Eighteen
April 21
I got my learner’s permit today, thanks to the help of Uncle Allen (that’s what he said to call him). And it’s hard not to like the guy. He’s got this receding hairline and gray hair and a slight paunch and glasses, but these features only make me like him more. In fact, weird as it sounds, he reminds me of my favorite overalls. Nicely worn and comfortable.
Anyway, Uncle Allen somehow managed to coordinate, between his attorney and my dad, getting a form of temporary guardianship over me. This is only until my emancipation is complete. And according to Uncle Allen’s attorney, that shouldn’t take long. Kim has made it clear that she doesn’t really approve of my plans, not that she’s making it difficult for me. I also sense that Uncle Allen has questions. But fortunately, he keeps them to himself.
“Thanks,” I told him as he drove home from the DMV. “I really appreciate you taking time off work to do this for me.”
“I was glad to help, Maya.”
“The only problem now…,” I said with some uncertainty, “is that I need to accumulate fifty hours of driving time with someone over the age of twenty-one. And ten of those hours need to be night driving.”
“I’m over twenty-one,” he said, “and I’ve been through all this before, with Kim. Patricia…your aunt…preferred me teaching Kim to drive.”
“I already know how to drive,” I said.
“Really?” And suddenly he was turning onto a side street. Then he got out of the car and opened my door. “Go for it.”
“Seriously?”
“Sure, why not? Show me what you got.”
So I drove us home, and when I got there, he seemed pleased. “You really do know how to drive. Who taught you?”
“No one.”
He looked curious. “No one?”
So I explained about Shannon’s need for chauffeuring from time to time. “I had to learn.”
“Looks like this will be easy then.”
“You mean other than the fifty hours?”
“Well, maybe you and Kim and I can do some road trips. We could show you the sights, such as they are.”
“That’d be great. And I’ve already signed up for driver’s ed, although it doesn’t start until June. But my goal is to be driving by summer.” I didn’t tell him that I’d also be looking for a job and another place to live. My plan is to be on my own by the time Kim leaves for college in August. I’m pretty sure that’s what Uncle Allen would prefer too.
April 24
After not even two weeks in this town, I am almost starting to feel as if I might fit in. Or sort of. Although I’m not sure that’s what Uncle Allen or Kim is thinking, because the truth is, I keep an extremely low profile in their home. I don’t leave any messes. And for the most part I take care of my own food, which they seem to respect since neither of them gets the vegan thing. I do my own laundry, and I even started working in the garden out back, which seemed to please my uncle. So really, it’s almost as if I’m not here. Or so I like to think. Mostly I don’t want to wear out my welcome. At least not before I get the whole emancipation thing settled and get my driver’s license in hand. Then I can take the next step.
And for sure I don’t mean to suggest that I fit in at Harrison High. It’s not like everyone there has accepted me and I’ll be voted prom queen or anything lame like that. Not that my misfit complex has to do with ethnicity. I mean, the school doesn’t have a ton of diversity, but there’s definitely a mix. But I feel like an oddity because of my background. In this small town I doubt that many teens have parents doing time for drugs. But I could be wrong.
Still, I’m surprised to find that I’m starting to relax a little. And some people at school are even talking to me now. It seems that some of them actually want to get to know me. Not that I’m jumping into anything. Lately I’ve been eating lunch with Marissa, a senior in my art class, and her friends. I almost feel like I fit in with them. And one of these guys, Jake, seems to be putting the move on me. Not that I care.
But then as I’m beginning to feel somewhat comfortable, I’m shocked to discover that sometimes Kim and Natalie eat lunch with these kids too. Okay, I’m more surprised about Nat than Kim. Although Marissa told me that is due to Chloe Miller, a girl who went to school here but graduated early to play in her Christian rock band. Apparently she befriended both Marissa and Kim.
“Christian rock band?” I questioned. “Sounds like an oxymoron or something.”
Marissa laughed. “Yeah, it sounds weird. But when you meet Chloe, you’ll get it. She’s totally cool. And so is Kim. It’s just Natalie who takes some getting used to.”
And I have to agree with her there. Mostly I try not to engage with Kim’s best friend. But for some reason, Natalie seems to have set her sights on me. Like today.
“I hope you know that Spencer is into drugs,” Natalie warned me as Kim drove us home from school today. I knew she was saying this because she’d seen me hanging with Marissa and Spencer in the parking lot after school. And probably because she saw them both smoking cigarettes. Like, Oh, no, they were smoking. That probably means they’re taking drugs too.
Seriously, it’s like she wants to have this off-the-wall running commentary on my life. Like she thinks I need someone like her to help me find my way. Sometimes I try to humor her, but sometimes she just makes it difficult.
“I know you’re new,” she continued, “and you’re probably not aware that Spencer has a history, but I feel it only fair to warn you.”
Meaning no one else has a history? I wanted to ask but didn’t. I hate it when anyone, especially Natalie, treats me like I’m a child. Even though she’s older than me and about to graduate. And then it occurred to me that she’s got some history too. She’s had some experiences that I haven’t (like getting pregnant, getting married, having a baby—the kinds of experiences I would just as soon put off for about twenty years), but surely that doesn’t give her the right to act like she is so much more mature than I am. I think that’s what bugs me most about her.
As usual, I ignored her.
“Spencer’s not a bad guy,” said Kim defensively. “Not really. He’s just a little misdirected.”
Misdirected? What was that supposed to mean? Like the sign said turn left, and he’d turned right?
“Meaning he needs God in his life,” Natalie stated with authority. Like she had the secret remedy, like if we all just listened to her and inserted God in our lives, we’d be just fine. That would solve everything. Tell me another.
“So what makes you such an expert on what other people need?” I asked, then instantly regretted it.
“It says in the Bible that we all need God.”
“Not everyone believes in the Bible.”
“Just because they don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it’s not the truth,” she tossed back. “Like people used to believe the world was flat, but now we know they were wrong.”
“Do you know this for a fact? Have you been around the world to see whether it’s really round or flat? Or do you simply believe what you read or what someone told you?”
Kim laughed.
“That’s ridiculous,” Natalie said, unruffled. “Everyone knows that—”
“You seem to enjoy speaking for everyone,” I retorted.
“I just enjoy speaking the truth,” she said. “I have strong convictions, and I don’t care who hears them. It’s all part of being a Christian.”
Okay, I know it was stupid, but I just couldn’t control myself. Besides, from what Marissa had told me, Natalie’s tarnished reputation is common knowledge anyway. “So can I assume that your Christian convictions endorse premarital sex? Because I must admit, that’s a new one to me.”
Kim’s eyebrows shot up, and I knew that was a warning for me to stop, but it was too late. The elephant was in the living room, and far be it from me to pretend that it wasn’t.
“Not that I’ve known all that many Christians,” I continued, “but the ones I knew wer
e a little uptight about—”
“Yes!” snapped Natalie. “I did make a mistake, okay? A mistake I attempted to rectify. As the Bible says, let he, or in this case she, who is without sin be the one to cast the first stone.”
“Huh?”
“It’s a Bible verse,” Kim said quickly. “Kind of a metaphor for not judging others.”
“Well, maybe Natalie should pay attention to that one herself,” I said. After that, I shut up. And so did Natalie.
“Why do you keep pushing her buttons?” Kim asked me as she and I went into her house. Natalie had already stormed off to her house next door.
“Me?” I gave her an innocent look.
She kind of laughed. “Okay. Nat likes pushing yours too.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“It’s probably hard for you to understand, but Nat has this deep need to convert everyone.”
“Maybe she should focus more on her own issues.”
“Good point. And just so you know, she really has a good heart.”
“I’m sure.” But as I said this, I could taste the sarcasm on my tongue.
“And if she didn’t care about you, she probably wouldn’t say half of what she does.”
“Wow, I’d hate to hear how she talks to her good friends… like you?”
Kim shrugged. “Trust me, Nat and I have had our own go-rounds for years now. But in the end, when I need someone to stand by me, she’s always there.”
I wanted to ask why that was a good thing but had a feeling I’d already stepped over the line as well as on some toes.
I’m not going to tell Kim or Natalie that Spencer has been pressuring me to go to the prom with him. He makes these jokes like since I’m new here and he doesn’t have a date, we should go. I’m flattered, but there’s not the slightest chance I’ll go with him. And not because of Natalie’s stupid comments. In fact, just hearing her say that makes me want to spend more time with Spencer. Even though I don’t want to go to the prom, I might go out with him. Just to show Miss Busybody to mind her own business.
April 29
Something in the house felt odd today. Both Kim and Uncle Allen were very quiet at dinner. As usual, I was ready to fix my own food, but to my surprise Kim urged me to join them. She had even attempted to fix a vegetarian dish of spaghetti and tomato sauce. Of course, it wasn’t vegan because it had Parmesan cheese on top, but I didn’t scrape it off. And anyway, I’ve been slacking off a little lately. But mostly I didn’t want to offend her, so I actually tried to make some light dinner conversation, but it seemed to go nowhere. Oh, they were polite, but it was like something was wrong. Really wrong. I began to suspect that I had done or said something to offend them. And I quickly finished my food and excused myself, saying that I had homework.
As it turned out, it’s the one-year anniversary of my aunt’s death. I didn’t figure this out until later this evening when I went outside to get some fresh air and to check out the garden. By then the sun was just going down, and it was shadowy and cool, and when I came around a hedge, there was Kim. We both sort of jumped.
“Sorry,” I said when I realized I’d startled her. “I didn’t know you were out here.”
“That’s okay.”
“Did I do something wrong tonight?” I asked suddenly. “I mean, if I’ve said something to offend you or maybe Natalie or—”
“No no, not at all…” She held up her hands to stop me. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about Mom today.” Then she explained what day it was.
“Oh, I’m sorry…I guess I forgot…I’m not really good at dates…like birthdays and whatnot.” I wanted to add how my own mother often forgot my birthday but didn’t see the point.
“That’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to remember.”
“I wish I had known her…” I looked around the garden. It was really starting to look good. “Being out here in her garden sort of makes me feel like I almost know her.”
“You’ve done some nice things out here.” Kim sighed. “I think she’d appreciate that. And I meant to do some weeding and stuff, but I’ve been so busy with the end of school and getting in scholarship things.”
“I don’t mind. I love everything about gardening—whether it’s weeding or planting or watering or fertilizing. It probably seems weird, but I have always loved getting my hands dirty.”
Kim was looking at me now, kind of studying me. “You know what’s even weirder, Maya? My mom loved all that too. And it reminds me that you’re actually related to her—I mean, even more than I am—when it comes to genetics and DNA. You know what I’m saying?”
I shrugged. “I guess. But you’re related to her in a lot more ways than that. According to your dad, you’re a lot like her.”
She nodded. “Yes. I know.”
We stood out there in the dusky light, and Kim told me some of her favorite things about her mom, and by the time she was finished, we were both crying. I know I was crying for her, and her dad, and their loss. But I was also crying for myself. I never had a mother like that. Not ever.
Maya’s Green Tip for the Day
Here are a couple of natural gardening tips. (1) One teaspoon each of baking soda and dish soap combined with a gallon of water can protect roses against black spot fungus. (2) Coffee grounds make a good fertilizer. You can sprinkle them around the base of a plant or on the lawn or mix them in your compost.
Nineteen
May 3
Maybe it was because of our talk in the garden, or maybe it was because Natalie was not going, but for whatever reason, I agreed to go with Kim to her youth group meeting tonight. And okay, it was pretty weird sitting in this room with a bunch of Christian kids and trying not to be too rude. Finally I just decided to be myself. It was open discussion time, and the leaders, an attractive couple named Josh and Caitlin Miller, had invited everyone to jump in. Naturally, the Christian kids jumped in. I sat on the sidelines and just observed. And perhaps I spaced out a bit too, because suddenly the focus changed, and Josh Miller was talking to me.
“How about you, Maya?” I could feel the others staring at me now.
“What?” I blinked and sat up straighter.
He smiled, and it was a Brad Pitt sort of dazzling smile. “Sorry to catch you off guard, but I wonder, what question would you ask God if you got the opportunity?”
His wife poked him with her elbow, then laughed. “You’ll have to excuse Josh. He can be a little pushy sometimes.”
“I’m just curious,” he continued. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
“Well…,” I began, “if I believed in God, and that is a gigantic if, I would ask Him why He lets so many bad things happen. Why do innocent people die in earthquakes or tsunamis? Why do African orphans suffer from AIDS? Why did Hurricane Katrina make so many people homeless?” I almost asked why God lets people like Shannon have children when they obviously don’t want them, but I figured I’d thrown enough crud onto the table. Besides that, the room seemed very quiet now, and maybe I had these Christian kids stumped. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad.
Josh smiled again. “You remind me of my sister.”
Some of the kids kind of chuckled, and I wasn’t sure what to think about that. But then Caitlin translated. “You can take that as a huge compliment, Maya. Chloe Miller is an amazing girl. And some of us can remember when she was asking questions a lot like this.”
“By the way,” added Josh, “that was a really great question.”
“But you don’t have an answer?” I asked.
“We might not have an answer you’ll like,” he said. “First of all, God doesn’t define ‘bad’ the same way we do. Sure, He created an earth that’s capable of things like earthquakes and tsunamis. God didn’t design this planet to go forever. And our earthly lives are a temporary existence. That’s why He created heaven to be an afterlife—something that’s made to last through eternity.”
Okay, I’m still trying to wrap
my head around that one, but I suppose it makes sense to someone with faith.
“I’m not saying God sends earthquakes and catastrophes to kill people,” Josh continued. “That’s a question that won’t get answered until we see God face to face. But I do believe He uses tragedies to remind us that we are mortal. I mean, it might come as a surprise to some people, but nobody is getting out of this place alive.”
There were some chuckles at this.
“I’d like to answer part of your question too,” Caitlin said. “Some of the sad things you mentioned have more to do with bad choices people make. Take AIDS, for instance. That’s a result of people choosing to do things that God has clearly said are wrong. Sometimes people hurt themselves. Sometimes they hurt others. And it doesn’t please God at all.”
“But God can use these negative things,” Kim said. “I’ve experienced some real pain…and I know how God has used it to teach me things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. Going through the death of my mom has helped me grow into what I hope is a better person.”
Some of the others chimed in now too, telling of tough experiences that helped change them, claiming that God used challenging circumstances to make them stronger. Their stories were interesting and genuine, but I suppose it was their enthusiasm that really got my attention. It’s like they were excited about their lives.
“Is this making any sense to you?” Caitlin asked me.
I shrugged. “I suppose it all makes perfect sense if you believe in God. But like I said, I’m not convinced.”
She just smiled. “Hey, we’ve all been there.”
I frowned. “Really?”
“Oh yeah,” Kim said. “You don’t think we were born Christians, do you?”
“No…not really.” Suddenly I’m remembering Grandma Carolina and things I heard in her church. And as different as this group seems from that congregation of old black people clapping and singing, there is an uncanny similarity. I think it’s related to their enthusiasm about life and God. And their hopefulness. I know I don’t have that. I doubt I ever will.
A Not-So-Simple Life Page 15
