by Suzanne Hart
I didn’t know what to do. I was sure of what Katie would have to say if she found out about my dilemma—she would tell me to stay away from the Stone family! She strongly believed that Felix Stone was behaving inappropriately, that he was using me in some way.
It didn’t matter to her — or she just didn’t see it — that somehow, it made me feel good to be around them. Just like Cici, I had grown up pretty much without a family too. It had always just been Granddad and me, and even though he had tried very hard to give me a normal childhood, it had never felt normal to me. I loved him, with all my heart…but I had grown up lonely and feeling lost.
Around Cici, Helen…and even Felix, suddenly I felt like I had a family. Helen was warm and generous, Cici was cheerful and attached to Felix and me…well, he was the kind of man I never thought I would meet in my life.
I was aware that I was fooling myself. That none of this was going to last. Helen was going to go, and then Felix would not need someone to keep his mother occupied. Cici had her nanny. This was all just make-believe, and in the end, I would hurt myself. I would be left alone, possibly without a job, and the family scene would be just a distant memory. I knew the right thing to do was to not go to this dinner, to just stay at home and move on with my life.
But right now, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of spending another evening in the Stone household. I couldn’t help but be excited about sitting around a table, talking and laughing with Cici and Helen. I also couldn’t help but wonder if Felix might kiss me again, if he wanted me the same way I wanted him.
But it was so wrong.
Chapter 20
Felix
I returned early from the office, mainly because I couldn’t concentrate on work anyway, and also because I couldn’t stand to be in those jeans a second longer. When I opened the front door, I immediately noticed the absence of Anne rushing to my aid to take my jacket and briefcase from me.
However, there was music playing in the living room and voices. Primarily it was Cici’s screeching laughter that I could hear. I put down my briefcase, and since there was no jacket to take off today, I went directly to the living room.
At the door, I saw Nora sitting on the couch, with Mom beside her; Cici was on the carpet, on her belly, drawing shapes with crayons. I was stunned to see Nora there.
“Ah, Felix…you’re here. We weren’t sure whether to expect you,” Mom said, smiling at me. Nora turned to look at me. She had been laughing at something that Mom was telling her, but now the laughter died…her eyes became dim. She almost looked apologetic.
“Hello, Mom,” I said, as Cici remained lying on the carpet. I noticed how she didn’t come rushing to me today. Mom noticed it too, but she kept her opinion to herself.
“What’s going on here?” I asked, walking into the room and standing above my daughter.
“We were just having some pre-dinner coffee…of course, none for Cici till she’s fifteen,” Mom said cheerfully, and I saw the empty coffee mugs on the table in front of them. There were some freshly baked cookies on a plate too.
I looked at Nora, and she smoothened her skirt and stood up.
“I should get going, Helen. Thank you for the coffee,” she said.
“Nora, do you have to go? Please stay!” Cici sat up now and pouted her lips. Nora bent down to ruffle Cici’s hair.
“You have a good evening with your grandma and daddy, okay?” she told her with a smile.
“Are you sure, Nora? I did make enough for you too. It’s just a simple fish pie, but Cici loves it.” Mom stood up from the couch as well.
“Thank you, Helen, but really, I should go. I just wanted to stop by for coffee and Cici’s tea party,” Nora replied, and I noticed how she was avoiding looking at me.
Her hair was done up in a loose bun today and stray strands framed her delicate, heart-shaped face. She was wearing a short denim skirt and a long shirt over it, but she couldn’t hide the curve of her breasts underneath. I knew exactly what they felt like in my hands and I felt a stir in the pit of my stomach as I looked at her.
“Well, thank you for coming, dear. We both wanted to see you, and we wish you could stay for dinner,” Mom repeated, as Nora began to walk away. She reached me, but walked past me, without meeting my eyes.
“Take care,” she said, leaving the room with a quick wave of the hand.
I followed her with my eyes, still stunned that she was here. I could sense Mom’s glaring eyes on me after she was gone.
“Why is she here?” I asked, and Mom rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Because I invited her to dinner, that’s why! She didn’t want to stay; she said she’d just have a coffee and go. I guess that she hoped she wouldn’t bump into you.” Mom’s tone was accusing.
“Daddy, can you please make Nora stay?” Cici asked. I clenched my jaw and turned on my heels, rushing after her.
She was already at the front door when I got to her. She had opened it, but I reached out from behind her and snapped it close. She was startled and gasped, whipping around to me with her wide, bright eyes.
“Mr. Stone!” she exclaimed.
“You should stay,” I said, stepping away from her. Being that close to her was dangerous; I knew that already.
“No, I really should go. I didn’t want to bother you,” she insisted, and I glared at her from under heavy lids.
“Cici and my mother clearly want you to stay, and I don’t want to be the one to ruin the party,” I remarked. Nora was watching me with apologetic eyes. She seemed nervous, and I couldn’t stop looking at her. I couldn’t stop feeling those feelings of wanting her again.
“I’m sorry…that they are putting you in this situation. I shouldn’t have come here at all,” she said, and I ran a hand through my hair. I was even more distressed now than I had been all day. I wasn’t prepared to see her again, not so soon after what happened the night before.
“It’s fine. You should stay. Cici wants you here, and I don’t mind,” I insisted. Nora licked her lips nervously, tearing her gaze away from me.
“Mr. Stone…” she began to say.
“You should call me Felix. For Mom’s sake,” I interrupted her.
“Okay, well, Felix…I know this is an awkward situation. I work for you, I’m your employee, and now…” She was going to say something more, but I didn’t want to hear it. Whenever Nora said something to me, she made matters more complicated than before.
“It doesn’t matter. When you’re here, around my daughter and my mother, you don’t have to feel like I’m your boss. In a few days, after Mom leaves, you can forget about this, and we can move on,” I said. Nora was staring at me, with her lips tightly pursed together. It seemed like I had suddenly upset her, but she didn’t say anything.
Instead, she lifted her nose up in the air and nodded.
“Sure. Whatever you say, Mr. Stone,” she replied and walked past me, back to the living room, to the cheerful cries of Cici and Mom. It was going to be a long night.
Chapter 21
Nora
Dinner at the Stone household was different today. There was a palpable tension in the air, and I already regretted my decision to come here. I should have used my better judgment and stayed home, stayed out of Felix’s way.
His words had been like salt to my wound. He said it himself; he was waiting for his mother to leave so that we could move on. As though the fact that he’d kissed me, touched me…could just be forgotten. I couldn’t even make myself look at him.
“Will you pass me the potatoes, please?” was the first thing Felix said at the dinner table in a long time. He had been exceptionally quiet tonight, while Cici, Helen, and I did most of the talking. Even though the potatoes were in a dish right next to me, I pretended not to hear him.
“The potatoes, please!” he exclaimed, in a louder voice now and I looked down at my plate and continued to eat. I had no interest in passing him the potatoes, not after what he had said to m
e.
Helen cleared her throat, got up from her chair and took the dish to him. When she sat back down again, she cleared her throat again.
“So, son, do you want to tell us how your day was?” she asked in a cheerful, casual voice. I avoided looking at Felix, but I could sense him glaring at her.
“You weren’t interested in my day two minutes ago when you were deep in conversation about the inches of snow in Minnesota!” he snapped, as he pierced a baby-potato with his fork.
“Well, I’m interested now,” Helen replied, still calm.
Felix scoffed and shook his head.
“It’s funny, Mom, that you’re trying to pretend like this is normal…that this is some family gathering,” Felix remarked. Helen dropped her cutlery on the plate, making a loud clattering sound.
“Well, I’m not going to apologize for trying to expose my granddaughter to a nice, normal formal dinner. The poor child eats by herself every night. She told me! She said she couldn’t remember the last time she ate with you!” Helen had lost her cool now, and she was glaring at her son, while he glared back at her.
“I am doing the best that I can,” Felix replied, through gritted teeth.
“Well, it’s not good enough then! She is growing up without a father; she has a parent, but she feels like an orphan. It is cruel to do that to a child!” Helen continued, and I shifted in my seat. I did agree with everything she was saying, but I could see the way her words were affecting Felix. He had been mean to me, but now I felt sorry for him. His handsome face was dark; his eyes were burning up.
“You’ve always thought you know what is best for my daughter. You have no right! No right!” Felix growled, and I saw Cici look down at her plate and fat tears bubble up in her eyes. I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything, so I remained silent. None of us were eating anymore.
Helen scoffed.
“Well, I’m going to fight to the end to ensure that my granddaughter is happy, even if you don’t care about it,” she hissed.
Felix banged his fist on the table.
“Don’t assume for one second, Mom, that I don’t know what this is about. You are lonely up in Florida, you want company, and you’re trying your best to convince me to send Cici to live with you, just so that you have something to do,” Felix was growling now, with narrowed eyes staring at his mother.
“How dare you!” Helen snapped.
“It’s what you do, don’t you? Poke your nose into my life, pass your lofty judgments on me, force my hand into doing things I don’t want to do!” Felix continued.
“How dare you speak to me that way? I have done nothing but give you good advice,” Helen cried, and Felix clenched his jaw. He was breathing fire, his wide chest was heaving.
“You made me marry her. I knew her for two months, Mom, two! You forced me to marry her when I had already made my decision. Natalie agreed. We were not in a position to have a child together; we didn’t even know each other. And then you came along and filled her head with ideas for a wedding!” Felix barked.
It was at that moment that Cici burst into tears.
“Stop it! Both of you!” I shrieked, jumping up from my chair. “Look at what you’re doing to her!” I ran over to Cici, pulling her out of her chair and into my arms. She wrapped herself around me, and I looked at Felix and Helen, glaring at us.
“This is not a conversation you should be having in front of a child. In front of her! I don’t know what happened in the past, all I know is that Cici is a wonderful, intelligent child and she does not deserve to be treated this way, by either of you!” I was speaking in a shrill firm voice, stroking Cici’s hair at the same time.
Helen stood up, guilt marring her face now, and she opened her mouth to say something.
“There is no point apologizing to her now,” I snapped, and with Cici in my arms, I rushed out of the dining room.
She was still crying as I carried her up to her room.
“I’m sorry you had to hear all that, honey. They didn’t mean any of it; that’s how adults fight, they say mean things to each other. It’s stupid,” I whispered to her, but she couldn’t stop crying.
“Daddy hates me. He hates me!” she whimpered.
“Don’t say that, Cici. He doesn’t hate you. He just doesn’t know how to tell you how much he loves you. Please trust me,” I said.
Chapter 22
Felix
After Nora left the room with Cici, Mom and I stared at each other; both of us aware of the mess we made.
“Now look what you’ve done!” she snapped, quick to blame me. I breathed in deeply and shook my head.
“Just leave me alone!” I growled. She tightened the shawl around her arms and lifted her nose up in the air.
“Sure, Felix, I’ll be happy to,” she said, and I watched her walk out of the room.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to handle the situation…but I knew I should go to Cici. I lingered around in the dining room for a few minutes and then went up to her room. In the corridor, I could hear Nora speaking to Cici inside, and I decided to wait.
It could have been half an hour or longer when Nora finally stepped out of the room, looking exhausted and distressed. She was surprised to see me there.
“How is she?” I asked her, and she shrugged her shoulders.
“I’ve tried my best to reassure her that none of this is her fault, but you should talk to her,” she replied. We stared at each other for a few silent moments, and I felt an urge to pull her into my arms. I wanted to feel her body next to mine. But I didn’t. Instead, I nodded my head and creaked open the door to Cici’s room.
She was lying in her bed, with a book open in her hands, which she was obviously not reading. Her cheeks were red, as were her eyes, but I could see that Nora had wiped the tears off her cheeks.
“Hi baby girl, can I come in?” I asked. Cici looked at me and the tip of her nose reddened again. She didn’t say anything, and I stepped in anyway, taking slow strides towards her. She was looking at me, with her mouth downturned. I pulled up a stool beside her and sat down.
“I’m sorry, Cici, that Daddy and Grandma were fighting like that,” I told her. We had never had a conversation like this before; I wasn’t sure of what to do or say. She said nothing, just kept staring at me like she was expecting me to make everything all right.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you something, and you have to answer honestly. I promise you won’t upset me. Okay?” I asked, and she nodded her head.
“Do you want to go live with Grandma for some time? Will that make you happy?” I asked and I looked at her hopefully. I didn’t know what to expect…I just realized that I didn’t know my daughter at all.
“I want to stay with you, Daddy,” she replied in a soft voice. I gulped and reached for her, pulling her into my arms. Cici sniffled and hugged me tightly.
“I’m sorry, baby girl, for everything that’s happened…I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, but I want to change that. I want to spend more time with you,” I said to her and she buried her little face in my chest. I could feel my heart bursting with love for her. The last time I had felt this way was in the hospital when she was born. I didn’t want to be a father, but when I looked at her face…all that had changed.
“Do you promise, Daddy?” she asked, gently pulling herself away from me.
“I promise. I’m going to try my best to be around more,” I said and stroked her hair.
“Okay, Daddy, I believe you,” she replied, and it was such a relief to see her smile again.
“Daddy, can Nora live with us too? I want her to live here, with me,” she asked in a squeaky voice. I sighed and forced a smile on my face.
“She can’t, baby girl. Nora is a friend; she’s not a part…of our family,” I said to her, and I could feel the strain in my throat.
“But I want her to stay, can’t she stay?” Cici pleaded, and I shook my head.
“No, she cannot. Please don’t ask
me that again. She has her own life, she can’t live with us,” I said, trying not to be too firm with her. Cici looked dejected, and she threw herself back in her bed.
“We’ll have fun together. I’m going to take some time off work, and we can go on a vacation,” I said, making my voice cheerful. Cici’s eyes lit up and she smiled widely.
“Can Nora come with us?” she asked and I stood up from the stool.
“No, Cici, she can’t. We can take Anne, or your nanny,” I suggested, and she pouted her lips and looked away from me.
“Cici, I love you,” I said, in a softer voice, staring at my daughter. Was this the first time I was telling her? From the shocked look on Cici’s face, it seemed like it probably was. I didn’t know why I hadn’t told her this before…because I did love her. I didn’t love anyone as much as I loved my daughter.
“I love you too, Daddy,” she said and smiled.
“Okay, you get some sleep. I’ll send Grandma over to read to you,” I told her and walked to her door.
