“I’m not letting you go. Tell me whatever it is while I love on you.” He nuzzled her hair and ears.
This wasn’t going to be easy if he couldn’t be serious. The most important moment of his life, and he acted like a schoolboy.
Moving her hands to his cheeks, she said, “Sebastian. I need you to focus. I don’t know how you’re going to take this.”
He stood straighter and studied her.
She held a palm to his chest hoping to infuse him with courage and strength for what she was about to say.
“This may be painful to hear, but you must hear it. You must understand what I’m about to tell you. Know that I’m here for you through all of this. Are you with me?”
His expression pained, he asked, “Are you about to tell me you’re going to leave me? Regardless of love, you’re going to leave, aren’t you? Is it because I became angry? God, Lizbeth, I’d never hurt you. Tell me you know that.”
“No, no, no. I’m not leaving, and I know. Now, listen to me. We are about to meet a most important person, and I need you to be ready. Can you prepare yourself for what I’m about to tell you?”
He nodded, brows furrowed.
“Your father lied to you. Either mad as a March hare or a viciously cruel man, he lied to you.” She paused, eyeing him. “You are not responsible for your sister’s death because—.” Her breath caught before she said softly, “Lilith didn’t die.”
Lizbeth paused again, wondering if she should let the words sink in or continue.
Sebastian stared blankly.
Speaking hurriedly and hushed, she said, “Your father sent her to an orphanage, the orphanage here in Allshire. She’s alive, and she’s waiting for us in the vestry. I understand if you aren’t ready to face her, as this is so sudden. We can leave without meeting her, if you wish, or I can go alone on your behalf.”
She watched his complexion pale, his eyes lose focus. His hands slipped from her waist and fell loose at his sides before he collapsed on a bench.
“Do you understand what I’m saying, Sebastian?”
After staring into the ether, he doubled over to rest his elbows on his knees, his head falling into his hands.
Not sure what else to do, she ran her fingers through his hair. She wondered if she had chosen her words poorly. She hadn’t exactly planned on telling him like this, but he had shown up less than a half hour before she was to meet Lilith. What else could she do, ask him to stay behind while she met with a mysterious stranger?
He leaned his head against her bosom and hugged her to him. His shoulders began to shake, and her heart went out to him. If he needed to cry on her dress, he could cry all he wanted, soak the dress with tears if he wanted.
But, wait, that wasn’t right. The sounds coming out of his mouth weren’t sobs at all. His shoulders heaved and shook with laughter, a laugh that grew louder until soon it filled the chapel. Had he just gone mad before her eyes?
“I wonder if she would still want a mermaid sculpture,” he laughed.
“What are you talking about?” She continued to brush his hair as he looked up at her through wet eyelashes.
“Everything I’ve ever known has been a lie. Everything except you. Who am I, Lizbeth?”
“You’re the man I’ve fallen in with, the father of our future children,” she replied without hesitation.
His laugh dulled to a soft chuckle. “You really love me?”
“Yes. I do. I have for a long time.” She stroked his forehead with her thumb.
“I’m not a killer.” His voice husky, he held her gaze in an eternity of silence, a free man’s smile on his lips. “All this time I believed you could never love me because you would see only the killer my father told me I was.”
She smiled reassuringly.
“My God, Lizbeth, is she really alive? After all these years, she’s still alive? Does she remember me?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her yet, only arranged to meet. Would you like to find out for yourself, or shall I? You don’t have to meet her if you’re not ready, if you need more time,” she said, running the backs of her fingers down his unshaven cheek.
Still embracing her, he stood and looked around, as if seeing the world around him clearly for the first time.
“I would like to meet her. I believe I can do it if you’re with me. Promise you will stay by my side.” He squeezed her.
“I will never leave you, Sebastian, no matter what.” She turned them towards the vestry, hoping they wouldn’t be late.
She wasn’t sure how long Lilith would wait for some strange woman who had hunted her down in the evening hours at another person’s home. When she tried to move, he tightened his grip with one arm and reached to cup her face with his free hand.
“You did this for me. But why?”
“I told you months ago. Family is the most important thing in the world. I will do anything for those I love, and I knew how important this was to you.” She rubbed her cheek against the palm of his hand, and then attempted to wriggle out of his grip again. “She’s waiting in the vestry if you’d like to meet her.”
“How did you find her?” His grip of steel held her steady.
“A mixture of the journals and your aunt, but I didn’t dare say anything until I knew the truth. Now, if you don’t release me and head towards the vestry, she may leave, and then you’ll have to hunt her down all over again.” She warned, her tone teasing.
He nodded curtly, his lips a grim line.
They walked together into the vestry. The cozy room held a worn couch with equally as worn chairs circling a round table in the center of the room, a mismatched long table against one wall and an empty stone fireplace in the corner.
In one of the chairs, a book in her hands, sat Lilith.
Sebastian gasped. She knew he recognized her, for how could he not when staring at her was like looking at his own reflection.
Lilith looked up at the sound of their entry. Closing the book and setting it aside, she stood, eyes roving back and forth between Sebastian and Lizbeth.
Sebastian stepped forward, hoarsely whispering his sister’s name. “Lilith?”
The young woman stood her ground and stared at him curiously. “Yes, I’m Lilith. My meeting was with Lady Roddam. Who are you?”
He took another step forward. “You don’t remember me?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Should I?”
Taking a step back towards Lizbeth, he reached his hand behind him to find hers. She took it, and walked them both to a seat, hoping to initiate a cordial conversation.
Liz smiled at Lilith and motioned for her to return to her seat. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Miss Chambers. I have great respect for the work you’re doing in Allshire, and I wish to know more about you, as does my husband, Lord Roddam. We are here to inquire if you know anything of your birth family from your time before the orphanage.”
Lilith sat hesitantly, her eyes still flicking nervously between the two of them. “No, I do not know anything of my birth family. They keep our records sealed. I do know my stay was fully funded by a generous benefactor, but I could not say who.” Turning fully to Sebastian, she asked, “Excuse me for asking, my lord, but should I know you?” She examined his features, no sign of recognition yet lighting her eyes.
Lizbeth spoke again before Sebastian could answer. “If given the opportunity, Miss Chambers, would you like to know your birth family?”
Lilith’s knuckles turned white as she clutched her dress, but her voice was strong and sure. “All orphans wonder about their birth family, but few like what they learn when given the opportunity. I will not deny I’ve thought of what it might be like for my parents to come for me. I’m too level headed now to believe any good could come from that. I take it you know of my birth family? Do you think, from your position of knowledge, that
I would want to know of my family, or should I remain ignorant?”
Sebastian’s hand squeezed Lizbeth’s, his eyes never leaving the face of his sister. When he spoke, his voice trembled. “What if it were not your parents who came for you, but a brother? Would you want to meet him?”
Lilith stared at him, searching his face.
Sebastian broke the silence with a nearly inaudible, “Your brother spent years hoping you had become a mermaid.”
Lizbeth watched as Lilith’s face contorted, confusion to anger, shock to recognition. Her hands crept to her mouth, her eyes widening.
“‘Bastian?” she whispered behind her hands. Liz turned to see Sebastian nodding, errant tears streaming down his cheeks. “I have a recurring dream that two men take me from my brother and won’t let me say goodbye. Are you the little boy from my dream?”
“I’m your brother, Lilith. I would have come sooner, but I— I thought you were dead.” He made a motion to stand, as if to go to her, but then sat back down, unsure.
Lilith stood instead. With a quivering hand, she reached out to her brother. Lizbeth urged him by unraveling her fingers from his. He took Lilith’s hand in both of his and held it to his lips.
Lilith spoke first, her hand still cradled to her brother’s lips. “I’m not sure I’m ready to know details, but if you told me a little, I might be able to separate my dreams from memories.”
Nodding, Sebastian said, “We lived together in the north, not far from the coast. Most days were spent at the beach. The nursery held a dollhouse you liked, and you found great pleasure in pushing me off of the rocking horse so your dolls could ride. I’m afraid my memory is blurry. Our nanny—.”
“Always wore brown, and I thought she looked like an ugly rug,” interrupted Lilith, her eyes glistening with memory fragments.
“Aye, you threw your paint at her one day, if memory serves.” His words were met with an eager nod from Lilith. “You’re the daughter of an earl, Lilith. Our parents have passed, and I am now the Earl of Roddam. I know you don’t know us,” Sebastian said, “but we’re your family, my wife Lizbeth and I. Would you consider coming home with us?”
Lilith returned to her chair and thought carefully before speaking. “I need time. Thank you, but no. Not now anyway. This is my home, here in Allshire. I’ve made a life for myself here. I would like to get to know the two of you, though, and learn about my family, learn why I was sent here and what I’ve missed by being away. I need time for this to make sense before I ask those questions. If you could leave your address, I will come to you when I’m ready. I hope that doesn’t sound ungrateful.”
Sebastian shook his head and replied, “I will leave you with a complete map to our home so you can find your way to us. You are welcome anytime.”
“If it isn’t too cumbersome, I may write to you first, gain an acquaintance from a distance. Would that be bothersome?” Lilith asked.
“Not at all. Please, write. This is as startling for me as it is for you, I assure you.”
Lizbeth suspected Lilith doubted that very much, but she wouldn’t know what her brother had suffered over her disappearance.
Lilith stood again and apologized, “I don’t mean to leave you so soon. You must both have come far to see me, but I have much to do this day and need time to think. This is all too much, and I wish to be alone. I have many questions, but I would like to write them instead after I’ve meditated on what you’ve told me.”
Following words of farewell, his sister departed, leaving Sebastian and Lizbeth standing alone in the vestry. Lizbeth waited silently for everything to settle, for her husband to digest what had just happened.
Sooner than she expected, he turned to her, smiling so widely the corners of his eyes crinkled.
“Thank you, Lizbeth. Thank you for being here, for finding her, for standing by me, for loving me.”
Lizbeth leaned against him, resting her head on his chest. “How do you feel about all of this, about her, about your father?”
He sat on the arm of the chair.
“I feel light, as though a weight has been lifted. I suppose….” His words trailed off as he slipped into thought. “I suppose I should be angry at my father, worried my sister won’t write, some variation of anxiety, but I feel at peace. I realize now what kind of man he was, and in that way, he has no power over my past or my future. I hope she writes, but if not, I know she’s safe. And I have you, the greatest gift in this world. I feel happy, Lizbeth. And you?”
She traced his eyebrows and the length of his nose with her thumb. “I’m happy that you’re happy. I’ve also learned a valuable lesson from my sister, if you’ll believe it. I can’t fight everyone’s battles for them, but by Jove I can wield a shield.” She kissed his forehead when he looked inquisitively at her.
“I have a sister,” he said proudly.
“Yes, you do. And she seems just as stubborn as you.”
He laughed and replied, “Maybe you were onto something with your critique of the blank slate.”
“My what? Now what are you talking about?” She racked her brain trying to remember when they talked about blank slates.
“When we first met. Don’t you remember? Your opening words to me were a rather harsh criticism about John Locke’s theory of the blank slate. You insisted we have natural born tendencies. If my sister and I share any traits, that would validate your belief. I’m insulted you forgot our first date.”
“Oh yes, that does sound familiar. I would hardly call that our first date, however. A Mr. Roddam interrupted my solace, called me a romantic, and insulted all my beliefs. You were positively antagonistic!” She admonished playfully.
“Mmm. I think you’re misremembering that experience, but you should tell me more about it on our way home so I can antagonize you further. Think they’ll let us take the carriage home? I want to antagonize you for the entire journey.” He drew her into his arms and kissed her.
Epilogue
Three months later
Outside of the castle, the landscape disappeared under several feet of snow. Inside of the castle, heat from the hearth warmed the sitting area in the library, Sebastian’s laughter reverberating through the room. They lay together on the floor in front of the fireplace, atop pillows and under blankets.
Lizbeth reached over Sebastian to grab at the book in his hand. He held it up and away, out of her reach.
In his most nasally and high-pitched voice, he imitated the speaker in the book as he read while swatting away Lizbeth’s searching hand. “‘For heaven’s sake, Cousin, resumed Arabella,’—”
“Stop reading like that! Arabella doesn’t sound like that! She has the deep and commanding voice of a strong and independent woman. Give me the book! It’s my turn to read aloud before you ruin this heroine now and forever.” She leaned over his bare chest in another failed attempt to grab the book. “It’s bad enough you wouldn’t let me have a turn reading from Lilith’s most recent letter about the newest orphan, but now you’re hogging my turn at reading Lennox. Give me that book!” She pushed against his shoulder then lunged for the book.
Her nipple grazed his skin. He closed the book and tossed it out of both their reach. “How do you expect me to concentrate if you keep teasing me?” He rolled on top of her, nibbling at her nose.
She tried to push him away. “Get off of me! I did not intentionally tease you. It’s not my fault you insist on holding our book club meetings naked. You’re a crude and classless man.” The rest of whatever she had planned to say muffled beneath his lips.
After pleasuring her mouth until she moaned against him, he rolled away from her and reached for the book to resume reading.
“You can’t be serious. That’s it? That’s all I get? Now who’s teasing whom, hmm?”
Tucking the book under the edge of their makeshift bed, he propped himself on his forearm to admire he
r.
“I’ve been thinking about your offer to use the dowry money to build an astronomy tower,” he announced, as he peeled back the blanket she had just used to cover herself.
He circled her nipple with his fingertip until it hardened. “The astronomy tower really is the most logical choice, don’t you think? The November meteor showers weren’t nearly as impressive as they could have been if we had a proper space for a larger telescope. Shall we do that next?”
He maintained eye contact as he leaned to tease her nipple with his tongue.
Arching against his mouth, she murmured between gasps, “Terrible idea. No tower.” She writhed beneath him, clenching his hair in her hands.
“No? You don’t want to see the stars?” He took her breast into his mouth, flicking the peak with his tongue.
“Yes, yes, yes, I want, wait, no. Don’t stop. Yes, there. No tower. Nursery first. We need to do a nursery first.” She panted against him.
His mouth came to an abrupt stop. She tried to pull him back, but he held steady. “Say that again?”
She grinned at him mischievously. “You should learn to listen more closely. I said we need to renovate the nursery first, unless you want our baby sleeping in the tower reading room.”
“We’re having a baby? We... Why didn’t you tell me? I’m going to be a father? We’re… Good God, Lizbeth, why didn’t you tell me?” He sat up and tugged her to him for a celebratory hug.
“I believe, Your Lordship, I just did.” She encircled his neck with her arms and held him to her.
Gerald, the butler, walked by the library just then and smiled to himself when he heard his master roar from the other side of the door, a bestial sound followed by a laughter-filled moan from the master’s lioness.
A Note from the Author
Dear Reader,
Thank you for purchasing and reading this book. Supporting indie writers who brave self-publishing is important and appreciated. I hope you’ll continue reading my novels, as I have many more titles to come, including the continuation of this series.
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