by Angela Blake
Brandon was shaking his head. “I don’t know. Maybe. . .” Ashlyn hated the tears that built up and slid down her cheeks at the same time.
“Fine!” she shouted, louder than necessary. “I see it means nothing to you that I want to. . .” Ashlyn shook her head. It felt dirty saying it out loud, now that Brandon clearly didn’t care what she felt for him.
“Ashlyn,” Brandon said. He reached for her, but Ashlyn took a step back, wiping her own tears. “It is important to me. It means everything to me. That’s why I don’t know if I can just take you, even though everything inside me is telling me to do it. There’s still something inside me that says I shouldn’t.”
“Just do it!” Ashlyn said, trying to be defiant, even though she felt rejected.
Brandon tried to reach for her again, but Ashlyn crossed her arms and refused to melt into him. She stood like a statue as Brandon wrapped his arms around her. Ashlyn didn’t feel turned on anymore. She just wanted to go home and sleep. She wanted to go home to her mom, not her temporary home with these temporary crew mates.
Brandon kissed the side of Ashlyn’s head. He kissed it again, her hair pressing up against his lips. Ashlyn started crying. All of the rejection from previous men assaulted her. She remembered Javon’s interest, purely physical. Now here was Brandon, interested in her for some other reason, and she wasn’t allowing him to treat her like a lady. Ashlyn was broken.
Brandon gently stroked Ashlyn’s hair. Her tears eventually stopped, and she stopped shuddering. Brandon still held her. Then Ashlyn realized. Maybe Brandon didn’t really want her. Maybe he just saw her as a friend. But now, that couldn’t be. He had kissed her. He had held her hand. He was interested in her, even after most of his time working as an extra had ended.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Ashlyn murmured, still buried in Brandon’s shoulder. By this time, her arms were wrapped around him, and her eyes were closed. She felt at peace.
“Don’t apologize for being you,” Brandon gently reprimanded. “Remember, that’s one of the things I like about you. You are always so honest.”
“I don’t think you would like it about me if you were with me for a long time,” Ashlyn replied. “My mother always said that I was too emotional.”
Brandon laughed. He gave a real, from the belly laugh. “Yeah, people have said that about me too.”
Ashlyn pulled back and had to look Brandon full in the face. “What? No way.”
“Yes way! People say that I’m a guy. I’m not supposed to feel anything, but I do.” Brandon shrugged. “You just haven’t seen me get to that point yet.”
Ashlyn sighed. She no longer felt overwhelmed by the need to be needed. She felt overwhelmed with gratitude that some guys didn’t just jump at the chance to have her body. Some guys wanted to know her for who she was first.
Ashlyn looked at the ground as she reached around and re-fastened her bra. Maybe she wouldn’t do it tonight, but someday, if Brandon kept showing her this side of him, Ashlyn felt determined that she wouldn’t have sex with him, a simply physical thing. She would make love to him, something that involved the heart too.
The moment suddenly seemed too tender to do something so bonding. Ashlyn realized that she shouldn’t be so eager to give herself away. “I guess we should go back to the house now,” Ashlyn said as she took his hand. Brandon started pulling her in the other direction.
“Why? We’re already halfway there. We might as well take another trip to look at the hole in the sand.”
Ashlyn smiled. “Okay, I like the sound of that.” She wasn’t quite ready to leave Brandon yet anyway. She wanted to hold on to a little of the magic of the night. Ashlyn held Brandon’s hand tightly, and as they came up to the turtle nest, they saw that the crowd of people was more than double.
Brandon broke into a jog. “Come on! They’ve got to be hatching!”
Ashlyn and Brandon found their way along the edge of the passage so that they could see the little creatures moving.
“I’ve never seen turtles move so fast,” Ashlyn commented, in wonder of the baby turtles that were no bigger than the palm of her hand. There were hundreds of baby sea turtles, all following the passage down to the edge of the ocean. The turtles didn’t take notice of the large humans watching them. They had one goal only.
“How do they know to go toward the water?”
“The moon reflects off the water. They actually want to reach the moon, but the reflection throws them off.” Ashlyn smiled, not taking her eyes off the baby sea turtles. She couldn’t believe that she had finally gotten to see the turtles. The ranger was advising people not to take photos, so Ashlyn just watched. When the last baby turtle had found its way into the ocean, Ashlyn turned and smiled at Brandon.
“I guess we finally found what we are looking for,” Ashlyn replied. “We saw the turtles at last.”
“I wasn’t looking for the turtles,” Brandon said. “I was just looking for a way to spend more time with you.”
Ashlyn giggled, and the two kissed, once again igniting the fire in Ashlyn’s stomach. She knew that she felt something strong for Brandon that wasn’t just based on physical features. She had a friendship with him, just like the friendship she had had with Mark, before he had broken her trust.
The feelings of fear and distrust tumbled back into her thoughts. Could Brandon have a hidden side? How would she know if she knew him completely? Ashlyn sighed. She knew that she would just have to give him more time, more time before she would be able to completely get rid of the distrust she had for men.
THE END
Blue Eyed Daddy
Chapter 1
Anya Sho sighed as she crossed one leg over the other and bent her head forward in concentration. Anya had just turned twenty-one, but instead of celebrating like she wanted to, she had a paper due in a few hours for a history class she was taking in college.
When her best friend Lisa suggested she come over to her house for a study session, Anya had jumped at the chance to escape her dorm, and the weird smells that emanated from it.
Her best friend of four years, Lisa, nearly tripped over her long legs on her way to the bathroom. Anya mumbled apologetically as she stared at her legs and wondered.
She knew that she got her height from her mum’s side of the family. Her mum was a pure Russian with the traditional supermodel good looks, and even though Anya had inherited some of her mother’s genes-the blonde hair and blue eyes- that was where the similarities ended. Instead of being tall and willowy like most Russian women, Anya was simply tall, and what most people called heavy.
She wasn’t exactly on the thin side, and she didn’t mind because most American women were practically starving themselves just to get that elusive skinny supermodel look, but Anya knew that a lot of men actually preferred curvy women. Women with a little more meat on their bones.
Anya’s father, Han always told her that when she was growing up.
A sad smile made its way to her face as she recalled memories of her father. He was a small man from China who had come to America to take over his family’s restaurant. He was a quiet sort of man, not the type you’d notice instantly, unlike her mother whose mere presence demanded attention. They were an odd couple, but evenly matched in ways most people wouldn’t expect.
Which is why it was a surprise when he cheated on her. Anya supposed that in a way, she knew. Her mother worked long hours as a doctor, and her father waited up for her a lot, but doctors didn’t have set schedules, so more often than not, she’d come home late and go straight to sleep. Some days she wouldn’t come home at all.
Anya and her sister Alyona didn’t mind because they loved their mother regardless, but she supposed it was different for her father, who must’ve craved companionship. Anya imagined his small form waiting up day in and day out for a wife who many people viewed as his superior.
It had broken her heart when she found out he had cheated on her mother bec
ause in a way, it had felt like he had cheated on his whole family. The divorce had gotten ugly, especially because Anya’s mother wanted nothing more to do with him, and he couldn’t let go of her.
When they finally got their divorce years later, Han had turned into a bitter man who frequently snapped at his daughters whenever they came to visit. He gradually started ignoring them and for a long time only stayed in touch with them just to ask them about their mother. Whenever it seemed like she was unhappy, he would try to weasel his way back in. Whenever she was happy, he cursed her name to the wind.
Alyona had eventually gotten tired of this topsy turvy relationship they had with their dad. She told him that when he was interested in learning about who she was as a woman then he could call her, but until then she wanted nothing more to do with him. With that, she had packed up her things and left. She moved to a quiet street in Boston with her husband and two kids. She had made her peace with the fact that she would probably never have the kind of relationship she wanted with her father, and for that Anya envied her.
Anya wished she was able to do the same, but for some reason, she was unable to.
She constantly found herself being sucked into his web, drawn in by honeyed words and whispered promises that he always hinted at, but never seemed to make. Every single time he’d dash her hopes and bring her crashing back down to Earth. Every time he did that, she’d vow to herself that she’d put a stop to it, and yet somehow, each time she told herself to walk away, something kept her back.
Anya began to nibble on the edge of her pencil as she underlined some things in her text book. Lisa emerged a while later with a tray filled with treats and coffee.
“I brought reinforcements,” she announced as she balanced the tray on the edge of her hip and used her foot to shut the door closed.
“You’re my hero.” Anya stood up and went to help Lisa set the stuff down. She met Lisa during her freshman year at college, they were both psychology majors. Lisa was Anya’s complete opposite.
Bubbly, energetic and from a completely normal home life. There was just one thing they had in common. Both their parents were divorced, but where Lisa had made her peace with it, Anya sometimes wondered how different her life would’ve been if her parents had stayed together. Lisa was short, but she was thin in a way that most people thought came from starving herself, but in reality, she could eat like an elephant. She just had really good genes. She was very down to earth, and that’s what drew Anya to her. They might be as different as fire and rain, but at the end of the day, they were like sisters.
“Maybe you should write an essay about me-Lisa the unsung heroine,” Lisa mused in between mouthfuls of food.
Anya lifted an eyebrow as she tossed a pencil at her. “The unsung heroine of what exactly? Coffee and snacks?”
She held up a finger. “Hey, now. Don’t forget that they’re what keep you going. Where would you be without my coffee and snacks?”
“Good point,” Anya conceded as she curled her fingers around the mug of steaming hot coffee. She paused for a bit, blew and took a tentative sip, letting the hot coffee slide down her throat. Her entire body tingled as the coffee began to take effect.
“So what happened with that guy you met at the bar the other day?”
Anya scrunched her nose as she tried to recall his name. “You mean Ryan? Oh, it didn’t work out.”
Lisa reached for her own cup of coffee. “Why not? He seemed nice enough. Besides, isn’t it too soon to call it? You’ve only been on like two dates.”
“Two dates is enough time for me to determine the longevity of the relationship. Besides, he was too mainstream for my taste.”
Lisa rolled her eyes as she set down her mug and glanced at Anya in exasperation, “You say that about all guys our age, An. I mean, don’t you think that you’re being a little unrealistic with your ‘too mainstream’ standard? We do live in the 21st century.”
“So? That doesn’t mean I should lower my standards. Rather, it means that men should rise to the occasion.”
Lisa cocked her to the side. “I get where you’re coming from, I do, but you know as well as I do that guys our age are more interested in getting as many girls as they can and partying. They don’t want to talk about Murakami or music or the way the sun bathes the world in a halo of purple and pink as it sets.”
Anya looked at her in amused surprise. “I’m glad to see you listen to what I say.”
“Sometimes,” Lisa gave her a sardonic smile, “but that’s because I know that despite your intensity that can sometimes be a little scary, you’re actually a very mellow person with a heart of gold.”
“This isn’t another one of your attempts to get me to go on a double date with you and Patrick, is it?”
Lisa had the grace to look sheepish. “Well, yes and no. You know I want to go on a double date with you, but you know I also want you to be happy.”
Anya took a sip of her coffee and savored it before choosing her next words, “What made you think I’m not? Because I don’t buy into societal expectations? That a woman cannot be successful and happy without a man?”
Anya placed the cup of coffee on the desk next to her before she turned around to face Lisa. She was met with a resounding whack as a pillow hit her squarely in the face.
“Ompf!” She said as the pillow knocked the wind out of her. She pushed the pillow to one side and glared at Lisa who tried to look innocent.
“I didn’t say you can’t be happy as a single successful woman. I’m just saying you can be happy with a guy too. Besides, with your standards, it seems like you’d have better luck dating older men.”
Not that the thought hadn’t occurred to her. She was twenty-one after all. A Legal adult, and she was free to do as she wished, but most guys wouldn’t look at a woman who was still in university. They found them too juvenile much to her chagrin, so she just needed to find the right guy who would look past the stereotype and see her as she is.
“And what’s wrong with dating older men? They’re seasoned, mature, cultured, and they know exactly what do in bed.” She added that last part with a wink.
Lisa gazed at her in mock horror before she burst out laughing, “I guess you’re right. I mean I had to teach Patrick a lot of things when we first starting going out.”
“Too much personal information, Lis.” Anya grimaced at the image of her best friend, and her best friend’s boyfriend going at it.
“You’re the one who brought it up,” She said defensively.
Anya rolled her eyes, “If I had known, I wouldn’t have.”
“In that case, maybe you should date my dad.” Lisa said teasingly, “I mean he’s always spouting romantic stuff especially after he reads Keats, and I’m sure he’s at least heard of Dostoevsky. “
“Oh, ha ha, very funny.” Anya glanced away uncomfortably wondering what made Lisa make that comment.
The truth was that Anya often thought about Lisa’s Dad. It was hard not to. Russel was in his late thirties with jet black hair and piercing blue eyes. He and Lisa’s mum were parents when they were teens, so he was probably the youngest Dad she knew, and a lot of the times, it felt like she was talking to a cool adult not her best friend’s Dad.
And definitely not a guy she was crushing on.
They often chatted whenever she was at Lisa’s house if Lisa was busy, or if she was waiting for her. Their conversations got pretty heated, and they often jumped from one topic to the next in a way that made Anya’s insides tremble. He was always well dressed, and always smelled faintly of pine cones and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Anya wasn’t sure if the crush was reciprocated because the second Lisa came in, Russel would immediately switch to Dad mode, but there were a lot of times when she’d catch him glancing at her for far too long, and she’d wonder.
She once caught him staring at her lips, and she licked her lips nervously just to see how he’d react.
His eyes darkened a fraction, and then he abruptly tore his gaze away and quietly left the room. He had been careful not to stare again. Perhaps because he knew that it was wrong to want her in that way.
But she wanted him too.
Even when logic, reason and every single thing in her mind told her that she was crazy. That these were some latent daddy issues she needed to resolve. She didn’t care. All she knew was that she burned for him.
She wondered if he burned for her too. If the thought of her kept him up at night, sometimes filled to the brim with a desire that was both wrong and oh so right?
Lisa snapped her fingers in front of Anya’s face, “An, hello? Earth to An?”
Anya shook her head and gave Lisa a blank smile, “Sorry, I spaced out for a while there. What were you saying?”
Lisa rolled her eyes, “Thinking about older men again, were you?” She wagged her finger mockingly at Anya. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Throw me into a room full of hot older men and come back after two days?” Anya suggested sardonically.
“That can be arranged, you know. The older men part might be hard to arrange, but hot men, that I can definitely work with.”
“You’re not dragging me to another bar, are you?”
Lisa pouted. “Don’t spoil my fun, An. Where else are you supposed to meet a decent guy?”
“If he’s our age, at a bar, but as you so astutely pointed out earlier, guys our age just don’t cut it for me. They’re not guys. They are just overgrown boys. I want a man.”
Lisa leaned back against the couch and tossed Anya a glance over her shoulder. “And just where do you suggest we find this older guy you speak of?”
Anya frowned as she bit her bottom lip. She finally stopped chewing on it. “I have no idea.”
“Let’s just get back to work, we’ll talk more about this later, ok?”
Lisa twirled a strand of hair around her fingers as she idly picked up her psychology book from the floor. “You got it, by the way don’t forget that I’m taking you out for drinks tomorrow for your birthday. I’ve invited a few people along.”
