by Ally Vance
“That’s it, Fia, let me fill you up,” he groans, bringing me back to the reality of the moment.
He jerks his hips roughly against me, penetrating me so deeply I cry out at the shock and sudden pain of it. Then he stops, shaking above me, with his cock buried fully inside my body as he spills his release.
Pater finally pulls out, and presses another soft kiss against my lips before bringing me crashing back to reality when he places his warm hand gently across my bare stomach and says, “I’m going to fill this belly of yours with my baby, Fia. But unlike your momma, you aren’t going to run off with my child inside you. I’m going to watch you grow swollen with my child. You came to me looking for family, and what kind of father would I be if I didn’t give my little girl what she wants?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
After dressing in a daze, I kiss Pater on the cheek and wander back down the stairs to the kitchen. Jocelyn and Vaughn are still in there, and they both look up when I enter. I’m not certain I could put into words what just happened if questioned, but neither of them ask, not even to check on my wellbeing. It’s sure as shit I’m not okay. Jocelyn’s expression is sympathetic as she quietly gives me a swift embrace, but Vaughn’s emotions are less clear.
I don’t know how long I was up there, and I don’t need to ask if they know what just occurred; it’s obvious that they do. If I can hear perfectly what Pater does to Jocelyn most nights, then they’ll have heard everything.
I can still feel his touch all over my body, and the residual ache from where he took me so roughly. I know my lips are swollen, and I’m sure to carry the bruises of his passion on my skin by tomorrow. I might have enjoyed the feelings and the pleasure he gave me, in spite of the immorality of our actions, but hopefully, bruises are the only marks of his love I’ll have to bear.
The rest of the day passes uneventfully, and I’m relieved when it’s time to crawl into bed at nightfall. Once there, I toss and turn, though, unable to sleep. My mind refuses to rest, replaying everything that happened today and focusing on the terrifying scenario that could occur as a result.
More time passes, and I no longer care to track the days or try to figure out how many have passed since I arrived here. Since the morning Pater took me upstairs, I’ve found myself being fucked by him more regularly, either in my room whenever he comes to find me or taken to his bedroom again. I’m losing hope, and I’m losing another piece of myself each time I succumb to his touch.
Finally, I can’t take anymore, and once again, I decide to break the chains binding me to this family. I wait until the middle of the night when everything is as still and quiet as death, and grabbing my backpack, I prepare to leave. I must be insane for risking this all over again, especially so soon after being pulled out of the oubliette. I already love and care deeply for my family, even though I’ve not been here for very long, but I can’t stay here anymore.
I always wanted to know where I came from, and in succeeding, I found a twisted legacy with a daddy who's at the head of it all. I don’t know how far this goes back, but I suspect Mom knew more than she would have liked, which is why she ran with me when she had the chance. I can’t blame her for keeping it a secret from me, but I don’t regret my decision to come here either. I should be reeling with disgust at everything I’ve discovered, but I’m not, and that scares me almost as much as the prospect of Pater successfully siring a child with me.
I slip out of my bedroom with more purpose than the last time. I’m determined to get out of here. I cringe at the thought of returning to the home I ran from, but Mom’s house is the only other place I can think of going. I’d go to a friend’s if I had any, but the lie I told Gregory about going to a sleepover was bigger than he knew; I haven’t had any real friends in a long time. If I’m careful, I can sneak in and hide there for a few days. I doubt Gregory will be sober enough to notice I’m there. I’ll only stay long enough to plan my next move, and while I’m there, I can grab some money and the stuff he forced me to leave behind when I ran. When I’m better prepared, I’ll leave, once and for all, and start over somewhere new. I’ve no idea where I’ll be at the end of all of this, but I’ll worry about it once I’ve successfully gotten out of here.
I make my way stealthily through the house to the back door, which I’m surprised to find is unlocked.
“Where are you going?”
The familiar voice stops me in my tracks, and I spin around to see Jocelyn standing in the kitchen doorway, watching me with her arms crossed. I tilt my head to one side and give her an imploring look.
“I can’t stay here. I’ve tried. I’m sorry,” I apologize, and she lets out a sigh.
“If you’re going to go, you could’ve at least said goodbye to us,” she says stiffly.
I listen carefully for any sound of Pater being aware of what’s happening down here, and I drop my bag to the floor and quickly walk up to her and wrap my arms around her.
“I thought you’d try to stop me,” I whisper in her ear.
“You’re right, we would have, but I can tell it wouldn’t have made any difference if we’d tried to talk you out of it. Short of telling Pater, there’s little we could do to change your mind,” she admits with a shrug when I let go and take a step back.
“Thank you for accepting my decision,” I reply gratefully.
“If you're going to run, leave now. He’ll be awake soon. I should warn you, though, running won’t stop what’s going to happen, and it won’t erase those thoughts inside your head. Pater will find you, and he’ll drag you back kicking and screaming when he does. I won’t be able to save you from his temper.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to try, but I won’t be found. Maybe if I run far enough, I’ll be able to escape. I have to try. I want to hate him…I want to, but I can’t find it in me,” I confess, my voice cracking on the words.
“I hope for your sake he doesn’t find you,” Jocelyn says sadly, and turning away, she walks slowly out of the kitchen.
I stare after her for a moment, saying a silent goodbye to her departing figure. Then, shouldering my backpack more securely, I open the door and step out into the night. Ignoring the woodland path that led me to my previous damnation, I swing around the house past Pater’s truck and aim straight for the dirt road and civilization. If I keep to the shadows and out of sight, then maybe I’ll manage to escape from the hell threatening to drag me into its depths.
My soul feels heavy, forsaken by the cravings that have been plaguing me since I unknowingly looked at my daddy’s photo. I’m still cursed with lust for the man who was once a stranger, but maybe this road can lead me to freedom from these immoral desires.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I take off down the road, not stopping to look back and check if I’ve been spotted. I don’t want to see if his face is at the window, watching me run from him. He’d accuse me of abandoning my family, and he’d be right, but I’m saving myself from a fate of his choosing.
Darkness fades into light, and when the sun starts to creep up over the trees, I finally stop, needing a breather. I’m exhausted, but I had to put as much distance as possible between myself and the house where my family lies sleeping. They’ve yet to discover what I’ve done, except for Jocelyn that is. I don’t expect her to cover for me, but I wonder if she’ll admit to knowing anything. I imagine she’ll keep quiet, if only to protect herself. I somehow doubt that Pater will be forgiving or lenient with her if he knows she let me go and didn’t rush to wake him.
As the day wears on, my stomach starts to grumble, but I ignore it. I’m hoping to pick up some food in the town where I found Gregory’s bat shit crazy momma. Knowing what I do now, I’m guessing she’s probably my aunt, making Gregory my cousin…honestly, I’d prefer not to be related to either of them. Gregory’s snide remark about fucking family makes more sense now, although I wish it didn’t. I was happy in my ignorant bubble of lust, not knowing that the man I desired so badly was my daddy.
In th
e grand scheme of things, though, my ignorance wouldn’t have made any difference. Pater wanted me to be his wife and the mother of his child, and it didn’t matter to him that I was his fully fledged daughter…in fact, it mattered more to him that I am his blood because it meant I belonged to him completely. I shake off the thoughts taking over, knowing if I don’t, I’ll never be able to stop myself from spinning around and venturing down the road leading to the hell that is the Greene family home and Pater.
“I hate him! I hate Pater. I hate my daddy!” I scream the words out loud into the emptiness of the trees on either side of the road.
The words are a lie, and they taste bitter like ash on my tongue, choking me on the falsehood I dared to utter. Tears start to fall, and I wrap my arms around my body to stop myself from crumbling where I stand. I can hide the truth from Pater and my siblings, but I can’t lie to myself about what’s in my heart. I love Jocelyn and Vaughn, like the brother and sister they are, and Eloy too, but I’m also cursed because I feel the wrong kind of love for the man who is as much a part of me as my mom. Is this how she felt, when she ran away pregnant with me? Did she see the horrors I've seen and feel the same conflict I do? The thought cracks my already fragile heart in two, and I’m not sure I can endure much more before it’s destroyed completely. Love is confusing; it’s painful, and it makes me want to rip out my heart just to cure myself of the disease that’s overtaken it
I swipe away my tears with the back of my hand, compose myself as best I can, and start moving again. I can’t afford to stop and fall to pieces, not out here where I’m so exposed and there’s a chance Pater will find me. I laugh at the irony of the fact that the last time I was trekking down this road, I was fleeing from my stepdad and the emptiness of a home without my mom in it, but now the tables have turned. The difference is that I’m running from family, not the illusion of family that my mom tried so desperately to create for me with Gregory. The facade was always clear to my eyes, but I never understood why she stayed with him, especially after he took up drinking and let his temper loose.
The sun is high in the sky by the time I reach the outskirts of the town, but I decide not to stop, just in case I’m spotted by Gregory’s momma, or Pater comes looking for me. I don’t know if he’d search this far, but I’m not taking any more chances when it comes to him. I ignore the hunger growing in my belly; if I can survive however many days in the oubliette with no food, I can last a few more hours, or however long it takes me to get home. I continue walking, keeping myself as shielded from the road as possible.
My feet ache, and I’m beyond exhausted by the time I finally crest the hill and see the house Mom and I shared with Gregory. His car is outside, and the front gate is swinging open in the light breeze. Nothing seems to have changed. I slip into the backyard and peek through the kitchen window. There doesn’t seem to be any sign of life inside, but that means nothing with Gregory. He’s probably paralytic from his latest drinking spree and upstairs in bed, even at this time of the day, or he’s out buying more booze.
Moving closer to the back door, I stay alert to any sudden appearance from him. I really don’t want to get caught after making it so far. Gregory’s temper frightens me, but it’s nothing compared to my daddy’s. Everything Pater does is executed with a clear head, and the outcome is always exactly as he wants it to be; his utter conviction and calculated responses make him far more terrifying than Gregory, but a confrontation with my stepdad is always best avoided. No matter how predictable his actions, he’s still a loose cannon and will lash out at the slightest thing. Gregory lacks the finesse that Pater has perfected, but comparing them makes me realize their tempers and the heavy-handed way each of them control those around them is very similar. I’d rather fly under the radar than go toe to toe with either of them.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The risk I’m about to take is stupid and reckless, it may very well land me straight back in my daddy’s lap, but I don’t see any other options. I don't want to be a mother to my father's children, no matter how much I've come to love him. This love is so wrong, and even though I still want it desperately, I could feel myself being dragged deeper into the tangled roots of my family the longer I stayed. I could turn around and go back, but then all of this will have been for nothing and I’ll still face the same consequences. If I continue to stand here and dwell on all of the possibilities, I’m bound to get caught. I need to do this now while the coast is clear.
I twist the handle on the door and am pleased but unsurprised when it opens. We hardly ever locked it. People rarely venture this way, and it’s not like we’d anything worth stealing if thieves did happen to visit. I step into the house, the familiar lingering stench of Gregory's favorite booze reaches my nose, and I scrunch it up in disgust. Seems that hasn’t changed either.
I’m here now, and it’s too late to turn tail and leave. It’s strange being back. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, it feels like months or even years have passed. I listen for any indication that my presence has been noticed, but all I can hear is the emptiness of the house screaming back at me, telling me I’m alone.
Avoiding the many bottles of alcohol stocked in the fridge, I grab a can of soda and then rummage through the cupboards for a bag of chips. It’s not real food, but it’ll tide me over for a bit until I can make something a bit more substantial. Clutching the packet in my hand, I inch cautiously farther into the house, scanning the rooms as I pass them and head for the stairs. It’s eerily quiet, but I’d rather be creeped out by silence than face Gregory right now.
I manage to sneak upstairs without any difficulty, and when I wander into my bedroom, I’m pleasantly surprised he hasn’t trashed it in a fit of rage. I do notice that there are a few things out of place, but I was in a hurry to get away from here last time I was in my room; I could’ve easily disturbed them when I was packing my bag, preparing to leave this place behind forever. I shouldn’t be here.
Closing the door behind me, I strip back the covers on the bed, and remove the pillowcase from my pillow. As I work, small puffs of dust kick up from the layers that have built up over the weeks of disuse. Once the air has cleared, I sit down on the edge of the bed, devour the chips and gulp down my drink. It’s not much, but it takes the edge off my hunger and thirst, allowing me to pay attention to how exhausted I’m feeling. I decide to risk taking a short nap, and I lie down on the bed, fully dressed, and let sleep whisk me away from my weary thoughts.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but when I wake up my stomach is rumbling angrily at me, and I desperately need the bathroom. It’s fully dark, and glancing at the clock still sitting on my nightstand, I see that it's around 1 a.m. Sitting up, I flick on the small lamp and get up, whimpering slightly at the throbbing in the soles of my feet and my aching muscles. I sneak across my bedroom and out into the hallway. As I make my way to the bathroom, I hear heavy snoring coming from my Mom’s room. Gregory’s home. Thankfully, when he’s sleeping that soundly, not even a thunderstorm above our house will wake him.
After relieving myself, I tiptoe down the stairs to the kitchen. I can’t use the stove or anything that will alert him to the fact that someone else is in the house, but I can at least get some bread and make a mug of soup to take back upstairs with me. I grab my favorite mug from the back of the cupboard, careful not to make any noise, and once I’ve prepared my meal, I slip back upstairs to my room. My heart is pounding by the time I finally close the door, the fear of being found making it race.
Once I’m back in my room, I can finally breathe again. Gregory is less of a threat to me than Pater, but I still feel on edge not knowing how he’d react to me being in the house. We didn’t exactly part on good terms when I left here, or when I fled his crazy momma’s house. Why did I think coming back here was a good idea?
It’s too late now to reconsider the idiocy of my decision, but then again, the choice was between Gregory and his temper, or Pater and his determination to start a fa
mily with me. Not much of a choice, either way. Shaking my head, I take a seat at my desk and break off a piece of bread before dipping it into the soup and taking a bite. The strong flavor of the hot tomato soup is delicious, and it doesn’t take me long to demolish the bread and drain the mug completely. Feeling satisfied and a lot better than I did when I awoke, I set the empty mug down.
Moving over to the bed, I scoop up my backpack, and empty everything out onto the bed. Bypassing the envelope that contains all the secrets I unearthed about my heritage, I rifle through the remaining photographs until I find the one of my mom and me, and I pick it up. Brushing a finger over the glossy surface, I gaze at our happy faces for a long time. Now I can see clearly the hint of sadness in her gaze as she holds me tightly to her, and I sigh wistfully as I reflect on the innocence that has been lost since this was taken, and not just at my daddy’s hand.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I wake up and stretch out on my bed. The lamp is still on, and the sun is streaming faintly through the window, landing directly on my face. I realize I never drew the blinds, and I blink disoriented as I stare around my old room and glance at the clock that now reads 6:30 a.m. I don’t even remember falling asleep. Then it all comes rushing back...I ran away from Pater and my family. I feel a pang of regret, even though I’ve woken without the accompanying stress and tension I’ve become used to when anticipating Pater’s mood. Given that I just snuck into my old home and am now attempting to conceal my presence from Gregory, Pater should be the least of my worries.
