“All right. I’ll let you keep her secrets, for now. You must realize this only proves what an important part of this family you really are,” Lore said after she twirled me around. “My daughter went to you instead of M’Tek or me. You can’t leave us now. Move home to Lareem Palace and…”
“No,” I said interrupting her. “Absolutely not.”
“But you’re so good with her,” Lore continued. “Lia never opens up to anyone. She and I were close when she was a girl, but she became so withdrawn during her adolescence. M’Tek was always trying to get her to join them on the hunt. That’s where Ania met Fen’Tun, you know. Lia always refused. She can be so obstinate.”
“She’s not obstinate,” I corrected, becoming slightly incensed by the unfair assumption about Lia. “She doesn’t enjoy killing,” I said in reply. “Even wolves.”
“See, you know that about her,” Lore said. “She would never explain it to M’Tek or me. I think the only reason she came out of her shell far enough to fall in love is because you’re here. She trusts you.” Inwardly I was reeling, but outwardly I remained the consummate politician, offering an indulgent smile to Lore. “Keep her confidence if you must, but let Lia know that whoever has caught her eye, he or she had better approach M’Tek soon, or face some unpleasant situations. Actually courting our daughter without our permission would be a mistake.”
“This is a lovely ballroom,” I said, going completely off subject in an effort to distract Lore. I didn’t want to discuss Lia with her mother anymore. With that thought, I realized, that’s what Lore was to me, simply Lia’s mother. Our friendship paled behind the vivid newborn passion I felt for Lia.
“You think so?” Lore asked, glancing around her. “It’s a bit dark, for me. Likely the ballroom has become somewhat shabby and they’re trying to conceal it with poor lighting. This family has fallen on difficult times in recent generations.”
“Dim lighting makes the guests appear less shabby too,” I replied offering an ironic smile. “See how handsome Dame Ca’Tin is in this light. Her moustache casts the loveliest shadow across her hair lip,” I added with a wry smile.
“You’re terrible, Pet,” Lore said, laughing. The tension eased from my shoulders. I had successfully diverted her attention from Lia. “Well, you obviously don’t need dim lighting, my friend,” she added. “I think you’re the sensation of the season. Half the eligible Fae nobleman have been requesting permission from M’Tek to court her cousin, and quite a few noblewoman as well.”
“I detest protocol,” I replied sourly. “Anyone assiduous enough to ask permission to pursue me isn’t worthy of my notice.”
“Such a rebellious spirit,” Lore teased with a chuckle. “And to think, administering to protocol was once your role,” Lore added, grinning as the song finally ended.
“Thank you for the dance, my queen,” I said, offering Lore an overly florid bow in imitation of the one she received from our host upon arrival. I winked at her as I rose.
Lore laughed loudly and drew me into a warm embrace, pressing her lips to my cheek. “Deus, I’ve missed you, old friend,” she whispered next to my ear. “You’re the only one who can make this farce we’re living amusing.” I hadn’t expected such an effusive response from Lore. I glanced around the room searching for Lia. I found her leaning against the wall watching us. From the intensity of her gaze on Lore, I realized my darling Lia might have resented my dance with her mother after all.
****
The remainder of the season flew by in a haze of too much torppa, the most phenomenal sex of my long life, and the slow burn of my heart as it attached more adamantly to Lia. What began as a powerful physical connection between us evolved into what I can only describe as frenzy, for my part at least. I spent my time around Lia concentrating on not touching her too often, and allowing her to seek me out, rather than imposing my ardent attentions on her.
Lia and I rode together every day, and we shared lunch. We walked along the cliffs in the afternoons. On the evenings when there was no ball to attend, we read together in the library, out where anyone could find us. Slowly, she was growing accustomed to my constancy, and she stopped worrying when I danced with someone else, or went for a walk with her mother.
Lore persisted in trying to discover details of Lia’s personal life from me, while I continued to deflect her questions. By the time the final ball of the season arrived, Lore had accepted that Lia was possibly not in love, since she had never seen her dancing, or spending an inordinate amount of time, with anyone except me.
I remained on at Lareem Palace for more than a week after the final ball, simply because I couldn’t wrench myself from Lia’s arms. Finally, though, I had no choice. I needed to return to my life, and my duties, while I could still muster enough will to leave her. We had been fortunate up to that point not to be discovered, in large part because I had long ago mastered the art of hiding emotion. My restraint was slipping a little more every day. Each added hour held the risk that I would expose my vulnerability.
Lia was distraught during our last night together, crying while I held her, struggling with me for dominance when we made love, and determined to draw from me a promise to stay, if only for one more day. Of course, I wanted to give in, but Lia needed distance from me if she was ever to move on from our affair and focus her affections on someone more appropriate. For my part, I needed to leave while I still had the strength to part with Lia. I harbored no illusions. I was already deeply in love with her, and always would be. Without question, she would preoccupy my mind and heart for as long as I drew breath.
Lia didn’t come down to see me off, but Lore did, as did M’Tek, to my surprise. I’d had little contact with my cousin throughout the season. It seemed our relationship had suffered too much over the years for an easy repair. Lore was both sad and tense as we said our goodbyes. I think she had hoped for a return to the closeness we had once shared, but that time was long past.
As my travelling group rounded the southwest corner of the palace wall, after leaving through the front gate, Lia appeared in the distance on Fiora, waiting along the road. When I smiled at her, she diverted her gaze pointedly. Still, she moved Fiora alongside Khol and matched my pace.
“I decided to see you off after all,” she said in a cool tone. “Don’t think this means I’m not angry with you.”
“I understand, my darling,” was my reply, as her gaze rose to mine. “I’m glad you came.” Her beautiful grey eyes were red, her nose rubbed nearly raw. I’d have given almost anything in that moment to take her in my arms and kiss her hurt away.
“If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t abandon me,” she said sharply, her tone drawing the attention of those nearest us. My gaze shifted from my guards back to Lia. My guards were all Noge, and Lia and I were speaking Fae. Still, the languages are not dissimilar, and these men and women had just passed the season at Lareem, so I suspected they understood precisely what Lia and I were saying to one another. We were being far too obvious for discretion. Lia didn’t appear even slightly concerned.
“I’m not abandoning you, Lia,” I whispered. “Come to me at Saranedam.”
With those few words that had passed between us, we had recapped the ongoing argument that had stretched across the season. We rode in silence for a half hour as both of us replayed the hell we had put each other through the previous night. Finally, her knee pressed mine and I fell back in time, to that afternoon when I finally admitted I wanted her. Clearly, that contact was intentional. She wanted me to remember her body beneath mine, her sighs and moans, the scent and taste of her. Of course I did. When I met her eyes again, her hurt expression turned to triumph as she read that immense vulnerability I was unable conceal. My breathing was more rapid than I would have liked, my skin flushed.
“Be safe, Pet. I love you. I’ll be with you soon,” she said gently, before turning Fiora back toward Lareem Palace.
When I shifted to look for her over my shoulder, she was waiting, watching
for me to disappear from sight. She raised her hand to wave, but I turned around without responding. The remainder of the journey was simple torture. I had slept little that final night, and my body ached. A powerful hunger had taken root in me, and only her touch could ease it. The result was that I had a hard time making myself eat.
We arrived home three days later, and I went immediately to work. I had correspondence that needed attention, petitions to look over, and taxes to assess. About two and a half months later, a few weeks before summer solstice, I managed to find my way out from under the massive amount of work that had been neglected during my visit to Faeland.
It was as I was breathing this sigh of relief, and after receiving not a single letter from Lia in response to my nine rather rambling missives, that a scout arrived with an informal note from the Noge Queen. She and the Princess Aurelia would arrive that afternoon in the company of their fourteen guards. They planned to remain at Saranedam Palace for the next two weeks at the very least, but possibly longer. I tried to read an emotional state from the wording. I could detect nothing, other than that the note was unusually familiar in tone.
Once I had their rooms readied, I spent the remainder of the wait deciding what I might wear that would appeal to Lia, and not raise Lore’s suspicions. In the end, I settled on a sheer spring dress and elaborate Fae sandals. In the sunlight, you could see the shape of my body through the dress, but otherwise it was quite respectable. My hair I tucked up into a twist.
I stood on the stairs and waited to receive them, as Lore appeared first on her golden gelding, Solen, followed by seven of their guards, and finally Lia on Fiora amongst the rest. Lore was off her horse quickly, wrapping me in a warm embrace. Lia approached cautiously, her beautiful pale grey eyes looking everywhere but at me. When I moved to hug her, she offered a formal Noge bow, denying me the pleasure of having her in my arms again for even that brief moment. I was so stunned by her blatant dismissal that I almost failed to bow in return. Apparently oblivious to the cool exchange, and my meagerly concealed devastation, Lore draped an arm across my shoulders and walked with me into the palace. A sullen Lia trailed behind us.
While Lia went directly up to her old room to settle in, Lore accompanied me to the drawing room. A light meal of scallops from the lake, nuts, dried figs, white berrywine, and petou was waiting. Focus not to reveal the turmoil I was experiencing, I offered pleasantries, prompting Lore to explain the happenings at Lareem Palace since my departure. It took all of my concentration to listen.
“…and Ania is to be joined on the first day of the season,” Lore said, stabbing a delicate scallop and then lifting it to her lips. “Of course she’s requested that you decorate the ballroom,” Lore added. “We all know that no one else has your talent.”
Pointing out that someone else, while possessing less talent, might have more time available would not have gone over well. To be fair, Lore was only trying to compliment me, but still, after everything, she was making demands of me. I waited, my mind reeling through any pretext I might produce to get out of this obligation. Realizing my silence would be taken as rude, I gave in.
“I’ll be happy to decorate for her joining,” I finally replied, realizing refusal would be taken as insult.
“You’re too good to us, Pet,” Lore said before lifting her glass of berrywine to her lips. I took a deep breath.
“How has Lia been?” I asked the question pounding away in my mind, struggling not to reveal how desperately I needed to know she was all right.
“Not well,” Lore said. I took another deep breath, restraining myself to remain sitting with Lore, rather than immediately going to Lia. “That’s why I brought her with me,” she added. “I think maybe she actually was in love with someone. Whoever it was apparently threw her over. She’s been horribly depressed since just after the season ended. M’Tek checked into it and can find no one Lia spent an unusual amount of time with, other than you. I’m worried it might have been some filthy peasant. You know how she was always leaving the palace grounds on her rides. She’s so oblivious to propriety.”
“Well, that’s absurd,” I snapped, not wanting such a thing even suggested of Lia. “What an assumption to make of Lia.” But then I remembered it might be preferable to be seduced by an unwashed, penniless, shepherd than by me.
I tried to push the thought from my mind as Lore continued to eat in a slow, deliberate fashion. Apparently she was quite hungry. While I watched, she polished off the remaining scallops, as well as the petou, all in silence. When she started on the dried figs I caught the attention of a member of my staff to request more food. Lore sipped her berrywine and then raised her gaze to me with a shrewd sort of expression, her focus narrowing as her eyes bore into mine.
“So it wasn’t some peasant then,” Lore observed.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“I know she told you, Pet,” Lore said calmly. “Lia admitted as much to me. She confirmed that you knew who it was, but that’s all she’d say.”
“Lia wouldn’t even look at me before,” I said, working to keep my tone respectful. “Have you been berating her about this?” I asked. “Does she think I’ve broken her confidence in some way?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. She might. I had to be certain there would be no complications,” Lore replied. “We don’t need an illegitimate heir,” she added. “Lia assured me there was nothing to worry about in that regard. Apparently, unlike Ania, Lia takes after me in her preferences. The person who seduced my daughter wasn’t a man.”
“Lore, she’s not a child anymore,” I snapped.
“She will always be my child, Pet. Sometimes I think it would be easier if she had just stayed a little girl,” Lore replied. “We understood one another then. She was the easier of my two daughters, until adolescence struck, and Lia became this brooding, remote, stranger. I thought we were past all of that, until this latest drama. Now she keeps to her rooms all day, won’t even go outside to ride her horse, and refuses her tutors. I don’t know what to do with the girl.”
“You might give her some privacy,” I suggested, careful to conceal the irritation from my voice. “She’s doing you no harm by keeping her own council.”
“Well, you give her privacy then. I want to leave her at Saranedam with you for a few months if you don’t mind,” Lore said. “Lia’s of an age where she’ll need to choose a consort in the next couple of years, and start a family,” Lore added. “But I don’t think the girl has even considered her future. It’s as if she’s twelve rather than twenty.”
“I don’t see Lia as young for her years,” I countered, careful to control my tone, as I was growing incensed at the unfair attack. “She didn’t fight a war and claim a throne by seventeen, but for twenty, she seems quite wise, circumspect even.”
“You’re finding qualities in her that I, unfortunately, do not. I’m afraid I haven’t noticed much wisdom in Lia, only idleness and pronounced self-absorption. Regardless, when she has spoken to me, she expressed interest in learning more about Nogeland. I arranged for tutors to bring her up to speed on Noge etiquette, and to teach her Old Noge,” Lore said. “So far she’s hopeless with both. Pet, you must see, Lia has to do something, eventually. She can’t just languish in Lareem Palace forever.”
“Are you honestly thinking of giving her Nogeland to govern?” I asked, surprised that Lore would even consider giving away a portion of the power she had spent her life amassing.
“Maybe. We’ll see. In the meantime, I thought you might teach her a little about what it means to rule,” Lore replied cagily. “At some point M’Tek thinks we should offer one of the girls Faeland and the other Nogeland. There’s no rush, of course. Right now the idea of settling power on either one of them is almost unimaginable. They’re still so young. M’Tek and I will always be the Queens, of course, and we’ll continue to oversee any decisions made, but the girls might be regents. It will be easier if Lia wants Nogeland. She seems to admire you, and you’re my Prime. You ca
n guide her, easing her into the role. If Lia doesn’t take an interest in the Noge, I’m not certain what else I can do with her.”
“So, you want me to persuade her into wanting to govern Nogeland, though you might never see her as fit for the task. Meanwhile, I should also teach her Noge etiquette and Old Noge,” I observed. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Lore?” I asked in a dry tone, making no pains to conceal my irritation.
“I know it’s a great deal to ask, old friend,” Lore said, her voice softening slightly as she realized I was annoyed with her. “But you’ve always come to my aid in the past. I’m hoping you’ll do it again now. As I said, I’m not certain what else I can do with the girl. Do this for her, if not for me.”
“I’ll be more than happy to have her here, and to teach her, but only if she actually wants this. Lia knows her own mind,” I replied.
“Don’t worry, she’ll accept your help,” Lore said, raising her eyebrows for emphasis. “I’ll see to that.”
“Please, Lore, let her choose whether she wants to be here with me,” I said. “Don’t coerce her. Lia may have very good reasons for not to wanting to be near me. You might ask her about them. Possibly, you’d agree with her and want her far from me.”
Throughout the remainder of the day, Lia remained hidden in her rooms. She came out only for dinner, which she ate without contributing to the conversation. She then returned to her apartment immediately afterward. Lore seemed untroubled by Lia’s behavior and procured a magnum of my finest torppa, from the cellar, only moments after Lia left us. We sat drinking for a few hours, both of us consuming copious amounts, but for very different reasons. I drank for the numbing powers of the dark liquid, as my heart was aching with hideous intensity. Lore drank because she wanted to remember our shared past.
In the early hours of the morning, Lore went to bed. I made my way upstairs and sat in my office, trying to banish the sense of desolation that had come over me since Lia’s cold greeting. Ultimately, I decided to attempt sleep, and made my way down the hall to my room. Still foggy from the impressive amount of torppa I’d consumed, I removed my clothes distractedly, and sank down on my bed with a self-indulgent sigh over the corrosive pain originating in my heart, and pulsing throughout every fiber of my being.
A Fortunate Woman Page 5
