by Amanda Lance
But I guess that’s okay, too.
His father isn’t there. There are whispers about issued arrest warrants and things that the adults think I can’t handle, but I let them go on thinking I’m inconsolable. There’s only one other kid here. He’s tall and Hispanic and dressed way too well for someone our age but I try not to think about it. The kid doesn’t say anything, just stands to the side and looks sort of stoic, which I guess is appropriate. I don’t know.
The headstone my parents paid for is small, polished with his name and some dates on it that don’t add up to me. 1996-2013? How is that right?
I think about it all while the clergymen (I still don’t know where Mom got him from) mispronounces McKay for McKary, and while everybody fills the empty hole with a piece of earth. With almost no body left, it’s like empty on the empty, and I don’t understand.
I think the funeral is the worst part.
It isn’t.
I think the ‘clean-up’ might be the worst part. After the police and the fire fighters, forensics and the hazmat team from Philadelphia come to go through the wreckage. Yellow tape is put up and I can’t stop screaming. Even though we’re just outside of the containment zone, Mom and Dad make us leave anyway. So then there’s a hotel and blood work, and days of trying to understand.
There are local reporters trying to get a comment and Dad telling them to shove it. There’s Mom on the phone, police asking questions I won’t answer, can’t. A district attorney comes over and there’s pleasant talk between the adults but I don’t think it goes anywhere. The water is tested, Mom and Dad fight, then the realtor is called but nothing happens.
Simon goes back to school and eventually the bulldozers come to clear out the last of the rubble, the charred remains of what used to be. I think the ash is all the wrong color but I can’t say it.
The water is tested again. Surveyors from something called the Department of Natural Resources knock on our door, on everyone’s doors in Ravel. I’m told I should talk to a counselor and take phone calls, but I can’t.
My voice doesn’t seem to work anymore.
I think the ‘clean-up’ might be the worst part.
It isn’t.
The worst part of it, without question, are the nights. Once the best part of any given day, now they are filled with nightmares that have nothing but flames and sirens in them. Sometimes I wake up right away, but other times I don’t, and when that happens, Mom and Dad, and even sometimes Simon, come in with the screaming. It’s too much for Simon to take, and I’m suddenly terrified about what will happen when Dog dies, because he’s the last living piece of James I have left. And what will happen when I leave for college? And I know that Jenna and Simon won’t work and I’m worried for Mom and I’m worried for Dad and I can’t stand to think of the color yellow or the word cook, or of flashlights, or pizza with hot dogs, or even hot dogs and pizza respectively. And I’m crying and sobbing and Dog is whining and whining.
And Mom is telling me it’s okay, that it will be okay. That I’m okay. And for a second I understand what James was talking about.
Acknowledgements
Ice-cream and sprinkles to the good people at Limitless Publishing for their tolerance for putting up with me. Additional desserts go to Toni Rakestraw and Eden Crane book Design for all their hard work. You guys are awesome.
Love and pastries to Scottie, Mom, Kyle, the family, Etc. Please note I do not have actual pastries, just hugs and words.
About the Author
A native of New Jersey and lifelong nerd, Amanda Lance recently completed her Master in Liberal Arts at Thomas Edison State College after her BA in English Literature and AFA in creative writing. As an avid reader of all genres, some of her favorite authors include Hemingway, Marquis de Sade, Stevenson, Bukowski and Radcliffe.
When she isn’t writing or reading, Amanda can found indulging in film noir or hiking with her other half and their extremely spoiled dog. She is obsessively working on her next book and trying to tame her caffeine addiction."
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/pages/Amanda-Lance/324124717715784
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/alance07
Goodreads:
www.goodreads.com/author/show/6966605.Amanda_Lance
Website:
http://amandalance.com/
Amazon Author Page:
www.amazon.com/Amanda-Lance/e/B00CJ40L2C/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1368255136&sr=1-1
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
