I slimed some junk in my hands and ran it through my hair to get it to lie flat, and then tugged the front up into a little poof. I shoved a blue-and-orange silk flower behind my ear and worked on doing some basic maintenance to my face.
“Well, that’s good, right?”
She groaned and let her head fall against the closed locker she was leaning against. “Rule has it in his head that when Rome gets back, he won’t go to his parents’ home at all, and is going to need a place to stay. He wants to buy a house for us and let Rome take over the lease on the apartment with Nash.”
I stopped smacking my lips and doing my lipstick to look at her incredulously. “Why aren’t you excited? That sounds amazing. Most girls get flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day, and you get your dream guy offering to buy you a house.”
She turned to look at me and I saw her chew on her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous or worried about something. “I don’t know. I guess because I always thought I would do things in order, you know? Fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids. All of that stuff goes hand in hand and I’m not even close to being done with school yet. It just seems like a huge step and if he changes his mind or whatever, then what do I do?”
“Shaw, that guy loves you like you’re his reason for being. He isn’t going to change his mind, and unless you think this isn’t a forever thing, then what should the order it happens in matter?”
She sighed again and played with the ends of her braid. “I know for me it’s a forever thing, and I believe that he feels the same way, but Rule gets dangerous when he feels trapped. It scares me what he might do when he has to pay a mortgage and come home to the same person every night.”
I poked her in the shoulder. “He comes home to you every night now. Stop making it into something it isn’t. You guys love each other and it doesn’t matter if it’s in an apartment or a mansion or a freaking tent in the wilderness. You’re still going to love each other, and Rule will be fine. Besides, did you ever stop to think maybe he wants to do something to make Rome’s life easier? Rome has always protected both of you. Maybe this is Rule’s way of trying to return the favor.”
I saw something in her green eyes flare and a little bit of the tension in her face release. “Thanks, Ayd, I needed to hear that.”
I shrugged and situated my phone in my bra. “No problem.”
“Sooooo, what about you and Jet? I saw how you looked when you came back to the table. I thought we were either going to have to make up an alibi for you and help you move the body or hose you down.”
“Rowdy took me home and let me rage at him for an hour. I was pissed, but then Jet showed up this morning and we talked. We’re good now.”
“What does ‘good’ mean?”
“I’m not really sure. I guess we agreed that for now we’re attracted to each other on a pretty serious level and we should see where that goes.”
She lifted a pale eyebrow as we went to find Lou and get our stations for the day. “So you agreed to have sex?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “We agreed to see how things play out while remaining friends. Jet isn’t the kind of guy you marry and have kids with. He’s the guy who makes you forget your name and rocks your world. We like each other and it’s getting old trying to pretend something isn’t there, but we have very different ideas about some things, so it’s unlikely that it’ll ever be more than some intense chemistry and hopefully really good times for as long as it lasts.” I was proud at how calmly I said this, because my heart was hammering under Shaw’s intense scrutiny.
At first she was silent, and I wanted to say more, but Lou wrapped us up in a giant bear hug. The front doors were opened and we had to hit the ground running. She looked at me over her shoulder and tossed out, “Be careful, Ayd,” which I chose not to read too much into.
I knew Shaw was the kind of girl who believed in a great love. She had fought long and hard to get Rule. She had battled her family and his family, and her biggest hurdle had been Rule himself. I don’t think I would have ever put that much effort into it. The only thing I focused on, the only thing I ever labored over and sweated about, was building myself a life that couldn’t topple over, and establishing a future that was rock solid and indestructible. I wanted old Ayden buried so far under new Ayden there could be no way for her to claw her way back to the surface.
Security would always win in any game where love or any other emotion was a consideration, and that was just the way it had to be. I was willing to see what Jet and I could do with all the heat that burned between us, as long as the fire was controlled. As soon as it got out of hand, burned too hot, I would have to put it out and walk away, no matter how bad it might hurt me or him.
Chapter 6
Jet
I was at loose ends, with time on my hands and restless because I still didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with this thing happening between me and Ayden.
She was at work, Cora was in a mood, and the guys were all scattered across town doing this or that. I found myself heading to Federal Heights, and to a familiar brick house that I normally avoided like the plague. I called first to make sure the old man was nowhere around and parked on the crowded street. I made enough money that I could move my mom somewhere nice, somewhere closer to downtown, somewhere safer and more upscale, but I wouldn’t do it until she left that asshole. She just refused to see the light. I jogged up the cracked cement steps and rang the doorbell, gritting my teeth when, instead of dinging, it gave off a little shock. If he couldn’t be bothered to fix something as simple as the doorbell, it made my head go crazy with all the other stuff he was bound to have neglected.
I pounded on the door with the edge of my fist and scowled at my mom when she pulled open the door. She was a slight woman, several inches smaller than me. Even under the premature lines on her face and beneath the crown of dull brown hair, it was easy to see that at one time she had been a beautiful woman. Now she just looked tired and worn. The smile she gave me was fragile and so fleeting I might have imagined it had she not embraced me with birdlike arms in a hug that felt like it was equal parts desperation and sorrow.
“Hey, Ma, it’s been a while.” I patted her awkwardly on the back and felt a shudder go through her. Everything about her made me want to take my dad out and use him for target practice. He had done this to her, stolen her vibrancy, made her into this walking shadow of a woman. The hatred I had for him was coiled inside me so tightly I knew it was going to be dangerous for everyone when it finally snapped. The flames of my anger were already starting to lick and curl up my spine.
“I thought you were on tour still.”
She ushered me into the drab house, and I tried not to shake my head at the scattered beer cans and ashtrays filled with cigarette butts littering every available surface. Not much had changed since I had left when I was just a kid, only now it looked worse. It was clear my dad was escalating on the worthless-piece-of-shit scale. I followed her into the kitchen and sat at the old dinner table. The wood groaned in protest as I stretched out my legs and took the beer she offered me from the fridge. I popped the top and took a long slug.
“I’ve been back awhile. Dad didn’t tell you?”
She shook her head, and I saw something that went beyond sadness shadow her searching gaze. “Why didn’t you call me yourself? I could have made dinner or something.”
I never told her when I was coming or going, because inevitably she would want to spend some kind of family time together, and that never went well. I barely tolerated my dad on a good day, and watching him demean her and order her around in the house she paid for was just too much.
“I’ve been busy working with some new bands, and I met a girl.” It was fudging the truth a little, considering I had known Ayden for more than a year, but after this morning I felt like I was finally getting let in, being introduced to the real her. I saw my mom’s eyes brighten at the mention of a girl and she reached out to pat my hand. I co
uld see the blue veins running so close to the surface of her skin and again I wondered how she had allowed herself to become this delicate creature that a stiff wind could blow away forever.
“That’s wonderful! You need a nice girl to settle down with. You are too special and have too much to offer to be spreading it around all over town, like I know you and your friends like to do.”
I lifted an eyebrow and rolled the Pabst Blue Ribbon can between my palms. “How do you know what me and the guys like to do, Ma?”
“I was young once, Jet. I know the allure of a handsome young man in a band. All you boys were a handful when you were younger, and I can only imagine the kind of trouble you find yourselves in now that you are all grown and independent. Tell me about this girl. She must be something, if you couldn’t remember to mention to me that you’ve been back in town for a while.”
I could hear the accusation in her tone. She knew why I didn’t come around much, didn’t stay in touch .Yet she couldn’t stop herself from trying to hold me close. I took another swig of the beer and looked at her with a lopsided grin.
“She’s different—smart, ambitious, and driven. She’s different from what I’m used to. I like her, a lot actually.”
I saw my mom’s eyes get big, and for the first time in a long time, there was an emotion in them other than abject despair.
“Well, that’s good. You need someone who is as ambitious and as talented as you are.”
I wasn’t sure what it was going to end up being so I just stayed silent and finished the beer and got up to toss it in the trash. I crossed my arms over my chest and gave her a level, serious look as I decided to change the subject from my sex life.
“Ma, did you know the old man hit me up to send him back out on the road with some of my friends in a band?”
Instantly, the light that had filtered in her hazy gaze at my earlier good news died. It was replaced with the flat look of loneliness and the acknowledgment that she only existed to him as a doormat and place filler, while he went out and lived his life without her. She twisted her hands together and looked down at the table.
“You father is an old man now. Why would he want to go back out on the road with a bunch of young kids? What purpose would that serve?”
I raked my hands through my hair, and bit my tongue to keep from snapping at her that there was no purpose other than his indulgent, self-centered way of living. But that kind of attack never got me anywhere. I blew out a breath through my nose and clicked my tongue ring against the back of my front teeth.
“Mom, when has he ever done anything that served a purpose? He straight up told me that if I didn’t make it happen, he was going to come home and take it out on you. How can you just sit back and let him do that to you? How can you let him manipulate either of us like that?”
My rings rapped out a fast beat on the counter while I waited for her to answer me. For years, I had waited for her to see that I could take care of her and that she didn’t need to subject herself to his whims and his thoughtless behavior. I couldn’t stand that she just told me over and over that she loved him and that she wouldn’t let her family fall apart, even though I hadn’t willingly been in the same room with my father since I was a teenager.
She wouldn’t look at me and her voice was barely a whisper when she replied, “You just don’t understand how it is with us, Jet. You never did.”
I pushed off the counter and walked to where she was actually folding in on herself in front of me. I put a hand on her shoulder and squatted down so that she had no choice but to meet my searching gaze. “Ma, don’t you think the problem is that I understand it too well? You know you can do better than him, better than this. You always could.”
I saw her bottom lip tremble and that pulled at something under all the anger that lived in my chest. I hated that every time I tried to pull her out of this nightmare, I ended up hurting her. She should be thanking me, running as fast as she could away from this place, and yet she stayed rooted so firmly that no matter how hard I dug, I couldn’t get her out. The roots were planted too deep.
“If you can make him happy by sending him back out on the road, maybe you should. It’s not like he really asks that much from you.”
I abruptly stood from where I was kneeling beside her and felt a white hot blaze shoot down my neck. I wanted to shake her. I wanted to shove my fist through the closest wall. I wanted to storm out of that shabby kitchen in this awful house on the wrong side of the interstate and never look back. What I did instead was close my eyes, bend, and kiss her on the top of her head.
“We’ll see, Ma. I have to work with these guys. I don’t know that I want to ask them for that big of a favor. It was good to see you. Take care of yourself.”
I was going to go before I did something stupid, like scream at her, but she grabbed my forearm, her fingers digging into the melting clocks all over my skin. Her eyes were so sad when she looked up at me, that I literally felt a part of my heart die. “Bring your girl by. I would love to meet her.”
This was the last place on earth I wanted to bring Ayden, but I forced out something that had to resemble a grin. “Sure, Ma, maybe someday I can swing that.”
Ayden was the opposite of this woman I loved, in so many ways it almost hurt to think about it. She was so strong and so independent that she would never let another person dictate the direction her life or actions would take, or devalue her worth. I hated the idea that Ayden would see my broken-down mother and wonder why I hadn’t done more to help her or been able to stop this from happening to her in the first place. Those very questions picked me apart from the inside out every day. Looking at my mother now, I remembered every time she had chosen this life and that asshole over me, and it burned away some of the safeguards I had put into place to protect my heart from the inferno of the rage that lived inside me.
My phone picked that minute to ring, and Memphis May Fire came blasting out of my pocket. I told my mom I had to go and wasted no time in running down the front steps. I felt like I was not only running away from her, but also from every bad thing that had ever happened in that house. Nash’s tattooed head was staring back at me from the face of my phone, so when I poked at it to answer the call I didn’t bother to fake a cheery greeting.
“ ’Sup, dude?”
“Where are you?”
I slid into the car and rested my head on the back of the driver’s seat. “I went to visit my mom. The old man has been on my case about setting him up with Artifice and I thought maybe for once I could just shut it down, but no. As usual, I just don’t understand, and she’s just going to let him run around on her and run her over. It fucking sucks.”
Nash knew my history with my folks better than the other guys. When I left as a teenager, he had been having his own issues at home with his mom and her richer-than-God new husband. Luckily, for both of us, Nash’s uncle Phil had been bound and determined to keep us out of jail and in school. He scooped us both up and, with a mixture of tough love and simple badassness, made us act right. No one went against Uncle Phil, and to this day he was our go-to grown-up when we couldn’t get our act together on our own.
“One of these days you’re just going to have to give up the ghost, Jet. It doesn’t make any sense to keep trying to pull her away from him if she’s dug in that deep.”
“I know, but she’s my mom and I can’t seem to stop.”
He muttered a swear word and I heard him talking to someone else. “We’re all going bowling. You should meet us at Lucky Strike on Sixteenth.”
“Why bowling?”
“Because football is over and Rule is pacing the apartment like a caged tiger. It’s driving me nuts. Rowdy will be there in twenty, plus they have beer. What else are we going to do on a Sunday?”
I really wasn’t in the mood, but hanging out by myself was sure to be a recipe for disaster in my current mood. “Did you call Cora and see if she wants to go? She’s been acting a little off the last couple days.”
>
“No answer. I left her a couple messages, though.”
I frowned because she had been home when I left, moping around the kitchen about something. The shop was closed on Sundays, so I knew she didn’t have to work, and it wasn’t like her to blow off a call from any of the guys.
“Let me swing by the house and see what’s going on with her, and then I’ll hit you back.”
“Sure thing. By the way, that was a real shit thing to pull last night at the show. Ayden is a down chick; you’re lucky she didn’t hang you up by your balls afterward.”
“I know. I apologized. We’re working on trying to figure something out.”
“Good, because if Rule doesn’t break you in half for messing with her, I will.”
I didn’t need him to warn me twice. She wasn’t a groupie, a stranger who no one cared if I blew off and forgot about from one heartbeat to the next. She was a girl that was woven into the fabric of our lives, into the pattern of our unit, and if I hurt her on purpose they wouldn’t let it go lightly. The ironic thing was that she was more than capable of taking care of herself and that the threats from the guys were completely unnecessary.
I shoved the phone in the console and cranked Morbid Angel on the radio as I ran back across town to check on Cora. The screaming lyrics and insane bass made some of the anger still floating around under the surface burn out. I could hate my dad all I wanted, I could beg my mom to leave until I was blue in the face, but things were never going to change and it just couldn’t be my cross to bear forever. I had built my life trying to live beyond the legacy my dad had left me. Now I was starting to see it was well past time to start living it based on the legacy I was making for myself.
I parked on the street with every intention of just running in real quickly to see what the little blond fireball was up to. As I was climbing out of the car, the front door to the house slammed open and a guy I didn’t recognize came flying down the front steps, with Cora hot on his heels. I felt my jaw drop open when I noticed she was waving a Taser around and screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs. I went to move, to run after the guy, but before either of us could get to him, he threw a leg over a motorcycle that was parked at the curb and took off like a bat out of hell. I tried to look at the license plate, but Cora threw her tiny frame at my chest so hard that I fell back a step and almost toppled over.
Jet: A Marked Men Novel Page 10
