When her climax subsided and she was left with the aftershocks, she sagged in his arms. He caught her and carried her to the bed where he gently laid her down. She opened her eyes and blinked, surprised to find him staring at her and shocked at what she could have sworn was love shining back at her. But before she had the chance to study him, an impenetrable mask descended and he turned without a word and went around the room gathering his clothes.
She studied him as he dressed, crying on the inside for the scars on his back that matched those on his front. She couldn’t care less about the marks, but the pain he must have suffered made her ache for him. When he walked to the door and turned the handle to leave, she bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from begging him to stay. He turned back and swept his gaze over her body, his eyes seeming to freeze on her hips and chest. She furrowed her brow as a dark look swept over his face and then disappeared.
“I’m sorry,” he clipped. “I fear I’m far more barbarian now than gentleman. I hope I did not pale too much in comparison to the lovers you have known in my absence.” With those spiked words, he quit the room.
She was left, once again, alone in her large bed and too-quiet bedchamber, where she had spent so many nights crying tears of loss, and more recently anger, over him. She crawled under the coverlet and recounted the seconds since he had returned. And then she spent what seemed like forever staring up at the ceiling in utter disbelief that he was alive. She replayed every word they had exchanged, every look he had given her, every reaction he had shown, and then she considered the things he had not revealed and the obvious torment he had borne.
And then she thought of what she’d learned from Ellison about Nathan betraying her. What if he hadn’t? Why had she not considered the possibility before? What if Marguerite had lied? Sophia groaned. She had been so hurt when Ellison had told her, and her life before Nathan had been filled with Frank failing her that she’d all too willingly believed that Nathan had failed her, as well.
His mistress had nothing to gain with lies, of course, except she could just be a wretched person. Sophia had encountered plenty of purely evil people to know they existed. What if it wasn’t true and he had actually started to care for her? Nathan would never be the sort of man to admit that to his friends. Her stomach twisted. Dear heaven!
How would she feel if their roles were reversed and she had been held captive for fourteen months, suffered unspeakable torture, and survived it all only to return and find him in bed with another woman? And then what if he had told her he had been bedding hundreds of women instead of mourning her? She cried out at the thought.
His words were cold and cruel but his touch was tender and loving. Her breath caught in her throat, and her mind raced with the horror of how she might have pushed him away, especially because she knew, without a doubt, that if he had not betrayed her, she could forgive him anything. She loved him and she was quite certain she had never managed to stop.
She lay in bed, her mind whirring and whirring. When dawn broke, she could take it no more and she hurriedly dressed and raced out of her room to her husband’s bedchamber. She didn’t bother to knock for fear he would deny her entrance. But when she flew through the door, she was surprised to find a maid in there, bent over a blanket and pillow that had been tossed on the floor.
The maid popped up and curtsied. Sophia eyed the spot by the fire where the blanket and pillow had been. “Did Nathan sleep on the floor?” Sophia demanded.
The maid bit her lip but nodded. “I believe so, Your Grace. He murmured something this morning on his way out the door about not being used to soft beds anymore.”
Sophia frowned. “Out the door?” Surely he had not left her without them talking.
The maid nodded. “He had the whole staff up at three, and he was gone by three thirty.”
“He’s gone?” She clutched at her chest, feeling as though her heart would explode any moment.
Oblivious to her mistress’s rising hysteria, the maid nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. To London. He said he’d not be back for some time, and I overheard him tell Mr. Burk you were not to go anywhere unaccompanied by Mr. Burk himself. Not even to see the Duchess of Aversley, ’cause Mr. Burk inquired about her particularly.”
A hysterical bark of laughter escaped Sophia. The noise must have alerted Duke, who was half-deaf with age, to her presence in his master’s chamber. She stared openmouthed at the dog, shocked to see that Nathan had left Duke behind. Mr. Burk had said Nathan loved that dog and had always kept him with him.
“He left his dog,” she murmured, more to herself than the maid.
The maid nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. He told Mr. Burk the dog had become a nuisance and to get rid of him.”
Her stomach tensed, then flipped. What was Nathan doing? She clenched her teeth. He was cutting out everything from his life for which he had ever allowed himself to care. She was almost sick until she realized that if he was cutting her out, too, it had to mean he cared for her. She had to learn the truth somehow.
“Is Mr. Burk at the stables?” She had to demand he take her to London.
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Sophia murmured her thanks and raced down the steps. She had to find out if Marguerite had lied to Ellison, though she had no idea how to go about even finding Marguerite. She didn’t even know what the woman looked like. Somehow, she would find a way. And then she would have an honest talk with Nathan, even if it meant she had to admit he truly didn’t care for her.
She strode out the door and toward the stables, but she got no more than a few feet when Mr. Burk came walking toward her. He had a troubled, reluctant look on his face as he held an envelope to her. “His Grace ordered me ta give ye this.”
Dread seized her. Her hands trembled as she broke Nathan’s wax seal.
Mr. Burk cleared his throat. “Shall I leave ye to it alone?”
“Please stay,” she choked out while glancing down at the note.
Sophia,
I regret my actions last night and taking you so brutally.
A blush singed her cheeks, and she held the note a little closer to ensure Mr. Burk did not see it. Nathan had given her nothing but pleasure, but apparently, he did not think so. She brought her fingertips to her pounding temple and started to read again.
Please send a note through Mr. Burk when you know if you are with child or not. Never fear, I will not visit your bed ever again if you are with child, and if not, I will only visit until I have my required heir. I hope for your sake and mine that my seed has planted in your womb and my duty is done. In my absence, the following are rules I command you to follow. Do not test me, Sophia. You will consider your father’s punishments mild to what I will distribute if you break one of my rules.
Do not even think of going on a scavenger hunt with a gentleman as your partner ever again.
She gaped at the paper. How had he known she had gone on a scavenger hunt? And what was harmful about a scavenger hunt? Lord Roxbury had been a perfect gentleman, except he had gotten them lost by refusing to listen to her directions. She huffed and continued reading.
I forbid you from speaking with any gentleman other than the staff here, or Aversley or Harthorne―Harthorne’s name had been scratched through then rewritten again―unless you are accompanied by Amelia until my aunt arrives to chaperone you. I will be sending her to live with you since I cannot trust you.
Sophia had to stop reading for a moment because she was shaking with anger and horror at the thought of his aunt coming to live here.
When I do summon you to London, dress as a duchess should. And do so everywhere else, as well. In other words, throw out the gowns you had made in my absence. You look like a cheap doxy.
She dug her nails into her palms to keep from spouting foul curses.
Wear your hair up unless you are in your bedchamber about to go to bed. Your hair is the sort that tempts gentlemen to do bad things.
That edict, though annoying, made her smile with sat
isfaction. There was at least one thing about her he found alluring.
If you find yourself at the same party, dinner, ball, any occasion at all with Mr. Frazier—except his funeral, of course—leave immediately. I vow if ever you allow him touch you again, I will kill him without regret.
That statement made her shiver. Nathan was not a murderer, but she knew he had been forced to kill in order to survive. Clearly, the law of the sea still ruled in his mind.
I suggest you shelve the flirting skills you acquired when you should have been mourning me. If word reaches me that another sonnet, poem, or play has been written for you by some lovesick fool, I will be forced to defend your honor, which we both know you don’t possess, in a duel. I’d rather not accidentally kill some poor fop who had the misfortune of thinking he loved you.
“The misfortune of thinking he loved me!” she sputtered. Anger danced up her spine and made her head pound harder. She took a shuddering breath before continuing to read.
I forbid you from coming to London unless I give you express permission.
Lastly, never question my authority over you. You are my wife. You are my property. There is no court that will grant you a divorce from me. You are stuck as my duchess. Follow my rules and we will rub along without strife.
She crumpled the paper in her hand. Rub along without strife! Ha! If she followed his rules they would see each other only if she wasn’t pregnant and he had to visit her bed again, and if she was with child, what then? Would he swoop in and take the child from her because of his treatment from his own mother?
These rules would not do. They would not do at all. Slowly, she opened the balled paper only to rip it to tiny pieces that fluttered from her hand to the ground. She was going to London to confront Nathan, and that’s all there was to it. She didn’t care what sort of punishment he delivered. Living as he suggested would be the worst sort of punishment imaginable. She could not simply sit here and not know the truth of whether had had been unfaithful or if he truly did not care for her at all.
She looked up at Mr. Burk, who was still standing there silently and watching her. “Mr. Burk, I need you to ready a carriage. I’m going to London.”
“We are going ta London,” Mr. Burk amended. “His Grace told me ye were ta go nowhere without me.”
“Oh, yes, I see.” She worried her lip. Mr. Burk hadn’t read the “rules” Nathan had left her, so he had no way of knowing she was not to go to London without Nathan’s permission. But in good conscience, she could not allow the man to accompany her without knowing the anger he may face from Nathan. She cleared her throat. “Er, Mr. Burk, I should tell you that―”
“Yer not ta go ta London without His Grace’s consent?” he interrupted.
She nodded, heat making her cheeks burn. “He told you?”
“Aye. He read his rules ta me, lassie, with orders ta keep my eye on ye for any infractions. But he’s a fool. I ken ye love him, even if neither of ye do. And if ye don’t go ta him now and make him realize he loves ye back, I fear he will become so hard even ye can’t soften him.”
She sniffed back tears. “I want to try, but I need answers.”
“Then let’s go get them,” he said with a grin.
By midafternoon, Sophia was headed to London with Mary Margaret across from her and Amelia beside her, because her friend had insisted she come as moral support. Amelia had also reasoned that she’d intended to leave for London tomorrow to meet up with Aversley, anyway. It seemed Aversley had departed for London this morning on business, and they were to attend Mr. Frazier’s ball, one of the first of the Season. Sophia had quite forgotten her invitation to Mr. Frazier’s ball. After a moment’s thought, she decided if Nathan somehow avoided talking to her, she may have to break a few of his rules to force him to the task. So she had Mr. Burk go back home before leaving St. Ives, and Mary Margaret quickly packed Sophia’s most daring gown, though she had not yet garnered the nerve to wear it.
The trip to London, which was already dreadfully long, was made longer each day by Sophia’s increasing nervousness about confronting Nathan. She spent the first day of the trip barely talking to Amelia, who was more than understanding, but by the third day, she thought she would go mad. When Mary Margaret began snoring, Sophia broke down and confessed to Amelia how Nathan had found her in a very compromising position with Mr. Frazier the night he had come back. She could not bring herself to say she had been almost completely undressed, but Amelia gave her a knowing look and lowered the novel she had been reading before Sophia had broken the silence.
“Did Scarsdale happen to find you in this compromising position in your bedchamber?” Amelia whispered.
Sophia blushed but nodded.
Amelia nibbled her lip for a moment, and then a thoughtful look came over her. “How did he react?”
Sophia told her of how he had almost killed Mr. Frazier and then about the rules Nathan had written out for her.
“This is very good,” Amelia said in hushed tones, nodding her head slowly and smiling. Sophia had her own hopeful theory that he had reacted so violently because he did care for her, but she held her tongue as she did not want to sway Amelia’s initial inclination.
“Why do you think it is good?” Sophia whispered.
“I have never seen Scarsdale react to anyone, even someone purposely trying to bait him, except my husband.”
The hope Sophia had once felt bubbling inside her sparked to life once more.
Amelia continued talking, unaware how her words were affecting Sophia. “Usually, he is unflappable and characteristically blasé. Yet, when he wanted to mend his friendship with Colin, and Colin wouldn’t listen, Scarsdale lost his temper. And I tell you, it is because Colin is one of the few people Scarsdale allows himself to care about. The other is my brother, and you would make the third.”
Sophia’s heart felt as if it were expanding.
“You know,” Amelia said, “come to think of it, after Ellison told you all those things that night of your birthday celebration, Colin later informed me that Ellison had not portrayed that night at White’s exactly as it had occurred. I had thought to tell you of it, but then you refused to see me, and when I did see you again, you were determined to forget Scarsdale and refused to speak of him.”
Sophia gaped at Amelia. “How did Aversley say Ellison misrepresented the night at White’s?”
Amelia cocked her head as if she was searching her memory for her husband’s exact words. “Well, for one, he said Scarsdale became very angry with Ellison when he called you a wench and said Scarsdale must have surely married you out of pity based on his description of you.”
“Maybe he simply felt it made him look the fool,” Sophia replied, disliking the fact that Ellison had called her a wench. And to think she had once thought him nice!
“Scarsdale has never given a whit what people think of him, Sophia. It’s as if he trained himself not to care about other’s opinions.”
Sophia thought about all those paintings of him stashed in the attic in St. Ives, and her breath caught in her throat. As a child, he had, no doubt, cared deeply what his mother thought about him, and she taught him with torturous cruelty that to desire approval was to welcome pain. Sophia hugged herself on a shiver.
“What is it?” Amelia asked.
“He has trained himself not to care if others like him or not. You are absolutely right.”
Amelia flashed a grin. “I do so love when people say that! Though, that is so very sad. It does, of course, prove my point: he would never become angry over his cousin or friends thinking he looked foolish for marrying you. But he became livid when Ellison besmirched you because, whether he realizes it or not, I do believe he loved you and loves you still. What are you going to do?”
Sophia swallowed. That was exactly what she had to figure out.
After Sophia dropped off Amelia, she directed Mr. Burk to Nathan’s largest townhome, assuming he would be there, but the staff had not seen him since he’d b
een there two days ago to give them the news that he was still alive. As she made her way to his next townhome—luckily, Mr. Burk knew where it was, as Nathan surely hadn’t told Sophia anything of it—the hour was growing late, and by the time she arrived, the moon was shining brightly in the sky.
She took a deep breath as she got out of the carriage, knowing full well that she could come across his horrid mistress at any moment. But when she questioned his servants, there was no one home. Once again Nathan had come to let them know he was alive, but he had not returned.
She made her way back to the carriage, but as Mr. Burk took her hand to help her in, a hackney pulled in front of the house. A woman, adorned in a gaudy gown of green-and-yellow silk, stepped out of the hackney, took one look at Sophia and her eyes widened as her mouth thinned. “Well, look what we have here. The infamous Duchess of Scarsdale.”
Sophia narrowed her eyes, her heart racing and stomach knotting. She tilted her chin up. “Marguerite, I presume.”
The woman laughed. “I recognize you as well. Ellison provided a detailed description.”
Sophia turned to Mr. Burk. “Will you give me a moment?”
He nodded and walked a few feet away, but she could see him with his eyes on her, guarding her like he’d been told. And she could see Mary Margaret peering out the window of the carriage, but when their gazes locked Mary Margaret’s face disappeared. Sophia faced the woman once more and stepped toward her, wishing only to get information without being overheard by Mr. Burk. Then she could get out of there as quickly as possible.
My Seductive Innocent Page 33
