk to his uncle’s house.
I had told him that there was a spare room he could use at my place. My earlier moment of weakness had passed and I could now see him as a possible good friend rather than a regrettable one night stand.
Sure, he had tried to kiss me but he had gone all apologetic when I had pushed him off. He was a good guy who was maybe just a bit lonely and needed someone to talk to, just like I did.
I was aware that my wet clothes were clinging to my body, so I put an old jumper on over them and instantly felt less vulnerable.
“I think you could be a good friend, Mike. I would like to have a male friend I could talk to now and then.”
“Ok, I got the hint like the seventh time you said ‘friend’ tonight. So, tell me more about how you gave up your job?”
“What? Did I say that?”
“You did? Right back at the stage when you were horribly drunk and didn’t know what you were doing.”
“Oh my God. I didn’t sing a medley of Bon Jovi’s greatest hits in the style of Frank Sinatra, did I?”
“Umm no, do you normally?”
“I did the last time I was totally wasted. I thought I was being creative and edgy but it turned out I was just making a fool of myself. Again.”
“If it you makes you feel any better you just said something about sleeping with the boss.”
“What! No way! I can’t believe I said that. You just made that up.”
“Uh huh. You sure did.” Mike took a big swig of coffee and smiled at me innocently.
“Yeah well, it’s kind of difficult to explain.”
“So let’s start with you screwing the boss. Was it in his office?”
“Hey, that’s personal.” I thought about it for a second and decided that it was time to open up to someone. This stranger who was standing in my living room with no shirt on was my only current option. “In the grounds of the clinic.”
“Outside? You got jiggy with your boss in the great outdoors? You did the no pants dance al fresco?”
“Yeah, that’s what I mean. I think.”
“Oh my God, you are nuts.”
“I know. I mean, I’m not normally nuts enough to whip off my bosses pants at work but I just kind of let myself go this time. It was all kind of crazy and there was a lot of tension in the air.”
“Do you love him?”
“I do…I did…I might. I don’t know anything anymore. Apparently, he has a reputation for being a ladies man.”
“Just like me, huh?” Mike made me laugh by putting on what was presumably his best ’ladies’ man face.
“Do you think a rich, successful, older man could really be attracted to someone like me? After all, I’m as poor and unsuccessful a person as I know.”
“What do your instincts tell you?”
“I don’t know.” I thought about it for a few seconds while Mike looked at me. “My instincts are a bit confused right now.”
“Did it feel right when you…umm…you know?”
“It did, Mike. It felt like I was-”
“Ok, ok. You can spare me the freaking details.”
“I was just going to say that it felt like I was connected with him on a spiritual level. That sounds soppy, right?”
“It sounds amazing. Jeez, I hope I can feel spiritually connected to someone at some point in my life.”
I made another cup of coffee and we settled down to talk some more. This night looked like it could turn out to be exactly what was needed after all.
10
Frank
I decided to go to work early, as I had to reschedule all of the appointments that I had avoided in the last couple of days. When I got there it was still dark outside but I was surprised to find the main door open.
Heidi was already at work, busy behind her desk.
“Morning Heidi. Are you always in here so early?”
“Yes, I start work at this time every day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in so early, though.”
“Well, you better get used to it.”
“That’s good to hear, doctor.”
“I’d like to reschedule all of my missed appointments for today and tomorrow. There’s a lot to be done.”
I started walking to my office. A long, tiring day at work was probably exactly what I needed.
“Back to normal now that the little slut has gone.”
She muttered it under her breath when she probably thought that I was out of hearing range but I had picked it up. I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at my receptionist.
“What was that?”
At first, she denied saying anything but I gave her a cold, hard stare. I usually let her little comments slide past me but this time I wasn’t going to let her get away with it.
“Who is the slut that has gone?”
“Oh, that girl. What was her name?” Heidi was squirming for the first time since I had known her. She was used to being in control of the clinic and getting everyone to do what she liked, so she clearly hated being talked to like this.
“Janie. Why did she leave like that?”
“How would I know? I’m just the receptionist.”
I carried on with the cold stare treatment and repeated the question several times. She finally cracked.
“Alright, I told her that her sort wasn’t welcome here. You don’t need a little slut like that. You need a real woman…”
“Like who?”
“I…I don’t know…” Her eyes gave me the answer I needed, though.
How had I been so blind that I hadn’t seen all those years that my receptionist had been hiding feelings for me? She had chased off Janie because she had felt threatened, hadn’t she?
“Like you?” It was a cruel thing to say but I needed to feel some sort of revenge for what she had done to Janie.
“Well, it wasn’t exactly…”
I felt a weird mixture of sensations take over my body. Relief. Gratitude. Anger. Joy.
“I think I can decide what type of woman I need, thank you.” I walked away towards my car but a feeling of sympathy for this frumpy, unlikeable woman held me back.
“We all find the right person eventually, Heidi. Sometimes it just takes time and a bit of luck.”
The car trip to Janie’s house seemed to take an eternity, despite the speed limit being breached a number of times on the way. The feeling of needing to get there urgently made adrenalin course through my veins.
When I got stuck in traffic I was tempted to dump the vehicle and run the rest of the way. It was only the thought of turning up breathless and sweaty that stopped me from seriously considering this option.
Finally, I arrived at Janie’s home I started planning what to say. I had heard once at a conference that it’s best to try and control every conversation by planning your speech and responses to the other person’s possible comments.
This is what I had done ever since but this time my brain simply refused to co-operate. I was going to have to
wing it and just react to whatever Janie did and said.
I parked as quickly as I could and ran across to her front door. Please let her be at home and happy to see me.
I went up to her front door and pressed the buzzer. The wait for some sign of life seemed to take an eternity.
Had Heidi told me the full truth or was there more to it? The chances were that she had said something else that she had been too ashamed or frightened to tell me about.
I had no idea what I was going to find when the door opened and I finally saw her again. Did she hate me or was she hoping I would turn up like this?
Finally, I heard locks being opened and bolts being slid across. The house might be modest on the outside but it appeared to have more security measures than my mansion.
The door opened a creak and I saw Janie’s head appear. She looked utterly confused to see me standing there outside her house.
“Janie, I needed to see you.”
She looked out at me silently. I now noticed that her hair was tousled and her eyes tired. It had clearly been a sleepless night for her, but she had never looked more gorgeous to me.
“Can I come in? There are a few things we need to clear up?”
Janie opened the door, again without saying anything. I walked in.
I could now see that she was wearing just a t-shirt, with nothing under it. I had apparently woken her up and she had gone to the door in a hurry. It was important to concentrate on what I said and not get carried away with my emotions, though.
“Janie, there’s been a big misunderstanding. Heidi…she lied to you. I don’t take advantage of new nurses. You’re the first. Not that I took advantage of you. You’re the first nurse that I…I…”
The way that she looked at me had unsettled and unnerved me. She was standing next to the dining table, with her arms crossed awkwardly to cover up the tempting forms of her body. It was a very different Janie from the one that had appeared so angry yet was comfortable with her body when I had interrupted her in the nurse’s changing room.
