by Wolf, Bree
Nessa sighed, grateful that her father always found the right words to put her at ease. Had it always been like this between them? Nessa didn’t remember, and yet, deep down, she believed it to be true. Was that what her father had meant? What even Eugenie had meant when she had said that the heart does not forget? “Have you seen Grant yet today?”
Smiling, her father nodded. “I have. In fact, he asked me to see to you.” A chuckle rose from his throat. “The way he was pacing his study like a caged lion made it quite obvious that he was anxious to see you.”
“Then why didn’t he?”
“I think he was worried it would overwhelm you,” her father said, a question in his eyes that needed no words.
Nessa swallowed. “We…we had a bit of a…confrontation yesterday,” she began to explain, feeling that her father deserved to know the truth. “I can see how desperately he wants his wife back.” Throwing up her hands, she shook her head. “The way he looks at me…I…he says he wants to be patient, but I can see that that’s not true. He wants her back now, and a part of me wishes I could simply give her back to him.” Beginning to pace, Nessa looked at her father. “I want to be her. I truly do. The life she had sounds so wonderful that I can’t help but want it. I do. I truly do.” Her heart hammered wildly in her chest as Nessa did her best to put all the confusion she felt into words.
“I believe you,” her father replied. “I can see it on your face.”
“You can?” Nessa asked, surprised by his words.
Again, he chuckled. “I’ve known you all your life, dear child. It is my prerogative as your father to know you better than anyone else. I know husbands like to believe they know their wives best—I did as well—but generally, a parent is the more reliable source.”
“Then what shall I do?” Nessa asked, desperate for some advice on how to maneuver her old life.
“I said I knew you, not that I had all the answers.”
Her shoulders slumped.
“Don’t be discouraged,” her father said, stepping up to her and placing his hands on her shoulders. “I cannot decide for you or tell you what to do. That would not be right. All I can do is tell you what I see, what I believe, and trust that you will find your way.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll still be here to hold your hand and tell you that all will be well.” A teasing smile came to his lips. “Is that not a father’s job?”
“I suppose so,” Nessa replied, smiling up at him and, without thought, she leaned forward and sank into her father’s arms. She did not remember him, and yet, this felt right. Familiar. Comforting.
After all, the heart did not forget.
Chapter Sixteen
In the Gardens
A few days after Nessa’s return, they all found themselves seated around the breakfast table.
Grant felt oddly reminded of how they’d sat in this very room not too long ago with Eugenie instead of Nessa. He remembered the longing he’d felt for his first wife in that moment. How much he had wished she could be with them. How he had believed that to be impossible. How heartbroken he had been at the thought to never see her lovely face again.
Looking up from his plate, Grant smiled as his gaze came to rest on Nessa, and his heart skipped a beat the same way it had when he had first laid eyes on her all those years ago.
Seated to his side, across from Milly, she looked a bit unlike her old self. Never had Nessa been a quiet woman, always speaking animatedly about this and that, laughing with their daughter and teasing her father…as well as Grant himself. Still, Grant understood that with no memory of her past, it was hard to be at ease with her family. He could only hope that she would settle in before long and reclaim her smile.
While there was still a noticeable distance between Nessa and the rest of her family, Grant could not miss the joy that rested in Maynard’s eyes nor the hopeful curiosity Milly portrayed these days. Although she still missed Eugenie, Grant could tell that his daughter had begun to open her heart to Nessa and he was certain it was only a matter of time before mother and daughter would be reunited.
If only he could say the same for Nessa and himself.
Still, Grant was determined to remain hopeful.
The only one who seemed at odds with the careful joy that hung in the air was Grant’s mother. Ever since Nessa’s return, a scowl clung to her face from sunrise to sunset, and she rarely failed to make her disagreement known. Fortunately, she had so far refrained from sharing her opinion with Nessa.
Grant sighed, wondering what Eugenie was doing in this very moment. Was she, too, seated at the breakfast table in Ravengrove, Adrian across from her as they began their day? Grant could only hope so, hope that the future would be kinder to her than the past. That she would have reason to smile and laugh again. That happiness would find her.
Her and their child.
Grant hoped so with every fiber of his being.
When a footman appeared beside the dowager countess, holding out a silver platter with an envelope on top, Grant could have groaned for he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt who it was from. It seemed there was only one woman who continually wrote to his mother.
As expected, his mother’s face darkened and, before long, curses flew from her lips.
“What’s wrong?” Nessa whispered as she leaned closer to him.
Cherishing every bit of confidence she would grant him, Grant smiled. “It’s a letter from my aunt, Theodora. She is married to my father’s younger brother.”
“Why would a letter from your aunt upset your mother so?”
Grant sighed. “Apparently, the two of them are locked in a bit of an argument.”
“About what?”
Grant frowned. “Perhaps argument is not the right word.” He scoffed. “It’s not as though they truly disagree on something. It’s rather that my aunt is currently in possession of three grandsons, a fact which she never fails to rub in my mother’s face. It seems she takes great pleasure in stating that one day her son and then grandson shall inherit the Wentford title and estate.”
“I see,” Nessa mumbled, glancing at his mother through narrowed eyes. Then she turned back to him, leaning in closely once more. “Why doesn’t she simply burn the letters without opening them?”
Grant chuckled. “I’ve asked myself the same thing countless times. Please let me know once you’ve found an answer to that question.”
A smirk came to Nessa’s face, and she suppressed a laugh, glancing in his mother’s direction. “I promise I shall, though I doubt it’ll be an easy answer.”
All but basking in her smile, Grant found himself unable to look away. Her eyes shone brightly and with the same teasing joy he had always known as an easy smile clung to her lips.
When she caught him staring at her though, a shuddering breath went past her lips and she averted her gaze, quickly refocusing her attention on Milly across the table. “I saw a book in the library about star constellations,” she said, and Milly’s eyes lit up like two stars in the night sky. “Perhaps we can have a look at it later.”
Milly nodded eagerly. “I’ll bring it to the tree house. We can look at it there.” A hint of a question clung to her words as she looked at her mother.
Grant held his breath as he looked from his daughter to his wife. Then Nessa nodded, a bright smile on her face, and it seemed as though their family as a collective released the breath they had been holding. “That is a marvelous idea,” Nessa exclaimed. “And perhaps you can show me how your telescope works.”
Again, Milly nodded eagerly. “I will. Grandfather told me all about it.” Grinning, she looked at Maynard, who returned her joyful expression with one of his own before both looked back at Nessa. “Now, I can teach you.”
“I’d like that very much,” Nessa replied, reaching for her teacup. Her hand trembled slightly as she lifted it, and Grant wondered what had her so upset. Not that she looked upset.
When Maynard drew Milly into a conve
rsation about the sun’s equinox, Grant leaned closer to Nessa and placed a gentle hand on her arm to catch her attention. “If you’re free,” he whispered, noting the slight hesitation in her eyes, “I would love to take a stroll with you through the gardens. What do you say?”
She paused for a moment before her eyes wandered over his face with frank curiosity. Then she nodded. “I think that would be a good idea.” A slight grin came to her lips. “However, I’m afraid I have a prior engagement,” she said looking at their daughter.
Grant smiled. “I understand. I assure you I can wait.” He sighed, his gaze lingering on hers. “I will wait.”
Nessa’s eyes narrowed as she watched him, and although his words seemed to have some effect on her, Grant could not be certain as to what it was. This Nessa acted different from the one he knew. Not on a grand scale, but there were subtle differences that made him wonder about the woman she had become.
Naturally, Grant did not begrudge Milly the time she spent with her mother. On the contrary, it warmed his heart to see them together, heads bent close as they looked into the book on star constellations, their legs dangling over the edge of the tree house floor. For long minutes, Grant stood and watched them before he willed his legs to carry him back to the house, knowing mother and daughter deserved some time alone, unobserved and confidential.
Still, his heart longed for Nessa. She was so close, and yet, it seemed as though a wall existed between them. A wall he wanted to tear down, the sooner the better. Grant knew he had promised to be patient, and patient he would be. However, he could not deny that he felt restless, that he didn’t want to wait, that he wanted Nessa back now.
And so, when she found him in his study one afternoon, wondering if he’d still be interested in taking that stroll with her, Grant jumped at the chance, his heart beating in his chest like that of a love-struck boy.
“You seem…very eager today,” Nessa observed, her eyes slightly narrowed as she regarded him. “Have you been locked up in your study for too long or…?”
Stopping in his tracks, Grant looked at her when she left her question hanging without finishing it. “Or what?” he asked, unable to subdue the grin that fought to the surface.
Nessa seemed to be faced with a similar problem because she quickly turned away. Still, he did not miss the telltale signs on her face. “Or is it my company?” The words rushed from her lips as she spun to face him once more, and he could see that sheer willpower kept her from averting her gaze.
“Is that so hard to believe?” Grant asked as he took a step closer, smelling the fresh sunshine on her skin. “Have I not made it absolutely clear how deeply you affect me?”
The hint of a blush came to her cheeks, and she shook her head. Still, her hazel eyes remained on his, wondering, contemplating…doubting. “Did you truly love me?” she asked suddenly, the look in her eyes demanding he answer truthfully.
Although Grant was delighted to see that his Nessa still lived in the woman before him, speaking her mind without hesitation, he did not like the doubt he saw in her eyes.
“I do not mean to doubt you,” she suddenly replied before he could. “I see the way you look at me, and I know that I’ve never felt like that about anyone.”
For a painful moment, Grant’s heart stopped.
Seeing his expression, Nessa froze before she briefly closed her eyes and a contrite smile came to her lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant to say that I don’t remember ever loving anyone like that. At the same time, you…obviously do.” Again, a hint of doubt clung to the last word as though she had meant it as a question.
Not wishing to be seen from the house or the cluster of trees where Milly’s sanctuary was, Grant took Nessa by the elbow and pulled back behind a tall-growing hedge. He stepped closer until the tips of his shoes brushed the hem of her skirts. All the while, he saw her hazel eyes flicker with a mixture of apprehension, doubt, and yet, temptation. “For a reason I cannot understand, you seem to be bothered by the fact that I love you.”
Her eyes widened. “Fact?”
“Yes, fact,” Grant repeated as he held her gaze without wavering, not wishing to miss any thought or sensation that might show in her eyes. “Why does it bother you?”
Licking her lips, Nessa was about to answer when she stopped herself, clearly searching for the right words. “To me, you’re a stranger,” she finally said, stabbing him right in the heart, and the look in her eyes told him that she knew. “I can see that it hurts you to hear me say so, but it is the truth. I don’t know you. I don’t know anything about you.” She sighed. “You told me how we met all those years ago at a ball and how you immediately told me that you wanted to marry me.”
Smiling, Grant nodded. “You’re overwhelmed.”
“I feel like I’m still there,” Nessa confirmed, the smile on her face one of sheer disbelief. “I just met you, and all of a sudden we’re married and you look at me…in that rather disconcerting way.”
“What disconcerting way?” Grant asked, feeling his concentration slip away as her breath brushed over his face.
Nessa gave him one of those looks that said he ought to know what she was talking about. “The way you did the day I first arrived at Wentford Park,” she replied, her gaze searching his, waiting for him to grasp her meaning. “In the library.”
At last the penny dropped. “You mean when I kissed you?”
“Yes, when you kissed me,” she whispered and, for a second, her gaze dropped to his mouth.
Desire shot through Grant at the sight, and he had to force his hands to remain by his sides lest he reach out and pull her into another kiss. “Did it frighten you?” he asked, wondering if he had misinterpreted her reaction. “Because I am all but certain that you kissed me back.”
A grin came to her face, and she sunk her teeth into her lower lip. “I did, didn’t I?”
Grant nodded, realizing how much he had missed simply speaking with her. Nessa had such a unique way of making him feel alive without so much as a single touch. “Do you regret it?”
“No! Yes! I…” Gritting her teeth, she inhaled a deep breath, annoyance etched into her eyes. “It did frighten me because I felt something completely new,” rolling her eyes, she shook her head, “and yet, it wasn’t, was it?”
“What did you feel?” Grant asked as a daring smile claimed his face.
Nessa laughed. “As though you don’t know,” she retorted, poking an accusing finger at his chest.
“You wanted to kiss me,” Grant whispered, allowing his gaze to drop lower as well.
Nessa took a slow breath, and her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly. “Yes, I did.”
Encouraged by the way she gazed up at him, Grant moved closer. “Do you want to kiss me now?”
Her bottom lip quivered. “Yes. No. I don’t know.” She shook her head. “It’s all so confusing. Nothing is as it should be. Nothing feels as it should. How am I supposed to know what it is I want? I feel as though I know nothing any more.”
Grant balled his hands into fists against the tantalizing way her breath fanned over his lips. “Perhaps it does feel as it should. Perhaps it is your heart that you should trust to know what’s right, not your mind.”
Suddenly, Nessa stilled, and her gaze became inquisitive as it rested on his. “Are you saying the heart does not forget?”
Grant nodded. “Even though you don’t know who you are, you still are the woman you’ve always been. You may not remember your past but, deep down, you know who you are.” Again, his gaze dropped lower. “And you know what you want.”
A teasing smile came to her lips. “Are you saying you think I should kiss you?”
Grant chuckled. “If that is what your heart is telling you.” He swallowed, drawing in a deep breath, as her lips all but beckoned him forward. “But I suggest you decide quickly before my self-control evaporates into thin air.”
Again, her lips curled into that utterly familiar teasing smile that
Grant could have groaned. “Am I torturing you?” she asked, delight lighting up her eyes as though he had just answered the one question that was at the root of all her doubts.
“Yes,” Grant forced out through clenched teeth as his hands swung forward, grasping her middle.
Nessa drew in a sharp breath and, for a second, he thought to see a hint of fear flicker across her face. “Are you certain you want…me?”
“Yes!”
Her breath came faster. “Would you not rather—?”
“No!”
Her gaze narrowed as she looked at him in complete disbelief. Would that never cease? “But how can you be cert—?”
Unwilling to allow her to talk her way out of this precious moment, Grant pulled her closer. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” Her answer came fast and with a certainty that stole the breath from Grant’s lungs and set his blood on fire.
“Do you want me to release you?” he asked, the look in his eyes no doubt begging her not to refuse him.
A small smile came to her lips. “No, I don’t believe I do.”
His heart skipped another beat as his hands tightened their hold on her. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
Again, her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she regarded him. “Would it be very forward of me to say yes?”
Leaning in, Grant held her gaze. “Of course not. After all, we’re married.”
Her breath quickened as his lips closed in on hers. “It doesn’t feel that way.”
“How does it feel?” he whispered, his mouth lingering a hair’s breadth from hers.
“I wish I knew,” she gasped, almost breathless before she leaned in, sinking deeper into his embrace.
In that moment, Grant’s self-control did evaporate into thin air and his mouth claimed hers with an almost desperate need.
Three years had passed since he had last kissed her like this, since she’d last lain in his arms, warm and soft and alive. Her skin felt heavenly under his touch, and his mind sang her name over and over again, reminding him how fortunate he was that he had received a second chance.
