by Sandi Lynn
“Where does she live?”
“Santa Barbara. She and her husband just moved there a month ago.”
“That’s quite a drive.”
“I know.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. You can ask me anything.”
“How did you get through last Thanksgiving without Amy?”
He looked at me with empathy in his eyes and then looked at his wine glass before he began to speak.
“It was tough. I stayed long enough at my parents’ house for dinner and then I left. I didn’t want to be around anyone and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Christmas was worse.”
“This will be my first Thanksgiving without him,” I said with tears in my eyes. “He passed away on December 1st. Christmas was horrible last year. I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate it. I spent the night at my mom and dad’s house on Christmas Eve and spent all of Christmas Day in my pajamas, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching It’s A Wonderful Life with my middle finger up at the TV the whole time.”
Ben busted into laughter. “I’m sorry, but that’s funny. I know what you mean. I sat on the couch at my parents’ and pretty much didn’t move all day. My aunts and cousins didn’t know what to say, so they didn’t say anything. The only good part of the day was when I skyped with Leah. She’s a great kid. She wanted me to come to Texas before New Year’s Eve, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I just wanted to be alone and she said she understood.”
“She sounds like a great girl. I would love to meet her someday.”
He smiled as he placed his hand on mine. “You will.”
The winds had calmed and the rain had slowed. After finishing our lemon tart, Ben turned the music on from his iPhone and then held out his hand.
“May I have this dance?” he asked.
I hadn’t danced with anyone in a year and I was feeling hesitant. Swallowing hard and taking in a deep breath, I put my hand in his and he led me over to the large, open space in the living room. As he placed his hand on my hip, and his other hand was wrapped around mine, we swayed to the soft music. This felt right. Too right. So right that it scared the shit out of me. His eyes were focused on my lips and I knew he wanted to kiss me but was unsure. I was unsure if I wanted him to. I liked Ben a lot, but the overwhelming feeling of guilt wouldn’t stop invading my mind.
“You’re so beautiful, Paisley, and I can’t stop wanting to kiss you.”
There. He finally said it.
“I want you to,” I blurted out unexpectedly.
He leaned forward with a smile and softly brushed his lips against mine. He stopped and looked at me for approval. I reached up and let my lips brush against his. As they gently locked, he cupped my face in his hands. He was an amazing kisser and it felt good to be kissed by someone again. I parted my lips so his tongue could meet mine. The moment was amazing until I saw his face behind my eyes. I pushed away and looked down.
“Are you okay?”
I wiped my lips, walked over to the table, and took a sip of my wine.
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Poor guy. I made him feel like what he did was wrong and I felt guilty for that.
“No. It’s me. It’s me and my fucking guilt.”
He walked over and pulled me into an embrace. “It’s okay. I completely understand. I have it too,” he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Really. I like you, Paisley. I like you a lot and I like spending time with you. Sometimes it scares me because I sit and wonder if these feelings I have are too soon and I feel nothing but guilt.”
His words were sweet, and for the first time since I met him, I was feeling calm.
“I like you too, Ben, and I like spending time with you.”
“I’m happy you said that. Can I kiss you?” he asked as he softly placed the back of his hand on my cheek.
I nodded my head as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and stared into my eyes. He brought his lips to mine and we shared a soft and short kiss. Suddenly, the lights went back on and we both looked at each other and began laughing.
“Thank God,” he said.
I looked at the time on my phone and it was already midnight. “I better get going. The storms seemed to have passed and I’m kind of tired.”
“Okay. Please be careful driving home, and I know this may sound crazy, but could you please send me a quick text letting me know you made it home safely?”
“That doesn’t sound crazy and, yes, I will.” I smiled.
I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked to the door. “Thank you for dinner. It was amazing. Also, thanks for the rest of night. You really know how to lift me up.”
“You’re welcome.” He brushed his hand through my hair before kissing me goodnight.
When I got home, I climbed into bed and Romeo jumped up and walked across me before snuggling in for the night. As I reached my hand over to pet him, I could feel the roar of his purr. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ben and our kiss. His lips were soft and inviting; warm and gentle. I found it soothing when he asked me to text him when I got home. He cared about me and I found myself caring about him. Maybe a little too much.
****
Ben
I couldn’t sleep anymore. When I last looked at the clock, it was five a.m., and now it was six thirty. I threw on my running clothes and went for a run. My mind was only focused on Paisley and I found myself missing her already.
“Hey, Ben,” David said as he jogged up next to me.
“Hey,” I said.
“How’s everything going?”
“Things are good. I had Paisley over for dinner last night.”
“How did that go?”
“It was an eventful night, that’s for sure. The power went out, so we were in the presence of candlelight for a few hours.”
“Sounds very romantic.” He smiled.
“Actually, it was. We danced and I kissed her for the first time.”
“That’s great, man. It sounds like things are getting pretty serious with her.”
“Serious, no. It’s way too soon for anything like that. But I love spending time with her. She was a little upset last night after we kissed because she said she felt guilty, which I could relate to. We talked about it and she felt better.”
“I heard that the support group meeting is happening tomorrow night because of the Thanksgiving holiday. Maybe you and Paisley should go and talk to some other people about the guilty feelings.”
I had to stop for a minute and take a breath. “I’ll ask Paisley if she wants to go. Thanks, man.”
“Any time.” David smiled as he patted me on the back and we continued to run.
After I got home and took a shower, I decided to call Paisley. I wanted to tell her about the meeting tomorrow and I wanted to hear her voice.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“A friend of mine told me that the meeting for the support group is tomorrow night instead of Friday because of Thanksgiving. I thought maybe we could check it out together.”
“Really? You want to go back to that meeting?”
“Sure. Why not? I thought maybe it would be interesting to hear what other people have to say.”
“Okay. I’ll go.”
“Great. I don’t go back to work until Tuesday. I thought maybe we could grab some dinner before the meeting.”
“Dinner sounds good. I do have to go into the office tomorrow for a meeting, but I’ll be home around four o’clock.”
“How about if I pick you up at five thirty?”
“Five thirty it is. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ben.”
I smiled as I set down my phone and looked at the sofa table that Paisley liked so much.
Chapter 25
Paisley
I sat in the driveway of my parents’ house and stared at
the front door, waiting for the herd to bust through and hammer me with a shitload of questions about last night. My phone beeped with a text message and pulled me out of my trance.
“I see you sitting in the driveway. Sneak in and come straight up to my room. Everyone is in the kitchen.”
“Okay.”
I quietly opened the front door and looked around so I could go upstairs unnoticed. I walked into Keaton’s room and threw myself on the bed.
“So, how did it go last night?”
“It was amazing. The power went out and we lit a bunch of candles and talked by candlelight.”
“Did you fuck him?”
“Keaton!” I exclaimed as I sat up and looked at him.
“What? It’s a legit question. Come on; you had a storm, candlelight, and I bet there was music. The perfect setting for a wild night of sex.”
“There was no sex, but there was dancing and a kiss.”
“Oh my God, sis, you made it to first base!”
“Shut the fuck up.” I laughed as I threw a pillow at him.
“Okay, seriously, how was it? How were you feeling? What were you feeling? Did you at least let him touch your boobies?”
“Keaton!” I said through gritted teeth. “It was great and he’s great. And no, he did not touch my boobies. He was a perfect gentleman.”
“Okay, good answer because if he would have tried something with you, I would have had to hurt him.”
“Shut up!”
He chuckled. “Come on. You better get downstairs before they discover that you’ve been here.”
Keaton and I walked into the kitchen and my dad gave me a hug. “How are you, sweetheart?” he asked as he kissed my head.
“I’m good, Dad.”
I walked over to Charlotte and Piper and gave them each a kiss on the cheek. Then I walked over to my mom, who was bent over the oven, pulling out the roast she made.
“How did it go last night?” she asked quietly.
“It was great.” I smiled.
She smiled back as she set the roaster on the stove. My two sisters hooked their arms in mine and led me to the family room where the men were.
“So,” Piper said.
“Yeah, so...” followed Charlotte.
“It was a wonderful night minus the bad storms except when the power went out and the house was lit up by candlelight.”
“How romantic.” Piper smiled.
“Anything exciting happen?”
“We kissed and nothing else.”
“Okay. That’s good. Taking it slow is good,” Charlotte chimed in.
“I bet his mouth is amazing,” Piper swooned.
“He’s an excellent kisser and that’s all I’m going to say.”
“Did your lady parts twitch?” Charlotte winked.
“Oh my God! Stop it!”
“They did.” Piper smiled at Charlotte.
****
By the time the meeting let out and after sitting in L.A. traffic, it was four forty-five when I walked through the door. Romeo came running from the direction of the bedroom and meowed fiercely at me for dinner. Ben was going to be here in forty-five minutes and I wasn’t ready. I opened a can of Fancy Feast and scooped it into Romeo’s bowl before heading to the bedroom to change and freshen my makeup.
“Score!”
I looked at my phone in confusion at the text message from Keaton.
“Huh?”
“I finally got this beautiful woman from the office to go out with me.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What happened to Brielle?”
“She was too self-absorbed. One person like that in a relationship is enough.”
He meant himself. Keaton loved himself and he didn’t hesitate to let everyone know it.
“How old is this one?”
“Her name is Faith and she’s twenty-two. She’s an intern.”
“Your intern?”
“I wish.”
“I think it’s time I start working more from the office.”
“Bye, Keaton. I have to get ready. I’m seeing Ben.”
“Again? Have fun and behave yourself.”
Just as I walked out of the bathroom and stopped at my full-length mirror for a last minute check, the doorbell rang. My stomach began to flutter and my palms started to sweat. I had no reason to be nervous.
“Hi.” I smiled as I opened the door.
“Hi.” He kissed my cheek. “You look great.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
Romeo rubbed up against his leg and Ben reached down and picked him up. “Hi, Romeo.” He smiled as he held him close to his chest and stroked his fur.
Romeo’s purr sounded like the roaring engine of a car. He was happy and he really seemed to like Ben. Actually, seeing him with Romeo like that was turning me on.
“You ready?” I asked as I grabbed my purse.
“Yes, and I’m starving.”
“Me too. Kenny ordered lunch for us during our meeting from the food truck. It wasn’t very good, so I didn’t each much.”
He placed his hand on the small of my back, which sent shivers throughout my body as we walked out the door.
****
Ben
It was ironic that Paisley and I both were both craving pizza, so we ended up at Caioti’s Pizza Café in Studio City for dinner. After placing our order, Paisley looked at me and tilted her head.
“Would you like to come to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving?”
“Seriously?”
“My mom invited you, but I told her that you’d want to spend it with your family. But you didn’t seem too thrilled about going to your aunt’s house. So, if you don’t want to go there, then my family would love to have you.”
“I just told my mom last night over the phone that I wasn’t going because I’m not even going to get home until Thursday morning from my two-day shift. The last thing I want to do is drive to Santa Barbara after working for two days straight. So yes, Ms. Logan, I would love to join you and your family for Thanksgiving.”
She smiled as she reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. I wanted nothing more than to spend the holiday with her. Something was happening between us and it was happening fast. I was falling for her more every day and it freaked me out a bit, but that dream kept running through my head over and over again, which gave me some comfort. My phone started ringing in my pocket. When I pulled it out, it was Lindsey.
“Hey, Lindsey,” I answered.
“Hi, Ben. Listen, the reason why I’m calling is I was wondering if I can send Leah out to L.A. for a couple of weeks. I have to fly to Arizona for a two-week job training program and the manager said if they like me and I do well, they’ll make me a permanent employee at their company.”
“What kind of job?”
“It’s for a systems analyst for a bank. I’ve been sending out resumes since I graduated college and this company in Phoenix contacted me. Ben, this could be big for me and Leah. It’s a salaried position, full-time with amazing benefits. I would totally understand if you couldn’t have her stay with you.”
“No. No. She can come stay with me. It’ll be great to see her, plus there’s someone I want her to meet.” I smiled as I looked at Paisley.
“Oh really? Is there someone special?”
“You could say that. When is she flying in?”
“She was hoping she could spend Thanksgiving with you. I have a friend in Phoenix that I’m staying with while I’m there and she’s having Thanksgiving and wanted me to come Thursday. I was going to have Leah fly with me into Phoenix and then put her on a plane to LAX. Her flight would arrive at seven a.m.”
“That’s perfect because I leave the station at six and by time I get to the airport, her flight would be arriving.”
“Are you sure it’s not an inconvenience?”
“Not at all. I love Leah to death. You know that and I miss my sister. What about my dad?”
“She said she’ll
go visit him, but she didn’t want to stay at the house. You know the two of you are a lot closer than he and she are.”
“I know. I’m spending Thanksgiving with Paisley because the parents are going to Santa Barbara, so I’m sure it’ll be okay if Leah came with me,” I said as I looked at Paisley and made a face. She nodded her head and smiled.
“Great. Leah will be thrilled. Thank you, Ben. This means the world to both of us.”
“No problem, Lindsey. I’ll be at the airport Thursday morning to pick Leah up.”
I hung up the phone and thanked Paisley. “Are you sure your mom won’t mind one more guest for Thanksgiving?”
“Nah,” she said with the wave of her hand. “She’ll love it. She loves having new people come to the house.”
“I’m excited for you to meet her.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. But I will be honest, I feel like I won’t be able to communicate with her.”
“Don’t worry. She can read lips.”
I glanced at the time and saw it was seven forty. “We better head to the meeting. You’re still up for going, right?”
“Sure.” She smiled.
Chapter 26
Paisley
I really didn’t want to go, but Ben did, so I agreed. We walked into the room as the meeting was about to start and took our seats in the last row, except this time, we sat next to each other. My eyes scanned the beige-colored walls and the different pictures that sat upon them that I didn’t notice last time. The pictures were all different quotes. There were quotes about life, strength, sickness, and faith. As we sat there and listened to some of the people talk, tears sprang to my eyes. Their stories, their words – so similar to mine that it was heartbreaking hearing it from someone else. Jessica had asked if anyone else would like to go up and say a few words, and when nobody else volunteered, she said that it was mingle time. Apparently, mingle time was when everyone grabbed coffee, water, or juice, and walked around talking to everyone else. Ben looked over and smiled at me.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“Yeah. Coffee sounds good.”
We got up from our seats and walked over to the white linen table and poured some coffee. There was an array of cookies that sat on a white platter. As Ben and I were taking one, Jessica, the counselor, walked up to us.
