Chapter Thirty One
He was walking, the cold night air chilling him as he breathed deeply. He was lonely, lonelier than he had ever been. He was finding it hard to connect within himself; alcohol was coursing through his veins. The bottom of the last bottle the last burden he could bear. All thoughts of rectifying the situation buried as he walked past the liquor shop and continued into the dark night, advertising hordes showing the headline banners going unnoticed. -High-powered CEO resigns as links found to ongoing investigation into long serving police officer-.
She had made it clear that she did not want to see him. He had not seen her. He wanted to see her. He did not know where to start. He carried on walking, shadows playing out ghoulishly in front of him as he passed the streetlights one by one. No one was looking his way, those people did not care, eyes focused on their own affairs. Some things never change.
The street lights became less, the sound of the sea grew with every step. He loved the sound and the smell. It cleansed the soul. Cold wind was gusting around him, chilling his skin, protected only by the threads of a thin cotton shirt. The darkness became absolute.
He sat at on the damp ground, crossing his legs, listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks 100 feet below him. He began to cry.
"What's the matter?” A female voice came out of the darkness, concern evident.
"I have no soul". His voice cracked.
"Why are you here?” The voice showed soft concern.
"To make amends for things I have done, things I should have done, because there is no other way".
He drew in a cold breath.
"Why are you here?” he asked the voice.
"I don't know…, I have hurt someone’ the voice replied.”It was out of my control, but I still hurt him and I cannot get that time out of my head. I needed space to think…, work through my options…. Are you going to jump?” her voice slightly fearful now.
He stood and faced the voice on the darkness, thought about reaching out and touching it, then thought better of it. Instead he spoke.
"You know I have done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of, some can never be undone. I have hurt those closest to me. I still have the memory of what I have done; it is in my head and will not ever go away. A bit like you".
Silence...
"You know I recently read something written by a young girl, something she had written just to prove she was here once. That she mattered in a small way…. That what she was doing was best for her, no one else…. What she wrote put many things in perspective. She was truly a tormented soul…. I guess I came here to find out whether the answer to her angst was the right one".
"How will you know?” the voice said.
He did not reply, looking into the shadow, he hoped for a glimpse of the kind face behind the voice. Not seeing anything in the darkness, he took a step forward, out into the black abyss and towards the watery turmoil below.
Human Frailty, a Detective Mike Bridger novel Page 32
