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Dasen spent the rest of the evening in a state of dreadful bewilderment. It started with dinner, a delicious rabbit stew that eventually filled his impossibly empty stomach. He sat with Jer at one end of the table. Teth was surrounded by the women and children at the other. Open seats separated them where Jer’s sons would have been. Jer said a simple prayer, then they ate. As was proper, there was little interaction between the men and women. Dasen and Jer spoke about less weighty subjects: his studies, his father’s business, the basic economics of a freeholder. Teth was similarly swamped with questions about her joining ceremony and time in the wilderness. To Dasen’s bewilderment, she answered the questions enthusiastically and upheld his version of events, giving him, if anything, too much credit for what they had done. To his dread, she did it with a knowing smirk, and when she looked at him it was with a dreamy-eyed affection that could only be meant as sarcastic.
The charade continued though the evening. After their meal, Dasen and Jer retired to the porch while the women cleaned up. Teth joined the cleaning without reservation, and when the men returned, she was sitting with the other women by the fire reading The Book of Valatarian out loud – a treat for the, likely illiterate, women. Much to Danny’s delight and Dasen’s dread, she had chosen an early section describing the war on chaos that eventually saw the defeat and exile of the Lawbreakers. Jer’s expression turned sour when he heard what they were reading, but he said nothing.
Rather, he suggested that Dasen help him secure the compound for the night. They wandered through the starless darkness with only two small candles, latching doors and checking empty stalls as if they still held their residents. When they returned, the women were combing out their braids in preparation for bed. Louisa was feeding the baby again as Summer brushed her hair in long strokes that reached nearly to the floor where they sat. Seri lamented vociferously over the loss of Teth’s hair as she combed it. Teth said nothing.
“I s’pose it’s that time,” Jer said with a yawn. “Been a long day fir everyone, an’ sun’ll be up early tomorrow. Seri, where’s these kids sleepin’?” For some reason, the question sent a wave of dread through Dasen. It was doubled by the way Teth batted her eyelashes at him in response. She is planning something, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like it.
“They’re up in Kal an’ Summer’s room,” Seri answered with a knowing edge. She whispered in Teth’s ear. They both looked at Dasen meaningfully. Teth blushed, blood rising to her cheeks and up her long neck. “Summer’ll sleep with Lu.”
“Very well,” Jer approved. “I’m off then. Ya’ll have a good sleep. May the Order protect ya an’ bring ya good dreams.” He yawned again then strode through a door across from the dinner table.
Louisa and Summer shared conspiratorial looks and giggled back and forth while glancing up at Dasen. He could not imagine what Teth had told them. Seri saved him. “Well, I can’t do anything more with this,” she declared and put down the brush. “I’ll show ya where yir sleeping. I’m sure yir desperate fir a real bed.” The last was said too knowingly, and Dasen could not help but blush. That morning Seri couldn’t have been more correct. Now, he could only imagine what would happen when Teth had him alone.
With that in mind, he prepared himself, mentally reinforced his conviction that Teth be brought back to the Order. Teth grabbing his hand left those thoughts in a jumble. She rubbed his back, put her head on his shoulder, then nearly pulled him along behind Seri as she climbed the stairs.
At the top of the stairs, Seri led them to a small room at the back of the house. Inside was a single, small, sturdy bed, a small table, a large wardrobe, and a crib. All four items were crudely made but painstakingly sanded and lacquered so that they glowed in the light of the small candle Seri carried. The smell of the cedar permeated the room to dispel any doubt about the furniture’s origin. “Kal’s got a talent with wood,” Seri said. “Made all this himself. Gave the wardrobe ta Summer as a joinin’ present.”
“It’s lovely,” Dasen replied. “Thank you so much for your hospitality. It has really meant a lot to us, and I promise we will never forget it.”
Seri smiled brightly and patted him on the arm. "It’s nothing. We’re happy ta help nice kids like you." She motioned Dasen into the room and pulled Teth down the hall. She whispered intently in Teth’s ear for several long seconds. As she spoke, red streaks crept up Teth’s neck to light her cheeks, forehead, and even nose. Her bottom lip crept under her teeth, her nostrils flared, and her eyes darted. Dasen could only stand in the doorway and wonder until Seri gave Teth a small hug and nearly pushed her toward the room. When she was inside, Dasen waved goodnight and closed the door behind them.
He took a deep breath. He was not sure what Teth had planned for him, but he steeled himself for a fight. He built his defenses, reminded himself of all the reasons he was right, of all the scripture he had read, of all the Order-defined laws he was upholding. He balled his fists, crumpled his brow, locked his jaw, and turned.
Teth was topless. She stood before the bed naked from the waist up. Her breasts looked larger than he would have guessed, lying firm and round from her chest. They were impossibly white, reflecting the light of the candle, beacons in the darkness of the room. Round, red nipples stood from the white, pointing accusingly at his guilty eyes. Below her breast, past the firm, flat stomach, she was just unfastening her pants.
Dasen’s jaw hung open, eyes about to pop from his skull, heart hammering, mind swooning. “What . . . what . . . what are you . . . ?” he stammered, surprised that he was even capable of speech. That morning he had been sure this was where things were going, but he was just as sure that the afternoon and evening had dashed any chance. Now he was not sure what to think. Lost, his eyes rose to Teth’s. Her face showed none of the promise that her body suggested. She looked at him with disappointment, sadness, heartbreak. He had expected anger, vitriol, wrath, had prepared himself for that. This was a thousand times worse.
It must have shown in his face, because Teth stopped just short of pulling down her pants. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” she asked quietly. “A proper wife to cook your meals and carry your babies? A proper wife to please you in your bed, to do as you wish without regard for herself? Well here I am. If you’re such a man, come and take me. My body is promised to you, is your property under the Order, so take what is yours. Summer and Louisa told me not to expect much: a little pain, some grunting, and a swollen belly nine months later. So come here and do it. I will be exactly what you want me to be. I will stay here with them, be a proper, humble little wife. And you can be the great hero. You can go to Wildern and save us all from the invaders. But before you go, you should at least lay claim to your property. So let’s have it!” With that, she threw down her pants, revealing the expanse of her chiseled, white legs and everything that lay between.
Dasen was so shocked by the display, by the words, that he could only stare. He had never seen a girl naked. Certainly, Rynn had shared his surprising wealth of knowledge – whether he had wanted it or not – so there were no surprises. But to actually see a woman naked and for that woman to be Teth, left him overwhelmed. His mind had shut down entirely. He could not move let alone think of anything to say or do.
“So what will it be?” Teth hissed. “Do you want me to lie down? You do know how this works, don’t you?” She tried to be harsh, but the words were barely coming for the breaks in her voice. Her hand rose and wiped angrily at her cheek. Her arms crossed reflexively in front of her, her legs pressed together. She shook. Her nose and eyes were bright red, tears coursed down her cheeks.
She wiped the tears away again. “What? Louisa told me she cried her first night with Wil. I think it is quite common, but we’re just women. The Order. . . .” She could not finish. Her face fell to her hands. Her body closed even further, if that was possible.
“Stop,” Dasen begged. “Please, Teth, put on your clothes. I don’t . . . I don’t want you like this. I . . . I could never. . . .”
“Could never what?” Teth spat. Her face flew from her hands. Her bloodshot eyes were piercing.
“Could never force you to do this. I would never want to hurt you that way.”
“But you’d force me to cook your meals, to wear dresses, to sit by the fire, to stay away from the forest, to deny how I’ve saved your worthless life. How is it any different? This is just my body. The other things are who I am. In comparison to that, this is nothing.”
“Is that what this is about?” Dasen asked. He was gaining his balance, finally saw what she was trying to do, and did not like it. He felt his shock being replaced with anger. Suddenly, he no longer saw the naked body before him. He saw Teth, acting like a child.
“What else could it be about?” she responded, anger driving away her tears.
“That’s different. That’s just the way things are. That’s what women do.”
“And this is what women do to. They lay down so their husbands can use their bodies. How is this any different than all the other demeaning ways you treated me today?”
“It just is,” Dasen was exasperated. Why couldn’t she see that he was just following the Order, was only doing what was right and proper? What else could she possibly expect? “You are being ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous? I’ll tell you what’s ridiculous. You telling Jer that you led us through the forest, that you protected us, hunted our meals, evaded the creatures. Now that is ridiculous. So if you can steal that from me, how is this any different?”
Dasen shook his head in frustration. “Are you kidding? I was trying to protect you.”
“Protect me?” Teth laughed, a cruel, near-mad cackle. “Protect me from what?”
“From yourself!” Dasen barely kept himself from shouting. “How do you think they would have treated you if they knew what you had done? They’d have treated you like a freak, an outcast. They might not have even let us stay. You have to understand. That is how the world works. The rules exist for a reason. They are defined by the Order. When you oppose them, you create chaos. You are going to have to accept that, or it will be like Randor’s Pass all over again. Did you like having everyone hate you? Did you like not having any friends? Did you like tearing that village apart? Because that’s what it will be like. No matter where we go you will create chaos, division, pain, hatred just like you did in Randor’s Pass. Now you may be alright with that, but I’m not.” Dasen had his footing now, was sure that he was right, and refused to give in as his father and Milne had so many years before.
The words hit Teth like blows. She reeled like a fighter nearing his end, looked away, chest shaking, nearly overcome. Dasen thought he had won, but there was no thrill of victory, he reached out his hands to comfort his defeated opponent.
“You’re a fucking coward,” she spat. Her head snapped up. She looked him straight in the eye, her expression purest loathing. It set Dasen back more than words could ever manage, but she did not stop there. “I can’t believe I ever thought you could be different, that you might understand, that you might have the courage to accept me as I am, that you could love me, that I could love you.”
She paused, looked away and snuffled. “I’m sick of this. You’re not even worth the fight. I thought you were better than the boys in Randor’s Pass because you let me protect you, let me guide you, let me hunt for you. But you are worse. You are a weakling and a coward. You’re not a man. You are nothing. I wouldn’t let you have me now even if you tried. I’m putting my clothes back on and going to sleep. But this lie is going to end. You can’t have it both ways. If you want a proper wife, that’s what you’ll get. Just let me know when you decide to be a proper man.” With that, she reached down and pulled up the cotton shorts she wore under her pants. She replaced her shirt a moment later and climbed into the bed without so much as a glance toward him.
Dasen was in shock, could not understand what had just happened, could not grasp the depth of her anger, the fury of her word, the hatred she felt. He stammered for a long time, but Teth just ignored him. She covered herself and turned to the wall as if he no longer existed, fought to constrain the sobs that shook her. And he could not think of a single thing to say that would change any of it.
So with a great sigh, he did the only thing he could. He sat on a stool in the corner of the room and pulled off his boots. As the second one was sliding off, something soft hit him in the back of the head. He turned to see a pillow falling to the floor. One of the bed’s two blankets followed. “You sleep on the floor,” Teth commanded though she barely managed the words. Dasen was too overwhelmed to argue.
He spread out the blanket, doubled it back over himself, and tried to find a comfortable position on the hard wooden planks. But there were no comfortable positions. He tried to understand what Teth had said, tried to understand where it had all gone wrong and what he could do to fix it. Somehow, he knew that Teth was right, that he was a coward, but it was more than that. He felt that he had failed, but he could not understand how or where. He had done everything he was supposed to do, had acted according to the Order. He should not be the one who felt guilty, but that did not stop the stabbing pain that each of the barely contained sobs from above sent through him.
Chapter 28
From Across the Clouded Range Page 72
