Raven hisses beside me and squeezes my hand so hard I worry about a broken bone. “Declan, I need you to call our parents. Then get the camera out of my bag.”
She’s thinking a lot straighter than I am right now. Always my organizer.
“I’ll take care of it. Can you give her something for the pain?” I ask the doctor whose typing something into the monitor by the bed.
“Yes, she’ll be given several things as soon as we get her in the OR. Someone should be back in a few minutes to take her back. Good luck you two, not too long and you’ll be parents.” She says walking out.
Anxiety fills my body. Holy shit! This is really happening. I look at Raven and her expression mirrors mine. We’ve talked about this moment for months after we found out she would have a C-section, but it just turned real. The anxiety is replaced with excitement quickly.
“It’s time.”
“Yeah, it is.” She reaches up to me, and I hold her tight. A nurse comes in and hands me a pair of scrubs and tells us they’re ready for Raven.
I don’t care that we have an audience; I lower down and cover Raven’s lips with my own. Like the first time, a volt of electricity shoots through me. Our tongues dance together in rhythm. both of us lost in the kiss. She pulls back first and smiles at me so sweetly, my heart swells.
“I love you.” I say against her lips.
“I love you too. See you in a few minutes.”
I step back so the three nurses that came in can get to her. When they wheel her out, my nerves come back. I call our parents and tell them what’s going on and change quickly.
“Mr. Collins?”
I stop pacing and see a young nurse waiting in the doorway. I nod my head and she motions for me to follow her. The OR is a flutter of activity and Raven is watching everything around her with a smile on her face. When she spots me, she giggles.
“This pain medication is awesome!”
I laugh along with her. The doctor announces she’s ready to get started, and I bend down to eye level with Raven. Holding her hand, rubbing her cheek, I stare into the eyes that captured me on the grass almost three years ago.
We stare at each other for a while until the sound of a cry breaks me out of my trance. When I look up, my breath leaves me.
“It’s a boy!” The doctor announces and hands him to a waiting nurse. I watch as they check him over and then start wrapping him up.
“It’s a girl!”
I whip my head back and see them repeat the same thing with her. Holy shit! We have a son and a daughter. I have a fucking daughter! When I look at Raven, both our eyes fill with tears. I drop to my knees and lay my head against hers, trying to regain any sense of composure. We don’t say anything for several minutes.
“Mom and Dad, you want to meet your children?”
We look up, and two nurses are standing above us holding little bundles wrapped in pink and blue blankets.
Something kicks in and I reach for my daughter first. The first time my eyes land on her, I’m a goner. Absolutely anything in the world she ever wants, she will get. I lay her in Raven waiting arms and the reach for my son. Even so small, I can tell he looks like the perfect mixture of me and Raven. I lean down so Raven can kiss him, and the nurse takes pictures of us.
Too soon, they take the babies from us and explain they will bring them into our room after they finish checking them out. The doctor finishes working on Raven, and I stare at her in amazement. She’s still teary-eyed, but happiness on her face is apparent.
“You’re incredible.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“You still okay with the names we picked out?”
“Yes, you?”
“Absofuckinglutely.”
“Okay, Mom and Dad, time to go back to your room. Congratulations.” The nurse says once Raven has been taken care of.
I smile at the doctor and follow as they roll Raven back to our room. There’s no doubt that in the next few hours, this place will be filled with all our crazy ass friends, and the paparazzi will get wind of Raven going into labor. I want to enjoy the peace and quiet as long as I can.
*****
“I still can’t believe you guys didn’t find out the sex of these babies.” Ella says cuddling my son, James David.
“Yeah, now my entire next paycheck is gone. If I’d known for the last six months, I could have spread it out.” Abbi agrees while rocking my daughter, Elizabeth Sayge.
It only took two hours after Raven had the babies for our group to start piling in. For the last two days, we’ve had almost constant company. I haven’t been able to hold either of my children for more than a few minutes. Even at night when they wake-up, they both want Raven’s boobs.
“We don’t need anything–at all. Please don’t buy them another thing.” Raven tells my sisters, and I laugh.
The hospital room is flooded with flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, toys, and food baskets.
Elizabeth starts to fuss, and I reach out for her. As soon as I hold her in my arms, she calms down and opens her eyes. She looks so much like Raven, my heart hurts. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much love for someone; it’s a different kind of love than I have for Raven. When I tried to explain it to her, she told me she felt the same way. It’s a nurturing, calming and consuming type of love.
“Look at that, fucker’s still getting the pretty girls.” Nate comes in and leans over my shoulder to see my baby girl.
“Yes I am.” I don’t try to hide the emotion in my voice.
“So, did you hear about the mansion?” Ella asks.
Ella and Abbi refer to our new home as ‘the mansion.’ As soon as we finished touring last year, I convinced Raven we needed a new house. There were several reasons why, but I wanted a gate for safety and security. We heard Christie would be up for parole next year, and I took no chances on secure measures for my family.
Also, with two babies, I wanted to have a house big enough for them to have their own rooms. Our search started out modestly but when we found ‘the house’ it was a lot larger than we planned. But is has everything we could ever want including a pool. My sisters may make fun of our house, but who doesn’t want a fucking pool?
“Yeah, my mom told me. Thank you guys. I really expected to have all of our stuff unpacked when the kids came. I’ve been nesting, and I thought I had some time.” Raven answers.
“Jenna had my ass moving furniture around last night so be prepared.” Blake tells us.
I laugh thinking about Jenna taking charge. As soon as our friends started arriving at the hospital, she made each of them commit to helping her get our house set up to come home. Raven and I had the nursery done a few weeks ago, which I’m proud of, but apparently the whole house needs to be finished. Robbie begged to come back to the hospital and hang out with us because she was driving him crazy. She may have given him an excuse, but I knew he really wanted to come back and see his niece and nephew. He’s smitten, just like everyone else.
Out of all the guys though, Finn is the worst. He stops by several times a day to visit. He uses the excuse that he’s bringing us food, but we know he wants to see the babies.
“Have you guys talked any more about what you’re going to do?” Abbi asks both me and Raven.
“Yeah, we all talked about it and agreed. We’re going to push off the tour until September. We’ve got a few shows lined up this summer, but the headlining tour will start after Labor Day. All the guys agreed we wanted some time off. And besides, the twins will be almost six months when we leave. That’ll give Raven and me time to find a nanny to help us.”
“I think it’s a good plan. You guys have been working so hard on the second album, and everyone deserves a break. Besides, it would kill me if you guys planned to leave in two months with these little bundles. I plan on spoiling them like crazy every chance I get and I can’t do that if y’all are living on a bus traveling the country.”
“You should have heard my mom. It w
as almost scary until I started laughing. She was threatening us with everything under the sun. Finn was here and when she mentioned coming with us to help me out. He asked if she really wanted to live on a bus with her son-in-law for six months. Then he reminded her how we got pregnant in the first place, and she shut up. It was really quite funny.” Raven tells everyone.
“Big brother, looks like you officially have it all. Beautiful wife, perfect children, number one album in the country, and now a headlining tour scheduled.”
“Yep, sounds about right, but you forgot one thing. I have a kick ass fucking rock and roll family.” I wink at Abbi and Ella letting them know how much I love them.
Raven’s smile lights up her face and I walk over to sit with her on the bed. Ella hands James to her and then gets the camera to take pictures. Raven puts her head on my shoulder and lays into my body as close as she can.
“This is perfect. Thank you.”
“No baby, thank you. You and these children are my life. I can honestly say, without a doubt, I need you to survive.”
Her body pressed to mine, us holding our children, I know I’ve never said truer words.
Epilogue
3 Years later
Raven
“You feel fucking amazing, please tell me you’re close.” Declan whispers in my ear.
I tighten my legs around his waist and push into him trying to answer without words. Gripping his neck, I slam my mouth against his to try and contain my moans.
“Say you’ll give me another one, Sparkle. There’s really only one answer.”
Déjà vu consumes me−for several reasons. One, we’re in the same back room behind stage at the Ryman Theatre where we had sex during The Wilde Ones concert all those years ago. But this year Sayge is the one taking the stage to a sold out crowd. Also, I’m reminded of the time Declan fucked me in the shower and asked me to marry him again. It’s become a habit of his to try and convince me into things during sex.
“We are NOT discussing that right now!” I say against his lips.
He slows down his movements and squeezes my ass. “Yes we are, say yes.”
“Declan, James and Lizzie just turned three. Hayes is only one. We’re leaving for a European tour in a month. It is not time to have another baby!”
“Say yes.” he ignores me completely.
He moves one hand around to my front and rubs his thumb against my clit. I gasp at the touch that lights my whole body on fire aching for him to finish me off. I try to push against him to move faster, but it’s useless.
“Fine–yes!” I scream at him.
“That’s my girl.” He slams back into me with force and we both cry out together. “Jesus Christ, you’re perfect.”
I squirm against him and try to scoot back on the table I’m lying on. He looks at me with desire, lust and satisfaction swimming in his eyes.
“I can’t believe I keep falling for that trick. I’m telling you now, if we have another set of twins; I want another Brandon and we are done! No more kids.”
“You can have another Brandon anytime you want.” he tells me referring to our Manny.
I smirk at him because when I told him I wanted to hire a man as a nanny, he flipped out. But once we met Brandon and he was clearly gay, Declan was on board. Now that I have three children and two of them are boys, I couldn’t do it without Brandon.
There’s a banging on the door, and I move back to straighten my skirt. “For the love of God Declan, you two are ridiculous! Why do you even leave the house?” Charlie yells through the door.
“I still want to buy that girl a muzzle. I’m not sure how Blake is married to her.”
“Declan! That’s one of my best friends.”
“I can’t understand that either.” He grins at me, so I know he’s joking.
Once we’re both dressed and tucked back in, we head back to the band room to meet up with our friends. When we get there, it’s the normal chaos. Brandon is fawning over Nate just to get a rise out of him. He looks at us with pleading eyes, but we ignore him. My parents have the kids tonight so Brandon could come with us.
David actually promised to pick them up tomorrow and take them to the park so we could have the day to ourselves. He is ridiculous about spoiling them. But there’s nothing like watching him interact with Lizzie, she’s got him wrapped around her finger.
Declan grabs us a beer and two tequila shots. Like always, he puts my lime in his mouth, pulp side out, and leans down for me to get it. He licks my lips when he pulls away. I smile seductively at him and think about our tryst a few minutes ago. He knows what I’m thinking and pulls me against him, my back to his front.
“Stop it. Robbie and Ember walked in. I promised him no more public sex while he is around.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because he threatened to cut my balls off after the pool house last summer.”
I smile at the memory, then I remember Robbie walking in on us and embarrassment heats my face.
“Okay, I’ll stop.”
Knight’s Dream finishes on stage and comes back to join us. They all relocated to Nashville this year to be closer to MJ and us. Besides touring together, Sayge and Knight’s Dream have collaborated on a few songs and earned six Grammy’s between them. We’re all going on the European tour together. I really like Ryan’s wife and they also have a son that is Hayes’s age.
Kendall, Harper, Charlie, Ember, Abbi, and Ella are all at the bar, so I go to talk to them. When I get there, Kendall pours six shots and hands them to everyone but the very pregnant Abbi.
“FUJIMO!” she cheers and we clink glasses.
A stagehand comes in and motions to me it’s time for Sayge, so I grab the guys and head to the stage. Declan picks me up and kisses me deeply until someone taps his shoulder.
“You did it sweetheart.”
“What?”
“Remember our first time here when I told you that one day you may be here, at the Ryman, performing with Sayge?”
“Yeah, I guess I do. God, it feels like that was forever ago.”
“It was, but I’m so proud of you.”
“Didn’t do it alone. None of this would have happened without you.”
“Yes, it would have.”
“No Raven, you and your love changed me. Changed my direction, my priorities, and my attitude. To me, you are the reason we’re standing here tonight.”
Tears fill my eyes and I know there’s no point in arguing. Declan and I see things differently when it comes to the success Sayge has. I know in my heart they would have shot to stardom on their own, but he tells me Surviving wouldn’t have happened without me.
“Declan Collins, I love you.”
“I always say, that makes me a lucky man.”
He kisses me again until we’re both breathless. And for the millionth time, I thank God for the day he ran over me in the park so many years ago.
“SURVIVING”
Like an angel in the night, you came into my life
I never stood a chance, you were meant to be my wife
Right from the start
You owned my heart
I didn’t listen, even when you cried
Now you’re gone and a piece of me has died
Somewhere in the darkness, your face lights up the night
I see you everywhere and I won’t give up the fight
From the first time we met, you’ve owned my soul
I want you back to fill this gaping hole
You woke me up, made me feel alive
You must come back, I need you to survive
The shell of a man that you once knew
My canvas is empty without you
The days turn into night
Drinking away the pain seems right
City to city, show to show
They all blend together and time seems to slow
Somewhere in the darkness, your face lights up the night
I see you everywhere and I won�
�t give up the fight
From the first time we met, you’ve owned my soul
I want you back to fill this gaping hole
You woke me up, made me feel alive
You must come back, I need you to survive
I see you coming towards me, your smile lights up your face
Your beauty blinds me in your silk and lace
Our lives are joining now, the darkness disappeared
Forever isn’t long enough, but our future is finally clear
I pledge my entire life to you with emotion in my voice
But Surviving without you never was a choice
Somewhere in the darkness, your face lights up the night
I see you everywhere and I won’t give up the fight
From the first time met, you’ve owned my soul
I want you back to fill this gaping hole
You woke me up, made me feel alive
You must come back, I need you to survive
Acknowledgements~
When I published Surrendering in November 2013, I had no idea what to expect. As a new author in the Indie publishing community, it was terrifying. The support, encouragement, and kindness was overwhelming. This book was by far harder to write because of the huge investment in the characters. Fans fell in love with the love story of Raven and Declan, and I wanted to do them justice. Not to mention the other amazing characters that made up so much of the story. There were a lot of ways this story could have ended, but I felt the conclusion was the perfect way to portray the love and emotional connections among the entire crew.
The support I had along the way is immeasurable. So many people helped me with everything from scene descriptions to content arrangement. I am truly grateful to have so many people to mention.
Vi Keeland, once again you were my anchor. If it wasn’t for your knowledge and insight, I would still be wondering how to navigate through this process. Even with your extremely busy schedule, you have always made time for me. Our talks, texts, private messages, and daily gab sessions are irreplaceable. Thank you for your advice and friendship!
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