by Summer, AJ
My favorite part of the song starts to play. The lyrics are about a girl waiting for superman to pick her up. Jase lifts me into the air. I grab onto his shoulders as he holds me high above his head. He spins us around, both of us laughing. His smile slowly turns serious.
“I love you more than the summer has sun. The winter has cold. More than the spring has ever blossomed. More than autumn has falling leaves.” I swallow down the knot in my throat - the one made of emotions so deep no words would ever be able to describe them. “I promise to always pick you up when you fall. I’ll give you all the stars in the sky so you’d have a wish for every time you are sad. I’ll never leave you behind. I will trust you with my life, if you promise to share yours with me forever.” Jase lowers me down slowly until both feet are firmly on the ground. He reaches inside his pants pocket and gets down on one knee. My head starts going fuzzy from all the air trapped in my lungs. “Marry me.”
His hand holding the shiny band out to me trembles slightly. My own hand shakes so much that my outstretched finger jumps. Everyone around us is deathly quiet. I can even hear crickets chirping in the distance. I meet his gaze. Never more sure of any answer than this one.
“Yes.” It’s a wobbly answer from wobbly lips. I’m not sure if I look happy or sad, because I’m smiling with tears streaming down my face. Jase slips the platinum band onto my finger. Standing up, he grabs hold of me and spins us again. My fingers tangle in his hair, while I get lost in his eyes. This is my forever. Someone whoops from somewhere in the distance. Clapping surrounds us, and then my friends are all over us. Even Livvy and Alec are here, I didn’t see them before. They’re all hugging and congratulating us. I give Jenna an I-can’t-believe-you look which she just laughs off.
Now all the suspicious things that have happened today make sense. I look around for the gold stars. I find them on the snacks table, scattered all over the table cloth. There’s also a bunch of white fairy lights shining in the trees and I can see what it really looks like around us. It is a wonderful sight.
“How are the lights working?” I ask Jase.
“Solar. James organized them.”
He has a firm grip on my hand, not letting me stray too far from his side. I lift our joined hands and admire my ring. It’s perfect. Exactly what I would’ve chosen for myself. Simple but lovely.
“Do you like it?” he asks, watching me.
“So much!” I give him another happy kiss. Lewis gives us each a flute with champagne.
“To Jase and Mia! May you grow old and wrinkly together. May you be best friends, hot lovers and an old married couple all in one.”
Lewis lifts his glass and the rest of us follow. I try to find any sign of emotion in his glassy eyes, but there’s nothing. Nothing but the thick veil of alcohol hiding him from me. It causes a stab of undescribable pain to my heart. He downs his glass in one go and holds it out to Red who fills him up again. I take a small sip from my own glass, watching him carefully. He gives nothing away. To everyone else I’m sure he just looks like Lewis, but I know him better than that. I’ve learnt to know him better than that. I look at Jase to see if he noticed anything, but he’s talking to Aiden.
“Let me see your ring,” Jenna says excitedly. I lift my hand that’s still trapped in Jase’s. Jenna clicks her tongue, glaring at him.
“Let go,” she demands, attempting to pull my hand from his. But he won’t have any of it. He turns our hands around to show her my ring. The row of small diamonds sparkle brightly in the twinkling lights.
“It’s gorgeous. Can’t believe this bad ass picked it out,” Livvy chirps, who just joined the little circle around us.
“He has taste,” Jenna says on a wink that makes me think Jase had some help from my friend.
The rest of the night goes by in fast forward. I’m so happy that I can’t seem to absorb it all fast enough. Jase and I sit around the fire watching our friends laughing and dancing. I’m sipping on more champagne that will not be good for my head in the morning.
“You ready for your last date?” Jase asks with his chin on my shoulder.
“Now?” I ask, confused.
He hands me a white envelope from behind his back. I stare at him, trying to figure out what he’s up to. I take the envelope from him, ripping it open in one tear. Inside are two plane tickets to visit my Mom.
“We’re going to see Mom?” I ask, while squinting at the fine print on the tickets. Leaving tomorrow, returning a week later.
“I thought you might want to go tell her yourself,” he explains, sounding unsure of himself. It might be due to the frown on my face.
“I can’t take more time off, Jase. I’m sorry.”
“Yes you can. It’s already taken care of,” Alec says from behind me. I crane my neck around to see.
“No, I can’t. I haven’t even been back for a full month yet.” I hate leaving the two of them alone again.
“Just go Mia. When you get back, Jase will also be back on the payroll.”
“You will?” I ask Jase, shocked. This is the first I’ve heard of it.
“Yup. It’s time for me to get back to work anyway. I can’t start full time at the garage until Doctor September gives me the green light. Might as well spend all that free time at the parlor.” He gives me a squeeze.
“Just go. There won’t be any more time off after this. I’m going on vacation next,” Alec grumbles, pretending to be unhappy.
“Me too!” Livvy adds.
I nod. “We’re going?” Jase asks with a hopeful look.
“We’re going!”
“Great! Time to go. We leave at 10am and you still have to pack.”
I grumble at that. I was having fun. Now it’s an early morning to get up for our flight too. Jase pulls me up and we start our goodbyes. Jenna tells me that they’ll drop us off at the airport in the morning while smothering me in a big hug.
After we’ve said all of our goodbyes, I look around for the one person I haven’t greeted yet. I find him sitting with Red on the hood of his truck. Lewis is staring blankly ahead of him. His beer clutched between his knees. Red is laying on her back next to him staring at the stars.
“Hey,” I call when I’m close enough so they can see me. Red sits up. “We’re off,” I say, looking between the two of them. Lewis doesn’t answer me. Red slides off the hood and wraps me in a one-armed hug.
“Enjoy the trip,” she says. Then she walks off towards the rest of the party, leaving me alone with Lewis.
“You know, he gave me that ring in his truck the day of his accident. I think he was scared he’d never have a chance to give it to you. I was terrified of taking it from him. But the longer I held onto it … the longer he stayed away ... I almost gave it to you the day he left the hospital. But then he phoned. I knew he was coming back for you, Mia.” His eyes dart to mine quickly, before returning to their forward stare into the dark. “And I still took you with me.” The last part he says so softly that I’m not sure I was meant to hear it. It’s easier to pretend I didn’t hear. But he is my friend and I’m done running from this thing that was brewing between us.
“I love him.” Lewis turns his midnight eyes to me. They look so far away now, somewhere I can't reach.
“I know.” He slides down his truck and walks away from me into the darkness. Just before he’s out of sight, he turns. “But you love me too.”
His words take my breath away. I wish that it wasn’t true. I look down at my feet, squeezing my eyes shut, tight enough to keep the building tears inside. I really wish that wasn’t true.
“Wait!” I call after him. Running towards the line of trees he just disappeared behind. He stops as I get closer. “Lewis, I-”I clear my throat. Damn this is hard. “Can you look at me, please?” He shakes his head and I take a few steps forward.
“Please stop, Mia. Just stay there, okay?” His voice is so thick with foreign sounding emotions. I swallow around the ache in my throat.
“Not that way. I’m sorry. I
don’t love you that way,” I whisper.
“You shouldn’t have come after me,” he says, walking away more determinedly. This time I let him go because there’s really nothing more to say.
Jase and I make the drive home in quiet. Every now and then he turns to me with a soft smile on his face, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before returning his eyes to the road. It’s almost like he’s making sure I really said yes, that I’m really sitting next to him.
When we get to our front door, he lifts me into his arms and carries me inside.
“We’re not married yet,” I say between giggles.
“My ring is on your finger. The rest is just legal nonsense.” He carries me up the stairs.
“Cinder To Ash.”
“Pardon?” he asks, giving me a curious look.
“It’s a piece I’ve been working on.” Jase sits down on the bed with me in his lap, waiting for me to explain. “When you met me, I was cinder, burning without a flame, but you showed me there was still a spark inside of me. When you left, you burned me to ash. There was nothing left.” I place a quick kiss on his lips to stop whatever he is about to say. “But our love never burned out. You wouldn’t let it.”
Jase leans forward, kissing my lips softly. Slowly the kiss grows in intensity, warming me all over. While his lips devour my body, my heart rate increases, my breath panting, proving to me just how much he can make me burn …
A poem titled Cinder To Ash…
Burn me not with words of lies.
Deceive me not with sweet lullabys.
I prefer the truth,
I am witness.
I am proof.
A broken heart can heal.
Not matter how it weeps.
In the end the wounds will seal.
Yet a simple yes or a simple no,
Won't ever come from most people you know.
Playing games, hiding fears.
Do unto others
Spare their tears.
Burning embers, sparking bright.
Volcano thundering with excellent might.
Smoking ash, destruction fierce.
And from the rubble,
A new start, for the coming years.
Pulling his shirt over my naked body I start packing. I’m too excited to sleep. I can’t wait to see Mom. How long has it been six months, maybe seven? Jase is sleeping soundly. His bag already packed and waiting by the door. Unfair advantage of knowing about the trip before me. Sneaky bastard. He’s also a romantic bastard. Tonight was perfect. The lake was the perfect spot to propose.
I throw shoes, jeans, t-shirts and underwear in my bags. Then it looks too messy and I have to start all over. I get my toiletries from the bathroom and place them in as well. When I’m all done I zip it closed. The clock flashes 2am in my face. I laugh softly. Even when I'm happy it’s my enemy. Taunting me with how many hours it is until morning and our trip starts. I lay down next to Jase and stare at the dark ceiling with a happy heart. It’s finally sunk in. I’m going to marry Jase. We’ve come full circle and nothing can taint this happy place.
Before my eyes close, my happy smile still glued in place, Lewis’s face flashes before my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, refusing to think of the reason why. He knew I loved Jase. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing.
ash
The powdery residue left after the burning of a substance…
I’ve still got that happy feeling when we load the bags into Aiden’s truck in the morning. Jase and I both haven’t stopped smiling. Our mood seems to be infectious, because Aiden and Jenna are just as happy. We climb into the truck and drive towards the airport. We talk about baby names on our way there. I tell Jenna about the tattoo I did and how the woman chose the name for her baby. Her and Aiden look at each, sharing a look that reeks of a secret.
“You’ve already chosen a name, haven’t you?” I accuse, leaning my elbows between their seats. Jenna smiles so wide her that she looks a little like a maniac.
“Okay! Levi for a boy. Leah for a girl,” she admits happily. I pull my lips to the side, pretending to think hard about what she said. Her face falls. “You don’t like it?” she asks, disappointed. I let my smile grow wider slowly.
“I love it. Perfect. I can picture both names going with a mass of blonde curls!” She pushes my arm playfully off of her seat.
Aiden pulls into a parking spot and parks his truck. I don’t wait for Jase to open my door before I hop out. He and Aiden get our bags from the back while I’m bouncing on my toes. Everything feels like it is taking forever! I practically run through the front doors. Bailey airport is crowded with people waiting to board and collect their luggage. It’s the only airport for miles, so everyone that wants to fly must come here. Jase and I go over to the check out to get our tickets checked. I’m looking for our tickets in my carry on when someone bumps into me from behind.
“Holy shit!” I turn around to see who it is. Jenna? I’m stunned that she cussed. She never cusses. She looks ready to faint.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, reaching out to steady her.
“It’s him, Mia. It really is him.” Her eyes are fixed on the crowd in front of us collecting baggage. I strain to see who she’s talking about, expecting to see a famous movie star.
“Who?” I ask, not seeing anyone I recognize. And then I see him, just a tiny glimpse. I experience a momentary body failure where I’m not sure if I want to run or fall down. Move Mia! I dart out of line, knocking a guy out of my way, running towards him.
“Mia?” Jase calls from right behind me. He must have followed when I started running.
I don’t take my eyes off the guy in front of me. There’s a girl with him. A tiny thing with blonde hair. There are two other guys with him, too, surrounding them on both sides. What’s with all the caps and sun glasses? Just as I’m about the reach for him, someone pushes a trolley in front of me. I fall, pushing bags all over the airport floor. No! Their group moves on, walking out of the airport doors. I scramble off the floor with Jase’s help.
“Don’t let him get away!” I shout, pointing at the group. I stumble on the slippery floor and bang my knee hard on my way down. Excruciating pain shoots up my leg. The guy turns around, lightening blue eyes meeting mine before he’s yanked through the open car door. I try to move but there’s no way I can move after that fall. Jase looks between me and the group, torn between staying with me and going after the group I was so hell bent on catching. “Please don’t let him get away!” I beg Jase on a sob before they can even close the car door. Jase takes off on a run, but the squeal of tires already tells me he’s going to be too late. I drop my head to my chest and scream. Kyle.
When you have power, everyone wants to be you.
Everyone wants a piece of you.
You make powerful friends, you make potent enemies.
My carefully built life is falling apart.
Secrets are revealed and lives are destroyed.
No more running, No more chasing. You want a piece?
Come and get it.
After I finished Cinder To Ash I felt bad for Lewis. I felt really friggin’ horrible. And so this little story was born. Midnight will be released after End Game and will be the last book in the Tainted Hearts series.
To hell with love, that’s the thought I wake up with every morning. But this morning is slightly different...
“Hey baby,” someone coos into my ear. Long nails trail down my stomach. Who the hell is that? And why in the world did I get so wasted last night? Fingers dip underneath the waistband of my boxers. Nice to know that part of my anatomy isn’t hung over as hell! Warm breath spreads over the side of my face, making my skin prickle. Did she just kiss me? Get the fuck out of this bed dickhead! I don’t do kisses . . . not anymore.
Why the hell did Red have to be such a bitch last night? I would never have come home with this chick if she didn’t get her g-string all twisted. I finally pry my eyes open and come face to face with a hot b
londe. Man, this babe is like Playboy Bunny hot.
“Hi there,” she whispers, leaning closer to me. My heart starts beating wildly at the sight of her puckered lips coming towards me. Fuck! I grab hold of her hips and lift her off me. “Hey!” she protests, trying to wrap the sheet around her. I’m asshole enough to check her out. I stand by my earlier observation, she is blazing hot. She clears her throat. I don’t have time for shitty excuses that I don’t mean, so I pry my eyes off of her half-naked body and search for my clothes. If I wasn’t so damn wasted last night I would never have crashed in her bed. No sleepover’s … never again.
Where the hell are my jeans? I hurriedly grab my shit off of her floor, finally spying my jeans hanging from her ceiling fan. The fuck?
I look between the chick on the bed in front of me and my flying pants. What the hell happened last night? Stepping onto the bed next to her, her eyes go wide when my crotch almost meets her face. She’s out of luck, she’s not getting any more of this. Yanking my jeans from the fan, I jump off, landing with a skull splitting thud on the floor. I need another drink.
“You’re just going to leave?” she asks with big blue eyes, her lips still swollen from all the sinful acts I’m sure I put her body through last night. I stuff my socks into my shoes, letting them hang from my fingers.
“I gotta go.” Uh … shit, do I say thanks? Was last night any good? Stupid, Stupid! This is exactly why I don’t like hanging around ‘til morning. I don’t even know her name. Her face turns a nasty shade of purple, warning me that I’ve overstayed my welcome. “See you around,” I call over my shoulder, just as a lamp hits the wall next to my head. I really need another drink.
