by M. S. Parker
He put his mouth next to my ear. “What is it that you’re holding back?” He slipped the straps off my shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor. “Tell me.”
The air was cool against my flushed skin, but that wasn’t the reason I shivered. I was going to tell him the truth. “That night at the club, I trusted Codie’s assessment of you, but as soon as I saw you, something in my gut told me that you could be trusted. And every moment since then I’ve trusted you.”
He swept my hair over my shoulder and kissed the place where shoulder met neck. “Ask me. Whatever it is you want, ask me.”
“I want you to fuck me…bare.” As the last word came out, I sought his expression in the mirror. “I’ve been on the pill for years, and you know I’m clean. If you tell me you are too, I trust you.”
“Addison,” he breathed my name as he leaned around me. His hand caught my chin, turning me until my mouth met his.
I pushed back against him, feeling his cock hardening against my ass. I slid my tongue along his, telling myself that I needed to remember every moment, that no one would ever be able to measure up to Cai.
He pulled his mouth away but rested his forehead against mine, his hand curling around my neck. “Little Red, what are you doing to me?”
I grabbed his shirt, tugging it up until I could get my hands under it and feel the tight muscles against my palms. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I feel it too.”
He pulled back so suddenly that I was afraid I’d said something wrong, but then he took off his shirt and desire replaced fear. He kicked his pants aside and gestured to me.
“Off.”
My bra and panties joined my dress, and then he was behind me, his hands sliding over my hips and up my ribcage, then forward until his hands covered my breasts.
“Safe word?”
“Watson,” I replied promptly.
“That’s a good girl,” he said as he kissed the side of my neck. “Don’t hesitate to use it if you want me to stop.”
I nodded. “What do I say if I want you to start?”
He chuckled, then pinched my nipples between fingers and thumbs. “Easy, Little Red, or I may need to punish you for defiance.”
I smiled up at him. “If you think this is defiance, I may need to show you what that word truly means.”
Cai went completely still. “That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble.”
“Maybe I need something in it.”
The smack on my ass caught me off guard, and I let out a startled yelp.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he said. “And then we’re going to get in the shower, and you’re going to clean off my cock with your mouth.”
“Yes, please,” I said, putting my hands on the sink to brace myself.
He used his knee to nudge my legs apart, and a moment later, his cock was pushing inside me. He eased his way in, allowing me to savor how it felt to have skin against skin, nothing between us. We weren’t in a relationship, but it somehow felt right that this man shared another one of my firsts, this intimate moment that required so much trust.
I groaned as he bottomed out, every thick inch of him sheathed inside me. My eyes closed, and my head fell forward, but he wasn’t having that. He used my hair to yank my head up.
“Open your eyes,” he ordered. “Watch us. Watch your face as I make you come.”
He kept a grip on my hair as he slid almost all the way out, then slammed his hips forward, making me cry out. He repeated the process twice and then upped his pace. Each thrust drove the air from my lungs and made spots dance in front of my eyes. This wasn’t a slow build-up, or a carefully kindled flame. No, this was an assault of pleasure, taking over my nerves and cells until every inch of me felt like it was on fire.
I came without warning, screaming his name even as my legs buckled. He caught me around the waist, continuing to move in and out of me even as my muscles convulsed around his cock. Finally, as I feared I couldn’t take one second more, he buried himself inside me and allowed me to come.
He clung to me as our breathing slowed and pulses returned to normal. We’d shower next, and I had no doubt he’d hold me to what he’d said. I didn’t mind though. I’d gladly go to my knees in front of him if it meant I’d finally get to taste him, feel the weight of him on my tongue. I wanted nothing more than the chance to make him feel as good as he’d made me feel, and the strength of that desire should have scared me. It would scare me…when I allowed myself to think about it. For right now, I was going to be content with where I was, and what I had.
Twenty-Five
Cai
Whenever I returned to Atlanta after being in the field, it took me a couple hours to acclimate. Working in an outbreak area was akin to living in a bubble. We had to focus on what we were doing, ignore anything that could distract us. For many of us, that meant we didn’t contact people back home, didn’t pay attention to what was happening in the world around us.
This time was different though. I’d moved from that epidemic bubble to having two days with Addison where it was just me and her. Except for our dinner with my brother, of course, but even that had worked to bring Addison and me closer.
Now, we were on a plane, flying back to Atlanta where we would return to being intern and supervisor. We wouldn’t spend time together outside of work. There’d be no repeat of the things we’d done in Texas. No more kissing, tasting, touching. I wouldn’t feel the heat of her mouth on my cock like I had in the shower. Wouldn’t watch her take me as far into her mouth as she could, sucking and licking until I spilled onto her tongue. I wouldn’t make her come with my mouth or slide into that tight pussy of hers. And I’d never have new experiences with her, teach her all the other things that could bring her pleasure.
It was torture, sitting next to her on the plane and thinking those things, but I knew I needed to do it. I had to prepare myself, set the boundaries again. I would do the right thing and never cross that line again, but it was going to be harder than I’d first anticipated.
I glanced over at Addison and couldn’t deny that it was worth it. If I was given a do-over, I wouldn’t hesitate to make the same choices.
As we approached Atlanta, however, I saw something that drove all thoughts of Addison from my head.
It was snowing.
I could hardly believe my eyes. It was nothing like what I’d seen as a kid in Boston, but for Georgia, it was astounding. Fat, white flakes lazily floating to the ground where they, inexplicably, stuck.
As we got off the plane, we had to duck our heads against the snow and wind, hurrying to get to the taxi that was already waiting for us. By the time we deposited our bags in the back and climbed into the backseat, we were both shivering.
“What the hell?” Addison stammered, her teeth chattering. “Back home, this wouldn’t be more than a flurry, but I thought this didn’t happen down here.”
“It doesn’t,” I said, rubbing my hands together to warm them. “I should’ve checked the weather report before we left.”
“It wouldn’t have done any good,” she pointed out. “It’s not like we had coats in Texas.”
“Good point,” I agreed.
I couldn’t take seeing her shiver like that. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against me. “Sharing body heat,” I said by way of an explanation.
She nodded, and I wasn’t sure she believed my motives any more than I did.
“You ever seen shit like this before?” The cabbie leaned over the steering wheel. “I lived here my whole life and ain’t never seen it snow like this before. It’s actually sticking to the road.”
He swerved alarmingly, and I tightened my hold on Addison. “I don’t care how slow you have to go. Just get us there in one piece,” I said. I lowered my voice so only Addison could hear me. “And I thought Northerners forgot how to drive during the first snow of the year.”
She laughed, tucking her fingers against my side to warm them. “You think we should offer to tak
e over? I got my license during the worst February in Minnesota history, so I started driving on worse than this.”
The cab skidded, and the driver cursed. He gripped the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white, his elbows out in what would have been a comical manner if I hadn’t been worried he was going to wreck. By the time we reached my place, I knew I couldn’t let Addison go off with this guy, especially not on her own.
“I think you should stay with me,” I said. She looked at me, surprise on her face. “We might know how to drive in this, but no one else does. It’s too dangerous for you to be out. Besides, everything’s going to be closed today, if it isn’t already.”
She looked through the windshield at the snow, and then at the clearly flustered driver. “All right. But I’ll need to call Dorly, so she doesn’t worry about me. And as soon as the weather clears up, I’ll go home.”
“Agreed.”
I meant it. I was worried about her safety, and once the roads were clear again, I’d have no objection to her leaving.
Maybe if I spent the day telling myself that, I’d believe it by the time she left.
Twenty-Six
Addison
“What are you doing?”
I turned to see Cai standing behind me, holding two mugs of something with steam curling up into the cool air. He held one out to me, and I saw, with some surprise, that it was cocoa.
“Thank you,” I said before answering his question. “I was taking pictures.”
“Of what?” he asked as he sat down on his couch.
“The snow. My older sister, Lottie, won’t believe that this little bit of snow could cause an entire city to shut down.” I sat on the other side of the couch, but it was small enough that there were only a few inches between us.
“Does – did she live close to you?” He sipped some of the cocoa, licking his top lip to catch some of the extra foam that was stuck there.
I nodded and tried to pretend that I wasn’t distracted by his mouth. “She and her family live just a few blocks over from our parents. Simon has a place in Minneapolis that’s close to his son. Gene and his girlfriend got a place a few months back that’s on the other side of town.”
I took a drink of the cocoa and swallowed a moan. It tasted that good. “Was it weird for you, going from having three brothers around all the time to it being only you?”
He looked away from me, a distant expression on his face. “I’m grateful to my grandparents for what they did, taking my brothers and me, and I loved them, don’t get me wrong, but I lost my family more than twenty years ago.”
I reached over the small distance between us and put my hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“Like I said, it was more than twenty years ago.”
I leaned toward him, waiting until he looked at me before I spoke, “That doesn’t mean you can’t still be grieving for them.”
He put his hand over mine. “Thank you.”
I leaned back, taking my hand with me. I picked up the mug again and busied myself with drinking it before it got cold.
After a minute or so of us drinking in silence, he broke it. “May I ask you something that’s a bit personal?”
I smiled. “After everything that’s happened between us, I think pretty much nothing you ask will be too personal.”
“Good point.” He turned so that he was angled toward me. “Why did you decide to lose your virginity to a stranger at a club?”
I shifted in my seat, wondering what had prompted him to ask that now. “I wanted something uncomplicated. No romantic entanglements. No fumbling or apologies. Codie’s suggestion promised all that. It seemed like a good way to get it taken care of before it became overly awkward.”
“Overly awkward?” he echoed.
“Going through high school as a virgin wasn’t a big deal. And for a woman, being a virgin in college wasn’t really that strange, especially since I was working on a Ph.D. People tend to accept academics as a legitimate reason for not having sex. But there seems to be an unspoken rule regarding virginity and age. For men, it’s younger than women, but it exists for us too.” I put down my now-empty mug. “A woman in her early to mid-twenties who has a religious reason for waiting to have sex – or something similar, anyway – is maybe eccentric, but it’s acceptable. Someone who isn’t waiting for marriage or true love, when she hits that mid-twenties mark, if she’s still a virgin, it becomes all about being an ice queen. Or a lesbian – don’t even get me started on that one. Or she’s stuck up and doesn’t think any man’s good enough for her.”
“People are idiots,” Cai said.
I laughed. “That is definitely true. But I didn’t do it for people. I didn’t want it hanging over my head. And it just felt like it was time.”
I was telling the truth, but I realized just then that I did care what Cai thought. And I didn’t want him to think less of me.
“I did it for myself, not anyone else. It’s what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it.”
Cai reached out and took my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “You don’t need to convince me. I believe you.”
He was still holding my hand, his thumb moving over my knuckles in an almost absent manner. Little sparks of electricity danced across my skin, and the warmth that spread through my body had little to do with the cocoa and everything to do with his touch.
“Is it my turn to ask something a little personal?”
“I’m an open book,” he said with a smile.
“You told me how you got involved in BDSM,” I said, looking down at our linked hands. “Now, I’d like to know more about that world. I’ve seen some, and I know a little, but I’d like to know more.”
He hooked a finger under my chin and lifted my head until our eyes met. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, but I’d like to know why.”
I reminded myself that I didn’t need to be embarrassed with Cai. He’d seen me at some of the most vulnerable times of my life. “What we’ve done together, I know it’s probably vanilla compared to what you normally do, but I liked it. A lot. And I’m wondering if it may be something I’ll want to explore more.”
Twenty-Seven
Cai
I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to do it.
I thought sleeping with her in Texas would get her out of my system. That once I had her while knowing it was her, I wouldn’t want her anymore. I’d never wanted any woman for more than a single night. Two nights in a row, falling asleep next to her. Both things I hadn’t done before. That should have been it.
But it wasn’t enough. From the moment I suggested she stay with me, I’d known I would have to face the truth of the matter sometime. I did want her to be safe and being on the roads right now definitely wasn’t safe, but my desires were far less unselfish than they should have been.
Now, she was asking me to tell her about the BDSM world because she might want to explore it. We were back in Atlanta, which should have meant we had returned to intern and supervisor, but that wasn’t the sort of things colleagues should discuss. And what I was thinking definitely wasn’t something that fit into the roles we were supposed to be filling.
Damn it all to hell.
I stood and pulled her to her feet. “If I’m going to teach you, it’ll be easier with visual aids.”
She gave me a strange look. “We’re not going to watch porn together, are we?”
I laughed. “No, Little Red, I’m going to take you to my playroom.”
The nickname slipped out. I wasn’t entirely sure where it had come from before, but she hadn’t protested it, and now it looked like it was going to stick.
“Your playroom.” The words were faint, and I could see trepidation on her face.
“Relax,” I said with a smile. “Visual aids only.”
Unless she wanted a more…hands-on approach. I wouldn’t be able to refuse her if she asked for practical applications.
I led her down the hall to the room acro
ss from my bedroom. My apartment wasn’t large, but the second bedroom was almost as big as the first, and over the years since I’d moved in, I’d filled it with all my favorite toys. I rarely ever brought women back here, which meant I hadn’t had the opportunity to use it much, but it wasn’t until now that I thought to ask why I’d spent the money when I didn’t have a regular sub.
Maybe it was time to change that.
I glanced at Addison as I opened the door, but she looked relaxed and curious. What would she do, I wondered, if I posed the question? She seemed open to the lifestyle, and I already knew we were sexually compatible. Hell, we were sexually explosive. And being with her was easy. If only we didn’t work together. But I was starting to think that perhaps the two of us could separate work from pleasure.
“Within the BDSM world, there are many different facets,” I explained. “Exhibitionists, voyeurs, sadists, masochists, dominants, submissives, and switches.”
“Switches?”
“Some people like to both dominate and sub.” When she gave me a look, I shook my head. “I like my control too much to sub.”
“Not surprising,” she said with a smile. “I like being in control, but there’s something appealing about not having to be the one making all the decisions. It lets me empty my head.”
I’d wondered if submitting all the time would be a problem for her, but apparently not.
I walked over to the wall where a variety of scarves and ropes and cuffs hung. “I like bondage. Controlling how much the sub can move.”
“I remember.” Her lips parted as her breathing increased. “The belt.”
“Restraining a sub makes it possible to push limits beyond what a sub might think they can handle. Seeing how long I can keep a sub on the edge without coming. Or the opposite, making a sub come so many times that the pleasure borders on pain.”
She swallowed hard, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip.
